Ribbons of Blood
by aujourd'hui
Summary: It's always difficult leaving the past behind. Ketsueki Donato learns this the hard way when she gets thrown into the one Squad she hates, forcing her to fix her relationships with her zanpakuto, her friend and her Captain. Renji/OC/Kenpachi
1. Chapter 1

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Bleach_, or any of its characters.**

**AN: I'm not sure if this story will be finished, as most of my ideas are from pure bursts of inspiration. But so far it looks good, so I hope you'll stick around for a bit :)**

**EDIT 07/04/2014: HI THERE! Just a quick word before you begin the story: this has been a work-in-progress for over three years now, and as a result there will be a few minor inconsistencies and errors as you read along, such as my writing style and my OC's nickname changing. :'D I apologize for them being there, it's just that it's a lot to proof read and life has been a major pain, but I will do my best to get to all of them. If you could help me point out some errors that would also mean so much. This story has been one of my longest and most beloved projects, and I'm determined to finish it! I hope you enjoy :D**

"Hurry up Ketsueki! We're gonna be late!"

An aggressive voice rang outside the small and barely furnished room. A young woman, who looked more like a girl in her late teens, was rummaging through a bundle of clothes desperately on the wooden floor, searching for something. Her black hair, which trailed to the middle of her back, was held away from her forehead with a small clip. Her pale green eyes held a worried expression as her hands clawed through the clothes.

"KETSUEKI! If you don't – okay, that's it. I'm breaking down the door."

With a loud crash, the sliding door crumpled inwards, and with another prod, fell defeated to the ground.

Renji Abarai stepped into the room, hands on his hips, an exasperated look spread on his face. He glared at the girl and bit his lip. "What is taking you so long?" he demanded.

Ketsueki threw a ball of white stockings across the room, followed by an extra Spirit Academy uniform. She looked as if she was about to cry. "I can't find it!" she sobbed.

"What? Can't find what?"

"My sash! Where's my sash? I've been looking everywhere for it!"

A pause of immense disbelief. "You're joking. It's right there on the chair." Renji sighed. He grabbed Ketsueki's upper arm, hauled her to her feet, wrapped the sash around her waist, and pushed her out the door. They continued down a long, empty corridor, sprinting all the way.

"So, which captain is it this time?" asked Ketsueki anxiously. The pair were nearing the end of their training in the Spirit Academy, and, once in a while, captains came to select a few shinigami to join their division. Ketsueki held high respect for each and every one of the captains, and it did not matter who chose her. She revered all the captains.

All the captains, except for one.

"Captain Zaraki," answered Renji as they turned a corner. Ketsueki nearly tripped over the hem of her uniform as the name left Renji's lips.

"What? You rushed me out so I could be inspected by that guy?" Ketsueki stopped running immediately and shot a hurt look at Renji. "You know how I feel about him."

Renji was practically steaming with rage as he dragged Ketsueki forwards. Through gritted teeth he said, "Whether or not you like him, it is the captain's decision which division you're sent to, got it? Anyway, teachers' orders. All students have to be down in the hall."

"No! I don't care! I'm not risking it, even the _slightest _chance, of being in his division!"

"WELL I DON'T CARE EITHER, BUT EITHER WAY WE HAVE TO BE THERE IN-"

"What is all this noise?" An Academy instructor suddenly appeared before them. The teacher scowled and jerked his head to the right, toward the assembly hall. "Aren't you meant to be in the hall right now?"

"Y-yes sir," stammered Ketsueki, still struggling with Renji's vice-like grip.

"Well, get going then!"

_Everyone seems to be moody this morning, _thought Ketsueki as they neared the large set of double doors. If it had been any other captain, her heart would have been thumping loudly with anticipation and eagerness as she entered the spacious room. Her biggest dream was to serve a kind, brave, and motivating captain. And she was sure most of her classmates shared the same ideals. But she knew Kenpachi Zaraki was no such captain. From what she had heard throughout her time at the Academy, he was a brutal, ruthless and pitiless man, if not slightly insane with blood-lust. Without even meeting the man, she resented him. With no reservations.

Ketsueki Donato was a fairly reserved person. People often scolded her for her tendency to shut down on herself, but no one could deny that she had a pure heart. As she apologized for her late arrival and stood in line with a group of other students, she thought about what she valued in this life. She valued friendship. She valued trust. She valued honesty. She found it impossible to think that Captain Zaraki would be someone who valued these things. In fact, Ketsueki thought it was safe to say he did not even value his sword, since he did not have a bankai. He was the only captain who had failed to achieve this, and the only reason he was at his position was because he had killed his predecessor. She winced at the thought.

And that was why she kept her eyes down, why she slumped her shoulders ever so slightly, why she appeared even shier than she normally was. For more than any moment in her entire life, Ketsueki did not want to be noticed.

Suddenly, a loud, growling voice echoed in the large room, "So, which one of you wants to be in my division, eh?" Accompanied with this voice was a crushing pressure that seemed to make everything in the hall appear smaller, less significant. Ketsueki bit her lip and ignored the voice. She was standing in a line of about thirty other students. There was a one in thirty chance she would be chosen. She was safe in numbers. Surely.

Footsteps thudded on the floor, like the sound of some monstrous beast stalking its prey. The tense atmosphere sent shivers down Ketsueki's spine. Or maybe she was just imagining the tense atmosphere, since it was so important to her that she did not end up in his division. _Don't look at me, don't look at me._

"You, show me your kido skills."

Ketsueki inhaled sharply and looked up. No one was in front of her. Zaraki was inspecting someone else, not too far from where she stood. His voice was loud and carrying even from a distance. She breathed a sigh of relief and, curious, peeked past Renji's shoulder. One of the students uttered an incantation, and a red glow shimmered in his hands before whizzing down the hall and splintering the wood on a pillar.

"Hmm...not too bad. But I really don't give a damn about kido." Which begged the question why he had asked for a demonstration in the first place. Ketsueki had the impression that the man didn't have a clue as to what he was doing.

The inspection continued for another half an hour. Students fought each other, out-competed each other, chanted more incantations, but Zaraki could not seem to decide on who to pick. Smoke was starting to build in the hall, despite its sheer size; splinters littered the floor, dust flew everywhere, and more and more people were becoming wary and restless. Ketsueki guessed this was because of a rumour she had heard: apparently Zaraki could not accurately judge how strong an opponent was by sensing their spirit energy. She sighed under her breath and shifted next to Renji. She found she was getting tired standing on her two feet.

Fortunately an instructor shared her thoughts, for he said, "Captain Zaraki, I apologize for disturbing you, but-"

"Shut up. I'm not done here yet."

"But, sir-"

"SHUT IT. I'll tell you when I've made my decision."

"Could I at least recommend one of my students?" He cleared his throat. "Maybe Ketsueki Donato?"

Ketsueki was so surprised she could not restrain herself. "What?" she exclaimed at her teacher.

"Ketsueki, eh?"

And that was when Ketsueki set eyes on the captain of the Eleventh Division. His scarred face scrutinized her, a smirk lifting one corner of his mouth, revealing his sharp, glinting teeth. His black hair was held back in a most peculiar way, which made him seem all the more menacing. He was feral looking, almost. His large shoulders seemed to cast a shadow over Ketsueki's smaller frame, and she actually took a step back in fear. What was he going to do? She clasped her hands in front of her to stop them shaking.

"Ahh, I see that you have decided to expand?" the instructor commented from the side.

"What the fuck you on about?"

"I-I mean to say, your division is known for its all-male membership. But this is a good step towards-"

"Yeah, yeah, first time for everything." Zaraki's gaze never left Ketsueki. It was like he was sizing her up and deciding how best to make her suffer. Was he really that bored? "Tell me about this girl here."

"Ketsueki is a most diligent student. Her kido skills-"

"Told you, I don't give a damn about kido skills!"

"R-right. She is an adept fighter, has a strong determination to do well, and is also one with a lot of potential. Her skills with a sword is progressing very quickly. She has obtained good theory grades. She is a bit quiet in class, but her contributions are always worthy to listen to. She is most prized for her immediate reflexes..."

Ketsueki's mind was spinning. This did not make sense. She was definitely not the best student in any of her classes. She wasn't being modest; it was true. She was not strong or smart to a point that made her special. And then, as she glanced around her, she realized that the better students had all been rejected, for some odd reason. Zaraki was being especially picky today...

Something caught her eye. Without a thought, she threw herself backwards and landed clumsily, her feet sliding beneath her. She sat on the ground, dazed. There was a small, crackling, sizzling crater where she had been standing only a second ago. Breathing sharply, Ketsueki looked up to see Zaraki grinning at her, behind the crater. "Immediate reflexes. Guess your teacher wasn't lyin' about that, then." He sheathed his sword and and headed for the exit.

"Get your things packed, girl. I'll be back tomorrow."

Ketsueki sat there, completely and utterly stunned. With a mixture of bad luck, impatience, and unwanted help from her teacher, Ketsueki had just landed a spot in the one division she had feared joining.

Her eyes found Renji's, who was as shocked as she was.

"Damn."

**Thanks for reading! Please review :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Bleach_, or any of its characters.**

**AN: Second chapter :) Thank you ****hitsuruki**** for faving my story! :D**

Later that night, Ketsueki was still seething over the events of that morning. She sat cross-legged on her bed mat, staring across the even more vacant room. She had dutifully packed her belongings and clothes, still in a numb state of denial. But now, hours later, she was finally waking from her shock, and the full weight of the situation was crushing her. She put her face in her hands and rubbed her temples.

_What am I going to do?_

"Tsu-chan?" There was a knock on her door, which had been hastily fixed earlier by Renji. Strips of tape held the frame together. It looked absolutely pitiful. Even pathetic. Just like how Ketsueki felt.

Recognizing Renji's voice, she said out loud, "Come in."

Renji stepped into the room. She was surprised to see that he looked extremely burdened; his eyes were troubled and his mouth was set in a grim line. She patted a space beside her and Renji sat down. She smiled, despite how much she dreaded tomorrow, and poked him. "What's up? I'm the one who's meant to be feeling sad, you know, not you."

Renji shook his head. Ketsueki waited for him to speak, but it still took a few seconds till the words came tumbling out of Renji's mouth. "I'm sorry, Tsu-chan. It's all my fault. If...If I hadn't forced you to go, then maybe you wouldn't be in Zaraki's squad. I'm really sorry."

Sighing, Ketsueki put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Please don't tell me that's why you're down, because you know I don't blame you at all."

"There's more." Renji fell silent for a while again. Then, finally, he said in a low voice, "Captain Aizen came this afternoon while you were packing up, and..."

"And you were selected?" Ketsueki's face lit up with pleasant surprise. Renji nodded in response. "Congratulations!"

Renji smiled, but it seemed rather strained. "Thanks, I'm really happy too. Izuru and Momo were selected as well. But you realize that we...we won't be able to get together as often now that we're in separate divisions."

A look of understanding came across Ketsueki's face. She had not realized that it wasn't just her values that were at stake in her new division, her friendship with Renji was also going to be tested. There was a certain melancholy in the air; Ketsueki's future awaited her, yet she was still too strongly attached to the people and friends around here, within the Academy walls. She sighed, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around her legs. "I didn't even think about that...I was too worked up about Zaraki..." She pondered over it. "But we'll work something out. I've heard of people keeping in touch after they leave for different divisions. The extra running will probably help you lose a bit of weight too," she added, attempting to cheer him up.

She looked at Renji affectionately, and was, again, surprised by his expression. He looked humble, a bit embarrassed, for there was a blush on his cheeks and he was facing slightly away from Ketsueki. He fumbled clumsily with his words, something Ketsueki did not see often from him, "Y-you don't...you don't really get what I'm, um, trying to say, yeah?"

"Am I meant to be getting something?" She tilted her head.

Renji scratched the back of his neck and looked up into the corner of the ceiling, and started, in perhaps the most reluctant fashion, to speak, "I w-wanted to tell you...you - we've been great friends ever since we met, and um...now that we're about to, you know, split up...I just wanted to tell you that I've always liked you...and I still do...and...hm."

Despite the young man's stuttering and utterly confusing speech, Ketsueki seemed to grasp the gist of what he was trying to say, and with that knowledge came a realization, and an even deeper throb in the heart. She coughed and averted her eyes, her quiet side taking over her, which normally didn't show when she was with her friends. "Um...Renji...I, that's, um, really er..."

"I-I guess this is probably the worst time to tell you something like that, since we're both leaving tomorrow..."

"Yeah, well, actually...I'm glad you did."

Renji faced her. Genuine hopefulness shone from his eyes. "Really?"

_Really? Am I really happy he just confessed to me? _She looked into her eyes, and found it hard to say 'no'.

But did she really want this? She had never seriously thought of him as anything but a friend...still, Renji was brave, handsome, and everything she was attracted to in a guy. She felt her eyes glancing over his face. She had had these thoughts before. They weren't completely new to her. Maybe she had liked him all along, but had covered it up in an attempt to shield herself from being rejected and embarrassed.

Yet here he was, telling her that he had feelings for her, the first boy to had made her feel comfortable in the Academy, when she had been so far away from home.

So it was Ketsueki's turn to completely shame her speaking skills. "Yeah...I mean...we've been good, um, yeah, good friends for a while now, and I guess I - us - you...I mean, _we_ probably already liked each other before...you know...feeling more than just friends. And I'm s-sorry I never said it to you...told you before, that I do kinda, well, yeah, like you...a bit...you know, um...yeah...hm."

Ketsueki's words were all in a jumble, yet her mind was clear with her thoughts. She remembered the first day she met Renji in class, and how he easily made her come out of her self-tailored, lonely shell. It was just something in the way he talked, and the way he laughed, that made Ketsueki want to be friends with him. At the time, that was all she wanted, nothing more. But as they got to know each other better, and met each other more, a stronger bond grew between them without them knowing it.

Yet still her mind wondered: _Do I really want this? __Who knew we'd get to this point after six years. _Ketsueki smiled openly, and she blushed.

Upon seeing a positive, if not slightly confusing, reaction, Renji seemed to relax and casually slipped an arm over her shoulders. He looked down at her and grinned. "Promise to keep in touch, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And...I'll promise to spend as much time as possible with you."

Ketsueki giggled and shoved him off the mat. It was strange, she thought, that Renji Abarai had been going after a girl like herself. She wasn't sure if she would get used to this side of him. She felt a squirming sensation. She wanted to stay there with him, talk about things for hours on end, but a small part of her also wanted to hide under the blankets and forget they'd ever met. Maybe it was because, to her, he was always the one she could rely on, the friend who she could spend forever with. Maybe he wasn't someone she could love like this.

_Why am I so afraid of this?_

_Why don't I take the chance?_

_Why am I in Zaraki's division?_

"Stop it, you're being sweet Renji. It doesn't suit you," she laughed, drawing her attention back to the present.

Renji frowned grimly. "Really?"

"No, it doesn't suit you."

"Oh." Renji's face darkened, and the lines between his eyebrows creased. "Not at all?"

"Not one bit."

"I see." He now stared dead into her eyes, as though she was the very thing he despised.

Ketsueki glared back. Her resolved was solid. It then wavered.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!"

Renji's face lit up again. Laughing, he pointed at her. "Ha! I knew you couldn't stand up to me like that!"

Ketsueki flung her pillow into his face. "Jerk."

Setting the pillow back on the mat, he turned to look at her again, but this time he was genuinely serious, and even concerned. "Really? You don't like it when I'm...with you like this?"

"I don't know..." Ketsueki bit her lip. "Renji, you're my friend, and, even though I like you as well...I just, I don't know if I want to change us being friends." For some reason, her eyes started to blur. She bit down on her tongue in alarm. _Idiot, stop overreacting!_

For a split second, Renji looked almost panic-stricken, and Ketsueki thought her heart skipped a beat. But then the moment passed, and Renji's hands were suddenly holding her shoulders. "Hey, Tsu-chan, look at me." Reluctantly, she did, and blushed at their proximity. Renji smiled, then said quietly, "Nothing's gonna change. We're still gonna be friends. I'm always here to help you, you know that. And...even if you don't want to get together, that's fine with me." His hands squeezed her arms reassuringly.

Ketsueki knew she must be a very fortunate person to have a friend like Renji. She didn't deserve such patience, such kindness. She mumbled, "Thanks."

"Will you at least think about what I've said? If you ever change your mind, just come find me."

She trusted him. He wanted the best for her, and even if it was something she could not fathom just yet, she knew she would in time.

"Sure. I'm gonna miss you Renji." Ketsueki gulped. "A lot."

"Me too. Come 'ere."

Renji pulled her into a hug, his hands placed gently on her back. Ketsueki breathed in the scent of his uniform and clung to his chest, not wanting to let go of him, nor this moment. _What do you want, Ketsueki? _She asked herself. _Do you want a friend, or something more? Make up your mind. _It felt wrong to keep him hanging like this. She was indecisive like that.

Finally, she walked him across the small distance to her bandaged door. There, Renji did something he had never done before. He took Ketsueki's face in his hands and kissed her forehead. Ketsueki was too stunned to speak, or to even think. She just stood there, feeling Renji's lips touch her bare skin. It gave her shivers. Somehow, Ketsueki's eyes were gazing at Renji's face, dark in the shadows. She could see the glint in his eyes, that longing, and that sadness. Renji lingered for a few more seconds, then, with a small 'see ya', he vanished into the shadows of the corridor beyond.

Ketsueki turned off the lights and lay on her mat. She didn't know what to think.

Only that she hated Zaraki more, and more, and more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Three**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Many thanks to Wishing for Dreams for the review, and ****perfect-piscies for the story alert :D**

It was all a dream.

Ketsueki woke up. Still partially asleep, she half-crawled, half dragged herself towards a mirror propped up against the wall. She studied her face. It looked too tired. She sighed, then fixed her hair, which was always in an unrecognisable state when she slept. Ketsueki often thought her hair had a mind of its own, and that it liked to mess around with her. She was going to have more sword practise today, and she did not want to miss her favourite teacher's lesson. She looked around for her things, but she couldn't find them anywhere.

And that was when she noticed the bag on the floor.

And then she realized that it wasn't all a dream after all.

Filled with dread, and already exhausted at the start of the day, she hauled the bag onto her shoulder and prepared to open her nearly collapsing door when, with a jolt, she heard Captain Zaraki's booming voice out in the corridor.

"_What do you mean you can't take her back?_"

"I apologize, Captain, but once you make your selection, I'm afraid you'll have to take her into your squad."

"But for heck's sake, I've changed my mind now!"

"I'm afraid you can't do that sir. Besides, Squad 11 is starting to become short with members. I assure, Ketsueki is a fine shinigami-"

"I don't give a _damn _about what you think, I say-"

Ketsueki kicked the door down, with as much ruthlessness as Renji had shown yesterday morning. She had heard enough. Captain Zaraki was trying to get rid of her. In that instance, all she could think about was how much she wanted to stay, learn more, spend more time with her friends. She was actually glad that her teacher was nearly cowering to the floor in front of Zaraki, who turned and eyed her in the doorway. He sneered, and once again that demented look appeared. "Morning, girl. As you can see here, I'm trying to get rid of you. Went back home and thought about my choice, and I guess I wasn't thinking straight yesterday."

Ketsueki couldn't agree more. She faced her teacher and bowed promptly. "Sensei, I consent with Captain Zaraki's orders. If it is not convenient for him to accept me, then, please, let another captain choose."

The teacher straightened. "Absolutely not," he announced. "Ketsueki, you have been at the Academy long enough. You deserve a place in a squad now."

"But sir-"

"No, I will not accept this. Squad 11 is running short of officers, and they need someone just like you. Captain Zaraki," he then faced the angry captain, "I once again apologize, but I am afraid you will have to accept this student as a member of your squad. It has been a while since your squad has recruited someone. I think it's about time."

Ketsueki's heart sank like a stone into a deep ocean of fear and regret. She chanced a glance at Zaraki. He was furious. Ketsueki was scared that he might crush her teacher with a single swipe of his sword; his hand was gripping the handle of his zanpakuto. She wasn't sure if her teacher saw this, but he must have felt the change in reiatsu in the air. It was heavy, like a thick smog, suffocating everything.

But eventually, Zaraki calmed down. He took one more look at Ketsueki, and scowled. "Fine. Looks like you're coming with me after all, girl." He turned with a swirl of his tattered cloak. "Move it."

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe she had had a chance to escape. But because of Zaraki's stupidity and indecisiveness, she was really stuck with him after all. Plus, the fact that he looked as if he was about to attack her teacher enraged her even more...

_Goodbye, Spirit Academy. _Ketsueki took in her familiar surroundings one last time: the high ceiling, the polished floor, the friendly faces and people.

She walked after her new captain, head held high.

* * *

"Yumichika, quit obsessing over your damn hair and get Ikkaku," growled Zaraki. "Tell him to round up the officers."

They were in a medium-sized room. It was plain and ordinary, with the odd plant in the corner, sitting all alone. The sliding doors were made of bamboo and white sheets. The floor was fairly clean. Zaraki had left the door open, revealing a blue sky up above. It was all quite a pleasant scene.

But Ketsueki was feeling far from happy. She had followed Zaraki back to Squad 11 headquarters, and she knew what was coming up next. Introductions to seat members, the Vice-Captain, other officers. They were a whole bunch of people that she did not care about.

_Stop being so stubborn. You're stuck in this squad for good, so get used to it,_ she told herself harshly, and, in this situation, she needed to be disciplined. She did not want to make enemies on the first day.

A few minutes later, a bald man, a young girl, and a group of shinigami walked in. They split into two lines, one going to the far side of the room, and the second line going to the other, then sat down. Zaraki remained standing. Ketsueki wasn't sure whether or not she should stand, so she sat down, only to be dragged back up again by Zaraki as he grabbed her by the collar of her Academy uniform.

"Listen up, this is our new member," announced Zaraki, sounding quite bored. Ketsueki was half choking, rubbing her neck. "Her name's ... no, wait." He looked at her expectantly.

Ketsueki coughed, then gasped out her name, "K-Ketsueki...Donat-t-to."

"Right, that. Ketsueki." He pointed at the pink haired child. "That there's Yachiru, Vice-Captain of squad 11."

Ketsueki blinked, then realized she was being rude to her new Vice-Captain. Immediately, she bowed deeply towards her, despite her brain questioning how a child had become Vice-Captain. "Pleasure to meet you, Vice-Captain."

Yachiru beamed.

Zaraki gestured to the bald man next. "That's Ikkaku; don't mess with him. This idiot Is Yumichika. Don't tell him he's handsome or else he'll prance about like a git."

"Captain, I wish you would not say things like that," sighed Yumichika. He dramatically flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes, dyed a strange orange colour. "Besides, I am not _handsome_, I am _beautiful. _There's a difference."

Ikkaku's shook his head disapprovingly. "Yeah, _real _big difference."

"I don't give a damn whether you think you're handsome or beautiful or whatever, you freakin' pest. I want you to stand up."

"What? You want _me _to fight her?" Yumichika pouted.

"That was an order, dimwit, you heard me."

Ketsueki watched the commotion in confusion. Fight? Yumichika was going to fight her?

Ikkaku tossed Yumichika a wooden sword, then threw one to Ketsueki, who nearly missed it, fumbling it between her hands. She noticed that Zaraki was leaning against the wall, his gaze observant but also dull, as if he wasn't expecting much to happen. Yumichika had taken his position in the middle of the room. He smiled. "Come, Ketsueki dear, I won't bite. Biting isn't elegant. I nibble instead."

Ketsueki heard her Captain's voice behind her. "What the _fuck _is wrong with him ... "

Hesitantly, Ketsueki made her way towards Yumichika, stopping a meter or two in front of him. She bent her knees, distributing her weight to both feet, and stared straight ahead at Yumichika. She was nervous. Was he going to attack first? Plus, she did not like the deadly quietness in the room. Everyone was watching them. This was a display of her strength and skill. She gulped and shifted her feet.

Yumichika charged suddenly and swung his wooden sword towards her head. Ketsueki brought her own sword up by pure instinct and stretched out her back foot, giving her support as Yumichika pushed against her. Yumichika did not look very strong, but Ketsueki found it difficult to push back against him. She decided to use a different tactic, instead of using brute force.

Ketsueki gave one last effort to push against Yumichika, which he returned with surprising strength. But the second he started returning the pressure, Ketsueki dodged out of his way. Yumichika's momentum carried him forward, and he was exposed for a fraction of a second. Ketsueki jabbed at his stomach sharply. It missed, but caught a shred of his shinigami uniform.

More motivated now that his _beautiful _clothes had a rip in it, he swerved and attacked her again with a series of blows and swipes. She countered all of them, due to her fast reactions and years of training. It had become second nature to her. Left, right, left, middle, right. However, Yumichika feigned his last blow, and when Ketsueki lunged to defend herself, he attacked in the opposite direction and hit her with a powerful blow. Ketsueki blocked the attack, but her hands were sweaty and she lost her grip on the sword for a moment. Yumichika took his chance and striked her on the shoulder.

Hitting the ground hard, Ketsueki grit her teeth and looked up. Yumichika was about to advance.

_Damn it, _she cursed.

Ketsueki scrambled to her feet and dived at Yumichika. He grunted in surprise, fended off the attack, then tried to strike her again. Ketsueki blocked it, but found that Yumichika wasn't giving her any room. He kept pushing against her sword with his own, trying to get her to surrender. His smile was indeed pretty, but there was an element of fierceness and perhaps evil in those dark eyes.

_I'll give you what you want then. _Ketsueki slowly backed down, then at the last moment brought her foot up to Yucmika's chin. It wasn't a very graceful kick, as it seemed rather desperate, but the effect was there. Yumichika was sent sprawling. Ketsueki, who had delivered the kick while Yumichika was still pressing down on her sword, lost her balance and fell down.

Quickly, she got back up. But the fight was over. In the short time while Ketsueki was on the ground, Yumichika had ignored the pain and taken his stance. He now had the tip of his sword positioned under her chin, right in front of her throat. Ketsueki knew if it had been a real fight, she would have lost. She would have died.

At that moment, Ketsueki just wanted to run and hide. She was always doing well in class, but in a real squad, up against real shinigami, she was starting to doubt herself even more. This feeling increased when Zaraki walked across the room. "You'd better start training, girl. Don't make me look bad. Ikkaku, I'm leaving her to you. I'm gonna go find someone to kill." With that, the squad 11 Captain left the room. Immediately, the room began buzzing with conversation, no doubt about the fight and the newcomer. Ketsueki was so ashamed of herself. She had just been humiliated in front of the most important members of her squad. She loathed herself. She was so insecure and lost in her worried, twisted anxieties that she began to grip her folded arms subconsciously.

"Yo, Donato, nice going there," called out one of the officers. Ketsueki ignored him, but the comment hit home and struck her vulnerable heart.

"Yeah, I can see why Zaraki chose _you," _teased another one, and they laughed in unison. A couple of others joined in. Ketsueki felt so alone, so abandoned, and with all the strength she had left forced herself not to cry. It would only make the situation worse for herself.

"Knock it off, who are you to judge her, eh? Most of you wouldn't be able to do much better anyway, so get outta here," snorted Ikkaku. This silenced the other officers. Ikkaku jerked his head towards the door. One by one, the officers shuffled out, still murmuring among themselves and casting hostile glances in Ketsueki's direction. Ketsueki watched them leave, already anticipating the next time they'll meet. She was deeply shaken by her ordeal.

"And you, Donato, you did do pretty shit just now," Ikkaku told her. Ketsueki nodded and stared at the ground, saying nothing. "You're fast, and you have some good techniques," he continued, "but you're not strong enough, and you still need to improve your swordsmanship. After all, that's what Squad 11 is known for."

"Yes sir, I'll do my best s-sir," her voice trembled on the last word as a tear escaped her control and slid down her cheek.

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow, clearly unsympathetic. "Get your game together. I didn't cry my way to third seat, y'know." Then his gaze softened by the smallest fraction possible. "To be fair, Yumichika _is _fifth seat, so the odds were already against you."

"Don't cry, Tsu-chan! Com'on, I'll find you a room to stay in," piped up Yachiru, who up till this point was sitting on the floor watching thoughtfully. Now, though, she took Ketsueki's hand in her own and pulled her along.

Ketsueki was grateful for this display of affection, and even for Ikkaku's consideration of the odds against her. Before she left, she bowed towards Ikkaku, saying, "Thank you very much for your help. I...I promise to try my hardest!" She then bowed to Yumichika, who had stayed behind with Ikkaku. "Thank you Yumichika for helping me realize my weak points. I truly appreciate it." Yumichika smiled in return, but did not speak.

"Let's go now, Tsu-chan!"

Hand in hand with the bubbly little girl, Ketsueki was starting to see a ray of hope in the darkness of reality and an alien squad. She squeezed Yachiru's fingers lightly and walked on.

**AN: Hehe, hope you liked this chapter (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Four**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**A/N: Thanks so much to Wishing for Dreams and IchiRuki7 for the lovely reviews, and thank you to imagination junkie and SpaceisforStars for the alert :) Really appreciate all the feedback!**

Prod. Prod prod. Poke. Prod.

Poke.

"RENJI WILL YOU _QUIT _DOING THAT?" shouted Ketsueki, sitting bolt upright on her bed mat. She glared at the offender, then realized it was not Renji, but Yumichika. She instantly regretted her outburst. Then her brain registered that it was still early in the morning, since the sunlight was still weak, and that she must be in a state of complete disaster. She knew how bad her bed hair could be, and she died a little inside whenever someone caught her with it. Ketsueki blushed furiously. She clutched the bedsheets to her chest, as though she was naked. "Y-Yumichik-ka! What are you doing in my room?"

Yumichika smiled patiently. "There, there now. Calm yourself down. No, wait. Take a shower, then brush your hair, then get dressed, then fix yourself up, then calm-"

"Yumichika!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!" he laughed. "I just came so we could start training. But since you didn't hear me knock I just, well, slipped in, as graceful as a goose."

Ketsueki was about to retort, and say, "Geese aren't graceful. I think you mean swans," but decided not to. It wasn't her. She normally didn't say things like that, unless it was with Renji or some other friend. Instead, she asked, "Training? I don't remember anything about..."

"Don't complain!" interrupted Yumichika. "It's so that you don't let Captain Zaraki down. You do want to improve, don't you?" He winked.

Ketsueki grumbled a reply. She told Yumichika to get out of her room and wait for five minutes. As soon as the door slid shut, Ketsueki dashed to the small bathroom, spent 30 seconds in the shower while brushing her teeth, and got into a set of new shinigami uniform. She admired the black robe for a few seconds, noticing how they complimented her body, then remembered to sort out her hair. She then walked back into the living room, which really was just a tiny square with a bed mat and a short table. It was not an impressive room. But, of course, she was not an officer. She did not deserve any better. Ketsueki sighed bitterly at the thought, then went outside to join Yumichika.

"Ah, good, let's go to the training grounds," said Yumichika, making his way down the length of the hall.

"Wait, what kind of training?" asked Ketsueki.

"Oh, you know...training."

"...you're not exactly great at explaining things, are you?" Yumichika's silly attitude made it impossible for Ketsueki to remain serious or polite.

"Perhaps not. But wouldn't you agree that I have _great _looks."

"Ha. I get it."

"But you don't _got _it."

An awkward silence followed these words. Yumichika grimaced. "You know. You don't _got _the looks, but you _get it, _but then you don't-"

"Please. I think I've heard enough."

"Alright, alright."

They walked across the third floor of a large building, the beautiful view of the forest beyond and the sky to their left from behind the balcony railings. The building was shaped in the perimeter of a square, with a large courtyard in the centre, acting as a training place as well as a place of relaxation. The sun was slowly creeping its way up, cascading beams of light in all directions. Ketsueki followed Yumichika to the courtyard. There was a fairly large clearing, with a pond and some individual trees and benches. Ketsueki knew she was going to be visiting this place quite often. She loved places where she could stay quiet and think about anything that was one her mind. The only flaw to this area was that all the other squad 11 dorms were just above her head. Everyone would be able to watch what she was doing.

Yumichika faced her, looking determined. "I presume you're zanpakuto has already revealed itself."

Ketsueki hesitated. This led to a frown on Yumichika's face. "You mean to tell you me it hasn't yet?" he asked.

"No, no! Of course it has!" replied Ketsueki hastily. Slowly, Ketsueki drew her zanpakuto from where it hung from her waistband. The blade was long and narrow, and looked rather fragile. Tenderly, Ketsueki ran a finger down the side of the blade, letting the icy coolness of the metal sooth her skin. The blade reflected the sunlight, giving it an amber glow. She studied her sword affectionately, then explained to Yumichika, "My zanpakuto came to me before I even joined the Academy. My teacher told me this was because I had strong, flowing spiritual power. But because I didn't know what to do with it, or how to communicate with it, I find it difficult now, talking to my zanpakuto." She blushed in embarrassment and gripped the hilt of her sword tightly. "I think it's become impatient, and tired of waiting for me."

"Well, the fact that you can still talk to it shows you still have a connection with it. This is good. What I advise for you to do now, since you have completed your Spirit Academy course, is to continue to strengthen that bond," advised Yumichika. Ketsueki was beginning to truly appreciate Yumichika's words. She nodded, and promised to do what he said.

"Now, let's get started." Yumichika passed her a wooden sword he had brought with him. Again, he took his stance, placing the sword in front of him and keeping his eyes fixed on Ketsueki's sword. "Attack," he ordered.

With a strong push off her back foot, Ketsueki jumped high into the air, then brought her sword crashing down on Yumichika's. It was done in a single, swift movement, and Yumichika was rather taken by surprise. His eyes widened, then narrowed as he held his ground against Ketsueki, who was now back on her two feet and applying steady pressure against his sword. She was more determined than yesterday. However, Yumichika was able to slowly push her back a few centimetres, and, with a quick slash, hit her on the side. Ketsueki landed roughly onto the ground, coughing as the dirt rose to meet her.

Yumichika extended a hand. "Don't try doing that any more. I don't mean to be, well, mean, but you _are _a girl, and you won't be able to push against someone like that." As much as Ketsueki hated these words, she had to agree with him. Unless she had immense spiritual power, which would give her the energy she needed, then she would not be able to defend herself in that way. She tried a different offensive strategy, aiming directly for his head, then swivelled around and hit him on the back. Yumichika stumbled, and Ketsueki, rather cheekily, stuck her foot out and tripped him. Unfortunately, Yumichika had forseen this move. He brought out his free hand, hoisted his body into a handstand, and kicked Ketsueki on the chin, knocking her onto her back.

"Don't be too predictable in battle. That was a good start, but I'm afraid cheek isn't going to get you anywhere. Unless of course if you have a beautiful visage like mine, then cheek is a good thing."

After 40 minutes of training, Ketsueki was sweating quite a bit. But she was beginning to get a feel of Yumichika's fighting style. She had also avoided trying to push against his sword to knock him onto the ground, so she had experimented with all different types of techniques. An hour later, a few shinigami were watching from the balcony railings, and Ketsueki could hear their comments come drifting down. She heard them, but she didn't understand them, for she was too concentrated in the heat of the battles. She ducked numerous times, and found that by kicking Yumichika's feet she could unbalance him, then she could attack him head on.

The sun was nearly right above them when Yumichika called Ketsueki's training to a halt. He sat down on a stone bench; beads of sweat clung to his forehead, but apart from that there was no sign of him exercising. Ketsueki, on the other hand, needed another shower. She sat breathing heavily on the ground, wiping her face with her sleeve. Yumichika didn't speak, but Ketsueki knew he was satisfied with her performance today. More importantly, _she _was satisfied with herself. Yes, she had not yet reached her full potential, but for a single morning's hard work, she had improved by a good measure. It was all due to Yumichika's willingness to help her, and now that Ketsueki thought about it, Zaraki did not give him any orders to help her train.

Ketsueki turned her head to look at Yumichika. His composed figure sat elegantly on the bench, one leg over the other, his body leaning back, supporting himself by his hands. His hair shone with the brilliant sunlight, and his eyes seemed to sparkle. He was very good-looking. It was a pity he did not seem to have a good sense of taste. Ketsueki disliked the yellow and orange strand that sprung from his scalp. Then again, perhaps this was a display of his personal touch, his own flair. No matter how strange he looked, Yumichika was undoubtedly a strong fighter, and, surprisingly, a patient teacher. Ketsueki said gratefully, "Thank you Yumichika."

"What for?" the shinigami asked, cocking his head in her direction.

"Captain Zaraki did not order you to do so, yet you insisted in training me."

Yumichika shrugged. "It's nothing. I just don't like seeing someone like you being pushed around. You have the power, you just don't know how to use it." Ketsueki nodded at his comment. _I must try as hard as possible._

After a few more minutes, Yumichika got up. "Good job today. We'll train once every other morning, so you can take a break tomorrow."

"Yes sir," replied Ketsueki, standing up and bowing.

Yumichika smiled, then vanished as he flash-stepped away.

That afternoon, Ketsueki sat in her room, staring at her zanpakuto lying unsheathed on her bed. She hesitated, then crawled towards it. She let her eyes wander over the hilt, black with a rose-like pattern embedded into it. She touched the hilt with her fingers and breathed, "Please, I want to understand you."

As soon as these words were uttered, a mental wind hit her. She was completely thrown by this reaction, and was frightened. But in that short instance, she felt powerful. Very powerful. It was as though she could defeat any opponent, as though she could complete any task, even the impossible.

She gasped and drew her hand away. At once the sensation disappeared, and Ketsueki felt drained.

The back of her hand was bleeding. She clutched it. She now remembered why she wasn't in touch with her zanpakuto.

She was afraid of it.

Somebody knocked on her door. Startled, Ketsueki hurried to go open it.

Ikkaku stood there, arms folded. The sun was beginning to set behind him. The sky was bleeding its most majestic colours: crimson, gold, amber, violet. Ketsueki forced her eyes to focus on Ikkaku. "Can I help you sir?" she asked, making sure to hide her bloody hand behind her back.

"Heard you were training with Yumichika today, hm?" he questioned her.

"Yes. I am sorry if my training disturbed you this morning." Ketsueki hadn't thought about whether or not Ikkaku had been watching. She had been too preoccupied and focused.

"Nah, it's alright, I didn't watch. I heard from Kenpachi."

Ketsueki was surprised. "Zara – I mean – Captain Zaraki? I don't believe he was watching me and Yumichika. We would have felt his spiritual pressure."

"Then he was probably spying on you," barked Ikkaku. "He does that when he's interested in someone."

"R-really?" Ketsueki was about to ask why Zaraki might be interested in her. After all, he was obviously disappointed with her performance, and most likely was still trying to get rid of her. She thought about it, then decided not to ask. She didn't want to appear nosy.

"Anyway, you gotta go meet Yachiru in Kenpachi's office tomorrow morning. She's gonna go through some rules with you and other crap." Ikkaku left shortly.

_Oh well, better not think about Zaraki. It would only make you think about-_

"Renji," Ketsueki whispered in the empty room. She glanced at her zanpakuto.

Nobody replied.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Five**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**A/N: Wheee I'm so happy with the feedback I'm getting back :D Thank you Miyuu-sama for the kind review, and kanna yamamoto for the fave (:**

"Vice Captain?" asked Ketsueki, peering into the empty office. Files and pieces of paper littered the desk placed at the far wall of the room. A high-back chair stood behind it, casting a shadow onto the desk, blocking the light from the window behind it. A few bookshelves stood up against the walls, and a carpet was laid rugged and messy on the floor. Ketsueki even thought she saw some bloodstains on the carpet, but then decided it must have been a trick her eyes were playing on her. This was because of the restless night she had had. Her sleep had been filled with images of Renji, her zanpakuto, and, strangely enough, Zaraki.

Tentatively, Ketsueki stepped into the office. She knew she should be waiting outside, but she wanted to avoid the stares of the other shinigami as they walked past her. She could sense the mockery and scorn in their gazes. Her earlier feelings of triumph over her improvement had vanished entirely. Now, she felt as vulnerable as the first time she saw Captain Zaraki sneer down at her back in the Academy. She shut the door behind her quietly and roamed towards one of the bookcases. There were books on the Gotei 13 history and other subjects, but the majority of the books were about swordsmanship. Obviously Squad 11 was extremely proud of their skilled shinigami. Would she ever be a part of their praise? She picked one book off its shelf and flicked through it absently, letting the dust flutter down to the ground.

"What're you doing here?" asked a familiar gruff voice.

Ketsueki gasped and dropped the book with a loud thud. She had not noticed the door at the end of the room, which presumably led to the Captain and Vice-Captain's quarters. Kenpachi Zaraki stood in that doorway now, one elbow leaned against the door frame, his head resting in the crook of his arm; he had the thumb of his other hand tucked into the sash of his robes. Ketsueki stared at him, stunned by his sudden appearance. She didn't even have the sense to pick up the book from the floor. Scrutinizing her with a sharp, black eye, Zaraki said, "Don't just stand there at stare at me, Ketsueki. I asked you a question."

"I...erm," Ketsueki found it difficult to form the words in her mouth. She grappled with her thoughts and managed to reply, "I'm here to see the Vice-Captain about the squad rules..." She made to pick up the book, stopped to ponder over her action, then straightened up again, gripping her arm tightly.

She watched Zaraki move from the door and onto the chair, shuffling the papers around without a care. He eyed her again, and Ketsueki knew she was being judged by her captain. Thinking it was probably appropriate in such a situation like this, she uttered, "I-I'm sorry for my poor performance the other day. I promise to work hard."

"Yeah, well, you better. I don't want you to disgrace me any longer." His harsh words crushed Ketsueki's confidence like a hammer, shattering her will into a million pieces. She didn't seem to have the strength to even speak any more in the presence of her Captain. She hated him for his bluntness, this unfairness that she was expected to excel so soon. Yet she feared him so, and this fear told her heart to train until she reached her limit, and then to still train even harder.

"Stop spacing out like that, it's annoying me," Zaraki spoke, his voice jolting her back to her present situation. He had gotten up and was striding towards her. Ketsueki took a small step back. Was he about to fight her? To challenge her? She automatically gripped the hilt of her sword, ready to block the oncoming attack. He stopped in front of her, and grinned. Ketsueki's stiffened. He was about to hit her.

But Zaraki did no such thing. Instead, he bent down, picked up the book she had dropped, then placed it back onto the shelf. He then turned to face her and smiled again. It did not suit his face. It was terrifying, and Ketsueki wanted to run and hide. Then she realized how close they were standing together. She could smell his scent, a musky, earthy scent that both repelled her and attracted her. Her mind told her to back away. Whatever this man intended to do, it would do her no good. Yet she was rooted to the spot. She could only look into his eye, staring down at her almost pitifully, the other hidden by his eyepatch. She noticed a long scar ran down his face, all the way to his chin. It seemed to divide his rough face into two sections. He was not a handsome man, and the scar did not do him any favours. But Ketsueki found herself imagining what he would have looked like before, when he was younger.

"Scared?" laughed Zaraki. Ketsueki jumped. She had become accustomed to the silence in that short time.

"N-no...I," murmured Ketsueki, and her cheeks reddened. She regretted even taking a foot inside his office.

"Ken-chan! Watcha doing here?" piped a bouncing, excited Yachiru. She bounded through the main office door, tugging on his sleeve. "Are you here to help Tsu-chan too?" she asked brightly.

Zaraki directed his speech at Yachiru, but his eyes stayed on Ketsueki. "Nah, I'm outta here. Can't be bothered to deal with it all...nah you take care of it." Zaraki swept his robe behind him, letting it trail in his wake. Ketsueki waited until Zaraki had left the room, then turned to Yachiru with an attempt at a smile. She realized that she wasn't breathing any more. Forcing herself to start acting like a normal person, Ketsueki breathed in deeply, exhaled, then genuinely smiled at Yachiru, leaving her encounter with Zaraki behind her. "So, got any news for me?"

"Well, not exactly news, more like rules," replied Yachiru happily, sitting on the desk and dangling her legs beneath her. She bobbed her head side to side, letting her pink strands of hair swing freely. "Hmm...let's see. Well, as you're still a non-officer, you have to be polite to everyone you meet. You don't have permission to access the gate to the living world, and you have cleaning duties as well, although our squad doesn't take cleaning that seriously. You can see why." Yachiru laughed, then continued, "You have to obey the orders of the officers and your Vice-Captain, me! You'll be trained to go on shinigami patrol in the living world soon, but Ken-chan doesn't want you to start for a while, although normally we start patrol training about a week or more after you join..."

"Why doesn't Za-Captain Zaraki want me to get my patrol training done?" asked Ketsueki. She couldn't help interrupting. Why did her Captain want to slow down her progress?

"Well, normally it's cus you're not good enough to go on patrol, or you're not strong enough," said Yachiru. Ketsueki frowned. So that's what Zaraki thought of her? Someone who couldn't even take care of a few Hollows? Wonderful. Seeing the dark look on Ketsueki's face, Yachiru poked her with her chubby finger and said, "Don't look so angry! I think you _are _strong enough! We were watching you train with Yumi yesterday, you were great, for a non-officer!"

_For a non-officer. _The words hurt painfully. Maybe it was simply because Squad 11 had so many tough fighters that she was doing so bad in her new squad. But even so, she must be far below the average fighting abilities of the squad. She picked up something else from Yachiru's words. "Wait, you were watching me yesterday?"

"Yep, Ken-chan and me were watching from the hilltop," said Yachiru.

"Ah, I see," said Ketsueki slowly. "If I may ask, why?"

Yachiru shrugged casually. "I dunnoo, Ken-chan said he wanted to see how you were doing, but he's being all secretive about it." She winked.

"Ah, thanks Vice-Captain," said Ketsueki hesitantly, still thinking. Why was Zaraki being so secretive? It didn't seem to suit his personality at all.

"I don't like being called Vice-Captain, Yachiru's much more prettier," replied Yachiru.

_I hope she doesn't grow up to be a Yumichika, _thought Ketsueki, rather bemused. "Sorry Yachiru. Is there anything else I should know?"

"Er...nope! Nothing I can think of!" Yachiru giggled. "Sooo, what were you and Ken-chan up to?"

The sudden change in topic took Ketsueki by surprise. She blinked. "N-nothing." In a more convincing voice, she repeated, "Nothing, really!" Seeing Yachiru's look of disbelief, she couldn't help say, "Really, nothing was going on! I just...dropped a book." Her explanation sounded extremely lame, and Ketsueki felt her face turn red. At least Zaraki was not around to witness this.

"Nawww, you can tell _me_ anything!" teased Yachiru, prodding her with her small foot.

"I-I know."

"So? Was anything special happening in here?"

"No!"

"Are you sure?" the young girl winked again.

Ketsueki was starting to feel helpless. Improvising, she bowed and said hurriedly, "O-of course! You'll have to excuse me Yachiru, I need to...tidy my room." She left before Yachiru could object. Walking quickly across the landing, she trotted down a flight of stairs and headed towards the patch of woods situated next to the squad 11 headquarters. Absent-mindedly, she followed a stone path. It wound deep into the forest. Trees of all shapes and sizes stood all around her, their spindling branches grappling towards the sky, creating a lush, green canopy above her head. Where there were gaps in the leaves, sunlight shone through brilliantly, making Ketsueki squint her eyes a couple of times. Eventually, she reached a small wooden bridge that stretched over a clear, flowing river. The water rippled past, refracting the sunlight in all directions. Ketsueki sat down on the grass. At least she had found a refuge in a world of chaos and disappointment.

But she knew she couldn't hide forever.

Once again, Ketsueki withdrew her sword, and studied it closely. There really wasn't much to deduct from her sword. It was rather plain, with the exception of her hilt, with its rose petal pattern etched into it. She turned it steadily in her hand, weighing her options. She could wait until Zaraki noticed her skill, and then maybe, _maybe, _he would let her advance through the ranks of the squad. Did she really want to become a seated member? The more Ketsueki thought about it, the more she wanted it, and she realized that it was going to take much more discipline and much more dedication in her training in order to reach her goal. She already had Yumichika helping her, but this was not enough. It all depended on how sympathetic Yumichika was, and Ketsueki did not know him well enough to completely trust him.

_That means..._

"...you and I will have to get acquainted soon," said Ketsueki out loud, her eyes lowered on her zanpakuto.

Ketsueki stared at the sword, mentally finding an entrance to its mind. She forced her conscious and all her energy into trying to communicate with the zanpakuto. The effort was useless, however. There was no reaction this time, no sense of power and strength. Not even the strange, abundant bleeding she experienced when she did confront it. She exhaled slowly, calming the growing frustration within her, and lay down on the grass. She cushioned her head on her arms. She watched the clouds float by lazily.

And then the sky turned red.

"_What do you want to achieve?"_

She knew that voice. She had heard it before, in her sleep. It was a sweet voice, like a singer's voice. She could imagine it singing the most beautiful, harmonic melodies.

It was the voice that gave her nightmares.

Ketsueki couldn't breathe. Her heart constricted in fear as she felt her throat tighten with an invisible pressure. Her shaking fingers scratched at her neck. Her vision was shaded in crimson. Everything was red. She choked and rolled onto her front, one hand clutching the grass, the other her neck. Her body was shaking violently with tremors that seemed to make the earth shift beneath her.

"_What do you want from _me_?"_

The more she struggled, the harder it was for Ketsueki to keep alive. Her lungs needed air, but she couldn't, just couldn't breathe. In one last, desperate attempt, she scratched at her throat uselessly. It did nothing but tear a small strip of skin. Her fingers touched her own blood.

And then the world returned to its previous hues and colours.

Sweat clung to Ketsueki's forehead. She was no longer being strangled and was not shaking viciously, but her hands were still trembling slightly as she brought her hand to her face. Her fingers were tainted with red smears. Ketsueki felt the tears ready to slide down her cheeks; she had been so close to death. If the pain had lasted for just one more second, it would have been enough to kill her. She felt the tears, yet somehow she found the strength to open her lips and answer.

"I...I want t-t-to become s-s-strong-g-ger..."

There was no reply, but she knew it had heard. It must have. It had to.

A cry escaped into the silence.

**A/N: dundundun...failed attempt at suspense ;n;**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Six**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Thank you to ****KyokoYamiko and Miyuu-sama for the support :D here's another chap!**

Several days later, Ketsueki was still thinking over the events of that dreadful day. She knew her zanpakuto had immense power. She also knew there was something wrong with it. Every time she tried to speak to it, it would harm her in some way, as if it needed a sacrifice from her in order to communicate. She had pondered over what it might mean, but to no conclusion. Ketsueki, in all honesty, did not want to think about it. She decided to let the fear pass slowly day by day, until she was brave enough to handle the true intentions behind her zanpakuto.

Presently, she was on her way to squad five headquarters. There had been some disturbance between squad five and her own squad. Apparently a few shinigami had gotten into a fight, and had caused serious damage to buildings around them. They had also disobeyed orders from senior officers. Ketsueki was told to deliver a report an officer had written to squad five. When she had received this order, she had dutifully accepted it and had left with high spirits, because there was the slightest chance she might meet Renji there.

Renji. Another dilemma in her difficult life.

Every night lying in bed, Ketsueki would go through some possibilities of what she might say the next time they met. Would she confess what her heart told her to confess? Or would she be too cowardly, and hide behind lies of duty and loyalty to her squad? However, one thing was certain. Without a doubt, she missed him tremendously. After they had parted, it was like a part of her had gone missing. In a way, Renji had been an anchor in her world. He was down-to-earth, friendly, and most importantly supportive of whatever she did. Even when she was certain she would fail at an assignment or task in the Academy, Renji would always tell her to do her best. Even is she failed, it wouldn't matter, because she would know she had tried her best. As long as she did that, the end result would not matter.

It was a mild day, with occasional breezes rustling the trees around her. Ketsueki approached the main building she had located through the confusing alleyways and searched for the Vice-Captain's office. Once she had located it, she knocked and said out loud, "Ketsueki Donato, here to deliver a report on an incident-"

The door slid open so fast that it blew Ketsueki's hair across her face. Before she had a chance to straighten the loose strands, someone had pounced on her and was squeezing her tightly. Bewildered, she tried to pry herself from the strong but slender arms of the mysterious Vice-Captain. "S-sir?" she asked feebly.

"You mean miss!" laughed Momo, releasing her grip on the other girl. Momo's bright eyes were full of pleasant surprise and delight.

"M-Momo?" gasped Ketsueki. She stared at her friend, for apart from Renji, Ketsueki had also been friends with Momo and Izuru. There Momo was, her black hair tied behind her neatly in a bun, her Vice-Captain's badge attached onto her uniform. Ketsueki motioned towards it. "So you're Vice-Captain then?"

"Yeah, but who cares!" She hugged Ketsueki again. "I've missed you so much!"

Ketsueki's heart warmed, and she returned the embrace whole-heartedly. "Me too, Momo, me too."

Withdrawing from the hug, Momo glanced at the sheets of papers in Ketsueki's hands. She pointed at them. "Those for me?"

"Yep." Ketsueki handed them over. She watched as Momo flicked through them. "Apparently some guys got into a fight."

"Right." Momo checked the report one last time, then looked up and grinned. She gestured inside. "You want some tea? Hope you're not in a hurry or anything."

"Oh, um, sure! If you don't mind that is. After all, you must be busy, being Vice-Captain and all." Ketsueki laughed, praising Momo. She felt no jealousy, only pride for her friend.

Momo waved her hand, dismissing the idea. "Bah, it's nothing. After all, I hardly get to see you anymore!" Momo led Ketsueki into the spacious Vice-Captain's office. It was furnished with neat bookshelves, tables with vases propped on top, paintings on the walls, and a table with a few chairs circling it. Momo went to get a teapot, which had already been prepared, and poured Ketsueki a cup. Ketsueki nodded her thanks and took the cup in her hands. The warmth between her fingers was comforting. As she poured her own, Momo asked, "So, how has it been in squad 11?"

At the mention of her squad, Ketsueki grimaced and said, "Well, I kinda got beaten up in front of all the officers and my Captain on the first day-"

"What?"

"-and now I'm training with the 5th seat officer every other morning," continued Ketsueki hastily. She sipped her tea, just because it was something to do.

Momo frowned. "You must be being modest. You never get beaten up."

Ketsueki blushed and looked away. "Yeah, not in the Academy. I don't even know why I was picked by Zaraki. I hate him." The last three words came out without delay, as if they were just waiting to burst out and reveal themselves. When Momo raised an eyebrow, Ketsueki said a small, "Oops," and continued to blow on her cup of tea.

"Why do you hate him? I mean sure he's pretty evil-looking and brutal, but still, he's not _really _evil," reasoned Momo, sitting down next to her friend. "Besides, it's not good to hate your Captain, especially when you just joined." Her eyes glazed all of a sudden, and she smiled dreamily. "Captain Aizen's amazing, though, Captain Zaraki's nothing like him. Captain Aizen's so kind and caring. I'm so happy he chose me!" She giggled cheerfully.

The two continued to talk for a few more minutes about the Academy days and what responsibilities Momo had now that she was Vice-Captain. They were interrupted by an officer who had to report on the number of Hollows in an area in the living world. Deciding it was best to try and meet another time, Momo walked Ketsueki to the door. Before she left, though, Ketsueki pulled Momo to one side and asked hesitantly, "Hey, would you know where I could find Renj?"

"Hm, I'm not too sure. I think he's training right now, I'm not sure when he's free." Momo looked at Ketsueki. "You must miss him."

"Yeah, I do." Ketsueki blushed. She couldn't help it. She really did, and she had reached a decision concerning Renji's offer.

Momo raised an eyebrow. Knowingly, she smiled and said, "You better tell me what's going on." With that, she returned to her office, leaving Ketsueki to wander back to squad 11 headquarters. She could use the time to do her clean-up duty. She sighed and walked back down the lane she had come from. The weather was a bit chilly, and she wrapped her arms around herself when a wind picked up, blowing against her in the opposite direction. In the distance, she saw a group of shinigami jogging towards her. Ketsueki ignored them as they approached. They were probably just a bunch of non-officers, by the looks of it, keeping fit, reminding her that she also needed to improve her endurance and stamina. Something else to work on in her free time.

The group of shinigami jogged past her. She heard one of them call to the others, "You guys go ahead, I'll catch up."

Someone grabbed her arm roughly. _Shoot. _Ketsueki whirled around. Her hand flew to her hilt, but she wasn't fast enough. She was attacked by another strong hug, and this time Ketsueki knew who it was.

"Renji," she breathed, clinging tightly to the folds of his uniform. Relief and happiness flooded her, making her light-headed and almost dizzy. It didn't matter. He was there. It had only been about a week, but Ketsueki had realized in this short time how much he meant to her. The two stood there, locked in each others' arms, neither one of them willing to move. There was a mutual understanding now. They both had come to the conclusion that they _were _more than just friends, and that they couldn't be anything less. Words were unnecessary. Ketsueki buried her head into Renji's shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. For the first time in a while, she truly felt safe. Even when a crow screeched overhead, and when the wind blew against her back, she didn't care. The world around them was insignificant.

Renji was the first to step back. His red hair was tied back as always, ending in spiky strands in his ponytail. Ketsueki had always admired how he could style his hair like that. Renji cupped her cheek in his hand, letting his gaze linger on her eyes. He shook his head, then chuckled. Ketsueki blushed, not knowing what was amusing him, and nudged him in the ribs. When he laughed harder, Ketsueki just blushed more furiously and elbowed him, although this was a difficult manoeuvre since his other arm was still wrapped around her waist. Renji continued laughing in a genuine sort of way, but Ketsueki was confused and embarrassed without knowing why. At last she found her voice and asked indignantly, "Quit it! What's so funny!"

His eyes were shining with bemusement. "Nothing, it's nothing...it's just, I love you." He lowered his head and kissed her tenderly.

Blissful blankness.

"What took you so long?" grumbled Zaraki from behind his desk.

"I...I was talking to the Vice-Captain for a while. She...she's a friend of mine."

"Really? For that long?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did you bring a copy of the report back?"

"Yes, Captain."

Zaraki shuffled the papers in his hands. He eyed Ketsueki. "What's with your neck?"

"It's nothing, sir."

"If you say so. Dismissed."

Ketsueki rushed out of the office and closed the door behind her. She leaned against the hard wood and breathed. She found it extremely strange and ironic that her heart was beating faster now than when she had kissed Renji.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Seven**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters. INJUKEN.**

**AN: It's Valentine's day tomorrow! So, I'll just take the chance to say HAPPY EARLY VALENTINE'S DAY! XD Hope you guys have a great day (: Thank you to Jen Jardine and TheBeginingsEnd for the reviews and alerts, also thanks to Arisu Hato for the fave! :D**

"Good work today, Ketsueki," said Yumichika, panting slightly as he slid down against a tree. He rubbed the back of his neck. "After a few weeks you're definitely getting better."

"Thanks," replied Ketsueki, equally tired. She was lying on the ground, staring at the grey clouds. The sun hadn't come out in days. Today was no exception. From morning to noon, clouds dominated the sky, hiding the sun from everyone's view. The air seemed to be heavy and humid. Ketsueki's robes clung to her body, sticking to her skin, restraining her movements. It was uncomfortable and stuffy.

Reading her thoughts, Yumichika shook his head. "What is wrong with this weather? It's been terrible for my lovely hair." He turned to his subordinate. "Anyway. I was about to ask you whether or not you've been keeping up contact with your zanpakuto."

"Um..." Should she tell him about the dilemma she was faced with? Ketsueki should probably let someone know about what she was going through, but she just wasn't comfortable with Yumichika having the knowledge that her zanpakuto was too twisted and complicated for her. Deciding it was best to lie, Ketsueki said, "Well, yeah, it's not getting anywhere though. I...I don't really understand what it wants from me." The last part of her sentence was true, and immediately Ketsueki felt slightly less burdened.

Yumichika looked at her thoughtfully. "You know," he eventually said, "The best way to communicate with your zanpakuto is through your dreams."

"Dreams? You mean...when we're sleeping?"

"Yes, for some reason it makes the bond between shinigami and zanpakuto stronger."

Ketsueki did not think much of this piece of advice. After all, every time she _did _talk to her zanpkuto in her sleep, it gave her chills, and she often woke up in the middle of the night crying or screaming. Normally, Renji would be by her side if she was in the Academy, but now, amongst all the strangers, she wasn't so sure if she should give this technique another chance. Maybe she was being too cowardly again. She nodded, to show she would contemplate Yumichika's suggestion.

After a few moments of silent companionship, Yumichika asked, "Do you wanna go out with me tonight?"

Ketsueki perked up. "Hm? Go out?"

Yumichika smiled that elegant smile of his. "Yes, Ketsueki. Would you like to go out with me?"

Ketsueki was thrown into shock. "U-um..." she blushed. What was she to say?

At her reaction, Yumichika laughed, perhaps a little too harshly. "Oh, you silly thing! I'm only joking, only joking. Really, look at you now, your face is much too flushed. Calm down, calm down. All I really wanted to ask was if you wanted to come out for a drink with Ikkaku and me."

Even this little invitation surprised Ketsueki. She was not that close with Ikkaku, although they did pass by each other and exchange a few words quite often. Admittedly, she was pretty relaxed around Yumichika now. It couldn't hurt going out and socializing a bit, would it? It would improve her image slightly, if other shinigami saw her among the first seat officer and fifth seat officer. Or it would make her seem stuck up and arrogant. Either way, Ketsueki had to make a decision. "Sure," she said, with a small smile.

"Good. I'll pick you up at six tonight."

That afternoon, Ketsueki spent a long time staring into the mirror in the bathroom. She played with her hair, sorted out her robes, practised smiling. She was doing anything to get her mind off sleeping that night. What Yumichika had said about communicating with her zanpakuto in her sleep frightened her. She was too scared of her zanpakuto.

_You have to confront it. You have to._

A few hours later, Yumichika knocked on her door. He guided her into a small neat town. Night had settled. The light had vanished, but the humidity and pressure remained. Even so, the town was quite alive with people roaming about. Lanterns lit the roads and shops. Stalls stood at the ready, selling snacks and small items: bracelets, necklaces, earrings, anything that caught the eye. The air buzzed with conversation. Ketsueki found herself drinking in the sights and sounds. Before she had finished exploring the area, Yumichika led her into a small pub. A waitress greeted them. She bowed, took Yumichika's name, and guided them into a corridor and gestured towards a closed door. Ketsueki slid it open, revealing Ikkaku sitting on the floor in front of a table. In one of his hands was a bottle of sake. He waved impatiently towards the two. They sat down. The waitress poured the newcomers some drinks, closed the door then left.

"So, how's the training going?" asked Ikkaku, jerking his chin in her direction. His eyes were already a little hazy, and his speech was a little slurred. Ketsueki noticed a pink tinge on his cheeks as he downed another glass. She fought the small smile that was creeping onto her face.

"She's improving, but she hasn't gotten through to her zanpakuto yet," said Yumichika. There was a pause as he sipped his drink, holding the tiny glass delicately with his thumb and forefinger. He set the glass down with a small clink, then breathed out, eyes closed. Then he opened them with a sly smile. "Let's not talk about training, I'm fairly exhausted."

"Yeah, yeah, you lazy ass," growled Ikkaku, leaning towards the table. "You just don't want to admit she's gonna get better than you, yeah?" Ketsueki was starting to feel uncomfortable, and was beginning to regret agreeing to come. Obviously this was meant to be a men's night out. She did not belong. Suddenly she felt Ikkaku's fingers beneath her chin, tilting her head back and forth. She stared at him as he studied her neck, where there were still red marks left after her struggle with her zanpakuto. "What's with this?" he muttered. "Don't tell me you were strangled or raped or something."

"Well aren't you gentle with your words," muttered Yumichika, twirling his drink.

"What do you expect? I'm not a scholar. So, did you or did you not get raped?"

Ketsueki shot him an angry look, pushing his hand away. "I did _not__._ It...it was an accident." Ketsueki's mind flashed back to the day she was paralysed by her zanpakuto in the woods.

Ikkaku laughed. "Yeah, accident alright."

Ketsueki shot him a lethal look.

"Ignore him, he's gotten slightly drunk," said Yumichika casually.

"Heh, if you ask me it was probably Kenpachi. It's impossible for that bastard to get a girl without forcing her to-"

"Oh shut up," said Ketsueki abruptly, standing up and knocking her glass over. Sake spilled over the table. She grit her teeth. For some reason, Ketsueki felt extremely agitated at the mention of Zaraki doing something like that to her. It hurt her pride, and it infuriated her that someone would think of something so _wrong _between her and the person she hated. "Why would you bring Zaraki into this?" she snarled.

Ikkaku smirked. He stood up, wobbling on his feet, and pointed a swaying finger at her. "Might I remind you you're speaking to your third seat officer?" he informed her in a husky voice. Ketsueki stood her ground, but her resolve wavered, and she sat back down slowly. Seeing her defeat, Ikkaku laughed to himself and fell back onto the floor, wiping the spilt sake with his sleeve. "Heh, I don't get you, you're always so worked up when Kenpachi's mentioned, or when he's around."

"I'm sorry, _sir, _I would just like to know why you'd bring Zaraki into this," seethed Ketsueki.

"Well obviously he has _some _interest in you," slurred Ikkaku, filling his glass with more sake.

"What do you mean?" asked Ketsueki, dread starting to fill her heart.

"Well," drawled Ikkaku, grinning and enjoying the attention. "Well, like I said the other day, he was obviously spying on you. And you're one of the first female recruits we've ever had, so you've gotta be somewhat special to him, y'know?"

"What, so...what are you getting at?"

"Perhaps he is attracted to you," suggested Yumichika quietly, with a little smirk.

"'course not!" interjected Ikkaku. "That guy doesn't _like _people in that way. He either cares about them, or wants to beat the shit out of 'em." Ikkaku threw back his head, draining his glass in one gulp.

"What Ikkaku is trying to say is, no, perhaps Kenpachi doesn't like you in an affectionate manner. Maybe the reason he's watching you behind your back would be because he's just curious, or wasting his time away cus he's bored." Yumichika shrugged. "He does that."

"Yeah, so don't go thinking you're good enough for that man," laughed Ikkaku, hiccuping. "_Nobody's _good enough for him."

"Thank you for your company, sir," said Ketsueki, forcing herself to remain polite till the end.

"Oi, where do you think you're going?" snapped Ikkaku as Ketsueki stood up.

"I think I'll leave now. Goodnight Yumichika," said Ketsueki, ignoring Ikkaku.

"Wait, wait, wait," repeated Ikkaku, his words melting into the next one. He grinned toothily at her, and Ketsueki felt uncomfortable staring into his flushed, drunken face. "How 'bout you come to my room after - "

Ketsueki walked out of the room, slamming the door.

_Next time Yumichika asks you out, do _not _agree to go. _Ketsueki was still fuming when she ordered a bowl of ramen in a small restaurant nearby. It was simply the fact that Ketsueki really did despise Zaraki as a person that she was so angry. To have Ikkaku say something so vulgar about him and her made Ketsueki feel sick. She couldn't even imagine herself in that kind of situation with Zaraki. It gave her goosebumps. She calmed down at the sight of food, realizing how hungry she was. She ate her meal quickly, paid, then returned to her room. The heat of the night was making her sweat. She fanned herself in her room, combing her hair back in front of the mirror.

Soon after, Ketsueki changed into a clean set of night robes and slipped under her bedsheets. She shut her eyes, letting her mind wander. She pictured Yumichika's face, and wondered whether or not she would like him if it weren't for Renji. The thought brought a small smile to her lips, and there onwards she began to drift into sleep...

_Black shadows before her eyes, blocking her view._

_Dripping red ribbons hanging in the air._

_A quiet voice, curious, questioning, inquisitive._

_The boy welcomed her, "It's good to know you're at least trying to get stronger."_

_She couldn't see him. But she felt his presence. Somewhere. Everywhere._

"_Tell me your name." A whisper that did not belong to her, yet came from her lips._

"_Why should I?"_

"_Because I need you."_

_Harsh, cold, resonating laughter. "Try again."_

_Such formalities. Useless. Only one thing can complete this transaction._

"_Because...you want to become stronger too, don't you?"_

_Empty air, filled with nothing but everything._

"_Good, you've grown. Changed."_

"_Will you give me your name then?"_

"_I'll say it once, I won't say it again."_

_At last._

"_My name is Inju-"_

The loud crack of thunder jolted Ketsueki from her sleep. She sat up wearily, staring out the small window in her dark room. The rain was coming down relentlessly, the heat and humidity of the day finally released in this raging storm. The droplets drummed on the wooden corridor outside. Lightning lit up her surroundings for an instant, and Ketsueki saw the blood trickling down her shoulder, seeping into her bedsheets.

"Inju...Inju..." whispered Ketsueki repeatedly.

She sat there in silence, listening to the rain cascade down onto the world.

She had been so close to knowing his name.

_Inju..._

The deep rumbling thunder resounded in her room, mocking her. It had woken her up at the most critical moment possible.

"_Damn it!" _She threw her pillow against the wall: wretched, enraged, distraught.

She collapsed on her bed, staring at the shadows dance to and fro on the ceiling.

**AN: Wasn't too sure about this chap, it seemed kinda like a filler D':**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Eight**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: This chapter seems kinda random...and filler-ish...AGAIN. D': Thank you so much to my reviewers! I love you guys (':**

_Inju...Inju...Inju what? _The unfinished name haunted Ketsueki for the rest of the week. She tried in vain to talk to him again. She lied in bed at night, forcing herself to relax and to let her thoughts wander into the unknown, to attract him to her. It was a _he, _she knew that now, and she knew the first half of his name. But, apart from that, she really hadn't had that much progress. He was still too cold, secretive and, Ketsueki found, demanding. She had chanted the name "Inju" out loud in her room for hours on end, almost obsessively, as if he was a long-lost lover too far out of reach, only that she was still truly terrified by his presence and his existence.

Two weeks had passed since Ketsueki's first day in Squad 11. She hadn't made any close friends yet, apart from Yumichika, but even he couldn't replace Renji or Momo's place. As for the other shinigami in Squad 11, they kept silent whenever she was around. Ketsueki didn't waste time trying to impress them. It was useless and pathetic. Why should she try and fit in with such brutal people? Ketsueki found it easier to remain cold, emotionless. Day by day, she found herself smiling less and less. Whenever she reported to an officer, her tone was plain and straightforward. It suited her. Her quiet personality blended with the blank demeanour she put on.

Presently, Ketsueki was in the small forest next to Squad 11 headquarters. Her mission was to find two non-officers who had fled from Squad 11. Apparently they were tired of being in Zaraki's squad and had decided to get away for good. Even though Ketsueki resented Zaraki, she still found this behaviour outrageous and disloyal. Zaraki was their Captain. To abandon his Squad was rude and disobedient. Ketsueki was ordered to locate them and bring them back to base. She wasn't the only one looking; there were a few other non-offices on patrol around the Soul Society.

_I guess there'll always be a few rogues in each squad, _thought Ketsueki, annoyed. She had been searching for a good two hours. All she had with her was her zanpakuto and a flask of water. Thankfully, the weather wasn't too hot; there was a light drizzle, sprinkling the greenery with wet crystals. The tiny droplets cooled Ketsueki's brow. She swept her gaze over her surroundings, then sat down, fatigued and bored. She didn't want to return empty-handed, but it didn't seem she was going to find anyone any time. _Besides..._

"I probably won't be able to bring them back anyway," sighed Ketsueki, propping her elbow on her knee in her cross-legged position. She rested her chin on her palm, listening to the crickets chirp for a few minutes.

The thought of reawakening her zanpakuto crossed her mind.

Ketsueki paused for only a second. "Inju?..."

Again, no reply.

A thunderous crash resonated across the forest. Ketsueki jumped and got to her feet quickly. She drew her sword and faced the source of the commotion. Several trees fell down, as if some monster was forcing its way towards her. The spiritual pressure around her intensified. She was nervous, and somehow guessed that it was Zaraki heading her way. Who else could it be? No one else had such a strong spiritual pressure...but this spiritual pressure wasn't _that _strong. This was someone else. Something else. Ketsueki's eyes narrowed, and she took a step back, concentrating on the cluster of trees before her. She just wanted the...the _thing, _to show itself. Summoning her courage, she shouted, "Who's there? Show yourself!"

Demented laughter shook the leaves and tree branches. It sent chills down Ketsueki's spine. "Ooo...I smell something _delicious, _a delicious shinigami soul, maybe?"

Strangely enough, another voice, this time deeper, called out among the tree trunks, "Yes, yes it is. And she's all alone."

"Brilliant...it'sss been agesss since I last devoured a sssoul," hissed a third voice, this one nearest to Ketsueki. It came from behind her, almost a faint whisper drifting in the breeze.

Ketsueki just had time to duck before a large white, bony snake shot out from the bushes, its fangs outstretched, glistening wet with the rain from the drizzle. Ketsueki shrieked and backed away, both hands holding her sword in front of her. The snake was enormous; it was about as long as a full grown tree. Its body was made up of bone segments, which clicked and ground together as the monster moved around to face her. It had no tongue, but a hissing sound emerged from its ebony jaws. Its head was smooth and oval shaped. It looked like a shield.

"Great, now she knows we're onto her," complained the demented voice. A large, rock-like creature stepped out from behind the trees. The eye-holes in its white, scarred mask glowed yellow. Its body was rigid and grey, and it moved slowly, but it had large forearms that seemed to be made of hard granite. They thumped heavily on the grass as the creature lumbered towards her. Its appearance didn't match its high-pitched, screeching voice. "Thanks a lot for ruinin' everythin'!"

"Shut it, she already figured out we were here." The final creature was tall and slender, with a smooth, pale skin covering its entire body. Its round, almost egg-like head had no face, except for a single, purple eye set on its forehead. The eye swivelled around, its gaze finally settling on Ketsueki, who was revolted.

What was she going to do? She knew these were Hollows from the masks they had and their features. She could run, but she had spent hours in the forest and must be somewhat lost. Besides, she was already slightly tired. She knew she couldn't keep up the chase. The only option was to stand her ground and hope that another scout would sense the commotion and come to her aid. She had learnt from the Academy that the fighter who used the element of surprise would have the upper hand. These things have already wasted their chance, now it was her turn.

Ignoring the three Hollows' bickering, Ketsueki leapt into the air towards the pale, slender one, her sword high above her head. As gravity pulled her back to the ground, she swung her sword back down in a sharp sweep. She intended to cut the Hollow's mask, using its purple eye as a target. She was starting to gain a little confidence. The sword cut deep into its mask, but the Hollow only grunted in annoyance. It reached for her zanpakuto. Before it could do so, Ketsueki kicked its head and flipped away from its grappling fingers. She dodged the giant skeleton snake, which struck at her once again, and charged at the boulder-like Hollow, running at full speed, her black hair blowing behind her. Her green eyes were determined.

"Heh, you think that'll stop me? DON'T UNDERSTIMATE MY POWER!" shrieked the Hollow. It brought its rocky arms up to protect itself, meaning to block the attack.

Ketsueki smirked. She jumped and, channelling the spiritual energy around her, made herself soar even higher so that she ended up leaping over the Hollow. As she began to fall in mid-air, she twisted around and stabbed the back of the boulder-like Hollow's head, penetrating straight through its mask on the other side. Quickly, she pulled her zanpakuto out and landed on the ground. She watched and grimaced as the Hollow's howl of agony increased in pitch. It was a eye-splitting noise, and Ketsueki couldn't help squeezing her eyes shut against the racket.

An explosion filled the air, knocking Ketsueki off her feet and blowing her several meters away. A fragment of rock hit the side of her head, another sharper piece slashed the sleeve of her robe, drawing blood. Another small boulder bruised her shin as she flew backwards. Her back hit the tree suddenly, and she collapsed to the grassy ground, gasping for breath. _W-what happened? _Ketsueki tasted blood in her mouth. Wincing, she looked up to find remains of the rock Hollow scattered over the ground. Dust floated above her head, already starting to settle down; some landed in her hair and eyes.

"D-did he jussst...explode?" stammered the snake Hollow, cocking his head at his remaining comrade.

"Yes, it must be because of the experiments that Captain's been doing on us," muttered the tall one.

"Do you think we will asss well?"

"Only if you're foolish enough to get destroyed by that shinigami, which we _won't." _With that, the Hollow lunged towards Ketsueki. Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second. She just had time to roll out of the way before the tree behind her splintered, its bark sprayed and ugly.

"Ssstay ssstill missssy," seethed the snake. Ketsueki got to her feet, coughing, her shaking hand clutching her zanpakuto, expecting a head-on attack. Instead, the Hollow's tail whipped out of nowhere, colliding with her head, which snapped to one side painfully, her entire body flung to one side. She tumbled in the grass; her head felt like it was split in two. Something wet made her hair cling to her face. Ketsueki dared not touch it. The pain increased rapidly.

The tail was back again, this time coming from above and striking downwards, towards her chest. Reeling, Ketsueki brought her sword out horizontally in front of her. The bony tail collided with her zanpakuto, nearing knocking it out of her grip. Ketsueki felt as if she was being forced into the ground. At the last possible second, she rolled to her left, letting the tail smash into the earth. While the snake was still recovering, Ketsueki directed her palm at the slender Hollow and was about to chant an incantation when her aim disappeared. She blinked.

Suddenly it was right in front of her, a breadth of a finger away. Ketsueki didn't stand a chance. She didn't know Hollows could flash step. This wasn't right. She was thrown off her feet again by a swipe of the Hollow's long arms. She landed roughly.

This wasn't going well. Ketsueki couldn't keep getting pushed around like this. But she didn't have the strength to deal with them. She didn't even bother trying to summon the power from her zanpakuto. What if it paralysed her like last time? She would be dead for sure. Ketsueki scrambled up again, and started to run. Her legs felt weak and her head was light. Each breath was painful. The two Hollows were already chasing her. Completely desperate for survival, Ketsueki jumped to grab hold of a tree branch and, with her remaining strength, swung herself onto the tree and began to climb up. However, the slender Hollow kicked the tree, snapping its trunk, and Ketsueki found she was falling.

She had time for one last glance.

The snake skeleton lay there with its jaws wide open.

Ketsueki shut her eyes for the end.

Her scream was cut off as the snake snapped its jaws shut.

Death was warm.

The falling sensation continued in death.

Death felt alive.

Death was in Kenpachi Zaraki's arms.

**AN: Hope you liked this, next one shall follow in time!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Nine**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: hey guys, sorry for the kinda late update! Thank you so much for the reviews – NekoNekonow, .sora, jinxedpixie, and TheBeginningsEnd! :D**

Ketsueki's green eyes flew open. She was no longer dropping like a stone. A pair of strong, muscular arms held her, almost cradling her. She gaped at the man, her saviour, her mouth opening and closing like a fish, utterly baffled.

Kenpachi Zaraki grinned lopsidedly at her, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Hey, who are you?" growled the snake Hollow, writhing towards them in the grass.

"Oh shut up," said Zaraki lazily. Still raising Ketsueki above the ground with one arm, he slashed the air with his zanpakuto. A wave of gold spiritual energy rippled through the air, disintegrating the two Hollows on impact. They couldn't even explode after they were killed; they were simply crushed by the tremendous wave of pure energy. Ashes floated to the ground, dirtying the grass.

Ketsueki watched in awe. She was stupefied, and humiliated. Zaraki must have heard what was going on and leapt to her rescue before she was eaten by the Hollow. Why hadn't she defended herself? Why did she need to rely on Zaraki to save her? Then again, Ketsueki's reasonable side cut these thoughts to a short end. At the end of the day, Zaraki had saved her. If it weren't for him, she would be dead. It was simple. As much as she resented Zaraki, she felt a pinch of gratefulness. She had to thank him, it really was the proper, and polite, thing to do. She would not let her pride get in the way when her life was concerned.

"C-Captain, thank you for saving me," said Ketsueki, more quietly than she had wanted.

"You better thank me. Hell, you should've been able to defeat those bastards. You're much too weak, this won't do girl," replied Zaraki, unsympathetic. He started walking back to Squad 11 headquarters, with her still in his arms. "Anyway, you needa go see Squad Four and get yourself patched up. You're a mess." Indeed, she _was _a mess. Her long hair was all over the place; her robes were torn and muddy, and she had multiple cuts and bruises all over her body, including a nasty cut on her forehead that was caused by the snake's tail. Although she was in no condition to walk, she didn't want to be seen carried by her Captain. As if she hadn't had enough embarrassment this past month or more.

"It's all right, sir, I can walk on my own now," said Ketsueki hastily, trying to wriggle her way out of her Captain's arms.

But Zaraki was insistent. Not in a gentlemanly way, but in a rude, stubborn manner. "Shut your trap, you can't walk anywhere like that, idiot."

Despite her fatigue, Ketsueki found the energy to be angry. She gripped his arms. "Please, I'm fine now."

Zaraki shrugged. "Fine, have it your way." He set her back on the ground, and immediately Ketsueki knew he was right. Her knees nearly buckled while she stood, and she was extremely dizzy; the world seemed to be spinning around her. Still, her own stubbornness forced her to take a step forward, which she did, only to realize too late she had a twisted ankle. She was about to hit the grass again when Zaraki grabbed her elbow. "That's enough." Grabbing her waist with his other hand, Zaraki hauled her onto his shoulder, so that she lay on her stomach and slightly upside down, staring down his back. He continued forwards, carrying her like a sack of potatoes.

_Damn you Zaraki! _How dare he! How dare he pick her up and swing her around like that! Ketsueki clutched fistfuls of his cloak, feeling the rise and fall of his steps. He was giving her more of a headache, with the blood rushing to her head. Her legs were dangling in front of his chest in the air. Zaraki held her in place with a firm hand on her back, uncomfortably close to her bottom. It was simply mortifying. Ketsueki could not stand a single second more of it. She hit his back wildly with her fists, shouting loudly in a hoarse voice, "Let me down!"

Zaraki ignored her.

"LET ME DOWN NOW ZARAKI!"

This outburst seemed to surprise Zaraki, who stopped walking and slackened her grip on her.

Ketsueki was seething with animosity.

"Put. Me. Down." Each single word was filled to the brim with flaming rage.

Zaraki slid her off his shoulder and let her stand on her own again.

Without missing a beat, Ketsueki took one step forward and slapped him hard across the face.

Zaraki's head snapped back, his eyes wide. Slowly, his gaze returned to Ketsueki's face, the side of his face reddening ever so slowly.

Ketsueki was beginning to shake with fury. She staggered forward, nearly falling again, completely drained of strength. She supported herself by hanging on to Zaraki's cloak. She stabbed Zaraki's chest with her finger. Her vision was blurry. "You do _not _pick a girl up like that. Don't. Don't _ever_do that again."

It was getting difficult to breathe. Ketsueki rested her head on Zaraki's chest, purely because she was starting to feel sick. She had no more strength left, and no more anger left. It was replaced with, strangely, a sadness, perhaps in regret of her reaction. Her thoughts were hazy and unclear. She shut her eyes and breathed in deeply.

She smelt Zaraki's musky scent.

"I'm sorry," whispered Ketsueki. And then she passed out.

* * *

A white light shone down on her, penetrating her eye lids. She stirred in her sleep, marvelling at the softness around her. She was aware of a soft voice calling out to her. She ignored it, turning over onto her side and buried her head into the softness.

"Ketsueki?" asked the voice again.

"Hmm-wha-?" murmured Ketsueki, forcing herself onto her elbow.

Captain Unohana peered over her, her face fixed in kind concern. She helped her patient sit against a pile of pillows behind her. "How are you feeling?"

Ketsueki winced as she moved. "I'm all right...I think. Thank you for healing me."

Captain Unohana smiled warmly. "You have my Squad for thanking, not me personally. I just came to make sure you were alright. After all-"

But her sentence was cut short. Someone barged into the room, obviously with a temper and lots of rage. The Twelfth Squad Captain came in, his black eyes furious as they landed on Ketsueki. He pointed an accusing finger at her, shouting, "What have you _done? _You've destroyed my experiments! Didn't you notice that they could combust after they were destroyed? I was working on a weapon to destroy Menos, but some inferior pest like _you _decided it was okay to simply kill them without my permission!"

Captain Unohana tried to persuade her fellow Captain to calm down, but to no avail. He continued to shout at Ketsueki, who was beginning to feel all the more guiltier. Not only had she failed in locating the rogue members, she had also tampered with another Squad's experiments. It seemed like the Captain had spent a lot of time dealing with these Hollows, and Ketsueki had just ruined their hard work. She took the harsh words blow by blow, accepting them while on the other hand forcing herself not to cry. She really was tired of crying, even though it seemed to be the only thing she did these days. Fail and cry.

And then Zaraki strode into the room, calm and expressionless. He took one glance at Ketsueki, then growled at Captain Mayuri, "Get out of here, you. I was the one who killed your precious lil' experiments, so don't go blaming my squad members. Besides, too late now to fret 'bout it, so get over it." Fuming, the Captain did leave, though grudgingly and not without dark muttering and cursing. Zaraki thanked Unohana, who then left the room to tend to her other patients, leaving Ketsueki alone with Zaraki.

Ketsueki wanted to hide in her bedsheets. She didn't want to confront the man again, to see the man who carried her from the forest. She was ashamed of herself, for letting him pick her up like that. At the thought of it, she blushed and hid her face with her black hair as she turned away from him. She didn't want to be rude, but what was left of her pride told her not to appear weak ever again. She didn't need him. Ketsueki wanted nothing more than to prove she didn't need him.

"Why were you sorry?" asked Zaraki suddenly.

Ketsueki couldn't resist looking at him. "What?"

"Tell me, you git. Why'd the hell did you say sorry when you _didn't _mean it?" muttered Zaraki, gazing out the window.

Ketsueki blinked. She didn't understand what he was asking. Why was she sorry? She wasn't. She tried to recall her encounter with him again, as much as she hated him...and she remembered leaning against him and saying sorry, simply out of the blue. Ketsueki moaned inside, mentally beating her head against a wall. _Idiot! Why did you do that? Why? _Zaraki's question was justified; _why _did she say sorry to him? "I, um," replied Ketsueki, not knowing what to say, "I...I'm sorry I yelled at you...and hit you. I didn't mean to." She faced grew red slowly as she spoke.

Zaraki turned to her, leaning against the window frame. His black eye was harsh and cold. "You did mean it. I could feel it from you. You meant the damn slap and don't deny it."

Ketsueki gulped. "Alright, I know. You're right, I did mean to hit you. I was angry you picked me up like that. But I shouldn't have; you saved me. I shouldn't have done what I had done." She bowed her head. "Please forgive me Captain."

"_What are you doing?" _hissed a voice in her ear. Ketsueki gasped, her head swivelling around, but no one was in the room apart from her and Zaraki, who looked bemused and annoyed.

"What's up?"

"N-nothing Captain, I'm...just not feeling that well." Ketsueki lowered her head into her hands, her fingers trembling slightly as the voice continued to taunt her.

"_Why do you apologize to him? Are you really that weak and pathetic?"_

_No, no I'm not! _Ketsueki yelled her thoughts in her mind, seeking the offender.

"_Then prove it! So far you've done nothing other than make a fool of yourself. Get over it. If you want to get stronger, you need an aim."_

"How?" whispered Ketsueki, oblivious to Zaraki's confusion.

"_Beat Zaraki. If not, at least show you don't need him. Be stronger. I'm waiting."_

"What _is _the matter with you?"

A rough hand pushed Ketsueki against the bed frame behind her. Ketsueki looked up sharply, right into Zaraki's hard-edged face. He was starting at her so fiercely she was afraid he might be able to read her thoughts. He was sitting next to her on the bed, leaning towards her, his massive frame inches from her own weakened body. Ketsueki didn't stand a chance against him in a fight. How was she to become stronger? How could she not rely on him? Her lower lip trembled as his spiritual pressure enveloped her. His grip was painful, nearly crushing her shoulder. She shifted awkwardly, the rustling of the bedsheets immensely loud in the deadly silence. Ketsueki didn't know where to look, or what to say, so she waited for her Captain to tease her, to make her feel insignificant compared to him. _I hate you! _she wanted to shout at him. _Why can't you just leave me alone? _And still she waited, almost obediently.

But he said nothing. He simply stared at her for one more moment, then stood and left.

Ketsueki slumped, hugging her knees tightly, trying to rid her body of the tremors that shook her.

"I don't need your pity," murmured Ketsueki, her rage simmering. _I hate you, Zaraki. I _will _be stronger than you._

"_Good, I think we're getting somewhere now," _said her zanpakuto, its presence surrounding her.

Ketsueki blinked.

"_Your anger is real, your oath is real. I think you've earned to hear my name."_

Ketsueki waited.

"_Another time, perhaps."_

"No, please! I need to hear your name now," cried Ketsueki, barely aware that if anyone had heard her, they would have thought her insane. She couldn't care less.

"_Patience is a virtue. We shall speak again, and this time, we will meet properly."_

And he was gone again.

**AN: get back here you stupid zanpakuto (rawr)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Ten**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Thank you once again to my lovely reviewers, you have no idea how much I appreciate every single one (': I'm so sorry for the hold up; something went weird with fanfic and I couldn't upload chaps D: but now im back. hehe.**

**BTW, if you guys are interested, I've started a Harry Potter fanfic called _More Than Just A Love Story. _If you're curious please go have a look at it :D I would appreciate it immensely! x**

Ketsueki stood waiting in Ikkaku's office, fully recovered and healed. It had been three days since the incident with the three Hollows and Zaraki, but her zanpakuto still hadn't made contact with her, either through her dreams or through the meditation sessions she took up in order to strengthen the bond between them. _Patience is a virture, _she reminded herself. He would show in time. She didn't think he would break his promise of meeting properly. He wanted to get stronger too, surely, to show the world how powerful he was. _Inju...damn, what is your name?_

Footsteps outside told her that Ikkaku had arrived. Since her night out with him and Yumichika, she had started to grow more cautious and wary around him. She still maintained her cold attitude, though. Ketsueki was smiling less and less in her Squad, and treated everyone with the same calm expression. Strangely enough, the others seemed to accept this more than the shy shinigami she was; Ketsueki found herself fitting in slightly more, and joining in conversations with others.

"Good morning, sir," said Ketsueki, bowing as the door slid open.

"Mornin'. You got that paper work for me?" said Ikkaku, striding in and sitting behind his desk.

"Yes." She withdrew the roll of paper from her robes and handed it to her officer. She waited silently as Ikkaku read her report. She had spent some time in the hospital writing about how she had encountered the three Hollows and failed to find the rogues. She had decided to leave out the part about Zaraki carrying her back to Squad Four, and instead wrote 'I was rescued by Captain Kenpachi Zaraki of Squad 11 and was escorted back to Squad Four'. She had laughed herself, feeling absolutely ridiculous and resenting herself for it.

She couldn't wait to meet her zanpakuto.

"Interesting. Well, thanks for doing that."

"You're welcome, sir," replied Ketsueki. She hesitated for a second, then asked, "I was wondering if you found the culprits?"

Ikkaku leaned back in his chair, raising his arms and putting his hands behind his head. "Yeah, we got them in the end. Seemed like it wasn't just our people who were in this; I think a few Squad Five members joined in as well."

"I see."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," said Ikkaku suddenly, propping his elbows on the table. "One of those idiots was a rookie, but a good one. Like you." He smiled and continued, "Captain Aizen wanted to send him over here to hone his skills, but also his discipline. 'cus he's good at fighting, we're gonna see if he can get a seat in the Squad. You'll be the doing the same," added Ikkaku with a smirk.

This caught Ketsueki's interest. "Hm? Me?"

"Yeah, you. You're gonna have to fight a few officers to see if you can defeat them. If you do, you can take their place."

"Are-are you sure I'm ready for this?" Ketsueki's mind flashed back on the first day, and shivered.

"Don't worry, I've been talking to Yumichika, he said you've got it in you to go up a few seats," reassured Ikkaku. He gave her the details of the event, "Go into the training hall at three o'clock today, the Squad Five rookie will be there as well. You can go now." Ikkaku arranged the paper into a file cabinet behind him. It amused Ketsueki that he was doing such office-like work. It didn't really suit him.

"Thank you sir," said Ketsueki. She made to leave, then curiosity gripped her, and she turned around. "What's his name? The new guy."

"Uh...lemme think. Oh yeah, Renji Abarai."

Ketsueki could hardly believe him. "R-Renji?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"I do...we went to the Academy together."

"Good, you'll have some friendly competition then." He chuckled and waved his hand for her to leave.

"Renji," murmured Ketsueki, trying to wipe the smile off her face and remain civil as she walked down to where she trained with Yumichika. She sat on the bench, watching shinigamis make their way up and down the building. Her heart wouldn't calm down. Simply put, she was happy. She was so, very happy. To think that they could be in the same Squad, even if their Captain was Zaraki, made her silly with delight. She couldn't wait for him to arrive. Maybe he would be able to take some of the burden off her shoulders. And she could tell him about her zanpakuto too, and discuss the best way to approach it. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, then stood up and trained for a while.

When three o'clock arrived, Ketsueki hurried to the training hall on the second floor of Squad Headquarters. She ran up the stairs two at a time, breathless with excitement. She ran down the corridor, rounded a corner, and threw open the double doors. Several seated officers were standing there, waiting and talking to each other, but she couldn't find Renji anywhere. Disappointment hit her, but she told herself he must be late. After all, he was being transferred from a different Squad, it would take some time for him to arrive. She made her way to a pillar and sat down by it. She watched as a few more shinigami walked in, but Renji was not among them. When Zaraki strode in and the double doors closed, Ketsueki began to worry. _Where is he? _The officers parted into two groups, then sat down, leaving a space in the middle of the hall. Ketsueki couldn't help but compare it to her first encounter with Squad 11. Already, she was starting to feel nervous and scared. Would she fail again?

"Alright, let's get this over with," said Zaraki, leaning against the very pillar Ketsueki was sitting at before. He gestured at Ketsueki to stand, then pointed at an officer whom Ketsueki did not know. "Let's start. See if you can get the 18th seat."

"Hah, not a chance," said the man who stood up. He had dark blue hair tied back in a short pony tail. His eyes were narrow and menacing as he walked to the centre of the hall. He drew his sword and looked around him, angry. "I don't get why we have to do this. There's no point."

"Don't be so naïve," said Ketsueki darkly, standing up. Her attitude was just a mask. Inside she was still rather frightened. Plus, she was anxious about Renji. Why wasn't he showing up?

"You're the one who's naïve," snarled the shinigami, suddenly charging at her with his sword drawn. "Prepare yourself!" he shouted. The blade cut through the air towards her.

Ketsueki somersaulted back, landed on her two feet, then thrust her sword forward. It would have killed the man, or else seriously wounded him, as the tip of her blade pierced the fabric of his uniform. But Ketsueki wasn't certain whether or not he would dodge this blow, so she stopped the attack just as the sword was about to pierce the man's stomach. The officer froze, awestruck at Ketsueki's speed. She herself was also rather stunned; when had she begun to move so quickly? Or perhaps it was because she was used to fighting with a strong opponent such as Yumichika. Ketsueki smiled in spite of herself.

"Well, you're definitely better than _him,_" muttered Zaraki. Ketsueki couldn't tell if he was impressed. She wished he was. This was her first stepping stone to proving herself to him. She grit her teeth firmly, ready for the next fight as Zaraki called upon the 15th seat officer, obviously deciding it was best to skip a few officers. This time it was an older officer, perhaps more senior. He was even more fierce than the previous shinigami.

_Why is everyone here so keen on fighting? t_hought Ketsueki distractedly, preparing for a new battle. She wasn't sure how long this one would last. Her mind was clear and focused.

It turned out Ketsueki was able to defeat the 15th seat officer in the same fashion, although the fight did draw out for a few minutes longer. Ketsueki was feeling the slight strain on her muscles, and a few beads of sweat clung to her skin, but she relished in the fact that she was making progress. This was good. She was deserving some respect; she could feel it from the murmuring of the squad. There was a certain dawning of truth, that this girl did have potential, and could become a brilliant fighter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yumichika smile proudly, and could have sworn Ikkaku was grinning at her too.

Ketsueki was then ordered to skip directly to the 10th seat officer. Immediately, Ketsueki did not like the impression he gave; he seemed cowardly and frail, with dark, sleek hair and a rather mousy moustache. She wondered how a weak looking man had managed to obtain the 10th seat. However, she was surprised that he managed to put up a fight. She found herself cursing under her breath each time his sword scraped against hers. She was beginning to waver. Thankfully, she used some of the side-stepping techniques Yumichika had taught her to dodge his oncoming attacks, and managed to beat him to the ground. She was immensely proud of herself, but knew she was nearing her limit. She was panting slightly, and her arms trembled.

Unfortunately, Zaraki noticed this, and he stopped the proceedings. "Ketsueki Donato is now officially the 10th seat officer of Squad 11. Well, maybe not officially, 'cus I still needa get approval from the Soul Society, but it should do," announced Zaraki.

Ketsueki hated her weakness. She had reached her limit too easily. True, these were already very powerful shinigami, much above the average standard in the Soul Society. But, under such powerful influence from Ikkaku, Yumichika, and, most importantly, Zaraki, she was eager to do more. For the mean time, she sat back down on the ground, cross-legged.

"Now, where's that rookie I've been hearing 'bout?" asked Zaraki irritably, looking towards his subordinates for appeal. "Isn't he meant to be here now?"

With a jolt, Ketsueki was suddenly reminded of Renji, and how he was supposed to be there. _Where is he? _She glanced eagerly at the double doors, waiting.

And at last, they opened to reveal Renji, same as always, with his bright red hair tied back. At a closer inspection, Ketsueki noticed he was more muscular, and maybe even taller. Ketsueki's heart beat faster in her chest at the sight of him. She was so overjoyed to see him there, bowing towards her – no – _their _Captain, muttering words of apology that she took no notice of. She wanted to call out to him, to tell him that she was here, that they had the chance to spend more time together once again. Only when Renji turned his head in her direction as he made his way to the centre of the room did she realize that she was staring dead into his face. Renji grinned toothily, making Ketsueki blush at her realization.

"Oi, do you two know each other?" grumbled Zaraki from across the room. Before either of them could reply, Zaraki continued, "Doesn't matter, let's just get on with it." He had called his 9th seat officer. It seemed that Zaraki was announced Renji was a very skilled fighter. This was proved so as he defeated his opponent after a long, drawn out battle. He then proceeded to fight the 8th seat officer. This was an even more tedious fight, with shouts of anger from both shinigami. Ketsueki was rather amazed at Renji's display of strength; she always knew he was a tough guy, but the way he swung his sword relentlessly, the way he yelled when he struck, made her view him from a different angle.

However, it seemed he too had reached his limits. He defeated the 8th seat officer with a wild slash of his sword, then dropped down on the ground, breathing heavily, wiping his face with his sleeve. He caught Ketsueki's eye, and seemed to have noticed the trepidation in them.

"Right, let's end it here today. Abarai, you're now the 8th seat officer, congratulations," said Zaraki, leaving the room. "Dismissed."

Ketsueki noticed he didn't congratulate her. That disheartened her. And it was strange that she even noticed this in the first place. Why should she care? Why should she care about Zaraki when Renji was striding towards her with such a dazzling smile on his face?


	11. Chapter 11

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Eleven**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Bah, sorry for the delay; I couldn't get into fanfic for two weeks ): Thanks for all the reviews, they all mean a lot to me :D So without further ado I present the next chapter!**

As the two walked out of the hall with the rest of the Squad, Ketsueki was still reeling over the fact that she was now Squad 11's 10th seat officer, and that Renji was next to her, hooking his arm in hers. They parted from the large group and started wandering down an empty balcony corridor; the sun shone to their right over the railings, sliding bamboo doors flanked their left side. A few birds chirped far away.

Suddenly, Renji stopped walking and sat on the banister. He guided Ketsueki towards him, his hands placed reassuringly on her waist, pulling her slowly towards him. His smile was roguish yet sweet; Ketsueki didn't know where to look. He pulled her to a stop directly in front of him and rested his head on her shoulder. Ketsueki's hands fiddled with his uniform as she stood there, aware of Renji's breath cooling the patch of skin near her collarbone. She longed to run her hand through his crimson hair, protruding in attractive strands from his ponytail, but she was too shy. She contented herself with listening to Renji's breathing, feeling his hands run up and down her back.

It was Renji who broke the silence. "Damn I've missed you," he sighed, linking his arms together behind her.

Ketsueki realized her hands were trembling. She placed them on his shoulders, trying to steady herself. She was so nervous. "I've missed you too," she replied softly.

Renji noticed her shaking hands. He removed his hands from behind her back, then took hers in his, caressing them. He rubbed them gently, thumbed her palm, kissed her fingertips. Ketsueki thought her face might be giving off steam; she was thoroughly unnerved and embarrassed.

"Why're you so nervous?" he murmured, staring down at their interlocked hands.

Ketsueki shuffled. "I dunno," she improvised. "I...I guess I'm just not used to this."

Renji cocked his head to one side, still not meeting her eyes. "Why not?"

Unable to find a decent answer, Ketsueki remained silent. _Why _was she so embarrassed and wary of Renji? She wasn't afraid of him, and some small part of her took pleasure in being the centre of his affection, but still she felt an uncomfortable lurching in her stomach that had nothing to do with butterflies. It just seemed to her that there was something wrong. She ignored it, shaking her head. It _was _butterflies, it had to be. After all, she really did like Renji, that was certain.

"I heard you fought a bunch of runaway Hollows," said Renji out of the blue.

"Yeah, I did."

"Because you were running after me and the other rogues?" There was a hint of guilt in his voice.

"Yeah. But it doesn't matter," she added hastily when she saw Renji sigh. She continued rather frantically, "No, it wasn't your fault! I was looking for a bunch of other people too, y'know! It-it wasn't just you."

Renji seemed to pause at this, then he chuckled and turned her around so that she was facing away from him. He embraced her from behind, his arms snaking skilfully across her waist. Ketsueki's lower lip trembled when she felt Renji kiss the nape of her neck. She had never been exposed to so much affection in her life. She felt flushed, and a little jumpy. All thoughts of Zaraki and her zanpakuto vanished from her mind. The only things that mattered to her right now were Renji's strong arms wrapped around her. She could have melted.

"Anyway, what have you been up to? Apart from chasing after me," murmured Renji, nuzzling her shoulder.

Ketsueki had preferred to be quiet, but he prompted her to speak, "Erm...nothing much really...I have training with Yumichika every other day..."

"Who's Yumichika?" asked Renji. The question was innocent enough, but Ketsueki detected an edge to his voice.

Ketsueki grinned secretly and replied, "He was the one with the weird orange or yellow eyebrow thing."

"Ahh, him. What's he like?"

"He's really nice, actually. The only reason I've improved is because of him."

"He'd better not be _too _nice," growled Renji, hugging her tighter, making it slightly difficult for Ketsueki to breathe.

She wriggled in his grasp. "Erm, you're hugging me a bit too hard."

"Sorry. Can't help it."

_Renji, you're such a child, _mused Ketsueki to herself.

At that moment, footsteps approached them. Ketsueki began to pull away, but Renji kept his arms around her; she thought she could hear him chuckling behind her. She could see someone out of the corner of her eye as she turned to Renji, saying, "Lemme go! Someone's coming!"

"So what?" said Renji lazily, leaning his head against her shoulder. "They won't mind."

"Renji-"

"Oh, I see I've come at a bad time," said the intruder.

Ketsueki's head snapped round at the familiar voice. She would have dreaded Captain Zaraki to find them, but, thankfully, it wasn't him. Even so, Ketsueki's cheeks flushed as her eyes found Yumichika's little knowing smirk, his arms folded over his chest. At Yumichika's arrival, Renji propped his chin on Ketsueki's shoulder and glared at him. Ketsueki willed him to keep his mouth shut and let go. Unfortunately, Renji's next words were sharp and direct, "Waddaya want, eh?"

Yumichika cocked his head to one side, clearly amused. "Why, I just wanted a word with Ketsueki."

"Well you can say it here in front of the two of us," replied Renji briskly.

Ketsueki's heart sank like a stone. Renji obviously didn't know that Yumichika held a higher position than he did. She gave Yumichika an apologetic look and said, "I'm sorry Yumichika, what is it?"

Yumichika shook his head, enjoying the situation she was in, locked in Renji's arms. "No, I'm afraid I need a private word with you, my dear."

"Don't call her that," said Renji heatedly, his embrace increasingly getting tighter.

Ketsueki hissed at Renji, "Renji, stop it. You're being stupid."

"He's obviously flirting with you," Renji hissed back, eyes never leaving Yumichika's smug smile.

Upon hearing this little exchange, Yumichika took a step forward and extended a slender hand towards Ketsueki. "Yes, you are right Abarai. In fact, I am here to ask Ms. Donato's hand in marriage."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Ketsueki and Renji at the same time, their angry expressions wiped clean by this sudden proposal.

None of the three shinigami spoke. They simply stared at one another. Ketsueki could see a vein bulging in Renji's neck. She turned to Yumichika hesitantly. "Are you...serious?"

Yumichika's face was grave. "Yes, Ketsueki."

Ketsueki's heart thumped in her chest.

And then Yumichika laughed.

"Oh, look at the two of you! Absolutely adorable, oh how shocked you both are!" he said heartily, amused by his own little prank. "Haha, you two are too easily tricked! Your expressions are priceless! Then again," he continued with a flamboyant flick of his hair, "I _am _very charming, don't you think? You two would have both easily fallen into my – OW!"

"Renji!" cried Ketsueki, for Renji had left her side and punched Yumichika square in the jaw. He continued by grabbing the front of Yumichika's uniform and shoving him against the wall. Renji was furious, his eyes narrow and alarmingly fierce.

"Bastard!" he snarled. "Don't you _dare _mess with me again!"

"Renji, stop it!" said Ketsueki, trying to pull him away from the winded Yumichika, his eyes glazing over.

"Damn it, Ketsueki, how can you put up with this guy?"

"Renji, shut up, he's our fifth seat officer!"

Renji's eyes widened in alarm. He took one look at Yumichika, who was slumped against the wall, held up by Renji's grip on his robes. Ketsueki sighed. This was Renji's problem; he always acted on impulse, never thinking about the results of his actions. Perhaps this was why he was sent to the 11th division, to get more discipline. But it seemed that not even the squad's fifth seat officer could stop Renji. She watched his face as he continued to gaze anxiously at Yumichika.

"Oi, what's going on here?" called out Ikkaku's voice.

Renji and Ketsueki whipped around. Before Ikkaku could get in hearing range, Ketsueki muttered to Renji, "That's our third seat officer. Please don't knock him out too."

They prepared themselves for the blow that was surely to come. Ikkaku strode up to them. He seemed to begin to notice something odd about the way Yumichika was standing. Ketsueki saw his eyes dart to him, then to Renji's arm, then to Ketsueki. His brow furrowed. "Wha-?" he began to ask, then paused, looking slightly confused. Ketsueki gulped and glanced at Renji, willing him to give a reasonable explanation for knocking out a higher ranking officer. They were doomed.

"HA!"

Ikkaku burst out laughing. He bent over, absolutely dying in mirth.

Ketsueki was seriously starting to doubt the ethics of her squad. _At least we won't get killed, _she thought, shrugging her shoulders and offering a small smile to Renji, who was looking more disconcerted by the minute. They stood silently, listening to Ikkaku's shrieks of laughter. It took about three minutes for him to calm down, and even then he was hiccuping and on the brink of laughing again. "So, ahem," he said, a grin plastered on his face, "I see Yumichika's been to see you already."

"Yes sir," replied Renji, letting Yumichika slide ungracefully to the floor.

The side of Ikkaku's mouth twitched. "Did he – _ahem –_ tell you when you guys start?"

"What do you mean?" asked Ketsueki.

"Didn't he tell you? You two are gonna take a bunch of junior shinigami to the living world, to teach them how to patrol for Hollows."

"Oh." This certainly made Ketsueki's day, apart from Renji's arrival. She was given a chance to show others her skills, and, even better, she could help others improve and protect the living world. She was feeling prouder than ever. She beamed at Ikkaku. "So, when _do _we leave?"

"'bout a few days from today. We'll fill you in about the details and stuff." Ikkaku made to leave, then Yumichika grunted in his sleep, and Ikkaku glanced at him again. He eyed the other two, then laughed. "Don't worry 'bout him, he'll be alright." With that he walked away.

Ketsueki and Renji looked at each other, then left Yumichika by the corridor and ran away from the scene of the crime.

**AN: What do you think about the chapter lengths? I'm aware they're a bit short; what do you prefer?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Who watched the royal wedding? I did! XD gosh it took up so much of the morning...but it was quite nice (:**

**Any who, thank you very very much to the following folks for reviewing: High Prince Gasket, jinxedpixie, thatblueGRRL, TheBeginingsEnd, and crochetamommy (hugs). Also thanks to Karina Uzumaki, Lucaila, pip1309, Titeseve, I got mugged by a penguin and bleedingcrimson for faves and alerts (more huggles)**

The night was filled with the sound of crickets buzzing. The darkness was complete, except for the small lamp that was lit on top of a small wooden desk. Ketsueki was bending over it, looking at her report one last time. For the next few weeks or so, she and Renji would be teaching and assisting a group of non-officers in the living world. She read her orders through one final time, stifling a yawn. _It's late, I should probably turn in. _She would be leaving the next day; it would be best to get as much rest as possible to prepare herself.

Ketsueki went into the bathroom and began to undress, her mind still trying to accept the fact that Renji was now in her squad. She was giddy with joy of all the long, uninterrupted hours she would have with him while the junior shinigami patrolled the living realm. She smiled, stepping into the shower cubicle and turning one of the knobs. Hot water splashed down, immediately drenching her hair and soothing her limbs. She stood there for a few seconds, listening to the rush of the steaming water. She turned round on the spot so the water would warm her back.

She froze.

And screamed.

A man was looking at her through the glass walls of the cubicle. His red hair was spiky and messy; trails of blood streamed down his face. He was shirtless, only wearing the bottom half of the shinigami uniform. He took a step towards her.

"GET BACK!" screamed Ketsueki, her heart hammering in her ribcage. She pressed herself against the wall behind her, oblivious to the cold. She covered her chest with her arms and sank onto the tiled floor, sitting in a puddle, bringing her legs up. She stared up at the intruder, her breaths coming out fast and shallow.

_I'll scream. I'll scream so loud he'll have to fight against all the other shinigami in the building, _she thought frantically. But the moment she thought this, the man had knelt down and pressed a firm hand to her mouth. Frightened beyond self-control, she flailed about and tried to kick him, though he was too strong. She couldn't look into his pale, wet face, his hair flattened and dampened by the shower so that it looked like dried blood. She hugged herself tighter.

"You will not scream," said the stranger, his voice deliberately calm. He stared at her with gleaming red eyes. "You will _not _scream. If you do, I'll kill you. Understood?"

Despite herself, Ketsueki nodded. Even if she wanted to scream, she couldn't; her lips were trembling too much to let her voice escape, and her throat had contracted in shock. Slowly, the man withdrew his hand from her mouth. Ketsueki drew her legs in closer, hiding her naked, exposed body from the kneeling man, who had turned off the shower nozzle. She was suddenly very cold.

"You're wondering who I am," he stated flatly, eyes boring down at her.

Ketsueki whimpered, and nodded again.

The man smiled. "You should know. I'm Injuken."

"Inju...Inju...ken," whispered Ketsueki, shivering violently. Understanding whisked her away, consuming her like a hurricane.

He...was her zanpakuto.

"Y-you?" she uttered, unable to accept the truth. "You're..."

"Yes, yes I am." Injuken stood up and picked up a towel lying by the basin. He tossed it towards Ketsueki, who didn't react as the towel landed on her head. "Get dressed, I'll be waiting," he said, and, closing the door behind him, walked out of the bathroom.

Ketsueki sat there in the shower cubicle, frozen and stunned. She did not want to go out there and face him. He was her nightmare. Those crimson eyes penetrated her soul, giving her nowhere to hide her fear. How was she going to get stronger because of him? He hardly seemed the patient, mentor-like type who would guide her progress.

_Think of Zaraki, _she thought. _Think of him. You don't want to stay like this, do you?_

The thought of her beating and throwing Zaraki off guard was the only thing that made Ketsueki stand up. She dried herself, wobbling on her feet, and put on her nightgown quickly. Before she opened the door to the single room comprising of her bed and desk, she took a deep breath, steadied herself, and channelled her thoughts towards Zaraki. Her anger turned into determination, and without any more doubts she pushed the door open. She found Injuken leaning against the sliding door leading outside. She couldn't help glaring at him for scaring her, then sat down on her bed mat and looked up at him. "So," she said. "We finally meet."

"Yes, we finally meet," he repeated with his arms crossed over his bare chest. Under closer inspection, Ketsueki saw that bloodstained bandages were wrapped around his lower torso, outlining his abdominal muscles and lines. She also saw that he had a band of rose-patterned tattoos around both arms, like two skin-tight bracelets around his upper arms.

Injuken noticed her staring at his body. He smiled, though his eyes remained cold. "Admiring my body, are we?"

"Don't be ridiculous," snapped Ketsueki. For some reason, she wasn't abashed, as she would be normally if it were someone else who had asked her. Instead, she felt like she knew Injuken for years and years, and could speak openly around him. True, the initial shock still lingered, but it was fading with each passing moment. "Anyway, what do you want?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

"To make you stronger," answered Injuken, just as Ketsueki had predicted. "Admittedly, you _are _the 10th seat officer, but that's not good enough for me."

"You want to be the best," said Ketsueki warily.

"Naturally. I have high ambitions, as should you."

Ketsueki shrugged and sighed. "How do I do it? Every time I asked you for help you'd always try and kill me and then run off into the back of my mind. Why did you wait so long? And why do you always try and _kill _me?"

Injuken laughed, a clear, sharp, ringing sound that seemed capable of shattering diamonds. "Idiot, I wouldn't try and kill you. If I did that, I would die too-"

"Then why did you say you'd kill me in the shower?"

"That was to threaten you, to make you shut up. Anyway," he continued, ignoring Ketsueki's cry of outrage, "The reason you feel pain whenever you call me is because I require a sacrifice."

He looked expectantly at her. Ketsueki stared back.

Injuken sighed. "I see you're not as bright as I hoped you would be...you see, I require a blood sacrifice."

"A...a blood sacrifice?"

"Yes. When blood is drawn, either from you or anyone else, I am able to release my powers, and also my presence, to aid you in battle," he explained, and a cold chill ran down Ketsueki's spine. Of all the zanpakutos she could have had, why did she end up with one who needed blood to fight? He seemed a match for Zaraki, who would no doubt willingly spill blood for himself and Injuken.

"I expected you to know this," said Injuken. Ketsueki forced herself to focus on him.

"Why? How could I have known? I was trying to stay alive, wasn't I?"

"There's a much simple connection between you and me, really."

Ketsueki fell silent and thought hard. A connection? Did they share the same blood?

"Ketsueki."

Ketsueki glanced up.

"It's in your name."

And there it was. It was so simple, so straightforward, so out in the open that she should have known all along.

"Ketsueki...means 'blood'," she said to herself. Her eyes found Injuken's. "My name means 'blood'."

"Yes. So now you understand?"

"Every time I need you...I need to draw blood?"

"Precisely. I've been tolerant in the past, but you just calling my name won't suffice for long."

She glared at him. "That's ridiculous. So I'm going to have to bleed every time I need to chat."

Injuken shrugged. "It's up to you. If you don't care about getting stronger, I won't bother then."

"Don't use that on me!" said Ketsueki forcibly. She stood up and pointed at him. "You know if I don't get stronger, then you won't too. So why don't you _shut up _and give me a bit of respect!"

This seemed to have an impact on Injuken. His eyes widened as he observed Ketsueki, who was seething. He was exactly like Zaraki. Snobbish, arrogant, disrespectful. She found it so ironic and sad that she would have to work with someone she hated to be better than someone she hated even more. Her life was a strange one. However, she was momentarily satisfied with the look of surprise on Injuken's face.

At last, he responded, "You're right. Forgive me."

Ketsueki nodded, but said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak.

"I think it would be best for me to leave now," he continued, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"But you haven't told me how to use you yet!" exclaimed Ketsueki, aware of how silly the sentence sounded.

Injuken rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Fool, you don't always need me to train. Remember, I'm your sword. You can still train your technique without my presence."

"Fine. Well...goodbye?" asked Ketsueki hesitantly.

"Until next time," said Injuken with a small sigh. Ketsueki nodded, and after she blinked once he was gone. In his place lay her zanpakuto, a slender, black silhouette on the wooden floor. She bent down and picked it up, turning it around in her hands, seeing if there were any changes to it. Finding none, she sat back down on her bed mat and pondered over his name. Injuken. It was a curious name. She wanted to see If it would transform into its first stage if she said its name out loud. "Injuken," she tried. Nothing happened. Too excited to fall asleep, she remembered how lieutenants always awakened their zanpakuto with a phrase, such as 'dance' or 'strike'. She tried a variety of these, but, again, none of them worked.

_Injuken, damn you!_

She thought hard, turned over every possibility.

Name. She knew his name now.

Injuken. It meant literally 'ribbon blade'. How could she use this?

And then she thought of her name. Ketsueki. It meant literally 'blood'.

"_Bleed, Injuken."_

She knew it had worked before it had happened. The blade transformed, elongating and losing shape. It became soft to the touch, and before long Ketsueki was staring down at a long piece of red ribbon, which twisted elegantly into the rose-patterned hilt. She ran a finger tenderly along the edge of the ribbon, and winced. The slightest touch had managed to pierce her skin. A drop of blood landed on the fabric and, amazingly, was absorbed into the ribbon. She felt it illuminating strength and power.

Ketsueki suddenly knew that Injuken would become stronger the more blood there was.

It seemed her zanpakuto's first stage was a ribbon of blood.

**AN: INJUKEN'S FINALLY COME OUT OF HIS SHELL. HURRAH :'D**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Ohmygoodness, where have I been in the past like few months? I am so very, very sorry, and I thank every one of you for all the support you've given me o3o I don't deserve such nicer readers...I need to be more dedicated to you guys!**

**Anyway, here it is. I warn you it's not that good; I wrote it ages ago and finished it like in 10 mins D:**

The gate to the living world was gigantic. So much so that Ketsueki had cricked her neck trying to look at the top of the white, marble frame. Rubbing her neck muscles impatiently, she scoured the surrounding area. "What's taking them so long?" she huffed.

Renji, who stood next to her supervising a bunch of non-officers, shrugged. "Gathering equipment I guess. We'll be camping down there for several days, training, then heading back here to rest for one day."

"I know _that_," said Ketsueki, frowning. "But I made it clear we were to meet at 7:30 _sharp; _it's 7:42 now."

"Relax, Ketsu, why're you so uptight?" grinned Renji, folding his arms over his chest. "I swear you weren't this moody before."

Ketsueki did not reply. His comment was nothing; it was a simple, casual statement made to pass the time. But it somehow made Ketsueki wary. Had she changed so much since the days she spent in the Spirit Academy? Was she turning into a harsh, cold monster like Zaraki and his squad? Ketsueki's hair stood on end just thinking about the possibility of that happening, because she herself had not been aware of progressively becoming colder and more distant from the rest of the squad. Yes, she had discipline, and treated higher ranking officers with respect; however, she had the same blank visage whenever she had to deal with people, except for Renji or Yumichika, who had recovered from Renji's knock-out punch and had refrained from flirting with her when Renji was in the vicinity. She smirked.

"Sorry we're late, sir!" cried several shinigami, jogging towards them, each carrying a large bag. They bowed. "There were a few delays as the supplies you requested for were not prepared yet," informed one of them.

"I see. Who's job was it to prepare the supplies?" asked Ketsueki.

"It...it was our job, sir!" the shinigami replied hastily.

"Make sure you're on time for any further events; you never know when you're late for a Hollow attack and your fellow shinigami need you."

"Yes, sir."

Ketsueki nodded her satisfaction. She made a head count; 14 shinigami in total, excluding herself and Renji.

"We good to go?" asked Renji, shifting from foot to foot restlessly.

"Yeah, we're good." With that, Renji and Ketsueki led the way into the gate of the living world. The gate led them into clear blue skies above hundreds of houses, dotted with civilians going about their everyday lives. Ketsueki found the flow of spirit particles underneath her feet. She concentrated, and the flow brought her neatly down to the ground. Renji landed next to her, scanning the deserted road they were standing on. Ketsueki waited till everyone was ready, then started jogging towards a fairly tall building near the centre of the town; this would give them a good lookout point. When she reached the building, again, she directed the spirit particles beneath her so she was propelled upwards and scrambled onto the flat roof. She was soon joined by the rest of the group.

"All right," she began. "As you know, you're here to be trained so that you can protect the humans from threats such as Hollows and, in more dire circumstances, Menos. I need to ask you all some questions regarding Hollows first. What do you do when you locate a Hollow?"

Someone raised their hand and called out, "You attack it, sir!"

Ketsueki narrowed her eyes. "Without calling for backup, or assessing the situation?"

"Er...no."

"Remember, when you find a Hollow, you have to make sure that there aren't too many around you so that you'll be overpowered. Assess the Hollow itself; does it seem powerful? Feel its spiritual pressure, and compare it to your own. These are all important things you should already know." Ketsueki knew she was being strict and rather harsh. After all, this was their first Hollow training day outside the Spirit Academy. But she was just drawing from her knowledge, from what she learned, and she felt that they should have some common sense to know not to plunge into a battle recklessly. It seemed that all Squad 11 members were keen for bloodshed.

"Next, this should be easy, how do you kill a Hollow?" asked Renji, continuing to test them.

"Cut its mask," relayed the group confidently.

"Good, now what about priorities. Is your aim to kill the Hollow, or to protect a human or other spirit in danger?"

There was some hesitation, and Ketsueki frowned. Surely there was nothing more important that saving a life? Or were these shinigami so vicious that fighting was all they could think about?

"Protecting others is our priority," said one shinigami finally, albeit a little stiffly.

Renji nodded, also looking concerned. "All right...and, if you find a soul who has not left to the Soul Society, what do you do?"

"We send them on their way," replied the shinigami.

"Exactly," Renji checked his watch and looked at Ketsueki. "Should we get started?"

"Yes, let's," said Ketsueki, addressing the group. "I want you all to split into pairs and have a go at patrolling the town. Each pair will be given a device which will tell you when a Hollow has appeared." Renji began handing out small mobile phones; the shinigami eyed them curiously. "If you do encounter one, make sure you won't harm any humans or souls when fighting them. It's about eight o'clock now; we'll contact you at 11 o'clock or so. Are your orders clear?"

"Yes, sir," chorused the group. They mingled about themselves, pairing up with one another. When they were ready, Renji and Ketsueki sent each pair into a different section of the town, covering as much ground as possible. The two officers watched their subordinates run along the rooftops, eventually disappearing from view.

"You noticed it too?" asked Ketsueki quietly, eyes on one of the shinigami jumping over a wall.

"Yeah...these guys seem to think lowly of living souls, which isn't a good thing," said Renji darkly, hands on his hips.

Ketsueki sighed. It couldn't be helped. This was simply the nature of the 11th squad. Perhaps with some luck she could get herself out of here with Renji. However, as things stood at the moment, the notion of escaping seemed impossible. "Oh well, let's forget about it for the moment. We need to find a place to camp and set up the-"

She was interrupted by Renji, who had mischievously crept up behind her and wound his arms around her waist, swaying slightly as he embraced her. "We're all alone again," he muttered happily, in a sing-song voice.

Ketsueki laughed, her mood improving already. How could she stay serious around him? Still, she had to get her job done properly. She coughed, and pretended to be examining the map while trying to fight down a smile. "You know I haven't forgiven you knocking out Yumichika."

Renji scoffed, his breath tickling her ear. "He deserved it, asking for your hand in marriage..."

"Renji, it was a _joke._"

"It was a stupid one."

"Whatever, help me find a camp site." Ketsueki followed a trail leading into a hill with her finger, trying to calculate the distance using the map scale.

"No."

Ketsueki removed herself from Renji's arms and turned to face him, her brow furrowing. Maybe pretending to be angry with him would motivate him to work. "Renji," she waved the map in his face, "once we find a camping site, we can do anything you want, but for now, we have work to do."

Renji raised an eyebrow. "_Anything _I want?" he asked in a playfully meaningful voice.

Ketsueki blushed, and dropped the act. "Shut up," she muttered, turning away from him.

She heard him laugh, and felt his hand gently bringing her face towards his. He kissed her swiftly, leaving Ketsueki with a lingering sensation of touching his soft lips and grazing his warm skin. Her hands didn't know what to do. Her gaze met Renji's, and he smiled. For some reason, she just wanted to hug him; she just wanted to stand there for a few minutes and hug him, so she could forget the world and everything that was worrying her.

She wanted to forget about Injuken, and her squad.

And Zaraki.

But before she could act on impulse, Renji was all business. He grinned, holding the map he had stolen from her whilst kissing her, and jumped off the building. If he had been a human, this would have looked extremely ridiculous.

"Renji!" called out Ketsueki. She ran to the side of the building and looked down to see Renji peering up from some several stories below her. She glared at him for a moment, then glanced quickly behind her to make sure they hadn't left anything before following suit and jumping off the building. "Idiot," she hissed as she flew down the building, the air rushing past her, making her robes flap around her arms.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly. The pair found a path leading into the hills and decided to make camp there. At around midday, Ketsueki sent the coordinates of their location for the other shinigami. Most of them managed to figure out how the device worked and arrived several minutes later. However, two pairs were still missing; it took the group a while to find the others and regroup. The non-officers were then required to give a report on what they encountered and how they can improve while on patrol. Satisfied with their answers, Renji allocated an hour of resting time, to which the 11th squad members responded by sparring each other.

At last, the sun sank past the tall, dark trees, sapping the light and colour from the sky. Most of the men were setting up tents by now and splitting up the task of cooking. The last dredge of colour in the sky was a deep, purplish-red that involuntarily reminded Ketsueki of Injuken. She was very aware of his weight, clinging onto her sash, seemingly just an innocent sword.

With all the activity and commotion of the day, she hadn't had any time to think about their encounter. But now, in the peace and quiet and semi-darkness of the forest, all her emotions and fears came rushing back.

She needed a way to tame him, to make _him _obey _her._

And not the other way round.

**AN: This is _such _a crap chapter, I am so sorry ): I PROMISE to get some good, meaningful chapters up after exam week (which is next week).**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Gone for three months...I don't believe this ;n; Exams at the end of school just got to me, and then with my reunion with family I just kinda drifted away from this. I promise this chapter will be better and hopefully can make up for my hiatus D':**

A week passed in the same fashion. Renji and Ketsueki led the team into different kind of scenarios around the bustling, exotic town. They challenged each and every one of them to use their minds as well as their physical abilities. What these two officers were trying to teach these men was that not everything could be solved by swinging a sword around. Sometimes, one must step back and assess the situation. Should one call for back-up? What should the next move be? One mistake could lead to death, and Ketsueki was determined not to lull her men into a false sense of security.

Apart from their intensive training, which included sparring at night, stamina-increasing exercises, and weapons' training, Ketsueki was always occupied by the sights and sounds of the town. Everything around them was different, except for the small hill where they had made camp. Blazing signs flashed neon lights above their heads; strange, metallic vehicles roamed up and down roads (Renji informed her these were cars); gigantic rectangular prisms stretched up into the sky, reflecting the sunlight with their glass panes. Ketsueki absorbed it all eagerly.

Even the people occupying the town were different. They wore strange pieces of clothing made from fabrics Ketsueki had never seen before. Many of them held a small device, similar to the Hollow tracking device they used, but surely it must have some different function. Some also carried a small device that was attached to two white wires, which the humans put into their ears. After a few minutes of fevered scrutiny and stalking, Ketsueki noticed that music seemed to be flowing out of the earpieces. When she informed Renji of this discovery, he was delighted and suggested they stole one. Ketsueki promptly pinched Renji's ear quite hardly, and he never brought up the subject again.

Ketsueki wished she could explore the town more, but there was always some mission awaiting her, or some argument between the men. They were a feisty bunch, eager to prove themselves; they thought they were stronger than the rest. She had avoided heated arguments with them personally, but one day the tension seemed to much.

Ketsueki was lounging on the grass during lunch break. She liked to distance herself from the rest of the group; she missed the company of a fellow female. She gazed peacefully at the sky, thinking about the vibrant colours and alien sounds of the town. She was planning to go into town again tonight.

Suddenly, she heard raised voices behind her. She got up hurriedly and rushed towards the group; everyone was standing now, adding to the commotion. She spotted Renji's hair amongst the throng. Someone shoved Renji backwards, and he stumbled into a tree. A few of the shinigami were jeering.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing?" yelled Ketsueki as she neared the group.

"Look who's here," muttered one of them in a carrying whisper.

"I heard that," snapped Ketsueki. "What's going on here?"

"Why doesn't officer Abarai tell you?" said the same man. His name was Inui, and was one of the most aggressive men she had ever met. He had greasy brown hair and small eyes. There was something sinister about his tone; it sounded almost mocking.

Renji shoved his men out of the way as he strolled towards Ketsueki, grinding his teeth together. "I heard them talking rubbish about you," he murmured to Ketsueki.

"And what, you just charged at them?"

"I couldn't stand it! You should've heard the things they said. They're damn pigs, they are."

"Oi! Do you want us to bring some wine or candles? Or should we leave you guys to it?" taunted Inui. The group roared with laughter. Renji's eyebrow twitched menacingly.

"Oh, so that's what this is about, heh?" called Ketsueki, challenging them. Despite her icy exterior, a sense of dread filled her. Obviously, she and Renji had not hid their relationship as well as they thought they had. And now it had led to insubordination. Shaking the gnawing feeling off, she glared at Inui. "What's your problem? You are a non-officer sent here to train. You mind your own business, you got that?"

Inui ignored her. Instead, he addressed the rest of his comrades in a loud, irritating voice, "You know what, guys? I'm sick of taking orders from a girl who dotes on our Officers and Captain. I mean, she's like some kind of slut-"

In a flash, Ketsueki's sword was drawn, its tip resting below Inui's chin. Rage suddenly filled her like some freak storm. It was something he had said, something he perhaps did not mean to say that had triggered her anger. "What was that you said?" she growled, aware of hushed voices around them.

Now, Inui was slightly scared, but he did not show it. "About you and the Officers?"

"No!" She brought Injuken closer to his throat. "What is it you said about me and the Captain?"

A sly grin lit up Inui's face. "Oh, nothing," he said in a mock casual voice. "Nothing, it's just that we've heard rumours that Zaraki's been preoccupied by one of his officers. You." He winked. "Some say the guy's in love, but he doesn't know it."

"Who told you that? That's not even remotely true-"

"Then why're you so mad, hm?" prompted Inui, and Ketsueki felt her grip slacken; she was shaking. They glared at each other for a few seconds, then Inui said in a low voice, "I think you're just scared to admit it. I think you _want _to hate him, don't cha? You think you hate him, but actually-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by a punch to the jaw. Ketsueki whirled. Renji was by her side, rubbing his knuckles, eyes fixated on Inui groaning on the ground, holding his face. Renji brought a protective arm around Ketsueki, and Ketsueki hoped he couldn't feel her trembling with some foreign emotion she could not place. _Why am I so angry? _she hissed to herself. She vaguely heard Renji talking to the group. "If anyone dares mention this again, there's gonna be trouble." With that, he guided Ketsueki away, who felt like she was in a trance...

Of course she hated Zaraki. She hated everything about him. The reason she was so mad was because the idea of Zaraki even _liking _her was revolting. She did not want to be the woman a man like Zaraki sought after. It felt wrong, sickening. She could not accept it, she _would _not accept it. _They're just trying to make me pissed, _she told herself, _nothing more._

But then why does this idea keep popping up? Why does it keep reappearing? She recalled Ikkaku saying something about Zaraki and her, then Yachiru, and now her men. Was there really something Zaraki was hiding from her?

And then there was Renji. Hearing things like that from his men was not good. He was a proud, if sometimes, arrogant man. He would be angry, that was for sure, and he might even confront Zaraki. Ketsueki shook her head. No, she had to convince Renji that none of this was true.

Yet how could she, when she herself was having doubts?

"Hey," said Renji quietly. Ketsueki started and was jolted out of her muddled thoughts. Renji was looking at her strangely. They were alone in a small cluster of trees. The midday sun was at its highest peak, and its light lit up the world, but Ketsueki felt cold.

"Ketsueki," he said again. Ketsueki didn't reply. She felt guilty, even though common sense told her that she had done nothing wrong. She just couldn't shake off the feeling that she had done something to displease him.

"You okay?"

For a while, Ketsueki was stunned. She had not expected such gentle words. "Yeah," she stuttered, eyes searching Renji's for some hint of emotion. "Yeah, I'm okay," she repeated loudly, more to herself than to anyone else.

Renji nodded, and Ketsueki imagined he could see right through her façade. His eyes were searching too, but for what Ketsueki knew not.

"Right," he said, in a tone that suggested a return to normality. "Better tell the others to pack everything and get a move on. I'll give 'em the coordinates to the next site." He smiled and left.

Ketsueki stood alone, hugging herself. Her burst of outrage and emotion had tired her. She and Inui had been on the brink of fighting. She hated to admit it, but she wanted nothing more than to wield Injuken and slash open the shinigami's flesh. Such bloodthirsty thoughts frightened her. She fought against them, reminding herself of Zaraki. "Don't be like him," she muttered to herself. "Please, don't."

_You handled that pathetically, _gloated a sinister voice in her head. She didn't move; she knew it was Injuken. She had felt his presence on the verge of attacking just minutes ago. She had suppressed him.

"I didn't need your help," she said out loud.

A faint shadow, like a ghost, emerged from her sword. It solidified, and Injuken stood before her. His red, messy hair was the same as before, and his torso was still wrapped in bloody bandages. He leaned against a tree, smirking.

"_You like the man with red hair. Renji._"

"Glad you caught on."

"_What does he mean to you, when he won't help you achieve what you want?_"

Ketsueki whirled, eyes flashing dangerously. "Listen, I know I told you I want to get stronger, but it's not the only damn thing I care about."

Injuken scowled. "_Then obviously you've got your priorities wrong. How do you expect to advance when you're distracted by such little things._"

Ketsueki took the insults silently. She sensed truth in his words.

"_At least you can still summon your anger at the mention of Zaraki. You still have some potential._"

Ketsueki despised his attitude. "Stop acting like some kind of know-it-all."

Injuken shot one deathly look at her, and she fell silent. He walked towards her casually, but every move he made was threatening. He stopped when his face was inches from hers. His cold breath made Ketsueki's skin crawl. "You _listen. Stop letting your pathetic emotions distract you. Command your men. Or else I will not serve you, and I assure you I have ways of disobeying you. Understood?"_

Ketsueki tried to glare back; she could not breathe properly. "Yes," she murmured.

He vanished into her sword.

Before Ketsueki could recover from her shock, Renji's voice called her over. She replied hastily, took a deep breath, and rejoined the group.

Throughout the day, Ketsueki received icy looks from the men. Inui was particularly nasty. During their expedition through the town, he constantly muttered insults under his breath, so that only Ketsueki could hear. She resisted the temptation to slap him. But he had achieved what he had wanted. She no longer had as much confidence as before. She felt herself retreating back to her previous self, the shy girl who was mocked by her Captain and fellow shinigami. She could almost feel their gaze drilling holes through her. She took refuge in the fact that after one more week a different team would arrive for her and Renji to train. She soldiered on.

It was a quiet day. They only encountered two Hollows. When they reached their new camp site, the men took turns fighting each other with wooden swords. The clash of wood on wood and the shouts of men could be heard from afar. Renji watched them with a critical eye, shouting out improvements from time to time. Ketsueki just observed them quietly, not concentrating on their movements at all. She only saw a powerful blur. They meant nothing to her.

After a quick dinner, Ketsueki lay on her back in her tent. She stared at the inside of the tent, noticing little frayed strands and small, weaved patterns. It would have been completely dark outside if it weren't for the lamps the others set up.

She felt a small tug at the entrance of the tent. She undid the flap and saw Renji kneeling in front of her. He took her hand. "Wanna go into town?" he asked gently. His dark eyes reflected the orange glow from the lamps. She noticed that he had let his hair down. The red locks flowed past his shoulders like a silky stream. Not for the first time, Ketsueki wished she had hair like his.

"Sure," she replied with a smile. Renji squeezed her fingers and helped her out of the tent. The night air was light with the scent of flowers and the freshness of the outdoors. Together, they disappeared down a path heading towards the brilliant lights of the town. Invisible to humans, they wandered the streets. They went into strange and dazzling shops. They spent about an hour or so on the streets, which were packed with a surprisingly large amount of people.

"Hey, come with me," said Renji after they emerged from an electronics store. He guided her up into the air and onto a roof over-looking the buildings and people below. They sat down on the layered roofing, side by side, enjoying the scenery around them. The sounds of the town were slightly subdued, and the lights were not as glaring.

"I notified Yumichika about Inui," said Renji, rather flatly.

Ketsueki hugged his arm, letting her head rest on his shoulder. "You didn't have to."

"'course I had to. Just wait and see, he'll be sent to cleaning duty in no time."

Ketsueki chuckled. She took a strand of Renji's hair and twirled it around her fingers, marvelling at how smooth it felt. She enjoyed the serenity and peacefulness of the living world. She tilted her head up to Renji's. "There's something about the living world that I love."

He looked down at her with a warm expression. "What's that?"

She fiddled with his hair. "These humans," she said, "they don't worry about what we worry about, you know? They can love and be themselves and be free of worry. They don't know about this battle between us and Hollows."

Renji must have heard the longing in her voice. He scoffed. "Don't believe it. Even humans have things to worry about."

"I guess so."

Ketsueki noticed a faint melody in the air. "Listen," she said quietly, trying to make out the words...

"_...saying things we haven't for a while, a while, yeah. We're smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years, we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time."_

It had a nostalgic ring to it, like some distant memory lost through the sands of time, dragged by its own weight, abandoned by its owner. Renji grinned at the song and pulled Ketsueki in closer.

She had to ask him. "Renji, are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"I dunno...I just want you to know that I hate, hate Zaraki, and-"

Renji kissed her abruptly, drowning any doubt that he was angry.

When he pulled away, he was beaming sincerely. "I know," he said. "I know."

Ketsueki smiled and kissed him again.

**AN: The song I stole is For the First Time by The Script :D such a lovely song! And I hope you enjoy this chapter! Actually had fun writing it xD**


	15. Chapter 15

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: I'm so grateful for the reviews, I honestly thought everyone would've disappeared (': Thanks to moonlightrurouni, thablueGRRL, NekoNekonow and blackshadow878 for the kind reviews. Also thanks to Artiista and Red6 for faves and alerts (: **

Time seemed to pass agonizingly slowly. It was only lengthened by the growing awkwardness and tension within the group. Ketsueki could tell Renji was trying to ease the relationship between her and the men. He was less strict and allowed them to take longer breaks. He knew as well that they would be able to get rid of this group after another week. Ketsueki was looking forward to training new shinigami, but knowing the people selected into the eleventh Squad, she wasn't sure she should celebrate just yet.

At last, their two weeks ended. Renji and Ketsueki watched silently as the men packed their bags. Inui caught Ketsueki glaring at him; he gave her another of his sly winks.

Renji moved forward, but Ketsueki grabbed his wrist. "Leave it. He'll be punished."

Nodding, but still fuming, Renji relaxed a little. "Man I wish the next bunch won't be such ass-holes."

"Yeah, same here."

When everyone was ready to go, Renji and Ketsueki led the way to the gate that led to the Soul Society. They propelled themselves forward using the spirit energy in the air. As they approached the area, the gate shimmered into view. It opened its massive doors, and a group of shinigami trudged out, glancing around them in awe.

Ketsueki's group approached them. To her surprise, Yumichika was accompanying the new group.

However, before he could say anything to her, Renji butted in and growled to Yumichika, "No funny business, got it?" He was plainly thinking about Yumichika's little joke on proposing to Ketsueki.

Yumichika raised an eyebrow coolly. "Might I remind you who's the superior, and more beautiful, officer here?"

Renji just grunted and ordered his men through the gate.

Yumichika turned to Ketsueki and caught her smirking. "What?"

Ketsueki rearranged her face as best as she could. "Sorry, it's nothing." She grinned. "Good to see you again, Yumichika."

"And you, my dear," he replied. "How did it go?"

"The training? It was all right, except for that bloke Inui. Renji told me he told you about it."

"Yes, he did." Yumichika paused and glanced curiously at Renji.

Ignoring this, Ketsueki continued, "So, are these guys all new?"

"Yes," said Yumichika distractedly. He returned his gaze to Ketsueki. "Actually, Ketsueki, you won't be training this group."

Ketsueki frowned. "Okay, so where's the group I _am _going to train?"

Yumichika sighed. "You're not going to be training _any _group. At all. Captain Zaraki wishes you to return to the Soul Society."

"Why?" asked Ketsueki.

Her comrade shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not sure; Zaraki didn't really tell me anything else, except that if you were to disobey I would have to man-handle you back to his office."

This made Ketsueki's lip twitch. "Don't think that'll make Renji too happy."

Despite her joke, however, she was very, very upset. Apart from the incident with Inui, she had thoroughly enjoyed her time with Renji and the group, not least because of the sights of the town. She had felt like she had escaped from the chaos of the past few months in the eleventh Squad. Even Injuken didn't bother her as much as he had. And on that night when she had sat with Renji on the rooftop, she had truly believed that everything would be all right.

Seemingly, that was all going to end.

"I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you," said Yumichika, aware of her distress.

Ketsueki sighed. "Don't worry about it, I'd better tell Renji."

She turned to do so, but Yumichika held her back. He hesitated. "Actually, Captain Zaraki told me something else."

Ketsueki waited.

"He said not to tell Renji that it was his decision. He told me to say it was Ikkaku's orders."

"But _why?_" pressed Ketsueki in an urgent hiss. "Why would he do that?"

"My dear, all I can say is that Zaraki's been acting weird lately. Just go back, go through the gates. Let me tell Abarai. I'll join you in a moment."

"Hang on-" Ketsueki was cut short by Yumichika shoving her through the gate. She thought she heard Renji calling, but before she could reply she found herself standing back in the Soul Society. The familiar, traditional buildings grasped her attention. The same plain hills stood in the backdrop. She could feel tons of spiritual energy around her.

She was back. And she didn't like it one bit.

It wasn't just not being able to be with Renji that made her annoyed. It was also the fear of facing Zaraki after all those weeks. What would she say to him? Would she have the nerve to stand up and back herself? She knew deep down in her heart she was still afraid of him. And it annoyed her terribly.

She decided to wait for Yumichika. After several prolonged minutes, Yumichika finally emerged from the gates. He looked frustrated, but immediately smiled upon seeing Ketsueki. "Ah, you waited for me! Thank you."

"Thank _you _for telling Renji about this," muttered Ketsueki. "He wouldn't have let me go if I had told him."

Yumichika started walking towards the cluster of buildings ahead of them. "Don't worry about it," he said airily.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, Zaraki didn't leave me any further instructions, so I'm guessing he wants you in his office."

Before she could stop herself, Ketsueki blurted out a question she dared not ask anyone, "Yumichika, do youthink Zaraki...likes me...or something?"

Yumichika kept walking as he turned his face to look at her thoughtfully. "You know," he said slowly, "I'm not sure I can answer that answer soundly. So let me ask you, do _you _think Zaraki likes you?" He grinned.

"No, God no. Of course he doesn't...surely. Besides, you told me yourself that he doesn't like people that way..." Ketsueki's face heated up. The conversation was heading towards dangerous territory. She wished she had never asked.

"Why don't you ask him?"

The suggestion was absurd, even insane. Ketsueki rounded on Yumichika. "What? You can't...you can't just _ask _someone that! That's so...so...tactless and embarrassing and-"

Yumichika laughed and shook his head; his voice sounded like soft, tinkling bells. "Why do you take these things so seriously, Ketsu? Honestly, what do you hate so much about the man? Yes, he's bloodthirsty. Yes, he's ruthless. But he's one of the good guys."

"Just because he's on the good side doesn't mean he belongs there," grumbled Ketsueki, crossing her arms as she strolled along Yumichika. They continued without further discussion.

She didn't believe any of it. In her eyes, Zaraki would always remain the enemy, the brutal villain. She disapproved of his tactics and his personality. _Just because you're stronger than everyone doesn't mean you can treat someone like crap, _she reasoned, uncertain of who she was trying to convince...

It wasn't long before the pair stood outside Zaraki's office. The familiar bamboo doors intimidated Ketsueki all of a sudden. She was nervous. She didn't want to see him again.

She wondered whether _he _wanted to see _her._

She heard Yumichika knock. Zaraki's low voice beckoned them in.

Ketsueki took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

There he was, glowering at them from behind his desk. The same spiked hair; the same cruel face; the same muscular form. Yachiru was nowhere in sight. Ketsueki wished she was.

"What took you so long?" demanded Zaraki, standing up and manoeuvring around the desk.

"Sorry Captain, we had a little chit-chat before I dragged Ketsu over," explained Yumichika.

"Hm, I guess Abarai didn't like the idea of the girl leaving, eh?" replied Zaraki, eyeing Ketsueki scornfully.

Ketsueki blushed despite herself. Already her resolve was wavering. How could one man have such an effect on her? Maybe it was simply the first time Zaraki had mentioned her and Renji together. She wondered how he had found out. She had never told him, and she was sure Renji would never have told him either.

As if reading her thoughts, Zaraki continued in an irritated tone, "Well, watcha expect? Everyone's talking about the two of you. It's sick. I'd kick you outta my squad if it were up to me, girl, but Yachiru and this dumbass," he jerked his thumb at Yumichika, who bit his lip indignantly, "quite fancy you being here."

Ketsueki was fuming. _Then kick me out! s_he wanted to shout. _Get rid of me! You think I _like _being in your squad?_

Yet she said nothing. She just stood and stared blankly at his scarred face.

"Ikkaku didn't want you to kick her out too, y'know," muttered Yumichika, frowning at his Captain. He was still sour at being insulted.

Zaraki waved his hand impatiently. He sighed. "You guys are wasting my time," he continued shrewdly. "Yumichika, go find Yachiru. I didn't find her this morning. Guessin' she's chewing on Ikkaku's head or something."

"Captain-"

"Go, now!" scowled Zaraki.

With a huff, Yumichika left the room, slamming the door shut.

Zaraki folded his arms and scrutinised Ketsueki. She bit her tongue and told herself to stay strong. The atmosphere in the room was so heavy she felt as though she was being crushed beneath a mountain. She wanted to understand what was going on; she wanted to unravel the rumours and the suspicions she had felt ever since joining the squad. And why _was _she in his squad? What had made him choose her? In a swirl of thoughts and emotions, she remembered parting with Renji for the first time in the Spirit Academy. She knew she was being illogical and immature, but she wanted to lay the blame on Zaraki. It was his fault.

Ketsueki could not hold his gaze. It seemed to take so much effort and self-control. Instead, she lowered her eyes to the floor, like she had once before. She was aware of Zaraki sighing once more, moving back behind the desk and sitting down. The groaning of the floorboards was deafening, and the creak of his chair ricocheted around the room. These little details stood out to her more than anything else. Her fingers touched the hem of her sleeves. She gripped them tentatively.

He was still staring at her, waiting.

The silence, the sheer emptiness of his office, was suffocating.

Ketsueki could take no more.

"Captain," she said hoarsely, throat dry from the sudden lack of use.

Zaraki did not budge.

She tried again. "Captain, I-" Her throat constricted. _What am I doing? _Her heart thundered in her ribcage.

She wanted to tell him how she despised him, how she wanted out, how she was scared of him.

Most of all, she wanted to tell him how she was tired of hating him.

Silently, Zaraki beckoned her over with his index finger. She staggered to his desk. He handed her a stack of papers. She took a glance at them. They were unfinished reports, letters, instructions, feedback material. It was paperwork.

"Move it."

Several minutes later, Ketsueki sank onto her bed mat, blushing furiously. She was faintly aware that Zaraki had not even greeted her after being away for so long.

With a jolt of surprise, and confusion, she wondered why she felt a twinge of disappointment in her heart.

**AN: Suspense O: Zaraki's such a weirdo... xD**


	16. Chapter 16

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Thanks to blackshadow878, thablueGRRL, moonlightrurouni, and .sora for reviewing! (I'm sorry I haven't replied to some of them; I had a bit of a prob with fanfic). Please enjoy this next chapter (:**

Zaraki had a surprisingly large amount of unfinished paperwork, and now it was up to Ketsueki to finish writing them. The task was easy, but monotonous and frustrating. She often had to locate members of different squads and ask for their say on whatever incident she was reporting on. There were also letters that were addressed to different squads. Ketsueki did not see the point in this. The Captains saw each other at least once a week. What was the point of writing letters?

Life for Ketsueki went on in the same, boring routine for over a week. She wondered if she could pass the job onto some non-officer. After all, simply writing facts down on a piece of paper did not take that much skill. She had asked Ikkaku this in passing, but his reply was, "If you're really fed up with this job, why don't cha ask Zaraki instead?"

This left Ketsueki in a gross dilemma. Every day she had to return to Zaraki's office to report to him on her progress. She knew she could easily tell him that she was tired of such boring work. Yet she knew she would not have the courage after the day Zaraki had handed her her assignment. There had been a certain menace in the air. She had sensed his infuriation through her fear. Without knowing how, she had angered him. She didn't want to anger him more by refusing to follow his orders.

Kenpachi Zaraki was terrifying when he was angry.

So, Ketsueki continued her work grudgingly.

One good thing about her new assignment was she got to move around and meet people a lot. She had spent more time with Momo, who was just as jubilant as always to see her, in her office. Ketsueki had also caught up with Izuru; they exchanged a few words and had a few laughs about their Academy years. Ketsueki liked Izuru for his kind and hard-working nature. She often felt nostalgic whenever she thought of these two.

One afternoon, Ketsueki was returning to her room from Squad Six headquarters. She had just delivered a personal letter to Captain Kuchiki from Zaraki; she was curious about the contents of the letter. Zaraki and Kuchiki hardly talked to each other. Ketsueki could not think of a plausible subject.

"Ketsueki!" a woman's voice called behind her.

Ketsueki turned around and was surprised to see Rukia, Captain Kuchiki's younger sister. She had a petite and elegant figure; her round yet serious eyes were fixed on Ketsueki. They had never been close friends, even though they were in the same year in the Spirit Academy. All Ketsueki knew was that Rukia and Renji had been the best of friends before she was taken into the Kuchiki clan. They had had some kind of argument, which Renji refused to talk about to Ketsueki. Even so, Ketsueki had no hard feelings toward Rukia.

"Rukia!" said Ketsueki, stopping in her tracks. "It's been a while."

Rukia smiled politely. "Yes, it has. I hear you're in the 11th Squad?"

Ketsueki laughed good-naturedly. "Yeah, I've been there for at least two months now." She gestured towards Captain Kuchiki's office. "Visiting your brother?"

"Actually, he ordered me to his office. He told me he's preparing to send me to the living world to go on Hollow duty."

"I thought you were in the 13th Squad."

"I am, but sometimes he gives me instructions too. Anyway, Captain Ukitake agrees."

"You looking forward to it?"

Rukia shrugged. "I've been to the living world before. I can't say it's the most interesting place to be."

Ketsueki laughed, and, before she could stop herself, added, "Well, if you ever get bored you could go find Renji."

Immediately, Rukia stiffened, and her eyes narrowed. "Abarai?"

Regretting her comment, Ketsueki waved her hand dismissively. "Yeah, but you probably won't meet him; he's leading a group of shinigami."

"I see..." Rukia stared off into the distance.

Ketsueki watched her for a while, then said, "Is everything all right Rukia?"

"I'm fine," Rukia said, forcing a small smile. "Don't worry about it."

"Is it Renji? You guys haven't spoken in years-"

"It's all right," interrupted Rukia.

Ketsueki could sense she was starting to get defensive. She bowed her head. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

Rukia sighed tiredly and put a strand of hair behind her ear. "No, I'm sorry, I'm getting too touchy these days." She stared down the hallway, then said, "I have to go now. It was good seeing you again." She smiled.

"Same. I'll see you around," replied Ketsueki, returning the smile gracefully.

As she made her way back to her Squad, she replayed the conversation in her head. She suspected something had happened between Renji and Rukia, but she had not been sure that it was still continuing. She was curious; she wanted to know what could have happened to split these two friends apart.

A thought hit her. _Maybe Rukia is jealous of me and Renji..._

The moment this thought occurred, Ketsueki dismissed it. No, Rukia was not that type of person. Ketsueki did not believe she would be bothered by such trivial, petty things.

Ketsueki neared Squad 11's training area. It consisted of a wide, plain field, and several straw dummies that were replaced on a daily basis. At the moment, there were several shinigami practising against each other. Ketsueki watched them from a distance. She wanted to practise her swordplay as well, but not in front of others. Injuken's presence made her insecure. She was not about to reveal her weakness to others.

Upon making this decision, Ketsueki turned to her left where a path led into a rather large patch of woodland. Before she could disappear behind the trees, however, one of the shinigami called to her, "Oi! Donato! Where're you going?"

She turned around. She recognized yet another person from the training group she and Renji had led. This individual was lanky and snobbish.

_Just ignore him. _With an air of authority, she glared at the man, then spun back towards the path and walked calmly. Thankfully, no one bothered to go after her. Ketsueki let out a sigh of relief. She really was tired of arguing with her men.

Once again, the peacefulness of the forest put Ketsueki in a relaxed state of mind. The faint chirping of crickets and the crisp rustling of leaves made her feel young and alive. She wound deeper into the forest, until she came upon a small clearing. From here, the path forked. Ketsueki decided it was best to stay here, where she knew the way back.

She took a look around her. She was by herself.

At last, she withdrew Injuken from her belt. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Remembering Injuken's disturbing requirement of a blood sacrifice, she placed her thumb carefully on the sword's tip and made a minuscule cut. A drop of blood landed on the blade.

Ketsueki muttered, "_Bleed, Injuken_."

At once, the blade elongated and softened before her eyes. Her blood seemed to have fused into the ribbon, dyeing it a shocking red. The ribbon fluttered in the air, then came to a stop on the grass.

Ketsueki let it rest on the grass, amazed at her zanpakuto's simplicity. She flicked the hilt away from her, intending to strike a tree about a meter away.

The ribbon seemed to move more fluidly than a ribbon. Its entire form followed the direction of her jab, so that Ketsueki didn't need to waste any energy or attention on moving the entire strip of fabric. It looked fairly harmless. The side of the ribbon met the bark of the tree. But instead of just crumpling against the tree, the ribbon cut halfway through the trunk before stopping. Ketsueki blinked.

"Wow," said Ketsueki. _Simple, but deadly._

She tugged the ribbon back towards her using the hilt, using more energy this time. The ribbon followed her movement, flowing towards her. She waited for it to slow down. It didn't; the side of the ribbon came hurtling towards her.

Ketsueki stepped to the side as swiftly as she could, but not before the ribbon cut though the fabric of her robes, slashing the side of her body underneath. She hissed in pain and let go of Injuken. He fell to the grass once more, looking innocent.

Ketsueki leaned against a tree for support, inspecting the damage her own zanpakuto had caused. The cut was not too deep, but it stung and large amounts of blood was already seeping into her robes. Gritting her teeth, Ketsueki ripped off a large piece of her sleeve. She folded it and held it in place against her side using her sash; she wasn't going to give up just because of a cut.

Still, she needed to think carefully about how she was going to wield Injuken. She settled in the middle of the clearing, cross-legged, staring at the blood red ribbon next to her...

She needed protection of some sort. She could wear some kind of armour, but that would be impractical; it would slow down her movements by a noticeable margin. Besides, she had never practised using a sword, let alone a ribbon, wearing any armour.

_If not armour, then what? Padding?_

She knew this would not work either. She had seen Injuken's powers; she knew he could probably slash through simple padding. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if he could cut other swords. She was now more motivated to train in order to test this theory out.

"Think," she said out loud, cursing at her own stupidity at the same time.

_Perhaps I should ask Injuken himself. Maybe he could do something._

Clearing her throat, she asked quite hesitantly, "Um, Injuken, is there something you could do to stop yourself from cutting me?"

The ribbon simply stirred in the breeze.

Feeling cross, Ketsueki rounded on the ribbon. "I know you're there! I know you can hear me. Now tell me, or at least show me, how to solve this damn problem!"

Suddenly, heat was radiating from Injuken. Ketsueki shuffled away from it, fearing he might burn her. She felt the same warm, tingling sensation in her arms. She yelped in fright. "What are you doing?" She felt something wrap around her upper arms, continuing past her elbow, continuing down her forearm...

Ketsueki stared in amazement as red bandages wound themselves down her arms. They continued down to her hands and covered each of her fingers. When the final piece of fabric was tucked away, Ketsueki flexed her fingers. She could hardly feel the bandages. It was like wearing another skin.

_But how can this help me?_

Biting her lip, Ketsueki reached out and picked up the ribbon. Gently, she brought one side against her arm. Taking a shuddering breath, she pressed the side against her arm.

Nothing happened. The ribbon could not penetrate her new protection.

Ketsueki smiled. "Thanks."

_This is all I can give you, _said Injuken.

It was enough.

**AN: Honestly, if I had a ribbon for a sword I'd probably just give up xDD**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: This is gonna be a good chapter...at least I hope O: But you'll be surprised for sure ;) Kk, thank you soo much to my reviewers: moonlightrurouni, thablueGRRL, blackshadow878 and NekoNekonow (hearts) Also thanks to SilverButterfree and nutshell87 for alerts (:**

"Hey! Yumichika! Wait up!"

Ketsueki ran up to Yumichika and smiled. It was a crisp, clear morning.

"Hello, Ketsu. Fine day, isn't-"

"Yumichika, can we resume our training?"

Yumichika blinked and looked at her. Ketsueki's eyes pleaded silently.

In the last week and a half, Ketsueki had secretly been practising with Injuken. She had observed its every move as she wielded the ribbon's hilt. It had taken a while, and she had obtained quite a few minor cuts, but at last, Ketsueki felt like she could practise sparring with a real opponent. Besides, she had cut down so many trees with Injuken that her conscience wouldn't allow her to continue.

"Training, hm?" said Yumichika with a twinkle in his eyes.

Ketsueki nodded. "I think...I need to learn how to fight with my zanpakuto's first stage."

Yumichika's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You mean to say..."

"Yeah, I know how to release it. It's just a matter of fighting an opponent."

"Very well." Yumichika drew himself to his full height, which in fact wasn't very tall. "I shall accept your request, young lady. Shall we head to the training area?"

Ketsueki would have preferred to return to her clearing in the forest, but she didn't want to deter Yumichika. He might be afraid of getting twigs in his hair. "Sure," she replied. They made their way towards the sparring grounds.

"So," said Yumichika as they descended a flight of stairs, "Settled your differences with Zaraki yet?"

"Like that's ever going to happen."

"Why not, give the man a chance. I mean, he's not the prettiest man alive, but still..."

Ketsueki scoffed. "I don't care about him."

"But you do! You care about what he thinks about you, don't you? I've noticed what you're like whenever someone mentions the two of you."

"Can we just forget it, please?" said Ketsueki, fidgeting with her sleeve.

The empty training site came into view. The morning sunlight was still weak.

"Well, at least you'll be pleased that Renji's coming back today," said Yumichika, easing his sword out of its sheath.

"Really?" Suddenly, Ketsueki felt as light as a feather.

Yumichika laughed. "You're adorable, you really are. You can't even spend two weeks away from him without turning into a depressed fool."

Ketsueki grinned. Although Yumichika was clearly teasing her, Ketsueki silently agreed. Two weeks was too long, especially two weeks of paperwork duty. She was still used to the days when she could talk to Renji whenever she wanted.

She unsheathed Injuken, feeling his weight against the palm of her hand. "I hope you're not jealous of us, Yumichika. As you like to put it, it's very unbecoming of you."

"Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't allow myself to be bothered by such petty things, unless my heart was truly into it."

"You sure that's not just an excuse to say that no one likes you? I mean, honestly, yellow and orange feathers?" Ketsueki couldn't help herself. Yumichika was just so fun to be around. She didn't notice it, but she had finally opened up to him.

Yumichika's eyebrow twitched. "Do you want me to train you or not?"

"Bring it."

With a lightning stroke, Yumichika brought his blade swishing towards her waist. Ketsueki brought her sword down to protect herself. Going with the momentum of Yumichika's attack, she took a step to her right, then shot forward and cried, "_Bleed, Injuken!_"

Injuken's transformation was finished in the blink of an eye. Ketsueki twirled the hilt towards Yumichika, the crimson ribbon following her movement. It cut through the air, heading towards Yumichika, who jumped back, trying to get out of range. But Injuken still managed to slash Yumichika's sleeve. They paused for a moment, Yumichika contemplating his next move, Ketsueki deciding how best to attack. Both were grinning.

Then, they charged.

* * *

"You have a fine zanpakuto there," huffed Yumichika.

"Thanks."

It was now midday. Both were sitting on a field not far from the training site. After an hour or more of fighting, both were starting to feel the heat of the sun bear down upon them. Not only that, Yumichika had had to constantly dodge Injuken's unexpected movements. Injuken had more flexibility than most zanpakutos, and could easily make his mark on his victims.

However, Ketsueki found it difficult to protect herself against Yumichika's blows. The red bandages on her arms stopped Injuken from penetrating them, and they also stopped other shinigamis' blades from cutting her, but without a hard sword to fend off attacks, her arms were now bruised and heavy.

"How do I protect myself though?" asked Ketsueki while she attended to her wounds.

Yumichika thought about it. "Well," he said slowly, "I suppose you could always take some kind of shield to battle."

"Don't be silly."

"Fine...I'm out of ideas then."

Ketsueki picked up the ribbon. She grabbed the hilt and then took a section of the ribbon with her other hand, each hand several inches away from the other, and tugged. The ribbon straightened, the flat side facing outwards. Standing up, Ketsueki said, "Hey, try and cut through this."

Yumichika eyed her uneasily, then he stood up as well and took a strike at the flat ribbon. Surprisingly, the surface of the ribbon pushed back against Yumichika's sword, making him stumble slightly at the rebound. Ketsueki found she had no problem holding onto the ribbon with her free hand; all she needed was a good grip and pull the ribbon tighter.

"Impressive," said her companion. A mysterious smile crept up his face.

"What?"

"Nothing, sorry."

Returning to the subject at hand, Ketsueki sighed, "It's gonna take some time getting used to it."

"Then maybe you should practise with me instead," said someone behind her, just as a pair of hands covered her eyes.

"Renji!" laughed Ketsueki, letting go of Injuken, who returned to his sword form. She tried to shake off his hands, but he held them in place. She could hear him laughing as well. "Renji, stop it!"

Yumichika's voice drifted somewhere to her right. "Well, I guess I'll leave you two to it then. See you, Ketsu." She heard him walk away.

Finally, Ketsueki wriggled out of Renji's hold and spun around to hug him. After just two weeks being away from him, she could tell he was more muscular and leaner than before; his arms and shoulders were harder, and she felt safer in his arms. She hid her blush as their bodies pressed against each other.

When she pulled back, a huge grin was plastered on Renji's face. "You've got your first stage now, eh?" His voice was full of pride.

"Yeah. I've had it for a while, actually, but I was just kinda scared to use it."

"But you've done it now, haven't you?"

Ketsueki nodded, beaming.

"I've figured out my first stage as well."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I had to train by myself down in the living world, but it was worth it." He embraced her again, resting his chin on head. "I missed you. Damn Ikkaku. What did he want you for anyway?"

Ketsueki's insides rumbled. She didn't want to lie to Renji, so she said into his shoulder, "Actually, Zaraki wanted me here."

"What?" Renji let go of her, looking surprised. "Why? But Yumichika said-"

"I know, he lied. He said it was actually Zaraki's orders."

"Zaraki? Was it something serious?"

"That's none of your business," grumbled a low voice.

Both Renji and Ketsueki whirled around to stare at their Captain. He walked towards them across the field, emitting waves of spiritual energy as he did. His gaze was fixed on Renji with loathing. Renji put an arm around Ketsueki's waist. Ketsueki hoped Renji wasn't going to do something rash. With all the rumours flying about from the men, and this recent discovery, she knew Renji would be suspicious.

"What're you doing here, Abarai? Why didn't you report to me first?" growled Zaraki.

"I came to say hello, sir," replied Renji innocently.

Zaraki paused, then said, "I don't want this kind of lovey-dovey scene in my squad, got it? It makes me sick. Abarai, Captain Kuchiki told me he wants a word with you, so get your ass over there."

Renji's eyes widened. "Captain Kuchiki?"

"Are you deaf or something? Go, now!"

"Yes sir." Renji left hurriedly, looking troubled.

Zaraki turned to Ketsueki. "And you, girl, why haven't you finished that report on the surprise Hollow attack last week? Yamamoto wants suggestions for improvements and other crap you can write. Bring it to me tonight."

"Yes sir," said Ketsueki with resentment. Without a word, she returned to her room, angry that Zaraki had shortened her time with Renji once again. She wondered why there had been so much hate in his expression when he saw them together. Could it be that Zaraki thought their relationship meant they were being disobedient? Whatever the reason, Ketsueki tried to let it go as she went to have lunch, then wrote up the report. She had to make several more runs around the Soul Society, trying to gather facts and statistics. She didn't know how much detail Zaraki wanted, so she tried to write as precisely as possible. The sun slowly sank while she worked. At least time seemed to pass more quickly when she was focused on an assignment. It would be all over soon, and maybe she could go find Renji after this.

When Ketsueki set down her pen, it was already dark outside. The lamps on the corridors were relit, and fireflies and moths were gathering around them. Ketsueki watched them for a while, enjoying the tranquil scene. The moon was hazy tonight, shrouded by misty clouds.

She had lingered long enough. Forcing herself to her feet, she walked to Zaraki's office and knocked on the door. She heard the buzzing of invisible insects hidden in the forest behind her.

"Come in," said the Captain.

"I've finished the report," said Ketsueki boldly, shutting the door behind her and strolling towards Zaraki's desk. She sat down on a chair in front of his desk. She wanted to get this over with, and was much too annoyed to feel scared by his presence. "Looks like we weren't prepared for the attack. Squad Four units had trouble patching up the injured shinigami..." Zaraki was lounging lazily in front of her. She grit her teeth, hoping he was at least listening to her. "The units we sent out had difficulty regrouping when attacked. There were about eight Hollows, all of relatively high spiritual power-"

Her words were abruptly cut off by Zaraki leaning forward and kissing her on the mouth.

Ketsueki stopped breathing.

The cool night air was suddenly still.

Zaraki withdrew, his lips brushing roughly against hers. She stared at him, uncomprehending, disorientated. He leaned back into his chair, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips.

And, all of a sudden, she understood.

"Is this...why...?" Her voice sounded surprisingly calm, but a storm was swelling within her.

Zaraki just grinned.

Ketsueki realized her hands were shaking as she clutched her report. She stood up in one swift motion, knocking over her chair, and threw the pieces of paper at Zaraki.

And then she turned and left.

**AN: ...drama in the 11th squad :'D**


	18. Chapter 18

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Hello my kind lovely readers :') I just want you guys to know that I'm back in school, meaning there's gonna be more waiting time in between chapters :S I'll do my best, but I know myself too well to promise anything; I'm so sorry guys :'(**

**Anyway, thanks a ton to reviewers: Wishing for Dreams, moonlightrurouni, blackshadow878, thablueGRRL, NekoNekonow and ammiranny! Also much love to Nina the Keyblader Mistress, Soft Ink, sakura476, Dazzling Mage and doggy2300 for faves and alerts (:**

**ENJOY!**

_The bastard!_

Ketsueki was still having troubling thoughts the next morning. She shivered.

She finally knew why she had been picked to join the 11th Squad; she finally knew why there had been rumours; she finally knew why Zaraki had been quiet about keeping her away from Renji...

The bastard was obsessed with her! That surely must be the answer. _Why else would he just kiss me out of the-_

Ketsueki stopped herself before she was sick.

Everything about it was so wrong. She kept telling herself it was nothing. She told herself she could simply ignore him and pretend nothing happened.

But it was just _so _wrong.

Ketsueki was revolted. The very man she despised had somehow taken a liking to her. The hatred she felt for Zaraki intensified. Before, she had hated him simply because of what she knew about him, what she heard from others. Now, it was personal. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with Zaraki. She wished she could erase his existence from her mind to free herself from all the worry he had caused her. She hugged herself on her bed mat, gazing out the small window of her room, watching the pale blue sky anxiously.

But it wasn't her hatred that kept her inside her room for most of the morning. It was her embarrassment. Pure, raw, gnawing embarrassment. She knew she would not be able to look her men in the eye once they knew of what happened. She would not be able to take the scornful remarks. She thought back on what Inui had said; he had called her a slut. It was not true, yet Ketsueki's heart lurched at the mere memory of it...

Because after she left Zaraki's office, she had not only been stunned, she had also felt butterflies. She could not repress her feelings; as much as she wanted to despise the feel of Zaraki's lips, she could not honestly say that she didn't like it.

At that moment, Ketsueki's face turned alarmingly red with shame.

She didn't know where these mad, insane, illogical feelings came from. She was such a stupid girl, to be pleased by such an insignificant act. She needed to be more mature. That must be it; she was too youthful and full of joy not to enjoy something of that nature.

_But from Zaraki?_

And then there was Renji. His warm smile seemed to be haunting her. She had done nothing wrong. Even so, that horrible, gut-wrenching feeling persisted. Should she tell him before he heard the news from someone else, someone less honest? With all the speculation going on, would he believe it was only a kiss if she told him?

Zaraki.

Ketsueki forced herself to her feet. Even though she was afraid, she couldn't just stay indoors forever. _Stop making such a big deal out of this! What is wrong with you, Ketsu? _With a mighty effort, Ketsueki opened her door and walked right into Ikkaku.

"S-sir!" yelped Ketsueki, tripping over her own feet and staggering into his arms. She flushed.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing?" demanded Ikkaku, setting her on her feet with care, which was very uncharacteristic of him, thought Ketsueki.

"S-sorry, I was just surprised."

"Zaraki wants you in his office."

Ketsueki gulped. Less than 24 hours had passed, and Zaraki already wanted a confrontation? "Why?" she asked nervously.

"How am I to know?" Ikkaku barked. "I can't read minds." He bit his lip, then said in a calmer voice, "Though I bet it's because something happened between you two. I'm not prying," he added at Ketsueki's depleted expression, "and I'm not gonna say anything to anyone. But I'm warning you, it's kinda obvious."

"What do you mean?"

"Well he was smiling like an idiot this morning when I went in there to find that brat Yachiru. And when he said your name I swear he was gonna start floating on the spot or something." Ketsueki gave him a dubious look. "Fine," he said, "I'm exaggerating. Still, you should've seen him."

"I see…" Ketsueki was starting to regret stepping outside. Already she was being bombarded with a horde of questions and speculations. Not the best of starts.

Desperately trying to change the subject, Ketsueki asked, "Sir-"

Ikkaku sighed, cutting her off. "Just call me Ikkaku. You've got some skill and brains, and Yumichika can't stop talking about you. And I can't say I don't like you." He grinned roguishly.

"Thanks." Ketsueki smiled gratefully. "Ikkaku, you have a first stage, don't you?"

His harsh demeanour instantly returned. "Of course, idiot! I'm the third seat officer, what do you-"

"I'm sorry, of course, that was a stupid question. What I wanted to ask was…how do you learn to control it? I mean, sometimes they take on different shapes, don't they, zanpakutos? How do you-"

"Training," announced Ikkaku. "Training, training, training. That's the only way."

"How long?"

Ikkaku shrugged. "Depends on your zanpakuto. Could take weeks to months or even to years."

Ketsueki felt encouraged. She made a promise to herself. From now on, she would train with Injuken with his first stage and forget Zaraki. She just won't think about him. He meant nothing to her.

"Anyway, com'on, Zaraki's waiting."

They arrived at the Captain's office; not for the first time, Ketsueki felt like she had been there too many times. As she entered the room, Zaraki was standing with his back to them, staring out the window behind his desk. When they entered, Zaraki turned to face them, his only visible eye looking at Ketsueki. That same, knowing smirk was set on his lips. Ketsueki felt herself redden.

Zaraki opened his mouth to speak.

"Ketsu-chan!"

"YOU BRAT!"

And all of a sudden, Yachiru was upon Ketsueki's shoulders, hugging her from behind, while Ikkaku tried to pull her off, face distorted with rage. All seriousness suddenly vanished from the room.

"Ketsu-chan, save me!" Yachiru giggled, kicking at Ikkaku while gripping Ketsueki around the neck.

"Little pig! I swear the next time you chew on my head-"

"Yachiru, l-let go! Let-"

"Move out of the way baldie-"

"Who you calling bald? Why I oughta-"

"I c-can't breathe, Y-Yachiru-"

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone froze. Their heads swivelled toward Zaraki, whose face bore the definition of annoyed. He pointed at the door. "Just forget I ever called any of you here, just scram before I kill all of you!"

Hurriedly, the trio left the room. Ketsueki swore she heard Zaraki chuckle just before the door shut behind her.

"Let go of her, already!" Ikkaku hissed as he tried to snatch Yachiru away. Some shinigami passing them in the corridor stared in bemusement at the scene.

With the combined efforts of Ikkaku and Ketsueki, Yachiru was finally set on the floor. She bounced from foot to foot, looking up at Ketsueki with affection and joy. "Ketsu-chan! It's been so long since I last saw you!"

Ketsueki offered an apologetic smile. She had to admit, seeing Yachiru really did make her feel better. Her bubbly mood was infectious. "I'm sorry, Yachiru, I've been really busy with my duties and being in the living realm."

"I've been playing with Baldie after you left, but I'd much rather play with you! Baldie's no fun at all-"

"Quit it, or I swear you'll regret it," Ikkaku hissed. Yachiru just giggled.

Sighing, Ikkaku straightened. "Right, well, I'm off now. Captain Aizen wanted a few words with me." With that, he strolled down the corridor, muttering to himself.

"Ketsu-chan, do you wanna go to my room? I've got something to show you!" Yachiru beamed and began dragging Ketsueki to the steps leading out into the courtyard.

Ketsueki racked her brains, wondering if she had anything important to do at the moment. "Sure, what is it?" she asked.

Yachiru winked. "You'll see!"

The young girl led Ketsueki across the lawn and towards a small traditional structure set slightly apart from the rest of Squad 11 headquarters. It had a pristine finish to it; the wooden floorboard shone more than normal; the sliding doors seemed to be made of stronger and firmer bamboo. It didn't have a second floor, but the small house looked quite spacious from the outside. "Is that where you live?" Ketsueki asked, pointing at it.

"Mhm."

"Don't you have living quarters next to your office though?"

"Of course not, silly!" Yachiru piped up. "I live here, with Ken-chan!"

Ketuseki did a double take. "Zaraki actually lives with you?"

Yachiru gave her a funny look. "What's so weird about that?"

Ketsueki looked away. "Nothing, it's just … " She squeezed the little girl's hand. "I'm kinda … in a weird situation with Zaraki," she said quietly.

Yachiru stopped walking, and so did Ketsueki. Yachiru took Ketsueki's other hand and swayed them about. "Ketsu-channn, don't say that! Ken-chan's the good guy! He's just really tough and a wittle bit mean, but he's really a lovable guy!"

Yachiru's words made Ketsueki think. She supposed what she said was true, but something was stopping Ketsueki from accepting them. Besides, Zaraki would never, ever be 'lovable' in her eyes. For the moment, however, she smiled and replied, "You're right. Now com'on, what was it you wanted to show me?"

"It's over here," Yachiru said excitedly, bringing Ketsueki behind the house and into a neat garden. She led Ketsueki toward one of the bushes and knelt down. She pointed at a bright, yellow flower protruding from the leaves. Its petals were elegant and looked soft to the touch. It was slightly smaller than Ketsueki's fist, but she thought it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen.

"I planted it when you first joined," Yachiru explained. "I hoped it would've grown bigger by now, but it's being a stubborn little thing. I'll give it to you when it gets even prettier." Yachiru pouted and prodded one of the petals gently. She turned to Ketsueki. "Do you like it?"

Ketsueki felt a lump in her throat. "It's lovely, Yachiru, thank you so much."

Yachiru gave her a small hug. "Aww, you're welcome! Let's go inside now, we can have lunch together!" She hurried towards the house.

Ketsueki stood up, swept a hand across her eyes, and followed Yachiru inside.

**AN: Ho ho ho...oh Yachiru you little lovely girl xD**


	19. Chapter 19

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Erp...sorry for the wait :/ but half-term's coming up so I should be writing more soon, hopefully!**

The desk felt so comfortable. Ketsueki's fingers traced the engraved patterns, resting her cheek against them. The morning was still young; the sun had barely risen. Shrouds of darkness still clung to the sky.

She shut her eyes, taking a break from the constant paperwork she had to fill out.

Yachiru's gift had made everything else around her seem bleak. She longed for the simple days of the Soul Academy. Her five years there had been the happiest of her life. She knew she was naïve in thinking that she could find something to replace them. She wasn't going anywhere. It was just this constant battle to get stronger and to make allies.

_You're not too bad off, you know, _said a voice in her head. She knew it was right.

Still slumped on her desk, Ketsueki picked up her pen and started doodling words and small images on a piece of scrap paper. She didn't know what she was doing with her life. She thought she would have more purpose now that she was in a squad.

_You do! There's Injuken, you still need to train with his first stage._

Ketsueki gritted her teeth, feeling herself grow frustrated. Of course she was still training, but it was so tedious and tiring. And she didn't want to keep troubling Yumichika, who seemed to be growing more impatient. Even his carefree attitude couldn't keep accompanying her through her struggles.

"Just _let_ me be sad, okay?" she murmured to herself, staring at her hand as it scribbled random words.

She didn't know how long she stayed there by her desk when she heard the knock by her door. She heaved a sigh and stood up wearily. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's me."

"Renji!" Ketsueki said, surprised. She quickly opened the door and let him in. Immediately, she could tell something was wrong. He looked preoccupied, as if his mind was somewhere far off, contemplating things Ketsueki did not know of. "Are you okay?" she asked, unsure of what to expect.

Renji seemed to hesitate. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

He nodded, then sat down on her bed. He glanced at her desk, littered with papers and files. He smiled, and the atmosphere in the room seemed lighter. "Zaraki gave you lots of homework."

"Yeah, _lots._" Ketsueki sat down next to him. "What're you doing here so early?"

"I just wanted to see you," he said, snaking an arm around her waist.

Ketsueki smiled, but she noticed something unusual in his voice. She ignored it; Renji said he was fine, meaning he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him. "That's sweet of you."

"Heh. If you want I could help you with your reports."

"Don't worry about it, Zaraki told me to finish them."

Renji winked. "He wouldn't know, would he?"

"I guess not." Ketsueki shrugged.

Renji gave her a small squeeze, then walked to her desk and shuffled through the papers. After a while, he laughed and held up the scrap paper she had been doodling on. "What's this?" he asked playfully.

Rolling her eyes, Ketsueki laughed. "I was bored, I couldn't help myself."

Renji returned to the bed, examining her doodles. She had drawn strange, swirling clouds, flowers of different shapes and patterns, and scribbled down some names. Renji pointed at one and grinned toothily. "Isn't that my name?"

Ketsueki peeked over his shoulder. "Yeah … " She blushed, not because of _his_ name, but because of another name scribbled a little below Renji's.

Zaraki.

Ketsueki's insides squirmed with guilt. She still hadn't told him about Zaraki's kiss. _I need to tell him before he finds out from someone else._"Renji, I need to tell you something." She took the piece of paper away from him slowly.

Renji stared out the window; the sun was peaking over the distant hills. "Yeah? What is it?" he asked without looking at her.

Ketsueki only hesitated for a second before plunging on, "You know the other day, when you came back from the living world?"

"Yeah."

"Well, after you went to Captain Kuchiki, Zaraki gave me this report to finish. I brought it to him in the evening and … well … "

"What happened?" Renji looked at her.

Ketsueki's heart skipped a beat. "He kissed me."

Renji just stared.

Out of nowhere, a wave of fear hit Ketsueki, and she grasped Renji's arm and cried, "Renji, please don't be mad at me! I'm so pissed at Zaraki right now, I have no idea why he kissed me, but honestly I don't care. I swear there's nothing more to this, I _swear_!"

"I'm not mad at you," said Renji quietly. It only made Ketsueki more panic-stricken.

"Renji – "

"It's okay, I trust you Tsu-chan." He pulled her closer to him and stroked her dark hair.

Ketsueki leaned against him, feeling his heartbeat pulsing gently beneath her. She breathed deeply, wondering why there were tears in her eyes. Thankfully, they receded after several seconds of silence. She sat with Renji, watching the sun rise over the hills and claim its rightful place among the clouds.

Suddenly, Renji turned and took Ketsueki's face in his hands. He kissed her on the lips, once, twice, and still he kissed her. Then he looked at her with a fierce urgency in his gaze and said, "You know I love you, Tsu-chan, don't you? I love you." His voice bordered on the edge of begging. He kissed her again, desperately ...

* * *

Ketsueki sat in her little clearing in the forest, stunned.

After Renji's strange outburst, he left abruptly, leaving Ketsueki confused in his wake. She really wasn't sure why Renji had acted the way he had. She had sensed a deeper emotion welling up inside him.

That had been four days ago.

She wanted time to freeze, so she could examine every single detail that had led up to this very second, including the day she met Zaraki, the day Renji confessed, the day they agreed that they were more than friends ...

She let out a loud grunt of anger.

The clearing in her forest felt like her sanctuary where she could escape her responsibilities and just reflect upon her life and its many complexities. Amidst her anger, she admired the little flowers sprouting at the base of the surrounding trees. They danced happily, without a care in the world, their petals reminding her of dresses and elaborate costumes. The air seemed rather heavy today. It pressed against her restrictedly. Ketsueki peered up. Was it going to rain?

She continued to sit in her small clearing and closed her eyes. Then it dawned on her.

_Of course._

It wasn't the air that was pressing down on her. It was some kind of spiritual pressure. Ketsueki felt a muscle twitch in her jaw.

For the past few days, Zaraki's spiritual pressure had kept following her wherever she went. At first she was not troubled by this; she presumed that Zaraki was just nearby and needed a word with someone close to her. However, Zaraki never approached her and always kept out of sight, making Ketsueki feel paranoid … and surprisingly annoyed. What did he want? Why was he just stalking her?

"Today's not a good day," Ketsueki said out loud. No one replied.

"That's it." Ketsueki picked up Injuken from the ground and attached him to her sash. She began treading back to headquarters, hoping that Zaraki will stay in the clearing and leave her alone. However, as she made her way back, the crushing sensation persisted, following her. She took longer, faster strides, trying to evade it, but the pressure was still smothering her.

Before she could stop herself, she broke out into a full sprint. Her feet pounded on the stone path. She leapt over a log on the grassy floor.

And then Zaraki materialized in front of her. She skidded to a halt, panting, glaring with all her might at her Captain.

Zaraki took a step towards her. Ketsueki didn't budge. He looked irritated. "Why were you running away from me?"

"I wasn't," Ketsueki lied bluntly.

"Yes, you were."

"No, I _wasn't_." She felt like she needed to lie. She wanted to cause him as much confusion and hate as he had caused her.

Zaraki's brow furrowed. "You were running, girl. What do you think I am, stupid?"

_Yes._

"Sorry, _Captain_," Ketsueki emphasized the last word menacingly. "I just remembered I had to finish some documents in my room." She was glad she was standing up to him. Her fear was diminishing. He wouldn't harm her, no matter how enraged he was. She just felt scorn and distaste.

Zaraki blinked a few times, but did not reply. Ketsueki took her chance to leave. She sidestepped him and headed back down the path.

But before she could get far, Zaraki grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. He shoved her against a tree and leaned in, looming over her. "Y'know, I don't get you," muttered Zaraki, gripping her wrist tightly, raised above her head. "One second you seem to be shit scared of me, the other you seem to be frickin' mad at me."

Ketsueki bit back the retort that had sprang to her lips. She wasn't afraid, but she was weary of what he might do to her.

When Ketsueki didn't reply, Zaraki cocked his head to one side. "You're a strange girl, you know that?"

Ketsueki stood still, trying to sink into the tree behind her, because Zaraki was leaning in again, his face getting uncomfortably close to hers ...

She shut her eyes. She felt his lips hovering somewhere nearby.

And then Zaraki pulled back with a loud laugh. "What's wrong, girl? Did you think I was gonna kiss you?" He laughed some more, letting go of her wrist.

It was his hurtful attitude, more than anything else, that made Ketsueki shake with fury. Instinctively, she shoved him away, glowering at him. "Bastard!" she hissed. Why was she blushing at a time like this?

Zaraki fired up at the insult. "What? I was just - "

Ketsueki let out a harsh laugh. She couldn't control herself. "Just what? Just joking?"

"I'm your Captain, girl. You better watch your mouth - "

"That doesn't give you the right to just ... to just _mess _with me."

"Like I fucking said, I'm your Captain. I'll do whatever the hell I want with you."

"I don't care that you're my Captain! In fact, I really don't care about you at all!"

"Yeah, well, I couldn't give a fuck about you either!"

The insults were flying now, and their voices grew louder with each word.

"Then why have you been following me?" Ketsueki hurled at him.

"I haven't!"

"_Yes, you have_! I can feel it, and I don't understand - "

"No, you're the one who's acting messed up. Just fucking face it, girl! Why don't you just admit that you fucking want me - "

Ketsueki's eyes widened. "You think that's what this is about? You think I _like _you?"

"Why not?"

"Don't make me laugh! I would never want you, Zaraki! Who on earth would like someone as vicious and cruel and – "

A wave of spiritual energy hit Ketsueki, sending her reeling backward into the tree. Wood splintered. Ketsueki stared. Zaraki was gripping his sword, its blade cutting into the bark a few centimetres above her head. The old fear returned.

Zaraki looked as if he could kill her.

After an eternal silence, Zaraki sheathed his sword and walked away.


	20. Chapter 20

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Erp, here's another chapter. I told myself I'd write faster but my creativity is wearing thin :/ Thanks to my brilliant, kind reviewers: BleachmyNaruto, TheBigPumkin, ammiranny, sakura476, blackshadow878, Kira michi, thabluGRRL and doggy2300! Reading your reviews really makes my day :')**

"Momo? Are you there?"

Ketsueki stood before the warm, mahogany office door, wondering if she should go in. After another few weeks, she had, thankfully, reached the last report of the pile. She had almost laughed out loud in sheer joy. This time, she was directed to the Fifth Division's Headquarters in order to get Momo's signature on one of the statements. However, when Ketsueki knocked, no one answered.

"Momo?" she tried again.

In truth, she needed to talk to her friend about something else. She needed to tell someone about what was going on between her and Zaraki. She couldn't keep it to herself any longer. It felt like a disease that would eat away at her bones. She didn't want to tell anyone in her own squad. It seemed inadequate and a waste of time: Ikkaku would only laugh if she told him, Yumichika would just give her some kind of beauty tip, and Renji …

Renji would just tell her he loved her.

"I see you're looking for my lieutenant?"

Ketsueki whirled around and found herself face to face with Captain Aizen. His kind eyes peered at her through his glasses curiously.

"Captain Aizen!" Ketsueki blurted, honoured to be meeting the Captain in person. She bowed deeply before asking, "Could you tell me where I could find the Lieutenant, please?"

"Oh, I think she just went out to command some of our men. I'm sure she'll be back soon. What do you need?"

"I need her signature for Za-Captain Zaraki's report." Ketsueki showed Captain Aizen the piece of paper in her hand.

"Ahh, I see. Well, why don't you wait in my office until she gets back?"

Ketsueki was startled at the offer. "O-oh, there's no need for that, sir! I'll come back tomorrow."

Captain Aizen tilted his head to one side, looking amused. "But don't you want to finish that report? I know what it feels like to be running around the Gotei 13 trying to gather up the facts." Captain Aizen chuckled. "I can't imagine it would be any more pleasant under Captain Zaraki's command."

Ketsueki blushed. "I-I didn't mean it like that," she stuttered.

"Don't worry, perhaps I was a little out of bounds there." He smiled and placed a reassuring hand on Ketsueki's shoulder. "I'm certain Momo will be back in 15 minutes. Please, be my guest for that little while. I'd like to get to know you more."

"Th-thank you, sir!" Tentatively, she followed Aizen into his office, which was just a few paces down the corridor. His office was much cleaner and neater than Zaraki's. There were quite a few bookshelves in the room. He had a view of the Squad Five training site.

Aizen noticed her gazing out the window and smiled. "I like to keep an eye on how my men train. I like to be personally involved in their development." He offered her a chair sitting opposite his desk. "Please." Ketsueki sat down, not knowing how to receive such kindness and hospitality from such an important person. _This was not meant to happen, _she thought frantically.

After Aizen sat down behind his desk, he leaned forwards slightly and said casually, "Now, let us talk. I believe your name is Ketsueki?"

"Yes, how did you – "

"My lieutenant speaks very highly of you," he replied. "She mentioned to me that you're not completely satisfied with the squad you're in."

Ketsueki fumbled with her words. "Well … "

"Let me guess, it's Captain Zaraki you're not particularly fond of, isn't it?"

Ketsueki's head jerked up.

Captain Aizen laughed softly. "Everyone feels that way about him. Well, nearly everyone. He's just that kind of person. And his men are bound to be the same."

"Not all of them are like him," Ketsueki said, thinking of Yumichika and Yachiru.

"Yes, that's true. But still, most seek the thrill of the fight and the spilling of blood." Aizen sighed. "Tell me, have they been treating you badly?"

"Not particularly … " Ketsueki's mind flashed on Inui and his taunts about Zaraki.

Sensing her discomfort, Aizen said, "Forgive me, I've been intruding. It is not my place to judge a fellow Captain's rules."

"D-don't worry about it."

"So, Ketsueki, how did you meet Momo?"

"I was in the same year as her in the Spirit Academy."

"Interesting … I wonder, why didn't I ever remember meeting you?" asked Aizen curiously. "If I had known about you, you would surely be in my squad."

"I-I'm not sure, sir, but I'm honoured that you would do that. Momo was in a better class than I was."

"Ah, Momo is quite the fighter, isn't she?"

Ketsueki laughed. "Yes, she is. She used to be so competitive."

Aizen winked. "And she still is. That's why I gave her the role of Lieutenant. I think it's what she's been aiming for ever since she joined. But tell me, Ketsueki, what do _you _hope to achieve in your squad?"

Ketsueki shrugged and hugged her arms. "Who knows," she said with a sigh. She wanted to let it all out, to let the worries and the fear of Zaraki go. It would be so easy to just tell Aizen everything. She now understood what Momo meant when she said what a kind, caring leader Aizen was. If only there was someone like this in _her _squad, someone to help lift the burden off her tired shoulders.

"I hope no one is holding you back from what you want?"

"No … " replied Ketsueki hesitantly. Should she reveal what Zaraki had been doing to her?

Aizen seemed to sense some sort of revelation over the horizon, for he smiled kindly and continued, "I can guess from your expression that it's Zaraki you're thinking of, isn't it?"

Ketsueki blushed with shame. "Y-Yes," she stammered. Despite how much she hated the man, it still felt wrong to talk behind his back. _Idiot, think of what he's done to you! You should tell someone, really._

"If you don't want to tell me what he's doing, that's fine. I'm sorry for intruding."

"No, not at all, Captain! I just … I just don't really know what's going on between us … " She thought back on her fight with Zaraki, and the kiss, and shivered.

"A Captain should be a friend to his men, not a menace," said Aizen quietly.

Ketsueki nodded her consent.

After a moment's silence, Aizen leaned back in his chair comfortably and asked, "Ketsueki Donato, what do you think makes a Captain a Captain?"

Ketsueki thought about it. _Everything Zaraki isn't. _"A Captain should be intelligent, loyal to his men, caring … right?" She peered up at Aizen.

He chuckled. "What you list is true. However – "

The office door opened. Ketsueki spun around, expecting to see Momo, but instead Captain Ichimaru stepped in. He smiled at the two of them and closed the door behind him.

Aizen smiled back at his fellow Captain, and Ketsueki saw a flicker of meaning between the two men. "Ah, Captain, glad to see you've joined us. I was just asking this lovely girl here what qualities make a Captain. What do you say, Ichimaru?"

"What do I say, you ask?" repeated Ichimaru, his smile slowly spreading across his face. Ketsueki felt a chill run down her spine, rooting her to her chair. "Well, there is one thing a person must be willing to do in order to fulfil the requirements of being a Captain."

Aizen raised an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

Ketsueki thought she was imagining it, but she sensed a sinister feeling in the air all of a sudden, as if a cold draught had settled in the room.

Ichimaru tilted his head. "Perhaps I shall tell you another time, Aizen. It is rather complicated, and I would not want to trouble this young girl here."

Aizen observed Ichimaru for a few tense seconds, then stood up and sighed with a smile. "Gin, you are a peculiar person, you know that? Right, well, I shall have a look for Momo. She really should be back now." Aizen bowed his head toward Ketsueki. "Please wait for a few more minutes. I promise I won't be long."

"Please, take your time, Captain," Ketsueki replied, returning his smile.

Aizen nodded, then left the room.

Ketsueki was about to greet Ichimaru before she was cut off by the man himself, "You know, my young shinigami, what makes a Captain a Captain really isn't that complicated at all."

"Oh?" Ketsueki was surprised by his statement. _I thought he didn't want to trouble me with this ..._

Ichimaru turned toward her. "To be a Captain means to be willing to defend the Soul Society, against anything that might harm innocent souls." Ichimaru paused, then continued quietly, "To be a Captain means to be willing to give your life for the Soul Society. No matter what."

Ketsueki suddenly felt humbled.

Ichimaru smiled again.

"Don't tell Captain Aizen."

* * *

In the end, it turned out that Momo had been preoccupied by helping organise a group of new recruits. After signing Ketsueki's documents, the two sat down to talk.

Ketsueki let it all out: her anxiety, her anger, her embarrassment. She felt as though she wasn't speaking fast enough in order to let everything come out at once, yet at the same time she experienced a tremendous wave of relief that finally, _finally, _someone else knew exactly what was going through her mind. She realized one of the reasons she was so fed up was simply because she was alone. She told Momo everything, including her struggles with Injuken, her worries about Renji, and her own insecurities about her squad. The words tripped and stumbled past her lips.

After thoroughly exhausting herself, Ketsueki let out a low sigh. The sky outside was a magnificent shade of gold. "I have no idea what to do. I really don't."

Momo stared at Ketsueki for five, straight seconds. "Wow," she said finally. She shuffled closer to her. "Now _that _was a lot, Ketsu."

"I realized. Momo, can you help me out? I am honestly so lost." Ketsueki was practically pleading.

Momo looked at her sympathetically. "I can't imagine what you're going through. But you've got to stick to it. I mean, Captains don't just get people to switch squads that easily. And for a guy like Zaraki I guess it'll be like punishment, staying in his squad."

"Yeah," grumbled Ketsueki. "Punishment for me while he gets to stare at my ass – "

"Don't," Momo cut in. "No, com'on Ketsu, don't say that."

"But what _can_ I say? It's getting ridiculous! I wish I was in Captain Aizen's squad, I really do! You are so, so lucky."

Momo lowered her head, looking ashamed of being unable to assist her friend. "I know I am," she said quietly, eyes averted.

_Shoot, I've hurt her haven't I? _Ketsueki back-pedalled. "Sorry Momo, I didn't … I didn't mean it like that. You deserve Aizen." She patted her soft hand. "You really do."

"You do too."

"I'm just … " Ketsueki grunted, frustrated, and collapsed on the desk in front of her. "I'm such a wreck," she mumbled.

"No, you're not," said Momo firmly, more persuasive this time. "Ketsu, you've just go to think to yourself that, one day, you'll rise above all of them. You might not be stronger, who knows, but you're a much better person than the whole lot of them. You're amazing, you know that?"

Ketsueki was moved by this vote of confidence. "Thanks," she murmured into her arm.

"It's what friends are for."

And, for some unrecoverable, unexplainable reason that might not even have anything to do with what had happened to her, Ketsueki began to cry into the crook of her elbow, each gasp a great, shuddering sob. She heard Momo's soft voice and felt her arms wrap around her shoulders. Ketsueki shut her eyes, and for a brief moment pretended that she was still in the Spirit Academy. She relived the memory of when she had just failed one of her exams, and had cried on Momo's shoulder for a whole minute. She pretended seeing Renji being called out from the crowd to comfort her, and for a few moments she truly believed that they were still just friends, and that everything was simple, and that she knew she would be all right after relinquishing her friend and saying, "I'll try again next time."

Then Ketsueki opened her eyes, and through her watery, blurry vision, she knew that, this time, there wouldn't be a next time.

**AN: I hope this chapter is slightly longer than the others :/ Please do tell me if you'd like more to read! I'll try and write some more for you guys (:**


	21. Chapter 21

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-one**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Eeek I've got some major exams coming up, so I better post this up before I totally run out of time D': Thanks for all the support you awesome lovely people! Thank you moonlightrurouni, blackshadow878, TheBigPumkin, thablueGRRL and BleachmyNaruto for the kind reviews :D This chapter's slightly longer, hope you enjoy!**

Ketsueki was beyond worried; she was exhausted with anxiety. But this time, it wasn't Zaraki she was anxious about.

It was Renji.

They had not spoken since the day Ketsueki had told him Zaraki had kissed her. In fact, Ketsueki hadn't even glimpsed those dark, narrowed eyes in the past two weeks. She had searched the training sites, the corridors, and had even tried looking in her small clearing in the forest, but to no avail. She simply couldn't find him.

Was he avoiding her?

Every time Ketsueki thought of this, she felt her heart sink deeper into her chest. She hated the thought that she could have caused a rift between them, because there was surely a rift now, a gap of misunderstanding.

_You've done nothing wrong, _Ketsueki shouted at herself. _You explained to him, you've done nothing wrong!_

Yet Ketsueki couldn't shake off the feeling that Renji was distancing himself from her. And it killed her inside. She longed to be held in his arms again. She wanted to wash his concerns of Zaraki away; they were false, they did not have any standing in this world, because Ketsueki felt nothing, absolutely nothing, for the man, that despicable man.

Didn't she?

After many days of searching, however, Ketsueki was forced to give up. She simply could not locate him. And she had other things to attend to, like her training with Yumichika. So, on a dull, misty morning, Ketsueki descended the steps and out into the hazy training grounds. _At least it isn't too hot today. Come to think of it, it's probably mid-autumn already … _

Ketsueki scanned the grounds briefly for Yumichika. Not spotting his elegant style anywhere, Ketsueki trudged toward a nearby tree and did some stretching. She pushed against the tree as she stretched out her calves, extending them behind her. She felt the familiar tingling sensation whenever she sensed a battle approaching. But she was slightly weary. More than once, she had detected a flicker of impatience in Yumichika's eyes. She didn't want to trouble him, and it was mainly due to this that she was so eager to improve.

"Oi, Ketsueki! Get your butt over here!"

Ketsueki jumped and peeked over her shoulder. Ikkaku was striding toward her, his zanpakuto in hand, and a devious grin on his face.

"Ikkaku, sir," said Ketsueki, turning to face him as he joined her under the tree. "Have you seen Yumichika?"

"Screw that idiot. I'm gonna be training you from now on," announced Ikkaku rather proudly.

Ketsueki winced. She had not been expecting this. "Is Yumichika all right?" she asked, half-hoping that this would be a one-off thing.

"Yep, perfectly fine," fired Ikkaku, stretching his arms and shoulders, his muscles rippling under the folds of his robes. "He just thought it'd be good if you trained with me instead. He told me he didn't think he was up for it, thought I'd be a better instructor. And rightly so!"

Ikkaku's loud and commanding voice was drawing curious looks from the other shinigami who were training. Ketsueki half expected Ikkaku to order them to join him.

"But I thought Yumichika was a great teacher."

Ikkaku scoffed. "Him? No way. He just wanted to get you on the right track. He really does seem to wanna look after you."

Ketsueki suddenly felt a little warmer inside; the cold drizzle didn't seem to bother her as much.

"All right! Let's get started," said Ikkaku, and without further explanation whacked his zanpakuto, still in its sheath, against Ketsueki's head.

Ketsueki, who had been expecting further instructions, was knocked clean off her feet and landed painfully on the ground. She grimaced, but before she had time to fully recover, Ikkaku took another elaborate swing toward her, this time the blade of his sword glinted in the mist. Yelping, Ketsueki rolled out of the way as the sword stabbed the spot where her stomach had been seconds ago.

"Gimme a second here!" she complained, unsheathing Injuken.

"Would an enemy 'give you a second'? I don't think so!" Ikkaku remarked, striking again and again at Ketsueki.

Ketsueki was growing angrier and more frustrated by the second. She grit her teeth and made to knock Ikkaku's sword out of his hands, but he was much stronger than Yumichika, and this move proved useless against him. She backed off slightly, defending more instead of attacking.

Sensing her hesitation, Ikkaku advanced menacingly. "Com'on! Gimme what you got!"

"With all due respect, sir," snapped Ketsueki, parrying his attacks, "You're a third seat officer, and I'm – "

"Idiot! Don't think about those things when you're fighting," said Ikkaku darkly, and he managed to cut Ketsueki's arm before she could retort.

The pain was excruciating, but somehow, Ketsueki's mind became clearer and more focused. She glared at Ikkaku through a haze of pain and pronounced viciously, "_Bleed, Injuken._"

And once more, the red ribbon flowed from its hilt like a running stream, only a thousand times more deadly.

Ikkaku's eyes gleamed with new energy, and so did Ketsueki's as she felt the pulse of adrenaline and power coursing through her veins. She felt alive, and she felt good, even though she knew what a destructive weapon her zanpakuto was.

But in battle, these things hardly mattered.

"Nice," stated Ikkaku, and with one quick slice through the air, he attacked her weakened arm.

Before the blade reached her wound, Ketsueki repositioned herself and stretched out a piece of Injuken in front of her. Ikkaku's blade was stopped by the thin fabric, which absorbed the impact of the attack and seemed to transfer it against Ikkaku. He had not expected this, and was shoved backward by Ketsueki roughly, who was grinning broadly now.

"What the hell?" muttered Ikkaku, his eyes narrowing. "That's your first stage?"

"Yep," said Ketsueki, and she made a sudden movement toward him, flicking the ribbon rapidly at Ikkaku.

"Oi!" Ikkaku ducked. The ribbon soared over his head, but Ketsueki channelled her spirit energy through the fabric and it came spinning back toward Ikkaku. It sliced a shallow cut across his chest. He winced and tried to get out of range, but the ribbon seemed to be following his every move.

"Enough!" he seethed, and he jumped, took two steps in mid air and somersaulted over Ketsueki. Landing behind her, he slashed her back and knocked her to the floor.

Ketsueki winced as pain erupted through her muscles, but she managed to block it out and stand up, bracing herself.

"That's enough," said Ikkaku, more calmly this time. He held up his hand. "I get your first stage. You've got potential, but I guess that's one helluva hard thing to control. I can tell you've trained loads, right?" When Ketsueki nodded meekly, Ikkaku smirked.

"Well, you're gonna train even more now."

* * *

_Renji smiled at her as he picked her up and twirled her around in her pure white wedding kimono. A dazzling, exquisite veil sat upon Ketsueki's head, and she brought a hand up to the delicate fabric, making sure it was still in place. She laughed joyously. They were getting married, at last!_

_They ran up to the shrine together, incredibly eager to be wed. A man was standing in front of the shrine, but he was shrouded in shadows. She could not see his face; his features were blurry, and his entire figure seemed to be made of nothing but mist. She didn't care, as long as she could be forever bonded to the man by her side. She beamed up at Renji, and he smiled toothily back at her. His red hair was styled back in a sleek ponytail, its normally spiky strands tamed for this special occasion. He wore a dashing, black kimono._

_They continued with the formalities and said their vows. As Ketsueki promised to forever be loyal to Renji, she glanced around at the wedding guests. She saw Ikkaku arm in arm with Yumichika, who adorned a dress made solely of peacock feathers. Ikkaku was wearing what appeared to be a pink, furry wig, but upon further inspection it turned out that Yachiru had attached herself to his bald head. She was wearing a warm, yellow kimono._

"_I like what you've done to your hair," remarked Yumichika to Ikkaku._

"_Shut it."_

_At last, it was nearly time for them to drink sake, symbolizing their everlasting bond. Ketsueki was nearly trembling with excitement as she held the cup in her hands … _

"_I object," stated a frosty voice. Everyone in the vicinity froze and turned toward the speaker. Ketsueki felt her heart sink._

_In the midst of the wedding guests stood a red-headed figure. His hair was short and wild, strands sticking straight up in the air, and he was dressed in a white kimono stained with blood. His arms and exposed torso were bandaged in bloody rags. His eyes were of the same shade as he glared at Ketsueki. He raised a bony finger at her, like a ghost. "I object," he repeated._

"_I object as well," said another voice, and Ketsueki turned to face the man standing before the shrine. His features were visible now, and she recognized him instantly._

"_Zaraki!" shouted Injuken, his face contorted with rage. "We must stop this."_

"_Damn right."_

_Ketsueki felt a sharp pain in her chest. She looked down, and was surprised to find the hilt of Zaraki's sword protruding from her torso._

_She could hear Renji's voice yelling her name._

"Ketsueki Donato!"

_She collapsed to the stone floor, her body shivering. She fell through the floor, through the darkness, through nothing … _

"Officer Donato, this is Shiba Kunjo reporting!"

Ketsueki woke up with a jolt. _Odd dream. _She scrambled out of her bedsheets, dampened with sweat, and scuttled across the floor to open the door. Standing before her was one of the junior Squad 11 shinigami. Seeing Ketsueki, he bowed and declared, "Sorry for disturbing you, officer Donato! I have a letter from Captain Aizen to you." He revealed a sealed envelope and handed it to her.

Still reeling from her dream, Ketsueki nodded her thanks.

The non-officer bowed once more and walked away swiftly. Ketsueki shut the door and opened the envelope. Inside, she found a slip of paper printed with neat handwriting.

_Dear Ms. Ketsueki Donato,_

_I hope you are doing well. I apologize for keeping you the other day. I hope I did not bore you._

_I am writing to offer you a temporary teaching role in the Spirit Academy. If you wish, you will be guided by one of the teachers and will help out in the classrooms and training grounds. I think you might enjoy the chance to work with new students. Perhaps it might allow you some relief from your squad. It will also allow you to seek personal training from the teachers there. If you wish, I could arrange for you to become an instructor at the Academy permanently, after you acquire the skills necessary._

_I hope you will accept this offer. I do not often give offers like such to shinigami, especially to those in a different squad. But I feel that both you and the Gotei 13 will benefit more if you accept. I have sent a separate letter to Captain Zaraki to gain his permission. (You will still belong to the 11th Squad and will have to respond to orders from the Captain). If he allows you to go, then please write back as soon as possible and I will make the arrangements promptly._

_You are a bright officer, and you have much potential. I look forward to hearing from you._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Captain Aizen_

Ketsueki's heart beat rapidly as her eyes scanned through the letter once more, making sure that she fully understood its contents. _A teaching role? In the Spirit Academy? _She had always felt warmly and nostalgically about the Academy. She had spent so many happy years there, gaining experience and nourishing under the teachers' help. It would definitely be a wish come true to be able to go back again, but this time she would be the one to instruct and teach.

One problem. Zaraki had to approve of this.

Ketsueki's brow furrowed, and involuntarily she punched her pillow. He would never grant her permission. Why would he, after everything she had said to him? She felt small, like how she felt when she first set foot in the 11th Squad. This opportunity was a treat to her, and it rested in Zaraki's hands.

And it would be so, very awkward for them to talk again. Ketsueki had actually enjoyed the silence that had followed their argument. She didn't want to disrupt the calm that had settled over them.

_What's the point. I might as well just write back and say I'm not interested._

Ketsueki stared at the letter in her hands, reading it once more.

She stood up. _I have to try!_

She rushed down the open hall, the sun gleaming and encouraging her with its warmth. She clutched the letter in her hand, and knocked with the other loudly on Zaraki's office door. _Be nice. Be polite. _"Sir?" she called.

Hearing footsteps approach the door, Ketsueki took a step back. The door opened, and Zaraki stood before her, glaring.

Her stomach doing nauseating somersaults, Ketsueki started speaking before she became too scared to talk, "Captain, did you receive a letter from Captain Aizen about me leaving for – "

"Yeah, yeah, I got his stupid letter," snapped Zaraki, gaze wandering away from her.

When he didn't elaborate on this point, Ketsueki pressed hesitantly, "And?"

"And what?"

"C-can I go?"

Zaraki watched her for a while. "Yeah. Yeah you can go."

It was the sudden calmness, sudden normality in his voice that surprised her. It was as if the incident in the forest had never happened, as if they had never insulted each other and thrown horrible words at one another. That surprised her, as well as the fact that he was actually going to let her go. For a few seconds Ketsueki found it difficult to form a reply.

"Anythin' else you wanna ask?" asked Zaraki, his voice turning impatient again, snapping Ketsueki out of her daze.

"Um, n-no sir," hurried Ketsueki, confused, then added, "I just thought – "

"What? You want me to change my mind?" Zaraki growled.

"No sir, I – "

"Good." With that, Zaraki made to shut the door.

But before the door closed, Ketsueki managed to squeak, "Thank you, sir. Thank you!"

She was smiling.

**AN: Could they become friends? :'D Who knows … LOL**


	22. Chapter 22

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-two**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: EXAMS ARE (temporarily) OVER. UGH. FINALLY. YES.**

**LOL Sorry for the exclamation :'D As always, thank you very, very much to the following lovelies: ammiranny, BleachmyNaruto (of course I'd include you! xx), TheBigPumkin, Kira michi, blackshadow878 and neoko-chan. Also many kudos to kodokuna 13, RyokoSon, Scorpio113, sianfaythe, Kago of the Funk, and E.V.I.T. for faves and alerts :D **

For a week, all Ketsueki did was train with Ikkaku.

Slowly, she began to see the difference between Ikkaku's and Yumichika's styles of teaching. Yumichika had always given her instructions on what to do; he had taught her what to do by explaining to her. Ikkaku did no such thing. Every time they practised, he would immediately draw her into a scenario, and through his different offensive techniques he _made _her learn the moves she needed, and made it necessary for her to retaliate using her own brain. It was tiring, but Ketsueki felt her mind and body grow nimbler.

She now had more control over Injuken than ever before. Whenever he transformed into his first stage, Ketsueki felt as though the ribbon was an extension of herself. She could feel its every movement as it twisted and snaked in the air. She still had some trouble manoeuvring the ribbon so it didn't cut her chest or legs, but she was gaining more control nevertheless. She could make him curve and swing back at an opponent when least expected. She was starting to feel stronger.

And Injuken seemed to appreciate her new training regime, for he glowed with energy whenever he slashed Ikkaku. Every time Ketsueki drew blood, Injuken would be able to extend his grasp further, so that Ikkaku had trouble evading her attacks. Despite this, Ikkaku still beat her countless of times, which only made Ketsueki want to do better.

Ikkaku was also a different person altogether from Yumichika. Yumichika was friendlier, in his own outlandish way, while Ikkaku was rude, snobbish, and sometimes Ketsueki just couldn't stand him. But, finally, she began to feel a sort of understanding grow between them. It wasn't friendship; that would be stretching the situation slightly. It was more like companionship, or more precisely, comradeship. They were both, in essence, soldiers, and Ikkaku approved of Ketsueki. Ketsueki secretly forgave Ikkaku for annoying her when she had first joined the squad; his words about her and Zaraki were long forgotten now.

During one of their practises on a cold November afternoon, Ketsueki casually remarked that Ikkaku should be Captain instead of Zaraki. She was just being honest.

Ikkaku shoved her roughly with the back of his sword, sending her reeling. They normally had small talk while fighting; it helped increase their multitasking ability and concentration. Sometimes Ikkaku was against it, as he normally liked to go head-on into battle, but Ketsueki insisted. "Bah, don't be stupid. Me, Captain?"

Ketsueki nodded, and struck Injuken against Ikkaku's sword. "I'm serious. You'd make a better Captain than Zaraki."

"No I wouldn't," muttered Ikkaku. "You shouldn't underestimate that man." He eyed her suspiciously. "I hope you're not saying that I'm _friendlier _than Zaraki?"

"No, of course not. Ikkaku, sir, you're one of the rudest people I've ever met."

"You don't have to put it that way – "

"But you _get _your men more, you understand them more."

Ikkaku smirked. "I wouldn't say that. I mean they're all good people, good men. But they're not my priority, really. Speaking of which," said Ikkaku, lowering his sword and looking around the training grounds. "I don't see Abarai anywhere. I told him to meet us here so I could train with him after I was done with you."

At the mention of his name, Ketsueki suddenly remembered her anxious worrying about Renji, and how she hadn't been able to find him. "Do you know where he might be?" she asked.

"He said he'd be in his room or something."

"I'll go look for him," volunteered Ketsueki, a bit too eagerly. "Where's his room?"

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow as he jerked his thumb toward Headquarters. "Fourth floor. Room 409. Mind, don't take too long in there. I don't want you two getting it on while he's meant to be training."

Ketsueki blushed. "I know, I know." She hurried off toward the buildings, bemused to find that Renji's room was just a few rooms across from hers, at the other end of the corridor. She walked up to his door, her pulse already quickening. She was nervous, she could not hide that fact from herself. She just wondered why. _I shouldn't be … we're together, he understands me. _She knocked on his door, and waited. There was no reply.

After several seconds, Ketsueki knocked again, this time calling, "Renji? You in there?"

It seemed that he wasn't. _I'll come back later._

But Ketsueki was seized by a sudden recklessness. Her pent up feelings needed somewhere to go. She just wanted to do _something, _something different. Ketsueki looked around her, saw no one, then tried the door. It was unlocked. Smiling to herself, she slid the door open and slipped in quietly.

The moment she set foot in Renji's room, she began to wish she had never intruded. She felt wrong. What was she doing in Renji's personal space? What if he caught her in here, and felt as though she had violated his trust?

_Pfft, he won't mind, _said a small, arrogant voice in her head. _He always barged into your room in the Spirit Academy._

Ketsueki still felt jumpy. This wasn't like her. Even so, she stood rigid in the centre of Renji's room, surveying his belongings. His room was similar to hers: fairly small, with a wooden desk to one side, a bed mat rolled out on the floor, and some other decorations including several paintings and a pot plant. Ketsueki eyed the pot plant, bemused. _I didn't know Renji had the patience for such things. _She bent down and examined the leafy plant. It seemed to wave at her casually, its leaves swaying gently.

A door slid open abruptly. Ketsueki turned around sharply. It was the bathroom door, and Renji stood in the doorway dripping wet, his long hair darkened and matted, sticking to his bare chest.

"T-Tsu!" Renji exclaimed, and quickly slammed the door shut, but not before Ketsueki had caught a glimpse of his stark, naked body …

Ketsueki's brain went fuzzy.

_Renji. Naked._

"K-Ketsueki, what the hell are you doing in here?" Renji shouted as he poked his head around the door frame, his cheeks the same shade as his hair.

" … I didn't know you were in here … "

"_What? _This is my room!"

"I knocked but you didn't answer!" Ketsueki retorted, and her cheeks turned red as well. She felt the need to defend her actions. After all, _she _had been the one who had done the worrying. Surely Renji should be the one to feel abashed, and not her?

"Yeah, but … Tsu-chan, this is _my _room!"

"But how was I supposed to know you were in here!"

"_Whatever!" _exclaimed Renji, and Ketsueki sensed his patience running thin. He gestured with a hand wildly. "Can you gimme that towel over there? On that chair?"

"What's your towel doing out here? It should be in the bathroom." Ketsueki picked up the soft, white towel and walked toward Renji.

"It doesn't matter! You know how disorganised I am."

Ketsueki handed the towel to Renji through the gap. Renji slid the door shut swiftly. "Wait out there for a sec, will ya?"

"Sure … " Ketsueki felt herself flush again. _I should've just stayed outside. _Her defence vanished, and she was left feeling thoroughly embarrassed. The situation hit her. _I just saw Renji naked … _

She felt like slapping herself silly.

"Sorry," she mumbled through the door.

Ketsueki heard the rustling of the towel as Renji dried himself. "It's okay," he sighed. "Just don't do it again." But she could hear the smile in his voice.

The door slid open once more, and Renji walked out with the towel wrapped around his waist, and his hair tousled and cascading in damp strands down his tattooed shoulders. He eyed Ketsueki, a rogue grin on his face. He reached out and pinched her cheek. "So what're you really doing here, eh?"

Ketsueki placed her hand over his. "I was worried you were still mad about Zaraki," she said quietly.

"Mad? Of course I'm not mad. I can never be mad at you."

"Even after just now?" asked Ketsueki, with a shy smile.

Renji chuckled, and his cheeks became tinted with a pleasant pink. Then he turned serious. "Really? You were worried that I'd be mad?"

Ketsueki looked at the floor. "Yeah … " she mumbled. "I mean, you weren't acting normal after I told you, and … I thought you were avoiding me." She shuffled her feet awkwardly.

Renji sighed. "You're way too worked up." He gave her a swift kiss on the forehead; his lips were cool and soothing on her skin. "I'd never be mad at you." He walked past her toward a small closet in the corner of the room. "Don't look." Ketsueki faced the other way as Renji changed into his uniform.

"What about Zaraki?" asked Ketsueki, staring at a painting on the wall; it depicted a sail-boat caught in a raging storm. "Are you mad at him? Especially after what happened with Inui. And him … kissing me."

"A bit," replied Renji unconvincingly, after a pause. "Zaraki shouldn't be messing with you like that."

"He shouldn't be messing with _us,_" said Ketsueki, and before she could stop herself she began to voice her hidden, restrained feelings. "You have no idea how much of a jerk that bastard is. He's evil, and mad, and cruel. I mean, who likes _fighting _and _killing _people? You know, I wonder sometimes why I'm in his squad. I just really want to know. I wish I was in someone else's squad. I – "

"Shh … " hushed Renji. He walked up behind her, half-dressed, and pulled her into his chest. "That's enough. You'll figure something out with him later," he said lazily. "For now, why don't you gimme a kiss?"

Ketsueki looked up at him, and for the shortest instance felt irritated. Didn't he understand that she _needed _to talk about these things? And that they mattered to her? And wasn't he meant to be the one to listen, and agree, that Zaraki was nothing more than a menace?

But as she gazed at Renji's playful smirk, she felt her iciness dissolve, and without further comment she leaned in and pecked him lightly on the lips.

* * *

Ketsueki couldn't sleep. Maybe she was too excited, maybe she just had too much on her mind.

She got up in the middle of the night, rubbing her eyes. Her room was completely dark. Not knowing where she was going, Ketsueki stepped outside into the moonlight and wandered downstairs through the chilly grounds.

The prospect of being at the Academy had brought back fond memories. She had received another letter from Aizen telling her she would start working at the Academy tomorrow. Ketsueki had never known what a nostalgic person she was. Part of her was still clinging to her past, trying to relive it, even though everyone else had already moved on. She was a lone figure, trying to claim lost time.

At least she would happy be as a teaching assistant. The students wouldn't be as cocky as the non-officers of the 11th Squad. They wouldn't make snide comments about her and Zaraki and Renji, because they had no idea what was going on in the different squads. They were fresh, clean and unburdened. Ketsueki longed for the days when she walked in their shoes, her only problems being exams and kidou exercises and petty little things like that.

Even so, she had to admit she wasn't that bad off. She had a friend in both Yumichika and Yachiru, and there was Renji, of course.

The moon was full and bright, but cold, guiding Ketsueki through the fields. She found herself standing on a small hill not far off from Headquarters. She had a view of the front of the traditional red buildings; she could see each burning lantern in the corridors. She sat down on the grass, slightly damp with dew, just watching.

And thinking.

Renji would never be mad at her. Even after catching him naked in his room, he had never complained about her faults and bad habits, at least not seriously. She felt so glad to have him, yet an odd feeling was gnawing at her stomach. Maybe it was that he didn't listen as much as she did. She had always been the quieter one. Perhaps he was just jealous of Zaraki and didn't want to come face to face with the reality that he was, indeed, jealous.

There was a sudden disturbance in the air.

Ketsueki closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She wondered if it would ever become possible for Zaraki to control his spiritual energy. She felt it constantly, sometimes weaker, sometimes overwhelming. On rare occasions, it would shimmer and vanish, but after a short few seconds it would reappear again. Now, as she sat there, the pressure mounted steadily.

She opened her eyes and turned to face Zaraki walking up the small hill to where she sat. For some reason, she wasn't angry, wasn't bothered to see him there. It was well past midnight, and he should be in bed, but she wasn't surprised. Perhaps he had been watching her all along.

Zaraki came to a stop beside her. Ketsueki could feel his eyes burrowing into the top of her head, and she sensed he was about touch upon their on-going conflict. She said nothing and continued to stare at the buildings up ahead.

"What're you doin' out here this late?" grumbled Zaraki.

Ketsueki didn't respond. She couldn't quite figure out her feelings for him any more; she was grateful that he had agreed to let her work at the Academy, but she couldn't deny the hatred she felt in her gut, and thus didn't speak. _What does he want?_

Zaraki remained standing. Ketsueki didn't dare look up at him.

"You gonna talk to me or what?" he asked again.

Still nothing.

Zaraki let out a low sigh. Ketsueki involuntarily glanced up and watched him shove his hands into the pockets of his robes and look out into the murky night. "I know you're mad at me. I thought sendin' ya to that stupid Academy would brighten you up a lil'. Guess it didn't."

Ketsueki didn't know what to say, so she kept at her silent vigil. _What does he want from me?_

"I really don't get you," continued Zaraki. He shrugged his massive shoulders, and the truthful, honest words that were hovering at the edge of speech suddenly descended upon Ketuseki. "Hell, I've never gotten you. Might just be me, but I swear you've hated me since ya joined. I don't fucking get it." His eyes narrowed. "I just don't."

When Ketsueki didn't answer, Zaraki hissed, "Damn it, girl, say someth – "

"I have a name!" said Ketsueki crossly, her green eyes alight with anger.

"All right, Ketsueki, I'm sorry!" Zaraki said heatedly. "I'm sorry, there! And I'm sorry for whatever fucked up bad feelings I've caused ya. Happy?"

Ketsueki could barely recognize her Captain, illuminated by the lights ahead. He was apologizing to her. He was really saying sorry. She gazed long and hard at his dark face for a moment. _What do you want from me? _Her gaze floundered down to her hands, and she found that they were shaking slightly.

Zaraki sat down heavily next to her, and she jumped. The glow of the lanterns outlined his face. She clutched her robes. "Captain … I … I'm sorry as well. The other day, in the forest, I didn't mean – "

" – didn't mean to call me a bastard?"

Ketsueki blushed. "Yeah … that." She bit her lip, then added defensively, "But you were messing with me. Just to let you know, I don't stalk or randomly kiss people I'm interested in."

And, to her stunned surprise, Zaraki went a little red. It was barely noticeable since half his face was hidden in the shadows, but she definitely saw it as he barked, "Yeah, yeah, I get whatcha mean. Don't needa rub it in."

"So … " Ketsueki fumbled with her sleeve. "You actually do like me."

This time, Zaraki was the one who stayed silent, and, for some reason that no longer mattered, Ketsueki suddenly felt closer to the man, closer than she had ever felt before.

"You have no idea how to treat someone you have feelings for, do you?" she guessed quietly.

Zaraki swore under his breath. His face was getting warmer by the minute. "Don't fucking act like a know-it-all," he muttered darkly, each word a puff of pale mist dispersing into the dark night.

"I'm sorry." She hid a smile unsuccessfully.

Zaraki rounded on her. "Don't laugh!"

She shook her head to herself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean … I just … I guess I just never understood you." She reddened at her own comment. But it was true. Perhaps she had never really understood his motives. Perhaps she had judged before she had time to overlook the prejudices.

Perhaps, he was just as confused, and lost, and hurt as she was.

"Whatever," mumbled Zaraki. "I honestly shouldn't give a shit about you, but … whatever. I just came to apologize, I didn't want to talk about this crap." Zaraki got to his feet. "I'm going."

A thought suddenly struck Ketsueki. "Wait, Zaraki," she said, getting up as well.

Zaraki eyed her strangely, his face hardened by the shadows. "Zaraki? Don't you mean Captain?"

"Right, sorry. Captain, I've been wanting to ask you something."

Zaraki rolled his eyes. "Watcha want now?"

"Why am I in your squad? Why did you pick me?"

Zaraki grinned for the first time that night. "If I'm honest with you, I don't have a frickin' clue."

Ketsueki blinked. "What?"

"I don't know. I don't know why you're in my squad." Zaraki scratched the back of his neck. "I just remember havin' a bad day. All the other students all seemed like stuck-up pricks. And some of them just didn't seem to have that fighting spirit. And I was getting fed up, so when that teacher guy recommended you, I picked you. I was thinkin' of getting' rid of ya for the first few days, but then I decided not to 'cus I thought things might get interesting." He grinned again. "And it did. You've changed loads."

Ketsueki frowned. "So the only reason I'm in your damn squad is because you were _having a bad day?_"

"See, when ya first joined you wouldn't have freakin' dared say that."

"So that's your reason then? That's it?"

Zaraki shrugged. "You wanted the truth."

"That's so _stupid!_" exclaimed Ketsueki. "All this time I could've been in a different squad!"

"Guess so."

Ketsueki gaped.

This seemed to offend Zaraki. "D'you mean my squad ain't good enough for you?" he challenged.

"No – yes! No! It's just … I don't – "

"I get it," said Zaraki with a wave of his hand. "You fucking hate my squad, and my fucking guts."

"Not as much as before," said Ketsueki defiantly.

Zaraki scoffed. "Doubt it."

"It's true! You're … you're not such a bad guy, really."

They stared at each other and became strangers for a heartbeat.

"Right, whatever," muttered Zaraki gruffly. He walked back down the hill.

Ketsueki watched his dark silhouette move away through the darkness. "Goodnight Captain," she called, her breath white and swirling before her.

Zaraki kept on walking, but he raised a hand in acknowledgement. After he had gone indoors, Ketsueki trod down the hill in his footsteps.

She was beaming.

**AN: Sliiight change in writing style … I'm not very consistent I'm afraid to say ;n;**


	23. Chapter 23

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-three**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: IMPORTANT: KETSUEKI'S NICKNAME IS NOW OFFICIALLY TSU-CHAN. I'm sorry if it might seem a bit weird, especially after spending 22 chapters calling her 'Ketsu', but I just realized that 'Ketsu' actually means something obscene in Japanese, so let's just end it there D': SORRY!**

**Back to business now, and many lovely thanks to my reviewers: blackshadow878, BleachmyNaruto, metsfan101, Lady Barbossa329, ammiranny, thablueGRRL and hyperaznmonkey12 :D**

Ketsueki's first day as a teaching assistant proved slightly tedious, but nevertheless she enjoyed herself. She was introduced to the teacher who would be guiding her for the next few weeks. She was told to call him Obita-sensei. He was a wizened man with cropped white hair and squinting, brown eyes. He smiled when he introduced himself to Ketsueki. "Welcome, Ketsueki. I hope you will enjoy your time as an assistant. We don't normally offer these placements, but Captain Aizen recommended it. I hope you decide to become an instructor; not many have the patience and skill necessary."

After this brief exchange, Ketsueki was shown a list of rules and regulations both teachers and students must follow. She was asked to try and remember as many of them as possible. Ketsueki did so easily; she had memorised them when she had been a student.

Then, she was brought to a familiar classroom, where a class of new students sat waiting. Some were boisterously loud, telling jokes and laughing wildly, while others seemed to want to shrink into their chairs, their faces showing their anxiety. Ketsueki remembered herself as one of these people, and remembered watching Renji as he talked loudly with his new classmates

For the rest of the lesson, she sat in the back of the classroom with a clipboard in her lap, making notes as the teacher explained the different elements of becoming a fully pledged shinigami. About twenty minutes into the lesson, she was beginning to feel bored. She had thought her work at the Spirit Academy would be more practical, and more personal. Surely she was going to be given the chance to actually teach and instruct? She started to dose quietly in her chair.

When there was half an hour to go until their first break, Obita-sensei said, "Now, I would like to introduce you to an officer from the 11th Squad, Ketsueki Donato."

Jumping at her name, Ketsueki sat up and found thirty-something pairs of eyes staring back at her. It was rather unnerving.

Ketsueki stood up and gave a nervous smile. "Hi."

"I was hoping you'd be able to tell everyone a bit about life in the 11th Squad."

"Um, sure." Ketsueki made her way to the front of the classroom. She stared back at the many curious eyes following her every move. Were they judging her? Sizing her up?

"I'm Ketsueki," she began, and the moment she spoke she felt her confidence grow. She was no longer the lonely figure seated at the back of the classroom. She was now a leader, with a purpose in life. "Feel free to ask any questions. To start off, I was chosen and selected to join Squad 11."

"Isn't Kenpachi Zaraki the Captain of that squad?" asked a skinny boy.

"Yes."

"What's he like?"

Ketsueki smiled. "He's tough, and can be a bit scary sometimes. And he can be a bit cold. But he's one of the best fighters there is."

"Is he really strict?" asked a timid-looking girl.

"Well … strict might not be the word." Ketsueki thought for a while. Was he strict? He definitely demanded a lot from his men and officers; he expected them to train frequently. "He wants all of us to train hard so we can improve and do better in battle. It's all for our own good, really."

Ketsueki was confused at this point, because she was actually feeling proud of herself for being in his division. It was funny, really, how once in this exact building she had hated everything about the man.

"What kind of stuff do you do? In the squad, I mean," asked someone else.

"Well, you have to train a lot if you want to progress. You need ambition. If you don't, you'll remain a non-officer. I'm not saying they're useless, but it's important to aim high. The only reason I'm an officer now is I've been killing myself trying to improve every single day." Ketsueki thought for a while. "We do paperwork. There's loads of paperwork. I don't even know why we have so much of it. Then there are errands that you have to go on, and group activities and training. And of course, some are sent on Hollow duty to the Living World."

"Have _you _been to the Living World?" interjected a girl.

Ketsueki nodded. "Yup. It's an amazing place. It's almost completely different to our world, but there are similarities. When you guys finish your Academy studies, you'll go to the Living World for training."

"What's down there?"

"Have a look when it's your go. It's an awesome place. And, you know, we're sworn to protect it. It's one of our duties of being a shinigami." She grinned. "Understood?"

Everyone in the class nodded. Ketsueki swelled with pride.

"Good."

* * *

Later that week, Ketsueki was humming to herself in her designated office space, marking a stack of exams, when someone knocked on her door. With a jolt she saw it was the teacher who had recommended her to Zaraki. It had been so many months ago, maybe even a year (time had lost its structure ever since she had joined his Division), but Ketsueki had remembered the entire scene clearly: standing in a line with everyone else, scared to death, only to hear her name being called by the very man before her.

"Sir!" she blurted.

Perhaps the instructor had recognized her, for a frown grew on his lips and his eyes gleamed with worry. "Ketsueki," he greeted slowly, sounding reluctant.

Ketsueki bowed, holding back the question that was near bursting out of her. She asked instead, "Can I help you with anything?"

"Not at all," said her ex-teacher with a shake of his head. He held out an envelope. "I was told to give this to you by the First Division."

Ketsueki raised an eyebrow as she took the envelope. She didn't know anyone personally in the First Division. Who could this be? "Thank you, sir." Unable to stop herself, Ketsueki started, "Um, if you don't mind, I – "

"I'm sorry," interrupted the instructor, turning to leave. "I'm very busy at the moment."

"Sir!" Ketsueki walked swiftly behind him, following him down the corridor. "Sir, I just wanted to ask why you recommended me to Captain Zaraki!"

The instructor looked extremely troubled as he continued to walk onwards. "I'm sorry, I do not want to talk about this."

Ketsueki grew frustrated. "Why? Sir, I would just like an answer, please!"

At last, the senior man sighed and stopped. "I'm sorry, Ketsueki," he said finally, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I'm reluctant to speak simply because I feel guilty for sending you to Captain Zaraki's squad." He smiled wanly. "I think we all know what kind of person Zaraki is, and I knew I made a mistake after you left."

"So why – "

"I thought perhaps that the harsh environment would benefit you. You always seemed so shy! Perhaps it would've brought out a stronger side of you." The teacher's eyes twinkled. "I think it has. You've grown immensely. Sometimes, being in a difficult environment can make you improve tremendously."

"I see … thank you, sir. You're right. Otherwise … you're right, I probably wouldn't be an officer, would I?" Ketsueki laughed sheepishly.

"Don't say silly things like that. But I'm glad you are doing well." The instructor checked his watch. "I must go now, I have a lesson to teach. It was great seeing you again, Ketsueki."

"You too!" Ketsueki watched her ex-teacher walk away, thinking …

_Yes, I've changed so much. _She studied her own hands as they held the small white envelope given to her. They seemed more tanned, and more stable than they ever had before. Her instructor was right in sending her to the 11th Squad. She had somehow managed to find her way out of her own comfort zone and had risen to meet the many challenges that had been thrown at her. It was like she was someone else, someone stronger, but who still had her own memories and thoughts.

_Perhaps … it's not so bad that I'm in Zaraki's squad, _she thought to herself. Ending the matter for now, Ketsueki slit open the envelope and walked back to her small office, sitting behind her desk. Her eyes scanned down the sheet of paper slowly, taking in the words.

She stopped. She stared at the message before her. _This … _She started from the beginning again, her eyes darting from one end of each sentence to the other. She read the letter for a final third time, then let the piece of paper slide quietly to a stop on her desk. She blinked a few times at it, hoping with each shut of her eye that it would disappear from view.

_Why … _And with a little groan, she got up from her desk and went outside to find Renji.

* * *

"Renji!" called Ketsueki, knocking loudly on his door the next morning. "Renji, you in there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. What's up?" asked Renji, sliding the door open and looking down at Ketsueki curiously. "Where've you been?"

"At the Spirit Academy. I was sent by Captain Aizen to do some work with the students." She wrinkled her nose. "Didn't I already tell you?"

Renji gave her an apologetic grin. "Sorry, you know how busy I am with training … "

"It doesn't matter." Ketsueki let herself in, sitting down on a chair. "Renji, I have to tell you – "

"I'm the 6th seat officer now."

"That's great, I – wait, what?"

"I was appointed just a few days ago," answered Renji proudly, sitting opposite her on his bed mat. "They held ranking matches again, and I came up 6th seat."

"How come I wasn't there?" Ketsueki was distracted from what she had been about to say. Why hadn't she been the one who had risen ranks? Surely she would've progressed enough to be offered a higher place. She felt slightly annoyed.

"You were probably at the Spirit Academy working."

"Ah, well, congratulations," said Ketsueki dully.

Renji raised an eyebrow. "What's with the tone?"

Ketsueki shrugged. "I'm sorry I missed it."

"Jealous?" Renji smiled slyly.

"No. Yes. Sort of." Ketsueki blushed, but she shook her head. "Anyway, it's probably a good thing you're 6th seat. It'll help you impress my parents."

"Yeah … wait." Renji looked at her questioningly. "Wait. Your parents? What about them?"

Ketsueki sighed. "We're meeting them."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

" … Why?"

"They want to meet you."

" … Again, why?"

Ketsueki sighed again impatiently. "They want to see the guy their beloved daughter is going out with. It seems that all the rumours have reached them too."

As Renji's mouth worked to try and come up with a reply, Ketsueki's mind pondered grimly over the thought of seeing her parents again. Ever since she had joined the Spirit Academy, her relationship with her parents had begun to deteriorate. Nothing she did ever seemed good enough. She didn't always score top marks, she wasn't always the best in the class. Her parents had high standards for her, since they both held high-ranking seats in the First Division.

But the final straw was when Ketsueki befriended Renji. Ketsueki's family was by no means part of any royal family, but they were well-respected people who had a history of serving the First Division's Captain, and this gained them a reputation that, apparently, was stained by their daughters' acquaintance. They had never approved of Renji Abarai and where he came from. Ketsueki grit her teeth in fury just at the thought of this discrimination and assumption. She had never told Renji about them, and she hadn't planned on telling him any time soon.

"So, um, where are we meeting?" asked Renji's voice, and Ketsueki was brought back to the situation at hand.

Ketsueki shrugged her shoulders. "In their shared office. It's pretty big, I've been there before."

"Ah, all right." Renji stared blankly at her from across the room. "I don't want to go," he said flatly.

"Me neither."

"I really don't want to."

"Me neither."

"Tsu-chan … this is scary."

"I know," replied Ketsueki irritably before she could stop herself. Renji grimaced and folded his arms. Ketsueki's expression softened. She walked over to him and sat beside him on his bed. "Don't worry too much about it. They'll love you. I think they just want to make sure I'm not going out with some gorilla or whatever."

Renji laughed nervously, then broke into a wide grin. "I'm not a gorilla, am I?"

"You're definitely not. At least, I hope not." She smiled mischievously.

"Ouch, that's harsh," chuckled Renji. "Would you hate me if I was?"

"Dunno," laughed Ketsueki. "It would depend."

"Hm, well, I'll just have to make sure you don't." He leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss.

And suddenly it didn't matter to either of them that they were going to be scrutinised by Ketsueki's parents the following day. This was just how love worked. Sometimes it seemed scary, like a formidable, relentless storm; sometimes it was the most wonderful thing in the world, and you would do almost anything to satisfy your craving for that one, heated moment. When Renji gently pushed Ketsueki onto her back on his bed mat, kissing her deeply, for the briefest of moments she was frightened by his touch and his achingly warm body pressing down on top of her. But all it took was another second before she became accustomed with his presence, and then she linked her arms behind his neck and pulled him closer against her.

Meanwhile, outside, the first few snowflakes began to fall.

**AN: They're just … making out :'D And I hope this chapter answers a few questions about Ketsueki.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-four**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Sorry for the slow updating ;n; IM ACTUALLY SO BUSY AND TIRED THIS WEEK WHY ;n; Sigh, nvm, I'll try and push out the next chapter as soon as I can :/ Thank you so much to metsfan101, BleachmyNaruto, Cantate182, TheBigPumkin, hyperaznmonkey12, blackshadow878 and thablueGRRL for reviewing :') It means so much to me.**

"You okay?"

"No."

"You ready for this?"

"Hell no."

Renji and Ketsueki were both standing outside Ketsueki's parents' office, whispering in frantic voices. They were both dressed in their best, most tidiest uniforms; Ketsueki had made sure of this personally. She had somehow found time in her busy daily schedule to wash and dry and fix Renji's hair before walking with him toward the First Division's Headquarters.

"Just be yourself. Don't lie to them or anything. They hate liars," soothed Ketsueki, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll try," said Renji unconvincingly.

Ketsueki smiled in spite of herself. "You'll be fine," she replied, though her insides were boiling with anxiety and apprehension. It wasn't so much that she was afraid her parents wouldn't like Renji. No matter what they would say, she would always love Renji.

She was worried because she was afraid they would not approve of _her._

Would they notice the changes she had gone through after joining Zaraki's squad? Was she rougher? More abrasive? Less like the daughter they wanted but never had?

Light footsteps approached them from the other side of the door. _Here we go,_ thought Ketsueki, and she tightened her hold around Renji's fingers.

The doors opened to reveal a thin, middle-aged woman with wavy, brown hair. Her eyes were of the same shade of green as Ketsueki's; they shone like little alien crystals as they took in the couple before her. She looked incredibly fit for her years, and she carried herself proudly and with composure. "Tsu-chan!" she said lovingly, and opened her arms to embrace her daughter.

"Hey mum," greeted Ketsueki, a smile sneaking its way up to cover her dark thoughts. "How are you?"

Her mother let go of her. "I'm absolutely fine. Busy, but fine." Her eyes then landed on Renji. "And you must be Renji?" she asked affectionately.

"Yes ma'am," said Renji hurriedly, and he bowed jerkily, not expecting the sudden display of warmth.

"There's no need for that now," said another figure behind Mrs. Donato. Ketsueki's father appeared in the room. His dark hair had slivers of grey, but like his wife, he looked healthy and radiated strength and authority. He nodded at Renji. "Welcome," he said in a kind enough voice, but Ketsueki noticed his tense stance. He gestured toward another room. "Please, come in and sit down."

Ketsueki and Renji followed obediently. But Ketsueki was already seething inside. She knew her parents' façade. She had heard the words they had said to her when they had found out she had made friends with Renji …

"_What do you think you're doing, involving yourself with _that _kind of people?" exclaimed her father._

"_I don't know what you're talking about," snapped Ketsueki, making to walk away._

_Her mother blocked her way. "You know what we expect from you. This is unacceptable."_

"_I don't care! You can't tell me who to be friends with!"_

"_Don't talk to your mother like that," interjected her father, his expression furious. "We will not allow you to tarnish our good name."_

"_What good name?"_

"_Our family has had a history of serving the First Division. I will not – "_

"_That has nothing to do with Renji!"_

"_It has _everything _to do with him! We expect you to be amongst people who aren't – "_

"Ketsueki? What's the matter?"

Jumping, Ketsueki smiled at her mother's inquiry. "Oh, nothing. I'm fine."

They sat around a small table. Tea had already been poured in delicate glasses. For a moment, the four people sat in silence, secretly observing one another.

Mr. Donato was the first to speak. "So," he began, eyes darting between Renji and Ketsueki. "So, how have you two been?"

"Oh, we've been grand," stated Ketsueki, and she patted Renji's arm. "Renji here was made 6th seat just a few days ago.

"Really?" Her mother's face held a polite incredulous expression. "That's wonderful! Congratulations!"

Renji blushed. "Th-thank you," he mumbled, and took a sip of his tea.

"And what position do you hold, Tsu-chan?" asked Ketsueki's father.

"I'm 10th seat," replied Ketsueki, preparing for an onslaught of criticism.

But apparently her parents weren't going to discuss personal matters with her in front of Renji. Instead, her mother beamed widely and said, "That's really good, Tsu-chan. I'm really proud, of both of you."

_Like hell you are._

"I remembered when I first joined the First Division," continued her mother. "It was very hard work to get where I am now. I wish you two the best in your futures."

"Thank you very much," said Renji firmly. "I'll do my best,"

Ketsueki couldn't help but beam at his determination. She casually slipped her hand onto the crook of Renji's arm. "He's always doing his best."

"I'm sure he is."

They discussed some recent news regarding the Soul Society, how there seemed to be an increase in the number of people wanting to join the Spirit Academy.

"But surely they're very selective, aren't they?" inquired Mr. Donato, resting his chin on top of his interlocked fingers. "I mean, they certainly can't let _anyone _get in, can they?"

Ketsueki didn't like the way he emphasized the word 'anyone'. She risked a glance at Renji. He didn't seem perturbed by the comment. In fact, he was acting quite normally. "Yeah, they're pretty tough when it comes to picking students," replied Ketsueki, turning to her father.

"Tsu-chan should know. She's working at the Spirit Academy as a teaching assistant," announced Renji, and Ketsueki's stomach did a little flip when she heard the pride in his voice.

"That's wonderful!" exclaimed Mrs. Donato, and she reached out to take Ketsueki's hand in her own.

For the few seconds while her mother clung onto her hands, Ketsueki felt as though they had never argued about Renji. Her mother's hand were more wrinkled, and her skin seemed to be drier than before. Still, her grip was steady and reassuring. Ketsueki looked into her mother's eyes, which was like looking into a mirror, a mirror of the future.

Maybe they had finally begun to accept Renji, and who Ketsueki was.

Ketsueki smiled back and became more involved in the conversation.

Sadly, though, Ketsueki's positive mood was broken just a few minutes before she and Renji left. While Renji and Mr. Donato talked about combat strategies and training exercises, Mrs. Donato took Ketsueki aside into her office. She closed the door behind her.

"I don't understand you, child," said her mother coldly. She paused, letting her words sink like frozen daggers into Ketsueki's flesh. "How many times have I told you to _stay away _from this boy? Why don't you ever listen to what your parents – "

"Because what you say doesn't make sense," retorted Ketsueki, folding her arms tightly across her chest. She knew it, they were only acting kindly toward Renji. They were simply too cowardly to admit to his face that they didn't approve of him.

_Pathetic._

"He is _not _the type of person to do well in the Soul Society. He is not one to obey orders and be orderly himself."

"He is! Mum, he's the 6th seat officer of Squad 11. Isn't that good enough for you?"

"No, it is more to do than seat rankings."

"Don't say it's because he's from Rukongai again," moaned Ketsueki. "You always say that, and it's completely pointless."

"He is from the 78th district! You have _no _idea what people from that area are like!" hissed her mother viciously, and Ketsueki saw the glint of fire in her emerald eyes. Like the hatred she felt toward Zaraki.

No. _Used _to feel.

"I'm not talking to you about this," said Ketsueki finally. "You'd better get used to the fact that we're together, mum, 'cus it's not changing."

Her mother laughed harshly. "Fine. We'll see how you do when he leaves you. Men like him are scoundrels."

"He will _not _leave me!" snapped Ketsueki. "Don't you dare – "

"What's going on in here?" The door opened, and Ketsueki's father stepped into the room. From the look on his face, Ketsueki could tell he already knew what was happening. However, from the puzzled and worried look on Renji's face behind him, Ketsueki knew that he was very lost.

"Nothing," said Ketsueki flatly, keeping her voice dangerously steady. She walked into the living room and gestured for Renji to stand up. "Thanks for having us, but we have to go now."

Ketsueki thought her mother was about to say something, but her father cut her off. "All right then. I hope we'll meet up again some day."

"Thank you very much," said Renji, and he made to bow, but Ketsueki grabbed his arm and forced him out of the office. Outside, a thin veil of snow iced the training grounds and the frozen earth. It was now late-November, and the weather was starting to turn wintry. Despite the cold, Ketsueki and Renji walked back toward Squad 11 Headquarters, neither saying a word for a long time.

Each footstep Ketsueki took was automatic, because her brain was too busy seething over the events with her parents, especially her mother. Part of her wished they would just learn to accept that people aren't defined by stereotypes and their background. It just seemed so wrong and narrow-minded of them. But the other part of her knew, just knew, that her parents would never change. Their perception of people and society was around engraved into their cement minds; Ketsueki dared to say it was in their genes, even.

Beside her, Renji let out a long, drawn out sigh; his breath painted a transparent puff of white before him.

"What's wrong?" Ketsueki asked.

"They didn't like me," stated Renji slowly, gazing ahead of him blindly.

"Don't say that." She took his hand.

Renji smiled bitterly. "Say what you like, but they didn't like me."

"Renji, how'd you know that? They were impressed, y'know, I mean you're – "

"Ketsueki." Renji stopped walking and turned to face her. His face was set in a grim, pensive expression. "Do you really think they liked me? Don't lie."

For a second, the deception that had been on the tip of her tongue nearly slipped. But in that instant, she knew she could not say it. "They didn't like you," she admitted quietly. She could never lie to Renji.

Maybe to Zaraki. But never Renji.

"Well, at least it's over now," said Ketsueki, trying to lighten the mood.

Renji just shrugged. It looked more like a wince.

"Hey." Ketsueki held his fingers. "Listen, it doesn't matter what my parents think about you, okay?" Instinctively, she took Renji's warm face in her hands. "Whatever they say, I'll always love you." She tried to look into his coal black eyes, but he wouldn't look at her. His gaze grew distant, and once again Ketsueki felt a wide crack separating them.

"Renji, what's been going on?" she asked him nervously, her hands slowly dropping to her sides. She didn't want to touch him when he was like this.

"Tsu-chan," said Renji in a bedraggled voice. "Lately … " He stared up at the grey sky, tilting his chin back and sighing deeply. "I don't think I'm good enough for you, sometimes."

"Please don't tell me it's because of my – "

"It's not just your parents," said Renji weakly. His eyes scoured his surroundings, searching for what Ketsueki thought was the words that could describe the turmoil inside him. "Before them … I've always, kinda, doubted myself."

"You don't have to." She paused. "Is this why you were avoiding me?"

Renji just shrugged, and Ketsueki suspected he was avoiding giving her an answer. "But I do doubt myself. Sometimes, I really think … " Renji wiped the palm of his hand across his eyes. A translucent drop was smeared across his skin.

Ketsueki didn't know what to say any more. How could Renji, such a strong, determined, fierce character be having doubts about himself? _Why _was he even doubting himself? What secrets, what events in his life would make him feel this way? She was sorry he did, but she could not lie to herself: she was scared. She was scared, more than anything else. What if he decided, in a rash move, to just leave her? What would she do then? And how could Renji allow himself to let even a single tear drop roll down his cheek, just because he _doubted _himself? This was not like him.

Who was he?

He was the person she loved, and he wasn't telling her the whole truth.

"Your fingers are cold," Renji breathed softly.

"It's winter."

She had not meant for her voice to sound hard. But it did. She did not know where her compassion and sympathy had gone.

She could not help but compare Renji to Zaraki. She knew that Zaraki would never doubt himself. She knew he would fight to the death just to prove that she belonged to him, even if, at this point in time, she didn't believe so.

_Will I ever believe? _She blushed openly.

"Here." Renji took one of her hands and brought it up to his face. He pressed her palm firmly over his lips, kissing her skin gently. A tickling warmth spread through her hand. Ketsueki had to smile. Yet, oddly, her thoughts were still stuck, like a fragile spider web, to Zaraki. She looked up at Renji, at his serene yet strangely turbulent face.

They opened their mouths at the same time.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

Renji laughed, and he embraced her tightly.

"You know I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you, Renji," Ketsueki murmured into his shoulder.

"And I'm the luckiest guy to have _you_."

They laughed together again, their voices etching swirling patterns into the air. They continued to head back toward Headquarters, arm in arm. Anyone who saw them would have said that they truly belonged together. Anyone would have said that they were in a world of their own, bathed in bliss and the pure joy of love.

No one would have said that they were both guilty liars.

**AN: Secrets, oh how I love a conspiracy.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-five**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Derp. You guys should kill me, I've hardly written anything for this at all ;n; And now the holidays are gone! DARN. My only excuse is that I had to revise for mocks, which are making me go insane. Hopefully I'll get into the writing move in the next few weeks after mocks are over :/**

**Many grateful thanks to blackshadow878, Kira michi, Lady Barbossa329, .sora, BleachmyNaruto, summerinlove, and TheBigPumpkin for your lovely reviews.**

"Tsu-chan, can you fill in for me next Thursday? I have an appointment with Captain Ukitake that I can't afford to miss."

Ketsueki looked up from her desk. She smiled at Obita. "Of course, Obita-sensei! What would you like me to do?"

Obita handed her a sheet of paper. As Ketsueki's eyes scanned through the contents, Obita explained, "That's the lesson plan. I already informed the class that I'll be absent and I've told them what to do, so there shouldn't be too much trouble. But if you need any help, just pop into the instructors' office and ask for someone."

"Sure. I'll make a note of it."

"Thank you very much," said Obita gratefully, and he left, closing the door softly behind him.

Ketsueki sighed contently, slipping the lesson plan into a folder. She had worked at the Academy for two weeks now, and was enjoying life to the fullest. Gone were the cynical looks from the men in her own Division; gone was the constant anxiety to prove herself. Here, all that mattered to Ketsueki was enriching the students' lives, and fully preparing them for life as a fully-pledged shinigami. It was rather heart-warming, to see their young faces brighten up at the prospect of meeting a renowned Captain, or to see their expressions of joy when they scored well on a certain exam.

Despite these positive aspects of working in the Academy, Ketsueki could feel her own skills diminish with each day. She had stopped training with Ikkaku for the time being, and she could sense Injuken's anger at her relaxation. He didn't want her to stop progressing. He wanted her to grow stronger. Sometimes in her sleep he would try and fuel her with anger and hatred, to try and motivate her to start training again. Injuken brought images of Zaraki to her mind, reminding her of the reason she had wanted to awaken Injuken. She – no – _they_ had wanted to be better than him.

But things were different now. Ketsueki no longer despised him. Yes, she couldn't yet say she was comfortable around him, but at least she wouldn't boil up with resentment whenever she thought of him. She was beginning to feel like she was finally understanding him.

"_You have no idea how to treat someone you have feelings for, do you?"_

Ketsueki smiled to herself. That must be the truth. Zaraki was just a big, clumsy fool. Aggressive and violent, sometimes, but maybe he really did have a heart.

_Maybe._

Someone knocked on her door. Ketsueki ran a hand through her black strands, wondering who it might be. "Come in!"

The door opened to reveal Captain Aizen, beaming widely as her as he stepped into her office. "Hello there, Ketsueki, or should I say, Ketsueki-sensei?" He chuckled.

"Captain Aizen!" Ketsueki bolted out of her chair and offered it to him. "Please, have a seat, sir! This is an unexpected surprise!" Ketsueki was beside herself with excitement. What was Aizen doing here? Why was he paying so much attention to her? She was silently pleased that he was especially looking out for her and visiting as well. _He must see something in me … and not in the way Zaraki does. _Ketsueki found herself wishing once more that Aizen was her Captain. She really did envy Momo tremendously.

"Oh, no thank you," said Aizen, waving away her offer for him to sit. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing."

"I'm fine, thank you," replied Ketsueki, standing as well. It seemed rude to sit while the Captain wasn't.

"I hope it hasn't been too stressful?"

"No, not at all. Captain, I meant to say thank you for offering me this position. It really means a lot to me."

Aizen's mahogany brown eyes shined at her. "I'm glad to hear that." He paused for a while, appearing to contemplate his next words. "Tsu-chan … may I call you that?"

"U-um sure."

"Tsu-chan, am I right in saying that you and Renji Abarai are – how shall I put it – more than friends?"

Ketsueki flushed. _Even Captain Aizen knows … _"Y-yes … " Ketsueki couldn't see where this was heading.

Aizen nodded, as though this had confirmed something for him. "As you know, Abarai was transferred from my Squad to Zaraki's. I know what the young man's like. I've been meaning to tell you, but … " Aizen hesitated.

Ketsueki's heart skipped a beat. What was he talking about? _Does this have something to do with … _Renji's guilty face surfaced in her mind again. She was becoming more and more suspicious of him, and Ketsueki was beginning to feel insulted that Renji was keeping something from her. She waited for Aizen to shed some light on the matter.

Aizen continued, "Abarai is a hard person. He'd do anything to get what he wants. And I know he can seem friendly and warm; indeed, he is quite a charming young man. But he can be, well, quite deceptive as well. And angry, very angry." Aizen shrugged, looking out a window at the white scenery outside. "I can sense something bad about to happen," he went on quietly. "And I think it might involve Abarai."

Ketsueki stared at him for a while. "Captain … what do you mean?"

"I don't know myself, but there's high tensions between Captains. And that means their subordinates are destined to be in the crossfire." His gaze returned to Ketsueki.

Ketsueki was frightened. _Tensions between Captains? What's he suggesting? War?_

Upon seeing Ketsueki's scared expression, Aizen laughed, and the ice in the atmosphere melted immediately. "Don't worry too much, I'm just sharing some of my theories. Anyway, do be careful around Abarai." He laid a warm hand on her shoulder. "I know he's a good man, but, still, sometimes we need to be a little suspicious." With a mysterious wink, Aizen left the room.

_We need to be a little suspicious … _Ketsueki had thought Aizen was a man of trust. Who knew he could be almost just as suspecting as Ketsueki. Ketsueki let the Captain's words sink into her mind, but she shook her head to herself and forgot about it all. She was going back to Squad 11 Headquarters that afternoon to spend the weekend catching up with any orders and training from the Captain and Ikkaku.

Ketsueki spent the rest of the day packing a few spare clothes and her paperwork, then swiftly set off through the snow toward Squad 11 Headquarters. It was frosty and chilly outside; everything around Ketsueki was covered in a blinding sheet of white, and the snow reached the middle of her shin. After spending just 10 minutes outside, Ketsueki could barely feel her toes and was shivering from the cold and dampness.

At last, the faded silhouette of Headquarters slowly came into view. Ketsueki quickened her pace and wound her way into the building. Small icicles hung on the banister of the open corridors. Ketsueki ran up to her floor and headed toward her room. She was going to dump her possessions in her room and then report to Zaraki. Oddly enough, she was feeling rather eager to see her Captain again. She couldn't think of a reason _why _she would feel this way, but she just did. Ketsueki rushed into her room, threw her things onto her old bed mat, then strode outside again, heading toward Zaraki's office.

_Why is my heart beating so quickly?_

"Tsu-chan! You're back!" exclaimed a girlish, familiar voice behind her.

"Ah! Yachiru," said Ketsueki, surprised. It had been a long time since she saw her lieutenant. A smile automatically found its place on her lips as she greeted the young, cheerful girl.

"Tsu-chan, are you going to Ken-chan's?" asked Yachiru promptly, a sly grin tilting her small mouth.

It was the mischievous expression on Yachiru's face that made Ketsueki blush. "Yes," she replied cautiously.

Yachiru bounced on her feet. "Well, com'on! He's waiting for you. And I'm _sure _he wants to give you something!" Yachiru dragged Ketsueki forward with her as she bounded down the corridor.

Ketsueki rolled her eyes. Obviously Yachiru knew that Zaraki was planning to give something to her. Ketsueki couldn't help but wonder what was in store. She couldn't help but grin to herself. _Zaraki, Zaraki. Just stop trying._

Zaraki's office door materialized before her all too soon, and after Yachiru chirped Zaraki's name, the two shinigami stepped indoors.

Ketsueki's first reaction was the warmth of his office. She immediately felt safe and sheltered, even though she was under Zaraki's roof and in his presence. He was looking at her in that peculiar way again, with one corner of his mouth lifted in that provocative, patronizing way. But Ketsueki was not intimidated any more. She was convinced she knew her way through his thoughts and how he did things. She knew what he thought of her and how clumsy he was, so Ketsueki simply lifted her chin and smiled back confidently at Zaraki.

"Tsu-chan's back to visit!" chimed Yachiru brightly, hopping over to Zaraki and tugging at his torn sleeve.

Zaraki brushed her away impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not blind," he said. His gaze never left Ketsueki's face.

After an awkward pause, Yachiru twitched her nose and said pointedly, "Well, Ken-chan, don't you have a present for Tsu-chan?"

"Yeah, got it kid. Now just scram and go find someone to mess with, 'kay?" growled Zaraki.

Yachiru pouted. "But I want to watch!"

"Want to watch what?" asked Ketsueki, poking fun at Zaraki.

"Just get out!" Zaraki snapped at Yachiru, tearing his eyes from Ketsueki and instead glaring at Yachiru. Yachiru just stuck her tongue out at him, then bounced out of the office, winking at Ketsueki before closing the door.

The moment Yachiru's light footsteps faded, Ketsueki sighed and folded her arms. "You really can't keep your feelings to yourself, can you?" she pressed.

"So what?" Zaraki shrugged nonchalantly. "You and Abarai are always at it. It's like you're fucking glued to each other."

Ketsueki fought back a smirk, but she couldn't help saying, "Jealous?"

Zaraki fell silent. Ketsueki sensed she had touched a nerve. "Sorry," she said tentatively. "I didn't mean – "

"Forget it," said Zaraki lowly. He crossed his arms as well, and there was a strained silence between them.

"Um … Yachiru told me you had something to … give me?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't think you'd really want it."

"Why not?" Ketsueki asked curiously.

"Ain't it obvious? I get it, okay, Ketsueki? You and Abarai, you do whatever the fuck you want together. I don't want to give a damn about you," rambled Zaraki suddenly. "I don't like how you just wander off as well, damn it. Just wandering into the damned Spirit Academy and not staying in Headquarters and not coming back in weeks."

He looked angry. And torn.

"It's okay for you, you can just fucking make fun of me, like I don't matter. You and Abarai, you two assholes can do whatever the fuck you want. 'cus I know you don't want to have anything to do with me. And don't say you think you fucking understand me, 'cus you don't, 'cus I've had a think about … about that night, about what we said, and – "

"I missed you too Zaraki," blurted Ketsueki.

She gasped silently. _What's wrong with me?_

Zaraki halted, halfway through taking a sharp breath. He paused, staring at her suspiciously. His glare was harsh and demeaning.

But then his gaze softened. He turned away from her, trying to hide the warm colour that was crawling up his cheeks. Ketsueki felt her own cheeks flush, and she lowered her head. What was wrong with her?

"I've been … meaning to give you this," mumbled Zaraki suddenly. He walked over toward a shelf and lowered a flowerpot. He gestured for Ketsueki to take it. Ketsueki moved forward and took the flowerpot in her hands. She studied the flower, immediately recognizing it as the yellow flower Yachiru had showed her, so many months ago.

A lump formed in her throat.

"Yachiru kept going on and on about giving it to you," murmured Zaraki. He was leaning quite close to her again, his energy radiating off him in waves. Comforting waves, though.

Ketsueki nodded, fighting down the uncomfortable lump in her throat. "Thanks," she said, and looked up into his face. "Thanks."

"Just take it." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I missed you."

Ketsueki chuckled shyly. "I've only been at the Spirit Academy a week or more."

Zaraki shrugged again. "Still."

And that was all Ketsueki needed to be convinced that Zaraki wasn't really such a bad guy.


	26. Chapter 26

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-six**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Darn, the chapters just aren't coming that naturally to me any more -n- But I shall keep trying! Thank you so, so much to my reviewers: TheBigPumkin, ammiranny and BleachmyNaruto (thank you for critiquing! I promise to keep Zaraki more in character :D). Also thank you to Moemoepl, rockangel67, ThatGirlNamedJen, and Rosales for faves and alerts :)**

"Ikkaku? Sir, are you in there?" Ketsueki knocked again on the wooden door, wondering if she should come back in another time.

_Ugh … but I really want to train today! _It had been ages since Ketsueki had held Injuken in her hands and fought with him. She could feel his impatience eating away at her, constantly trying to get her to start fighting again. His agitated attitude was a huge weight on Ketsueki's shoulders; of course she wanted to improve and become a stronger fighter, but she also wanted to keep working at the Spirit Academy. It was just … so normal. And peaceful.

Still, Ketsueki couldn't help feeling more at home in Squad 11. It was somewhere where she did have trouble finding her footing, but she was always welcomed back by Renji and Yachiru. She hadn't seen Yumichika since she came back, and she was surprised to find that she missed his absurd fashion taste and little petty jokes.

But her compassion for Yumichika was nowhere near as startling as her feelings for Zaraki. It seemed just like yesterday that they loathed one another, but now, whenever she was reminded of Zaraki, she became quite light-headed, and her hands would tremble ever so slightly. Her affection for him was only strengthened by that golden flower, which was now sitting in her room happily, bringing a smile to her lips whenever she glanced at it.

_No, no! I don't feel affection for him, _Ketsueki persuaded herself. _It's more like … sympathy. Yeah, that's it._

Ketsueki felt another wave of exaggeration from her zanpakuto. He was becoming sick of her positive vibes toward Zaraki. She grit her teeth. "All right, all right, just hang on in there. I promise I'll find Ikkaku." She let out a long sigh, then knocked once more, this time banging her fist rapidly against the door. "Ikkaku, sir! Are you in there?" She fell silent, listening out for any tell-tale signs of life.

All was quiet. Ketsueki furrowed her brow in disappointment. Feeling depleted, she turned away from Ikkaku's room and started walking down the corridor. Maybe he was training with someone –

Suddenly, a loud crash pierced the cold wintry air. Ketsueki jumped and swivelled around toward the source of the commotion. There seemed to be a lot banging and scraping coming from Ikkaku's room. She drifted toward the door again, her hand reaching out to push it open. She retracted her hand just as quickly, not wanting to intrude. "Sir? Are you in there?"

" … argh … whozzair?"

Ketsueki recognized Ikkaku's low, drawling voice. He sounded quite sick. "Sir? Are you all right?"

" … gimme a mo' … " Ketsueki pressed her ear against the door. She could hear Ikkaku rummaging and hissing under his breath. He seemed to be hiccuping as well.

After several awkward seconds, Ketsueki called out again, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah … imagoood … " Heavy footsteps approached the door. Ketsueki stepped back as Ikkaku opened it and stood in front of her, with a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. Apart from that, he didn't seem to be wearing anything at all. Ikkaku glared down at Ketsueki, his face a dark shade of crimson. His usually sharp eyes were unfocused and drowsy, and when he spoke, his breath reeked of stale drink, "Watcha want, heh?"

"Er … " Ketsueki had no idea how to react. She was determined to keep her eyes off his sculptured torso and abdomen. Instead, she focused on his face. "Ikkaku, have you been drinking – "

"Whosed anythin' 'bout me drinkin' … ima freakin' feelin' fine … " Ikkaku gave a high-pitched hiccup. He teetered dangerously on his two feet.

"I … I should probably get Yumichika," murmured Ketsueki to herself, and she made to back away. However, Ikkaku reached out swiftly and grasped Ketsueki's waist, reeling her into his room, not bothering to close the door.

"Ya'll be stayin' with me … " stated Ikkaku bossily, grinning in a suggestive manner as he waddled toward his bed, Ketsueki still in his grip.

"Get off!" cried Ketsueki, disgusted by his behaviour and his stench. "Ikkaku, you stink, just let go!"

"Not till ya gimme what I want, y'hear?" Ikkaku forcibly pushed Ketsueki onto his bed and perched on top of her on all fours. The towel around his waist slipped down several inches threateningly.

"I said GET OFF!" Ketsueki brought her knee up frantically, ramming it into Ikkaku's stomach. She felt the wind rush out of his lips. She expected him to fall over, allowing her time to escape.

On the contrary, Ikkaku simply remained hunched over her. He stared at her and blinked hazily. Ketsueki stared back, wondering if she had somehow incapacitated his brain. "Uh … sir? Can you please let me go?" she asked hesitantly.

Ikkaku continued to stare at her stupidly. Then, slowly, he got off the bed and stood up. Ketsueki sat up and watched him with concern. He seemed to be turning slightly green in the face.

"Ikkaku, I told you to meet me downstairs at nine o'clock sharp, where – " Yumichika suddenly appeared in the doorway. He froze at the strange scene in front of him: Ketsueki sitting on Ikkaku's bed while staring at Ikkaku standing half-naked in the middle of the room. Ikkaku's body shifted as he turned to look at Yumichika, and the towel around Ikkaku's hips fell unceremoniously to his feet.

"I don't feel so good." And with that, Ikkaku doubled over and threw up all over the floor.

* * *

"Sorry about my colleague," said Yumichika darkly, cleaning up the mess with a mop several minutes later. "He normally doesn't drink this much. I'm sorry you had to be witness to such a horrendous display."

"Don't worry about it," Ketsueki replied, trying to force a laugh into her voice. She threw a blanket over the still-naked Ikkaku, who had somehow managed to sidle over to the bed after vomiting and landed face down on the mattress, falling asleep instantly.

Yumichika sighed as he cleaned the mop in a bucket of dirtied, murky water. "Sometimes I am very ashamed of my friend – _colleague. _He does such humiliating things."

"We all do stupid things. It's not his fault."

Yumichika straightened and gave Ketsueki a sceptical look. "I doubt you have ever tried to sexually assault an officer, or have appeared naked in front of an unwilling audience."

Ketsueki had to laugh at this. "Well, when you put it that way." She really had missed Yumichika's pompous air, and before she could stop herself, she said, "I missed talking to you."

Yumichika smiled warmly. "And I missed your feisty manner. You know, you've changed from that timid girl who was forced into the 11th Division. You're so grown up now."

"Thanks, _dad_, I appreciate it."

Yumichika laughed. "I mean it, though. It's good that you're tougher. The other officers won't push you around too much any more."

"True that."

Yumichika resumed mopping the floor. "So," he said, with a sly little smirk, "speaking of being naked, have you and Renji Abarai … " He let the question hang in the air ominously.

Catching his drift, Ketsueki blushed. "No, we haven't," Ketsueki retorted.

"Really? I'd expected you two to have done it already."

"Shut up, I don't want to talk about this, especially with you." Ketsueki crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Aw … don't tell me things haven't been going that well with you two."

Ketsueki bit her lip. He had to be exactly spot on, of course.

Realizing what he had unearthed, Yumichika paused. "Ah."

"Well done, genius." Shrugging her shoulders, Ketsueki stared down at her feet. "Yeah, we haven't got on that well, really."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Yumichika, and he sounded genuinely concerned. "Is it because of the Captain?"

"That's the thing … I don't even _know _why we're not getting on. It's like … he's hiding something from me. I just have this feeling he isn't telling me everything." Ketsueki felt herself getting frustrated again. But at least she was letting out some of her pent-up stress and anxiety.

"Maybe he's just doesn't want you to be worried."

"Worried about what though?"

At this, Yumichika shrugged as well. "I can't say. I don't really know Abarai that well."

"Oh well … I just hope he's not mad at me. I-I asked him if he was mad about Zaraki having feelings for me."

"What did he say?"

"He wasn't mad at me, he said he was mad at Zaraki."

Yumichika smiled encouragingly at her, and said, "See? You have nothing to worry about. Besides, You don't particularly like Zaraki yourself anyway."

Ketsueki was on the verge of saying 'Yeah', and was about to wash away all the good feelings she had for Zaraki, until she found that the word just simply wouldn't form in her mouth. She couldn't say it, couldn't deny the fact that she had somehow come to like Zaraki. She gazed uncomprehendingly at Yumichika, her lips half-open, and she saw that Yumichika understood her, for he gave her a little wink that blatantly said 'Why not?' Ketsueki stared at him, and desperately wanted to ask him _why _she was feeling this way about Zaraki. Things were never meant to happen this way.

At that point, Ikkaku let out a loud snore, and rolled off the bed, hitting the floor with a loud smack. Ketsueki yelped and knelt down next to him, breaking out of her trance. "Ikkaku? Are you okay?"

"Oh Ikkaku, you pig, wake up already," exclaimed Yumichika, ditching the mop and striding over to the bed.

Ikkaku continued to snore, but this time a few incoherent words formed on his lips, " … getover'ere … "

Yumichika scoffed in distaste. "Just look at him. Even hitting his head against the floor won't wake him up."

"Wait, shh, he's talking in his sleep," said Ketsueki, feeling curious.

Yumichika rolled his eyes. "Trust me, you don't want to hear what he says in his sleep."

" … j'st … j'st shut it Yumi … " A deep growl rumbled in Ikkaku's throat.

Yumichika blinked. "Great. He's dreaming about me."

"Shh."

" … I like that … Yumichi … ka … j'st, j'st hold me … " Ikkaku snored once more, and said no more.

Ketsueki looked up gleefully at Yumichika's reddening face. Together, they hauled Ikkaku back onto the bed. Ketsueki noticed Yumichika was quick to let go of Ikkaku's chest. She squinted at Yumichika. "So," she said, almost bursting into laughter, "so, Yumichika, have _you _and Ikkaku ever … "

"Oh, just stop it," said Yumichika irritably, but to Ketsueki's delight Yumichika blushed even more furiously, and his fingers shook as he tucked in a stray strand of hair. "He's just being a stupid pig."

"Does that mean yes?"

Yumichika rounded on her defensively. "Did I say that?"

Ketsueki giggled. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to keep a straight face. "I'll, um, I'll leave you two alone then."

"Don't be stupid," bristled Yumichika. "I'm coming with you." Together, they walked out of Ikkaku's room and down the open corridor. The snow wasn't falling as thickly as before, and the sun was out today, peering weakly at them. "Anyway," said Yumichika, obviously trying to change the topic, "why were you in Ikkaku's room?"

"I was hoping he'd still be willing to train me. I haven't been practising for ages."

"I'll train with you if you want," offered Yumichika.

"Really?"

"Of course. But because of your _disrespectful _behaviour today, I'm going to have to be tougher on you," said Yumichika, grinning.

Ketsueki returned the look, grinning determinedly as well. "Fine by me."

So they sparred on the snow-adorned ground, each breath a temporary mist, each movement paving a path in the snow beneath their feet. As they fought, Ketsueki was battling against another force; a force within her. It was Injuken's rage at her new emotions. He was eating at her insides, trying to take control of her, wanting to fuel her body with his own hatred and brute power, in order to extinguish Zaraki's warmth that seemed to radiate from inside her heart. Ketsueki found it harder to concentrate on Yumichika, but she powered on nevertheless, somehow finding the strength to silence Injuken's efforts. He brooded below the surface of her mind, and reluctantly sank into the frosty depths of his power. As he withdrew, the energy from her zanpakuto vanished, and the protective bandages on her arms fragmented just as she was about to manoeuvre Injuken's ribbon form. The ribbon whizzed past her arm and hand, slicing into her flesh and causing her to yell out in agony. As she gripped her bleeding arm, with Yumichika's anxious words numb and silent in her ear, Injuken's voice rang instead in her head, like a bell. A bright, deadly bell.

_You will pay._

**AN: Injuken is not happy. Not at all. Nor is Yumichika actually LOL**


	27. Chapter 27

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-seven**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: YES I HAVE A FEW DAYS OF PUBLIC HOLS. I'm so sorry for keeping everyone waiting so long for each chapter. :/ I don't know what's gotten into me lately. Thank you so much to my kind reviewers: blackshadow878, thablueGRRL, Aparecium465, Beryl Bloodstone, BleachmyNaruto and EcnelisEsion! All your comments and critique really mean the world to me. Hope you enjoy this rollercoaster chapter :P**

February came to the Soul Society with a gust of warm wind and the thawing of snow. Life began to rejuvenate once more; birds were singing more confidently, and flowers seemed to flourish more glamorously. People generally became happier as the weather improved gradually.

Ketsueki sat in the shade of a small tree, gazing over a small hill at the grand buildings of the Gotei 13. She was spending yet another weekend back in her Squad. It had been nearly two months since she had started working at the Spirit Academy, and she was now allowed to teach several classes a week. The feeling of fulfilment after each teaching session was indescribable; maybe she was always meant to be an instructor instead of a fighter. The best part was that she had no regrets about spending most of her time in the Spirit Academy.

Little did she know that she was going to discover something that would change her mind completely.

After several more minutes of peaceful solitude, Ketsueki got up and made her way toward the training grounds to meet Ikkaku, feeling content. Walking across the roughened dirt of the training area, Ketsueki spotted the bald man a little way off from the rest of the shinigami who were practising. Ketsueki nearly chortled with laughter as she recalled how Ikkaku had made a complete fool of himself in front of her and Yumichika. Ikkaku seemed to have read her mind, for an uncharacteristic blush crept its way up his cheeks. He coughed.

"Good afternoon, sir," said Ketsueki pleasantly; Ikkaku had nothing on her now, not after how she had seen Ikkaku in such a hilarious situation.

"Yeah, yeah, wipe that grin off yer face," said Ikkaku, annoyed. The heat from his face disappeared, but the frown remained, and he suddenly looked very grim.

Ketsueki noticed the small shift in the conversation. "What's wrong?"

Ikkaku sighed. "First off, just remember that I don't make these decisions. I'm just playin' messenger."

"What are you talking about?"

"You won't like this. I just know you won't."

"_What?_"

"You've been demoted."

Ketsueki blinked. "I … what do you mean?"

Ikkaku let out a disgruntled breath of air. "You've been demoted," he repeated. "Zaraki didn't like how you're not training as much as before. He put you at 14th seat. Which isn't bad," he added unnecessarily.

"!4th seat … " He was right, of course. Just being able to be an officer was an honour enough. But it was just the knowledge of being thought less of that irritated Ketsueki immensely. She felt her hands clench into fists. "That's not fair," she said automatically.

"He has a point," he replied, and upon seeing Ketsueki open her mouth in anger, he rushed on, "Just hear me out. You haven't been training like the other officers have. None of the 11th Squad officers would have dreamed of working in the Spirit Academy. They've all been training everyday, whereas you've just been training once a week."

She could see the cold logic starting to sink in. Yes, of course Zaraki's decision was right.

_Of course … _

But Injuken's fiery dismal was so contagious.

"Where is he?" blurted Ketsueki out loud, staring hard at Ikkaku.

He shrugged. "No idea, in his office? I doubt – hey!" Ikkaku called out as Ketsueki spun away from him and started striding toward Zaraki's office. "Where're you going?"

"I want to talk to him," hissed Ketsueki, not bothering to slow down as Ikkaku jogged to catch up with her.

"Forget it. You know what he's like, he doesn't take shit from nobody."

"It's not fair," repeated Ketsueki angrily. "It's just not fair."

But she knew it was. It was so very fair.

Yet she didn't feel like giving into Zaraki's orders. Injuken wouldn't let her.

Zaraki's office door swam into view. She threw the door open without even knocking; Ikkaku trailed behind her, a silent shadow. Ketsueki's searching eyes landed on Zaraki seated at his desk. She saw the momentary surprise in his uncovered eye. She stalked up to his desk and glared, infuriated.

"Explain," she said.

"Explain what."

"You know what. Now tell me _why_."

Zaraki stared back at her, and in that moment Ketsueki loathed every inch of that muscular, battle-beaten body.

Again.

Zaraki turned to Ikkaku. "What's she on about?"

"She's talking about her being demoted," replied Ikkaku evenly, no trace of emotion in his voice.

"Right." Zaraki returned to staring at Ketsueki. "So? You've been cooped up in that stupid Spirit Academy for a frickin' month. Watcha expect? A medal?"

Ketsueki was struck by his hostility and frosty attitude. The man before her wasn't the same man who she was just beginning to feel warmly about. The man before her was her Captain. She wasn't the centre of his attention any more. A swirl of confusing, terrifying feelings rose within her.

She was jealous.

_No … what am I doing._

"Get out for a sec, will you?" Ketsueki heard the question being directed at Ikkaku; she heard his footsteps and the door close behind her. She was barely aware of it all. A powerful surge of red, hot emotion was taking control of her.

She looked up at Zaraki, and saw him grimace and say, "All right, all right, I know you're upset. Hell, I would be too. But I'm not demotin' you to annoy or whatever, okay? I just … "

The rest of his words was drowned out by a sharp, ear-splitting ringing in Ketsueki's head, and she actually gasped out loud at the pain that followed. She squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears, but the high-pitched screech continued to drone on. She felt her knees buckle and hit the wooden floor sharply. She felt Zaraki bolt out of his chair, but she couldn't hear anything except the ringing, resounding in her head.

"_Idiot girl. What do you think you're doing?"_

The pain intensified. Ketsueki felt as though her head would split, or that she might faint. But nothing happened except for the continued agony.

"_I told you to train harder, to hate him. But you just wouldn't listen to me. Now look how pathetic you are. You actually long for his acceptance. You _feel _for him."_

Ketsueki was lying on the ground; she couldn't recall how she had gotten there in the first place. The voice was drowning all her senses.

"_I've had enough of you. If you don't hate him, then _I _will. If you won't fight him, then _I _will."_

The ringing and the pain stopped just as abruptly as it had begun. Ketsueki felt a wave of relief. She made to sit up on the floor, and found that her body would not obey her. She tried to lift her head, but her muscles were dead.

Terror seized her.

There was Injuken's pale face, with dried blood dusted on his face, and his blazing red hair falling into equally red, shining eyes. He stood over her, a word poised on the tip of his tongue.

"Who the fuck are you."

Ketsueki heard Zaraki's low snarl. Injuken's head snapped up, and Ketsueki could see the resentment and pure loathing in his bloody eyes.

"_You,_" he spat. He drew out the sword that hung on his belt, the muscles on his bare chest rippling as he moved.

He attacked.

Ketsueki was mute and paralysed on the floor. She was panicking. She couldn't see what was happening; Zaraki and Injuken were somewhere behind her. She didn't know what to do, _couldn't _do anything. Waves of spiritual energy hit her countlessly as the commotion behind her increased. None of it made sense. She had learned somewhere … normally zanpakuto spirits could only be seen by their shinigami. Was Injuken's hate so strong that he manifested himself in the Spiritual world? She heard Zaraki yell something, but soon her senses and hearing began to dim. A force was draining away her spiritual energy, the very thing that allowed her to exist.

_He's using me, _thought Ketsueki helplessly. _He's using _my _spiritual energy … with his own … to fight … _

Ketsueki struggled to stave off Injuken's clamp over her, but her spiritual energy continued to dissipate out of her body. She was running out of time. If she didn't do something soon …

_I can't breathe._

Her body was going numb. Her vision darkened.

_I can't – _

A terrible shriek. Like a banshee's.

Like of a creature's death.

– _breathe._

Sleep.

* * *

"What happened?"

"Calm down, just give her a minute."

"Shut up! What happened to her?"

"I said _calm down_. She needs rest."

Ketsueki groaned. The voices were too abrasive. She turned onto her side, wanting to slip back into unconsciousness.

"I _told _you to be quiet, you brat. Now she's awake."

Someone edged hurriedly toward her. "Tsu-chan! Are you okay?"

" … Hmm?" Wherever she was, it was bright; the light was making her see glowing patterns beneath her shut eyelids.

"Tsu-chan, you're awake! Thank God … " The voice seemed vaguely familiar.

" … Renji?" she murmured, turning toward the sound of his voice, her eyes still shut.

"Shit, Tsu-chan you scared me! Are you all right?"

"Give her a moment," said the second voice bossily nearby.

"Is that … is that Ikkaku?" Ketsueki mumbled, her head swivelling back and forth. She cautiously opened her eyes, but the light seared them. She blinked rapidly, tears springing into her green eyes as she adjusted. "Wh-where am I?"

"Squad Four medical centre," replied Ikkaku, standing at the far side of the small room. All four walls were painted white; a window opposite Ketsueki's bed overlooked the rest of Squad Four. The sun was beginning to set; it must have been late afternoon. The light that was blinding Ketsueki was from a blazing lamp on the bedside table. She reached out with a shaky hand and turned it off.

Helping Ketsueki sit up, Renji asked, "What happened? I heard from Yumichika that you were hurt, and Zaraki was involved or something."

Ketsueki paused to contemplate the question. She shook her head; it was throbbing dully, and her entire body felt sore and fatigued. "I don't … remember much. I was … angry … for being demoted – "

"_What?_"

" – and Injuken … my zanpakuto … appeared. And … " Ketsueki found she could not go on. Every word seemed to cost her a huge effort.

Ikkaku stepped forward and sat on a chair nearby. "I'll explain," he said. "I was waiting outside Zaraki's office, yeah? Then I heard people fighting or somethin', so I barged in and saw you lying on the ground and Zaraki fighting some strange red-haired guy covered in blood."

"Who was it?" demanded Renji.

"Injuken," Ketsueki supplied quietly.

Ikkaku nodded. "I guessed as much. His spiritual energy felt like yours. Anyway, I tried to help out but Zaraki didn't want me steppin' in. He didn't need help to be honest, the other guy looked tired or somethin'. I'm no expert, but he was probably using up energy manifesting in front of other shinigami. Plus he'd have to be really strong to go up against Zaraki."

"He was using my spirit energy," Ketsueki whispered.

"Are you okay?" asked Renji immediately, grasping her hand.

She just nodded.

"Really?" asked Ikkaku, surprised. "Well, who knows, but after a few seconds he started to disappear. You know, just kinda vanished. And then, well, you screamed."

Ketsueki looked at him blankly. "That was me?"

Ikkaku nodded. "Yeah. It was pretty weird."

Renji squeezed her hand nervously. Ketsueki simply sat there. She didn't know why, but Renji's attention and clinging onto her was making her feel uncomfortable.

"Is Zaraki okay?"

It was a question that she had not expected to spring from her own lips. She was surprised.

Renji's grip on her hand slackened.

"Oh yeah, the guy's fine. He got a few small cuts but it wasn't like he was hurt or anythin'. He was worried 'bout you though, and asked me to – "

At that precise moment, the door to the hospital bedroom opened, and Zaraki strolled in. Ketsueki looked away quickly, eyes fixed on the corner of the room. She would _not _look at him. Not because she was angry.

No, she was afraid again.

"Speak of the devil," remarked Ikkaku, grinning slightly.

"How's she doing?" growled Zaraki at his third-seat officer. He didn't look at Ketsueki either.

"Fine. Probably needs a few days just to rest up. One of the Squad Four members said she needs to take it easy so she can get her spiritual energy back."

"Whatever." Zaraki turned toward the bed. Ketsueki would under normal circumstances be shaking, but she had so little energy left in her all she could do was hug her knees and keep looking away. "What're you doing here Abarai?" snapped Zaraki.

"Visiting. Is that a problem sir?" Renji replied heatedly.

Zaraki frowned. "Don't give me that attitude, you ass. Now get out. Both of you," he turned to Ikkaku.

Ikkaku shrugged. "Whatever." He walked out.

Renji stood up. "What do you want with her?" he snarled in Zaraki's face. "Since Ketsueki's been here all you've given her is trouble."

"That's none of your business," replied Zaraki darkly.

"It is, damn it! Tell me why you were fighting Ketsueki's zanpakuto spirit. What do you _want _with her?" Renji was nearly shouting now. Ketsueki could feel his protective instinct kicking in, and she felt moved. But it was all useless.

Suddenly, Zaraki reached out with a rough hand and seized a fistful of Renji's robes. Shoving him forcibly against the wall, Zaraki muttered darkly, "You'll stay out of this, do y'hear? I'm sick of your little stuck up attitude. Now get the fuck out of here."

Ketsueki could have sworn Renji was about to retort back. But maybe he saw the fear in her eyes, for he threw one last glare at Zaraki before exiting, slamming the door behind him. The sound echoed in the small room, making Ketsueki feel all the more smaller.

Zaraki stared at the wall for several seconds before looking at Ketsueki. "What happened back there?" he grumbled.

Why was she suddenly so afraid again? It was like she had never been to Squad 11 training sessions before, never been promoted, never had gotten closer to Zaraki. She _should _be fearing Injuken. But she didn't. Injuken was just doing what she had wanted to do from the start. Injuken was brave, was powerful, was the fighter Ketsueki had set out to be, but failed.

She was afraid because she really was starting to feel for him.

_No … I'm not. I can't. I won't._

"I … lost control … my zanpakuto wants to get stronger," stated Ketsueki flatly. She wanted him to leave.

"Why did he attack me?"

Ketsueki shook her head. "I d-don't know." _I can't tell him. Can't tell him we want to be better than him._

"I want answers. He nearly killed you too."

Ketsueki ran a hand through her hair. She was tired. She wanted him to go. She couldn't take any more of this.

"Damn it he nearly _killed you_!"

Ketsueki jumped and stared at Zaraki. He looked angry, crestfallen, and tired as well.

All of a sudden she wanted to hold him. She didn't want to give into him, but she was being drawn deeper and closer. She wanted to cry.

But then, at last, Zaraki walked toward the door, his breathing low and troubled. He paused just as he was about to leave.

"Do you really hate me that much?"

He left.


	28. Chapter 28

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-eight**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: EASTER. My goodness it's been nearly two months...again. I just keep procrastinating. My only excuse is REVISION. I have major exams about a month after Easter, so it'll be pretty hardcore ): But enough about my life, I really hope you like this chapter. I'm sorry for the crap chapters lately...major writer's block... D':**

"Here's your breakfast, Officer Donato."

Ketsueki looked up. A shinigami from the Fourth Division smiled at her as she came in with a tray loaded with a generous helping of soup noodle, green tea and other assorted snacks. The warm wafts of clean broth made Ketsueki's mouth water. She gave her a grateful grin. "Thanks. I hope I'm not troubling you too much. You've been looking after me for two days now."

"Don't worry about it," replied the shinigami, placing the tray carefully on the bedside table. "Besides, my senior officer said you're ready to go back to your Division after another morning's rest."

Ketsueki sighed. "That's good to hear. I'm getting bored of being cooped up here all day."

Ketsueki helped herself to broth and sweetened rice, listening to the friendly shinigami's footsteps fade down the hall of the medical centre. The soup was light and refreshing, helping her shake off the last dredges of sleep. The food was good, but as much as she tried to fully savour it, it still wasn't enough to keep her mind off things …

The truth was, she was surprised by the sudden, if not violent, turn of events that had taken place. In just a few short days, her improved opinion of Zaraki had been completely turned around, and yet there was still, certainly, a part of her that felt for him. Despite Injuken's abrupt manifestation, she couldn't rid herself of her staining thoughts for Zaraki.

Ketsueki shook her head to herself. _This is too much_. She was being ridiculous. So what if she might start to feel for Zaraki? The fact still remained that he was arrogant and brutal and incredibly unpredictable at times, like a shark that feigned sleep in order to get closer to its prey. She couldn't deny it: she still wanted to beat him, however impossible that goal seemed at the moment.

Just then, someone knocked on her door. Renji peeked his head in meekly. "Hey."

"Hey Renji." He had been visiting for the past two days, often just dropping by for a few minutes. However, judging by the way he slowly closed the door behind him and the way he gave her one of those undecipherable smiles, Ketsueki could tell Renji needed to talk today. Ketsueki patted the space next to her. Renji sat cross-legged on the bed, and Ketsueki drew her legs in, propped up against the backboard. It was obvious, to both of them, what was going to be the topic of their looming conversation.

But Renji, being the surprisingly caring man that he was, asked first, "How're you feeling?"

"Not bad." Ketsueki shrugged. "I'm still a bit tired, but they said I can sign outta here this afternoon."

"Good."

" … How are things back in the Squad?" She picked at her breakfast.

"Can't really complain." Ketsueki caught the bitterness in his voice. "I've just been chasing up details about what happened to you … and Zaraki." A pause. "Why the hell is he so forceful around you?" he growled.

Ketsueki sighed. She knew it would have come to this: Zaraki. "He was being an ass," she murmured, folding her arms over her legs. She grimaced at the memory of him shoving Renji against the wall. "He didn't have to push you around."

Renji scratched his head, annoyed and flustered as his frustration began to reveal itself. "I just don't get what's going on between you two. I mean, it's not like he's going out of his way to keep us apart. But it's so damn annoying the way he talks to me, like I'm scum or something."

Ketsueki reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Don't say that," she said soothingly. "You know he's just a jealous prick."

Renji just shrugged and said nothing.

Ketsueki gave his arm a small squeeze. "You sure you're okay? I guess … I guess we could always talk it out with him," she said half-heartedly.

Renji laughed coldly. "You think Zaraki wants to do that? Knowing him, he'll probably just send me off to another Squad and suck up to you."

"Yeah … that's true."

A gnawing uneasiness began to grow in Ketsueki. Again, it was that suspicion that Renji wasn't being honest with her, as though he was afraid of hurting her feelings by telling her everything. Or maybe she was just starting to feel a little paranoid about him. She hated to admit it, but there was a nagging fear inside her that Renji might know how she really felt about Zaraki. _And then what'll happen? _Ketsueki asked herself. Would Renji hate her, just as he hated Zaraki?

But in a split second, she changed her mind, and the blame shifted to Renji. He was the one making her feel suspicious. She wanted to know what was on his mind. After all, she had always been honest with him.

_Always?_

Just as Ketsueki was about to act on impulse, Renji swiftly changed the subject, "So, what's with your zanpakuto? Injuken, wasn't it?"

Ketsueki bit her lip, wanting to ignore this flyaway question and instead force an answer out of Renji. _What is he hiding? _She would shake it out of him, if need be. Maybe Renji saw the flicker in her emerald eyes – perhaps they had gone a shade paler – for he hesitantly dropped his gaze and fiddled with the hilt of his sword. Ketsueki sensed a barrier crumbling in front of him. "I know you think I'm up to something. But you don't have to be mad at me." His tone was flat.

For some reason, Ketsueki flared up. Renji was making it sound as though she was being petty and pathetic. "I'm not … _mad. _You've just been hiding something from me!"

Renji continued to avoid her gaze. "It's nothing."

"Renji, you can't expect me to believe that. Remember, after you met my parents? You were acting so weird. And even before that you were still so distant."

Renji looked at her for a long time, as though struggling with an invisible force.

"Renji, just tell me what's going on." Ketsueki bit her lip. "I'm worried."

He let out a sigh, and the words fell from his lips in a tumble.

"It's just … I like someone else."

The air turned stale and heavy. "What?" Ketsueki asked automatically; her mind was perplexed.

Renji shifted on the bed, and his cheeks coloured. "Please don't be angry. I love you, Tsu-chan. I really do. But … "

"But what?" Ketsueki demanded. "What? You like someone else too?"

"Tsu-chan," said Renji, and he reached out to hold Ketsueki's shoulders, but she retreated from him, pressing herself against the backboard. She had not expected this. Something, anything else. Just not this. She faced away from him, not wanting him to see the shock in her eyes. She wasn't even angry at him.

She was just struck dumb by the fact that she wasn't the only one having feelings for someone else.

"Listen to me, I haven't been cheating on you!" Renji explained desperately. "She's just someone I've always liked. You must know what I mean; it's just someone … you can't help thinking about. But I don't like her like you – "

"Just tell me who, Renji," Ketsueki interrupted. "Who's 'her'?"

"Renji only hesitated for a second. "Rukia." And then he plunged into another plea of justification, "Look, I grew up with her, okay? She was my closest friend, and in our district in Rukongai you don't get many friends. And I … I just liked her naturally, y'know? It just happened."

Ketsueki shook her head, trying to understand. "So what is this? Why did you even ask me out?"

"Rukia and I fought. We haven't spoken in years. And I really liked you – "

"So why are you telling me this?" Ketsueki swirled around to face him. "Just go find her and say sorry."

"Ketsueki … "

"I don't get you." She had said these exact same words to Zaraki so long ago. She was disoriented, like a weak ship in a monstrous storm. What was she meant to say? How could she possibly accept the fact that Renji actually liked someone apart from herself? Her mind was full of similar agonising thoughts, and all the while she was aware of the irony of these thoughts, but she chose to ignore it. She was too proud, far too proud, to admit her own hypocrisy.

"Tsu-chan, nothing'll change between us. I still want to be with you, okay?" Renji tentatively took her hand in his. "Rukia isn't important."

"You were distant because you were thinking of Rukia. She's obviously important to you."

Renji shut his eyes for a fraction of a second. "No, she's not. I just wasn't sure if I should tell you or not."

"Well, you've told me. So now what?" Ketsueki felt herself tense up. "Are you going to leave me for Rukia?"

"Don't be stupid," said Renji, and he pulled her into a hug. Ketsueki resisted, but he was being stubborn. "Nothing changes. I still love you. We're still together." He sat with her, his arms around her waist; he kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry. You don't hate me, do you?"

She wanted to scream in his face: yes. _Yes, I hate you. _She really didn't, though. She didn't hate him, and she couldn't blame him for his feelings. But she wanted him to hurt; he should hurt as badly as this hurt her. She wanted him to feel her gutting jealousy and her new, strangling insecurity. But above all, she wanted him to feel the guilt that was corroding her from the very core.

The guilt of wanting someone else.

* * *

Ketsueki flung her pillow across her room in the 11th Division; she had been sent back yesterday. The pillow bounced off the wall and landed with a light thump. She glared at it silently for a while, then picked it up and threw it at the opposite wall. Again, once it landed, she threw it away from her in disgust. This time it hit her desk and scattered the paper that had been left there the night before. Cursing, she snatched the pillow up and kicked it into the bathroom, out of harm's way.

_I don't need him. I don't need him and his stupid smile and his laugh and his face … _

Ketsueki tried to convince herself she was furious at Renji, and had thought that fuming around in her room would persuade her that her pent up anger was his fault. He shouldn't be thinking of Rukia. It was wrong. They were already together. What was he thinking when he mentioned her, especially after Ketsueki had nearly been killed by her own zanpakuto?

Yet the icy, reasonable part of her constantly reminded her that the source of her anger was herself. She was the one who had started to want someone else, and she was convinced that this was what caused Renji to sway. After all, they had been perfectly happy until Zaraki had stepped in and ruined everything. Now Ketsueki was being an idiot, falling for the one man she had set out to hate and was pulling her and Renji apart.

_But didn't you once say you only wanted Renji as a friend? Remember? And didn't you say Zaraki wasn't 'that bad'?_

Ketsueki seethed and went to get the pillow. She really hated herself sometimes.

And then, the voice rang in her ears again, "_Maybe it's time you started listening to me_."

Ketsueki stopped in her tracks. She clenched her fists tightly. "Show yourself. We need to talk," she snarled, and immediately Injuken materialized behind her. She spun toward him and jabbed him in the chest. "Don't you do that _ever _again," she hissed. "Using my spiritual energy. How _dare _you – "

Smack. Ketsueki was swept sideways, stumbling into the wall from the impact of Injuken's hand. Her cheek stung, as though Injuken's skin was made of hot, boiling lava. Before she could recover from the shock, Injuken seized her wrist and slammed her against the wall. He forced her there, death staring out of his red eyes. "_You despicable, useless pest,_" he sneered. "_You are pathetic on a molecular level. You can't get past your petty, disgusting feelings._"

Through her sheer terror, Ketsueki managed to snap back, "I get it, all right? I know what I have to do! Just stop threatening me. You're _my _zanpakuto."

"_You have no right to order me around,_" growled Injuken. "_You are a pathetic being. Perhaps you have progressed slightly as a fighter, but your drive is non-existent._"

"I – _have_ – drive," Ketsueki said, shaking with not fear but molten hatred.

"_Prove it._"

"I will," spat Ketsueki. "But you have to stop hurting me."

They glowered at each other for a while longer. Then Injuken gave a minuscule nod and vanished.

Ketsueki let out a long breath, calming herself and sensing her pulse slow down. She knew what she was going to do. She was going to write to Captain Aizen to tell him she could no longer work at the Spirit Academy. She was going to train harder with Ikkaku. She was going to put her troubles with Renji aside and hope for the best.

But, first of all, she was going to demand back her position as 10th seat.

Ketsueki took another deep, steadying breath. She didn't want to rise when she met Zaraki, and she didn't want Injuken forcing his way out again. She shut her eyes, trying to sense his presence. He seemed to be somewhere far away, and she hoped he wouldn't be able to hear her thoughts.

At last, Ketsueki left her room and walked through the many corridors, arriving at Zaraki's office. She could still hear his last words in her ears …

"_Do you really hate me that much?"_

… _No._

Ketsueki knocked on the door. "Captain?"

She waited as Zaraki's footsteps approached the door. She took a tiny step back as the door opened. Zaraki leaned against the doorway, his broad frame rigid as he stared down at her. Ketsueki felt very small, despite her earlier outrage and motivation.

"What do you want?" Zaraki asked harshly.

Ketsueki stood tall. "I want my position back."

Zaraki tilted his head to one side, looking irritated. "What, you mean get promoted? Pfft, in your dreams girl. I ain't giving you anythin' until you prove yourself."

Ketsueki felt herself put one foot in front of the other as she leaned in toward him. "I deserveit," she said darkly.

Zaraki gazed at her blankly. Then he said, "You don't deserve anything."

Ketsueki's mouth opened, struck by his abrasive words. She gaped at him as he turned away from her. "If that's all you're here for, then get outta here."

"I … how dare you!" Ketsueki shouted at his back. "I've worked my ass off to get where I am now, just to get this crap from you?"

"Go whine at someone who cares."

"I thought _you _cared!"

They both froze at her words, both pondering their meaning. Ketsueki glared at Zaraki's back, challenging him to turn around and look her in the eye. _Tell me you don't care. Just do it. _And in that instant, everything that had happened to her in the past days crashed over her in one tremendous wave of grief and pain and indignation, blinding her with a sudden veil of tears that made Zaraki appear as nothing more than a blurry silhouette. It moved, and Ketsueki knew he was, once again, scrutinising her. Without knowing it, she had put herself under so much pressure. How was she ever going to top Zaraki? How was she ever going to control Injuken's scary attempts at influencing her? Everything, everyone was too much for her to take in: Renji, Injuken and now Zaraki.

Zaraki, he had always been her dilemma.

_Idiot. Don't cry, don't you cry. _No matter how much punishment she had taken, she had never cried in his presence.

All it took was a word: "Ketsueki?"

She let the tears fall. There was no use in pretending to be tough when he had known her at her worst, as a fragile, insubstantial person.

Zaraki stepped toward her. "What're you cryin' for … "

"I-I … " Each gulp of air stabbed at her lungs, burned her throat. "I d-don't … "

Unable to accept his care, she spun around and ran back to her room, crying all the way.

**AN: Wow … even I'm surprised at this drama-loaded chapter. I must be in a mood swing O.o"**


	29. Chapter 29

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Twenty-nine**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: oh my fricken … I don't even … thank you so much for being the most patient bunch of readers I have ever come across o3o honestly, another two months without an update, you guys should just skewer me. I have to thank my mysterious anonymous reviewer D for reminding me to update. I swear I was going too, but … EXAMS RARGH. Anyway enjoy this slightly longer chapter (slightly...), I hope you'll like it :'(**

It was the suffocating humiliation of crying in Zaraki's presence that drove Ketsueki onward in her new regime of training harder. Despite Ikkaku's hectic schedule, she had managed to wedge in an hour's practice with him everyday. At first he hadn't asked her prying questions about her sudden burst of determination, and Ketsueki was strangely thankful for his silent acceptance. She did not want to dwell on her current weakness, but instead wanted to focus on the future and her potential.

However, as Ketsueki had come to learn in her time in Squad 11, everything came with a sacrifice. For her, this was abandoning her position as a trainee instructor at the Academy.

Presently, Ketsueki sat at her desk in her room, brooding over her own words scribbled on the page in front of her. She grimaced as she signed the letter, knowing that she was ridding herself of a great treat, the treat of tranquillity and knowledge, and replacing it with brute force and battle. It was a choice she had never thought she would make. She was very, very desperate.

Ketsueki sealed the letter in an envelope. She stared at it for a while, turning the envelope over in her fingers. Sometimes, giving up the smallest joys invoked the greatest dissatisfaction in people. It was stupid, really, getting worked up over such a small thing. Then again, in the fool's eyes, a bag of tricks might just as well be a sack of gold.

Sighing, Ketsueki tucked the envelope safely in her pocket and set off toward the training grounds. She tried to loosen her mind while she walked, breathing deeply and savouring the fresh scented breeze that played with her hair. Her spirits lifted somewhat as she approached the training ground, raising her hand and hailing Ikkaku, who seemed to be deep in discussion with another shinigami. Ketsueki flinched when she recognized the other man as Inui, the brute who had exposed her relationship with Renji and caused insubordination down in the Living World.

"Ikkaku!" called Ketsueki, gesturing at her wrist. "It's time."

"Gimme a sec," Ikkaku snapped back. He turned back to Inui and said a few words angrily. Inui seemed to shrink back and uttered a meek response. Ketsueki waited several feet away, smirking. _Not so tough _now, _are we? _She watched them bickering, but as the minutes dragged on they didn't seem to be making any progress.

"What's going on?" Ketsueki asked finally, walking up to them.

"This _idiot_," Ikkaku snarled, jerking his thumb hazardously at Inui, "just managed to insult the Vice Captain of the Fifth Division, and now he's snivelling to me to stop Hinamori from punishing him."

"It wasn't my fault!" Inui said indignantly, "It wasn't just me! It's only 'cus I was unlucky enough to be caught by that brat Hinamori-"

"Don't call her a brat," Ketsueki retorted heatedly. "If it were up to me you'd be sweeping the corridors all day for a month."

Inui glowered at her but said nothing.

Ikkaku ran a hand over his forehead. "Sorry, Ketsueki, but I think I'm gonna have to deal with this. Hinamori was pretty worked up, but technically she doesn't have authority to issue punishment to our guys." Ikkaku sighed frustratingly and glared at Inui, who took a step back timidly. "I promise we'll train tomorrow."

"No, wait." Ketsueki reached into her pocket and withdrew the envelope with her letter of resignation. She handed it to Inui. "Consider yourself lucky I need to train with Ikkaku today. Give this to Vice Captain Hinamori, tell her it's from me, and I'll convince her to get off your case. But if you step out of line one more time, I swear I'm chaining you to the janitor's closet."

Inui eyed the envelope in his hand. Ketsueki eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare read it. That's an order. Now go."

Perhaps sensibly, Inui attempted a sort of dodgy bow before hurrying off toward the Fifth Division. Ketsueki stared after him in contempt.

Ikkaku raised an eyebrow. "What was that for?"

"What?" snapped Ketsueki moodily.

"You were … nice to him."

"So? I can be nice when I want to," Ketsueki growled, turning away from Ikkaku's mocking grin.

"But you hate him."

"I know I do! Oh shut up," Ketsueki burst out as Ikkaku laughed openly, her cheeks reddening. Him poking fun at her good-natured display was somehow unbearably irritating. "I just needed to deliver a letter, okay? I just happened to have it on me so I gave it to him."

Ikkaku shook his head. "I'd kick that bastard out. Doesn't deserve to be here."

"Yeah, well, tough luck tryin' to get Zaraki to agree with you," Ketsueki muttered darkly, walking away from him.

They positioned themselves opposite each other on the grassy field, ready to draw out their swords.

"What's your deal with Zaraki, anyway?" Ikkaku asked.

Ketsueki ignored the question, regretting bringing up his name. She came here to train, not to discuss that man.

Ikkaku looked at her. "You don't have to try and impress him."

Ketsueki's eyes flared. "This _isn't _about impressing him," Ketsueki said brusquely, drawing Injuken out of his sheath threateningly.

Ikkaku followed suit, weighing his sword in the palm of his hand. "You're your own fighter, y'know. You don't have to try and get stronger for-"

"This _isn't_ about Zaraki!_" _snarled Ketsueki with a rush of sudden anger and adrenaline. She charged at him and took a wild swing, which Ikkaku parried easily and attacked with his own sword. She blocked his attack, and the next one, feeling the weight of each blow as it made impact with her blade.

"Then why did you suddenly want to train with me?" Ikkaku continued, talking with ease even though he was constantly showering her with hits. "I thought you were cooped up in the Spirit Academy."

"It's … t-to get stronger, you bastard," Ketsueki said aggressively, and in a surge of recklessness she released Injuken's first stage just as Ikkaku's blade came swinging up to me her. She jumped backwards, but the tip of his sword caught her shoulder and left a burning, red line. Injuken, now in his fluid, ribbon state, was pulsing with energy in her hand. She relished the strength he gave her. "I'm training to improve myself … I thought you knew that."

"That's what you used to train for," Ikkaku said, dodging menacing swipes from Injuken, narrowly missing the lethal fabric cutting sharply across the air. "But it's different now."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Ketsueki seethed. _Make him stop, just make him stop talking … _

Ikkaku leapt back, escaping another dangerous swirl of red ribbon directed at him. "You won't make Zaraki like you by getting stronger, Ketsueki."

"SHUT – UP!" Ketsueki shouted.

It was the sudden silence in the field that made Ketsueki blink and turn around. All the other shinigami who were training were staring at her, like she was some kind of freak; a person who didn't belong in their Division, their world. The unreasonable rage that had built up inside her was overflowing, but she felt eerily hollow. She could actually feel it; an empty sensation, somewhere in her chest, or in the pit of her stomach, she couldn't be sure. _I'm here to beat Zaraki, _Ketsueki reminded herself, painfully aware of the naivety of this thought, _I'm here so I won't get pushed around by him. _How dare Ikkaku – someone who could not possibly have any grasp of what she was feeling – accuse her efforts of getting stronger as a ridiculous attempt to get Zaraki's attention. She was not the weak, shying creature she once was, dependent on the smitten of sympathy given to her fro mothers. As if she wanted his care, or even needed it. Ikkaku had no idea what he was taunting her about; his ridiculous theory was just that – ridiculous. Of course she wasn't trying to do anything of the sort …

Of course …

An explosion of pain erupted in her right arm. In her hazy anger, she had forgotten completely about defending herself. Ikkaku's sword had pierced her arm. She had instinctively cowered away, but the wound was still quite deep and painful.

"What the hell was that for?" Ketsueki demanded, gripping the wound, trying to staunch the blood.

"Focus on what you're doing," Ikkaku was staring dead into her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Ikkaku sighed. "Fight me, idiot."

Infuriated, injured, and confused, Ketsueki flung Injuken onto the grassy ground and fired at Ikkaku, "Damn it, you just said I didn't _need _to get stronger, right? Isn't that what you just said?"

Ikkaku was taken aback. "I didn't-"

"If you think Zaraki won't be impressed by me, then what's the point in training?"

"That's not what I meant, I just-"

"I don't want to fight any more! I … I give up," Ketsueki said, and she collapsed onto the grass, holding her bursting head in her bloody hands. Feelings: there was no point to them, and acting on them. What was the point of aiming for something that was as insubstantial as the lingering mist on a grey, miserable day?

She felt Ikkaku walk toward her rather than heard him. After a beat, he sat down opposite her. Ketsueki raised her head to look at the puzzled expression on his normally aggressive face. "I'm just tryin' to help," he said simply.

Ketsueki shook her head, aware of several curious eyes drilling into her back. "I-I'msorry. I don't know … what's gotten into me."

"Your zanpakuto … why did it attack Zaraki?"

Ketsueki groaned. "Why are you asking me?"

"Just tryin' to get to the bottom of this. You can't make progress when you're fighting with someone inside you."

They sat in silence, completely abandoning their plan on training for an hour. Ikkaku leaned in, his eyes serious and concerned. "Look, you're right, I don't know much on feelings and all that crap, but I don't think he's worth it if you're freaking depressed all the time."

Ketsueki forced a laugh. It was too true. "Yeah, I guess."

"You don't owe him anything."

" … I know."

Ikkaku nodded. He got up swiftly. "I better go after Inui to see if he'll really deliver that letter of yours. Take a break today, kid."

Ketsueki smirked, hating it when he called her that. "Thanks."

Ikkaku walked past her. As he left, he ran his knuckles roughly over her hair. "Go back to fighting for yourself, Ketsueki," he said, and Ketsueki turned to watch him go in wonder and respect.

* * *

"Tsuuu-chan!" Knock knock.

Ketsueki pulled the covers over her head. "Who is it?" she mumbled, knowing full well what horrors lay behind her door.

"It's meee, Yachiru! Come out here, I wanna talk to you!"

"Yachiru-chan, please, it's barely eight … on a Saturday … "

"Com'on, lazy butt! Rise and shine!"

Ketsueki heard her door being slid open by the little girl, and immediately afterwards the wind was driven out of her lungs as Yachiru pounced on top of her. "Yachiru! What're you doing?" Ketsueki gasped breathlessly, attempting to bat the girl off her bed.

"Get up!" whined Yachiru, pulling Ketsueki into a sitting position.

Ketsueki mustered a glare at Yachiru, but it soon faded at the joyous expression on her face. She sighed, failing to hide the smile on her lips. "What do you want?"

"Let's have a picnic today!" Yachiru smiled, pointing wildly at the sun outside. "It's so pretty outside!"

Ketsueki glanced at her table. "I've got paperwork to do. Tons of paperwork."

"That's all right, you can finish it in the morning! I'll meet up with you at midday, okay?" Yachiru was unstoppable.

"Fine, fine, I'll go," Ketsueki said, defeated, but inside she was actually quite looking forward to a normal, relaxing day spent outdoors. The past week had taken a massive toll on her well-being; to her great surprise, she had developed faint circles under her eyes, giving her the look of someone deprived of sleep. _Thank goodness I haven't seen Yumichika lately … _

So, it was with great optimism that Ketsueki left her room with at noon. Yachiru had given her a rather complex set of instructions to reach their picnic spot. Ketsueki followed the directions scribbled hurriedly on a piece of paper; she had had difficulty keeping up with Yachiru's piping voice.

After a while meandering her way through a number of forest paths and trees, Ketsueki finally stumbled upon what seemed to be the other end of the forest, away from Headquarters. A mass field of waving grass stretched as far as she could see; she could barely distinguish the other Headquarters, dotted on the horizon of the clear blue sky. She smiled quietly to herself, walked a few more feet onto the field, and was about to lie down when a voice behind her said, "What're you doing here?"

The voice was so unexpected and sudden in the peacefulness of the scenery that Ketsueki jumped and stumbled over her feet as she straightened up. She almost jumped again when she realized it was Zaraki who had spoken; his hardened build was leaning against a tree.

"I – er – " A billion thoughts and emotions were abruptly swirling in her head.

"Watcha doin' here, girl?" Zaraki repeated impatiently.

She replied with a brave imitation of politeness, "Yachiru asked me to come here … sir."

Zaraki seemed to be thrown by her answer. "What? Yachiru told you to be here?"

Ketsueki nodded hesitantly. "Yeah … "

Zaraki stared at her, unblinking. Then he swore loudly and faced away from her. "Damn it, I'm not doing this."

Ketsueki had no idea what this meant. "Excuse me?"

Zaraki scoffed, eyeing her darkly. "That brat Yachiru forced me to wait for her here as well, but I don't think she's showin' up any time soon."

"Why not?"

Zaraki laughed humourlessly. "Don't be so stupid. She's set us up like a bunch of dumb shits."

"Oh … " So Yachiru had wanted Ketsueki and Zaraki to meet. Ketsueki couldn't help but be amazed at how aware Yachiru was of everything that was happening around her at such a young age. She smiled despite herself.

Perhaps Zaraki thought she was smiling at his gullible character, for he swore again and started heading back toward Headquarters. "I'm not doing this."

Ketsueki made to follow him back so she could return to her room. There was no point in waiting for Yachiru; it was plain to both of them that this was meant to be some kind of bonding session for her and Zaraki. And that was obviously not going to happen any time soon.

But when Ketsueki took a few steps behind Zaraki, he stopped and hissed over his shoulder, "Quit following me, got it?"

"Fine then," Ketsueki snapped back, and she pushed past him roughly, making to walk in front of him. "Better?"

Ketsueki turned away waspishly, her footsteps swift and fast.

"Wait, com'on now," Zaraki said, and he took several long strides to walk by her side.

"What?" Ketsueki asked, still walking, but the hostility in her voice diminished somewhat by the absence of venom in his.

"No need to get so worked up," Zaraki said.

Already he was making her silly about her outburst. Ketsueki was careful to keep her face tilted from him. "I'm not worked up."

"Yeah you are. You're always so jumpy."

Ketsueki glowered at him. "I'm not, I can hold my own."

They were arguing, just like before, but there was a trace of exasperated humour in their come-backs.

Zaraki smirked. "Yeah, sure ya can. Getting' tricked by a kid, that's real smart of you."

"Well I wasn't the only one, was I?"

And instead of another heated reply, Zaraki merely chuckled; his laugh rumbled in his throat and gave Ketsueki the odd impression of a warm grizzly bear. "Fine, ya got me. Happy?"

"No … not really."

Ketsueki stared at him suspiciously. "What's up with you today?"

"What d'you mean?"

It was hard to find the words to describe his slighter attitude. "You're … different today."

"It's nothin'. I'm just tryin' to make you hate me less."

They had stopped walking now, and without consulting her set of directions Ketsueki knew she would have been lost in the forest for hours without Zaraki. The irritation had dissolved from Zaraki's face, and instead he seemed rather genuine, albeit slightly uncomfortable and self-conscious.

"Not such a tough guy after all, are we?" Ketsueki grinned.

Zaraki dismissed this. "Psh, don't be stupid. Why would I bother with you?"

"Well, you could just not like me."

A pause.

"That's not really an option, dimwit," Zaraki muttered.

Ketsueki blushed furiously. "Right, well … "

The silence that followed was disastrously agonizing and blissful. The next step seemed to take them an age to figure out, but when Zaraki finally asked why she had cried that day, and she gave in and laid her head momentarily on his shoulder, Ketsueki knew she was in trouble. _This is wrong … this is so wrong, _she cried despairingly in her head, and, still, a small part of her was revolted by her actions, but it was just so much easier to give in for once. She was only tired.

Zaraki's hand touched her face gently; he ran his fingers through her hair. Ketsueki let him, dropping all of her defences for a few brief moments. Only when Zaraki tipped her face toward his did Ketsueki turn away. She took a step backward, completely in shock at what she had allowed herself to do.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

It seemed they had decided that this was the time to start walking again. Their loud footsteps crunching the fallen leaves wasn't enough to smother the tidal wave of feelings flooding out of both of them.

"Y'know," Zaraki grunted. "I would stop havin' stupid feelings. I would, but I don't know fucking how."

"I prefer it this way," Ketsueki stated softly.

The look on Zaraki's face as he turned to stare at her in surprise was enough to make her heart burst.

And all of a sudden a blur of pink tumbled out of the tree and landed on Zaraki's back. "Yaaay, my plan worked!" Yachiru yelped happily.

Zaraki was furious. "Like hell! Don't know what you're yappin' 'bout … "

But he was grinning, and Ketsueki, who by now had lost all self-control, was beaming just as broadly.

**AN: Deepest apologies for any OOCness … I haven't been writing for ages. At least it's a happy ending for this one right? :'D**


	30. Chapter 30

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: Derp...I don't even know _why _I've been writing so little. But it is unforgivable omg. I just wanted to keep writing but just wasn't sure how to continue. UGH. Thanks for hanging in there...for like another mont and a half. Here's another chap for you lovely people. I don't even deserve such nice reviewers unff.**

Days flew by quickly, one after another, gone before Ketsueki could even turn around and reflect upon them. Even though she was training with Ikkaku each week, she still couldn't understand what her purpose here was. When she had gone down to the Living World, she could feel every single human soul, weak and unprotected, and it gave her a sense of duty. But now, back in the Soul Society, wandering through each day, Ketsueki was starting to feel quite aimless.

Hence, she was rather glad that the monthly rankings were to take place once more. At least it was something to train for. Ketsueki still felt an uncomfortable squirm each time she thought of being demoted to the 14th seat. She knew she was better than her station, but was just set back by her own emotions and desires for a conflict-less life. Of course, that was out of the question.

But Ketsueki seemed to have stalled in her progress. At first, she had thought Injuken's lack of participation and presence when she trained was a mere sign of irritation, but as another week passed, Injuken showed no signs of helping Ketsueki improve. As a result, her movements became rather awkward in combat, even though she had trained with his ribbon form for half a year now.

"What's the matter with you?" growled Ikkaku one day, as he paused in their fighting. "It's been ten minutes and you haven't even scratched me with that thing!"

Ketsueki sighed, equally frustrated. "I know, I know," she muttered. "I'll...I'll try again."

Ikkaku bit his lip nastily, then retook his position opposite her, spreading his feet apart. Ketsueki did the same, trying to ignore the pain pulsating from her waist where Ikkaku had slashed her once again. She gritted her teeth, fighting down the small dreads of fear in the pit of her stomach. _What do I have to be afraid of? _she asked herself, coaxing her mind quietly into a state of calm.

She breathed in deeply, then ran at Ikkaku, side-stepping a wild swipe of his blade and elbowing him in the ribs. He yelped and stumbled to one side, but his arm came up holding his sword. Ketsueki ducked and swirled Injuken toward Ikkaku, who was now somewhat accustomed to Injuken's unpredictable patterns through the air. He jumped over the blade, pinning it momentarily to the ground with his sword, then lashed out with his foot while in mid-air. Ketsueki was sent sprawling backward. She yanked Injuken out from under Ikkaku's sword, willing Injuken to take the energy from the blood that stained her robes, before thrashing the ribbon through the air again.

This time, Ikkaku deflected it with a clever twist of the sword, though the end came to meet his cheek, leaving a long gash. He growled again and dipped his head, narrowly avoiding another swipe until he ran at Ketsueki. Surprised, Ketsueki tried to evade him, but it was too late. He raised his sword and made to jab down at her chest. Ketsueki squinted her eyes shut, her pulse racing. She was out of her depth, and it annoyed her greatly.

Ikkaku paused, his sword levelled at Ketsueki's collarbone. He sighed, and Ketsueki could hear the disappointment in his breath. It made her despise herself even more.

"What are you training for, Ketsueki?" demanded Ikkaku after a while.

Ketsueki glared back at him. "To get stronger so I don't get pushed around by people like you." The last few words gushed out of her mouth before she could stop them. Again, that inkling of fear returned as Ikkaku's expression changed to one of shock, and offence.

"So you think _I'm _pushing you around, right?" Ikkaku snarled, taking a step forward. Ketsueki retreated slightly. "For your information, I'm trying to _help _you!" seethed Ikkaku.

Ketsueki dipped her head, muttering, "I'm sorry, sir."

Ikkaku turned away, walking down the small hill and back to Headquarters. "Don't let Zaraki cloud your thoughts, Ketsueki," he warned with his back to her.

Ketsueki's mouth fell open angrily, but no words came to mind. Instead, she fixed a burning stare on Ikkaku's back as he made his way back. Maybe he sensed her burning glare, for Ikkaku turned his head around and smirked at her.

Ketsueki refused to talk to him all week.

At last, the monthly rankings arrived. Ketsueki followed the group of fellow shinigamis as they entered the wide hall, supported by large pillars. She sat down on the floorboard, remembering how she had been here before, and felt her nerves renewed. It didn't help that her training with Ikkaku wasn't getting anywhere. She looked around for her third-seat officer, but couldn't find him. _Maybe he's having trouble with Yumi, _she thought, and a wry smile lifted her lips.

"And what are you so happy about?" asked a familiar voice. Ketsueki looked up just in time to see Renji grinning down at her.

"Nothing," Ketsueki replied, with a shrug.

Renji sat next to her. After a while, he asked, "Tsu-chan, are you still mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Are you mad about...Rukia?" Renji visibly cringed, obviously scared that her name would cause Ketsueki offence.

Ketsueki sighed. As far as she was concerned, Rukia was Rukia, and if Renji wanted her, then he would no doubt tell her. He wasn't the type of person to go against his desires. So she smiled at Renji, and nudged him playfully enough. "Are you kidding? I'm over that."

"Are you sure?" Renji asked, still concerned.

Ketsueki gazed into his face. He was handsome, more handsome than Zaraki; he had a strong, youthful air about him. Ketsueki felt an involuntary spark of attraction again, and was glad for it. Maybe it would keep her sane. Unable to resist, she kissed him on the cheek lightly. "Yeah," she said softly. "I'm sure."

Renji looked back at her, the worry slowly sliding off his face, replaced by a wide smile. "Okay." He put an arm around her waist, giving her tingles again.

"Settle down, you lot," barked a commanding voice. A hush fell over the crowd of fighters as Zaraki strode into the room. Renji removed his arm from Ketsueki's waist. She bit the inside of her mouth, but said nothing. She was here to regain her status among the men, not to be embarrassed by Zaraki.

He seemed to be thinking along the same lines. His gaze lingered on her only momentarily before sweeping across the rest and saying, "Well, what're you idiots waiting for? The list's on the wall, start already!"

Ketsueki waited for her name to be called. In the meantime, she watched other shinigami battle against one another, fighting for a higher rank. In the end, she managed to reach a safe eighth seat position; Renji maintained his position as sixth seat, being unable to best Yumichika, who was surprisingly capable of holding his grounds despite his appearance. Ketsueki shook her head to herself; she should know better than anyone just how powerful that man was. Throughout her own battle, she wondered if Zaraki was watching her, but she dared not look in case she slipped up and made a mistake. She wanted to prove that she could be level-headed and calm.

At last, they were free to go. Ketsueki left the hall with Renji by her side. He seemed keen to stick around her, so she looked up into his face and smiled. "Are you busy today?" In the last few weeks she hadn't seen much of her boyfriend, if she could call him that. She was surprised to find that she didn't mind the solitude.

Renji shook his head. "Not really. I was thinking, why don't we celebrate today?"

"Celebrate what?" She felt a sinking sensation in her stomach; was it his birthday?

"Celebrate you getting eighth seat, of course!" Renji laughed, putting his arm back around Ketsueki's waist. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you."

Ketsueki's insides squirmed at his compliments. In truth, she just wanted to have a quiet afternoon, but she felt she should spend some time with Renji. "Thanks," she mumbled quietly. She leaned her head into his shoulder; it was something she found familiar. "What do you wanna do then?"

"I wanted to meet up with Izuru and Momo. It's been a while, don't you think?" Renji asked eagerly.

Ketsueki shrugged. "Yeah...I guess." She bit her lip, then grinned again. "Sure, let's go out to eat tonight."

They made plans to meet at around seven that night to go out of the Gotei 13 and into town. Renji had agreed to pick Ketsueki up at her door.

Ketsueki looked at herself in the mirror. She was still dressed in her shinigami robes, but she had her hair up differently tonight; she had tied her long, raven hair in a loose side bun, clipping back a few short strands. Her green eyes looked back at her as the sun sank behind the hills, its orange rays playing a warm contrast with her irises. She smiled at herself; she looked nice, she had to admit. Having obviously displayed some sort of affection for Zaraki, Ketsueki wanted to prove to herself that she still had feelings for Renji.

And she was glad that she actually felt pleasant butterflies when she heard a gentle knock on the door. Jumping up from her position on her bed mat, she slid open the door and beamed up at Renji. He had his hair tied up as always. He let out a small, teasing whistle. "Someone's spruced up," he remarked.

Punching his arm, Ketsueki shut the door and took his arm in hers. "Just for you," she said sarcastically, though she was delighted that he had noticed her effort. They walked downstairs and started heading toward the gates leading out. Momo and Izuru were already waiting, chatting to each other casually. Ketsueki gave them a friendly wave.

Momo perked up at their appearance. "Tsu-chan!" she exclaimed, rushing over and hugging her tightly. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Laughing at her eagerness, Ketsueki nodded and pulled back gently. "It has. I'm sorry I never have the time to visit you."

Momo shook her head. "That's all right. I totally understand. It's been hectic around here lately." She smiled widely at Renji and Izuru. "Shall we go?"

"Sure." The small group headed out, following a path before finding themselves in a bustling town full of vibrant colours and intriguing smells. Having already made a reservation, Izuru led them to a small but stylish and busy restaurant. The waitress greeted them with a respectable bow and showed them to a private room. It was simply decorated with ink paintings and splendid vases surrounding the table and soft mats. They sat down and ordered their dishes as another waitress poured out their tea.

"We should drink," said Renji grandly, waving for the waitress to get them some sake.

Momo grimaced. "You don't have to drink just to have a good time, y'know."

Izuru smiled at her. "Don't worry. We'll watch ourselves." He had always been the calm and collected one, at least when Ketsueki was around him. In truth, she had never seen him let down his hair; tonight might just be a first.

Wrinkling her nose at Renji, Ketsueki grinned up at him, letting her head rest on his broad shoulder. "I'll make sure you don't drink too much," she laughed.

Renji ruffled her hair. "Don't spoil all our fun."

"But that's just the thing!" said Momo passionately. "Everyone thinks that you have to drink to have fun. That's so not true!"

Rolling his eyes, Izuru hushed her quietly. "Calm down, we just want to relax a bit."

"Yeah...Captain Ichimaru must give you a lot of work to do," agreed Renji. "How are things?"

"It's not too bad. He keeps going on about this war we might have, though."

"What?" asked Ketsueki, suddenly remembering that Captain Aizen had said something similar a long, long time ago, when she had started work in the Spirit Academy.

"I don't really get what he means, but he keeps telling me that we'll all have to pick sides or something," explained Izuru, shrugging nonchalantly. "I don't think we need to worry, though. He's always been like that, discreet and weird."

Momo shivered next to him. "Captain Ichimaru scares me."

Izuru raised an eyebrow at her sceptically. "He's really nice once you get to know him."

"I'd have Ichimaru over Zaraki any day," muttered Ketsueki darkly, and Momo laughed.

"Same here," grunted Renji, leaning his elbows on the table. There was a light knock on their door before the waitress came in with a tall porcelain bottle of sake and four small glasses. She set them down on their table, poured each person a drink, and left them to themselves.

Renji took his glass in his index finger and thumb, raising it toward the others. "Cheers," he said merrily.

Ketsueki glanced sideways at him as they all toasted. He looked so happy and cheerful, far from the moody Renji that Ketsueki had caught glimpses of during her time at her squad. She was so grateful that he was patient with her, especially when she now harboured some kind of feeling for Zaraki. Of course, Renji didn't know about them. He was ignorant, so there was no reason for him to feel weary of Ketsueki. But since she was the one with the guilty conscience, she was incredibly appreciative and glad that Renji could still act like this around her, jubilant and relaxed. As Renji set his glass back on the table, Ketsueki's hand jumped to his, her fingers running over his knuckles and holding his hand. She looked up into his dark eyes and smiled widely.

Renji looked back at her with an equally pleased expression. "Hey," he said softly.

Forgetting about Izuru and Momo's presence, Ketsueki placed a soft kiss on his lips. Perhaps he wasn't expecting it, for she thought he jumped under her touch. But he was grinning when she pulled away slowly. "Hi," she replied hazily.

"Get a room, you two," Momo sighed, though her lip was twitching.

Renji gave her a threatening look. "Jealous?"

She puffed her cheeks at him. "Hardly. You're not my type of guy."

"Then who is?" Ketsueki seized at her chance, propping her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her interlocked hands. She inspected Momo with narrowed eyes and a quirky smile. "How's Izuru for you?"

Momo blushed and made a silencing gesture. "Stop teasing," she groaned.

"Answer the question!"

"No! That's so awkward..."

Izuru was glaring at Ketsueki as well. "Just stop," he murmured, his cheeks turning pink.

Ketsueki dropped the matter when the food arrived. They feasted on noodles, soup, grilled beef, sushi, vegetables, and other assorted goods. Izuru and Renji got through another three bottles of sake; Momo and Ketsueki each just had another glass, then stopped to laugh at the effects of alcohol which took over Renji and Izuru. Renji's faced flushed red, its colour growing dangerously close to that of his hair; Izuru was just as crimson, but he was finally opening up, leaving his quiet and reserved character behind. Ketsueki felt herself talking more as well, though not because she had drank sake, but merely because she was in the good company of friends. Ketsueki wished they could do this more often.

Halfway through the meal, Renji and Izuru already intoxicated and giddy, Momo glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall. She frowned. "Where's Rukia? It's past nine already."

Ketsueki nearly choked on her mouthful of fish. "Rukia?" she spluttered.

"Yeah, I invited her to join us. She told me she was on duty tonight but would try and come..."

After this revelation, Ketsueki felt herself becoming agitated as the night progressed. She couldn't help herself; her gaze wandered over to the door every few seconds, scared that Rukia would enter and take Renji's attention away from herself. She didn't know why she was so nervous all of a sudden; Rukia didn't know about Renji's feelings...did she? She trusted Rukia not to try anything, but even so she was still anxious.

As 10 o'clock came and went, Ketsueki was just starting to convince herself that Rukia wouldn't show when there was another knock on their door, this time louder and more authoritative. Renji laughed at the sound; he was strangely amused by noises when he was drunk. "Come in!" he called.

Rukia entered, her petite frame small compared to the doorway. She shut the door behind her and smiled at Momo. "Sorry I couldn't get here earlier," she apologized, seating herself next to Momo and nodding at Ketsueki as well. "Captain Ukitake wasn't here today so I just wanted to make sure things were in order before I left."

"That's all right," said Momo brightly. "Have you eaten yet?"

Rukia shook her head. "No, it's been a long day."

At this, Renji thrust his plate at her, which still held a portion of rice and beef. "Here," he drawled, "take mine Rukia."

Rukia looked taken aback at Renji's words. But then she seemed to notice his red complexion and swaying movements, for she bit the inside of her mouth and refused his offer. "No thanks," she said bluntly.

Izuru suddenly slumped on the table, looking incredibly sad. "I miss the good ol' days," he hiccuped.

Ketsueki desperately wanted to distract herself from Rukia's presence. "Why's that?" she asked Izuru, slipping her hand around Renji's arm. He responded by grabbing her waist and pulling her roughly against him.

Izuru shrugged, then sighed dramatically. "I dunno," he continued. "I guess I just miss when we were in the Spirit Academy. We were so happy back then, and so free."

Momo nodded as well, but argued, "But we're happy now too, right? We can still enjoy ourselves."

"Yeah, but there's just so much to do," moaned Izuru, slapping the table as if it was the furniture's fault he was so depressed. "It was just the five of us learning to do stuff. And you two - " he gestured at Rukia and Renji " - you two weren't mad at each other back then."

"Yeah, well, I suppose that's changed," said Rukia through gritted teeth.

"Aw, com'on Rukia," Renji cooed, and he let go of Ketsueki's waist and reached out for Rukia's hand. "Let's be friends again..."

"Renji, stop, you're embarrassing yourself," said Ketsueki, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Keep out of it, Tsu-chan," Renji said abruptly, "Me and Rukia are childhood friends, didn't you know?"

"I think I should leave," Rukia said flatly, getting up.

"No, please, stay," Momo tried to convince her desperately. "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Yeah, Rukia, stay with me," Renji agreed eagerly, standing up as well and taking a step toward her around the table.

Rukia shot a look of disgust at Renji before heading toward the door. "Sorry Momo, I promise we'll catch up soon," she said before leaving.

Renji was getting worked up. "Damn it," he said loudly, obviously disappointed.

Momo looked back and forth between the door and Renji. "What was that for?" she finally snapped, glaring at Renji. "Why did you chase her off like that?"

"I didn't," Renji sighed unhappily, leaning on the table like Izuru. "I was trying to get her to stay."

"Yeah, but...com'on Renji! You can't be that drunk."

"Sorry," mumbled Renji into his arm, his words slurred and muffled.

The rest of the night passed with less glee than before, and after another half hour the group decided to split. Ketsueki was thankful that they didn't have a scene, but the sight of Renji drunk and incomprehensible was making her feel nauseous, especially how he had pleaded for Rukia to 'stay with me'. To her alarm, those three words hurt her greatly. Just when she wanted to get Renji for herself, he just had to display his hidden affection for Rukia. The thought sickened her.

At last, Ketsueki and Renji got up to leave; Momo stayed behind to help Izuru find his money to pay the bill. It was late into the night outside, and the crowds were diminishing, though the streets were still occupied. Lanterns cast amber hues over the people and shops, some closing down already. Ketsueki walked next to Renji, slightly separating herself from him. They found their way back to the gate into the Gotei 13 and took a quiet path on the edge of the forest back to Headquarters.

Renji broke the silence with a hiccup. "Sorry about tonight," he said lowly, though his words were still difficult to distinguish.

Ketsueki sighed frustratedly. "It's okay," she replied harshly.

"No. No, no, no it's not," Renji said repeatedly, shaking his head, his feet stumbling over the grass floor.

"It's fine, all right?" Ketsueki shot at him. "Just forget it. You're drunk and you don't know what you're talking about."

"But I like Rukia, and that's not okay," Renji grumbled.

Ketsueki stopped in her tracks and glared up at him. His face was red, strands of hair falling out of his ponytail attractively, but Ketsueki suddenly wanted to run away from him and leave him there, standing alone. She didn't like this side of him, and definitely didn't like how he talked about Rukia and acted toward her in his drunken state. "Yeah, I know you like Rukia," she said bluntly. "But I can't do anything to change that, can I? So - "

She was silenced by Renji forcing his mouth onto hers. He pressed his body against her, so much so that she could feel the rise and fall of his chest and his warmth. He pushed her a step back until Ketsueki bumped into a tree. She broke off the kiss and gasped, but Renji's hand was at her face and he found her lips again with his. His breath tasted of wine, sweet and sour at the same time. It made Ketsueki dizzy. She felt Renji's other hand roaming her waist in the dark. His hand slid up dangerously, until he suddenly grasped her breast in his long fingers...

"Get off!" Ketsueki shouted, and she shoved Renji away with all her strength. The young man stumbled backward.

Ketsueki didn't wait for him to recover. She ran for it, striding fiercely down the path, her feet smothering the grass beneath her feet. Her heart and mind were in turmoil, and the tears that sprung in her eyes did nothing to soothe herself of her painful thoughts.

**AN: I promise you the story will actually progress more once I get my head into this again D': I apologize sobsob**


	31. Chapter 31

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-one**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of its characters.**

**AN: Ahem. So. -tentatively peeks around the corner- Firstly, I am so, so sorry for abandoning the story about a year ago (omg a year wtf). I just lost motivation and decided to focus more on school. Unforgivable I know. But for some strange reason I couldn't stop thinking about Ketsueki this summer, and about this awkwardly unfinished business.**

**Secondly, for some stupid reason I didn't actually get round to writing anything except for this last week before school starts, so I can guarantee that updates will be sketchy and inconsistent. ;n; Again, I am really sorry.**

**And thirdly, _thank you _for the support you guys gave me for this story. I have to admit I feel attached to Ketsueki and just how she's changed over time as a character. I really am grateful for all the critique and encouragement. Even after I stopped updates I still had a few reviews, and maybe that was why I decided to write another chapter. -tentatively throws chapter into the fanfic world- So please enjoy it! I really want to finish this story, but it's going take some effort and time. I hope you can understand. However, I promise I will definitely do my best! -tentatively crawls back into real life-**

It took Ketsueki a few seconds to realize why she was feeling so down the next morning. Blinking in the grey, pale sunlight, Ketsueki sat up in her bed mat and ran both hands through her tangled locks of hair. Letting out a meek sigh, Ketsueki got up to take a quick shower to start the day.

As she went about her morning routine of brushing her teeth and having a thorough shower, Ketsueki's mind was fixated on last night's events. For whatever reason, Rukia's appearance had taken a toll on her. Maybe it was because she had never known the other woman well, and hadn't a clue what might draw Renji to her instead of Ketsueki. She didn't like the fact that someone else might be able to induce such feelings in Renji. Jealousy had always been an ugly emotion, and Ketsueki didn't dare look up at herself in the mirror.

However, it wasn't just jealousy that plagued her heart. It was guilt as well. Renji was brave and honest enough to admit to liking Rukia, but Ketsueki simply didn't have the guts to confess to Renji that she was indeed starting to feel for Zaraki, though what that feeling was exactly she wasn't sure. Part of the reason she was so reluctant to tell him this was because there didn't seem to be any logical, solid, understandable explanation to _why_ she liked Zaraki. Ketsueki felt butterflies flit about in her stomach. Even thinking about Zaraki was causing her to feel dizzyingly nauseous lately, and not in a particularly bad way.

The other reason Ketsueki didn't want to tell Renji was because she herself didn't quite believe in her own feelings. She desperately wanted Zaraki to mean nothing to her, and she thought wistfully that if she denied herself these feelings, perhaps they'd just go away in time. In fact, she needed them to disappear, and soon. A large part of her suspected that Injuken had been so sullen this past week was because of Ketsueki's failure to shunt her feelings aside.

Perhaps it was time for another heart-to-heart talk. Ketsueki dressed and entered her room again, eyeing her zanpakuto, which was propped up against the wall. She took it and sat on the floor cross-legged, pondering her next words. As though from a dream, she remembered how Yumichika had said it was much easier to connect to zanpakutos through dreams. Well, now was hardly the time to go back to bed. So instead, Ketsueki sighed and said out loud, "Injuken, show yourself."

Instantly, a chill descended over Ketsueki as the blade clattered to the ground. Injuken seemed to morph out of the shining metal and into existence. Ketsueki glared up at him; she hadn't confronted him ever since he had hit her, and she was suddenly reminded of the loathing she felt for the spirit standing in front of her.

"Sit down," she ordered.

Injuken shook his head curtly, his face smeared with blood trailing down from his eyes as always.

Ketsueki sighed. "Look, Injuken, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I'm not gonna put up with you attacking my Captain and not working with me when I'm practising with Ikakku."

She looked up at him, expecting an angry rebuttal, but it seemed that Injuken didn't have the strength or ability to speak. He was swaying on his two feet while he fixed a terrible stare at her. She raised an eyebrow suspiciously at him. "What's the matter?" she asked.

And then he vanished. Dissipated into nothing. Ketsueki blinked and looked around, wondering where he had gone, but of course he was just returning to his blade form. She stared at the sword. "Injuken?" she asked, this time tentatively. For some reason, his distant and weak appearance was making her more afraid than when he had been merciless and brutal. She reached out and touched the hilt ...

_... And she was suddenly standing in nothing. Ketsueki turned around on the spot, but there didn't seem to be a physical surface under her feet. She opened her eyes, but couldn't see anything. All was pitch black. And yet when she extended her arm, she could see it clearly. It seemed that she was suspended in a void of darkness._

"Welcome to my world," _said the colourless voice of her zanpakuto._

_There he was, striding toward her from afar. It was strange, to see his penetrating red eyes through his spiky, short red hair in such a dark place. He seemed to be the only real thing in this world of his._

"_Your world?" Ketsueki repeated, spinning around again. She remembered dreams from when she had been younger; they had been filled with this same, dense blackness, and red eyes glowing close by. "There isn't much in here, is there?"_

_A rare smirk lifted the corner of Injuken's lips. "_I've learned to rid my world of unnecessary distractions. It helps me focus."

_Ketsueki turned to face him. "That's what I need to talk to you about," she said, the initial fear at finding herself in such an alien place drifting away slightly. "You haven't been very focused at all, Injuken. Whenever I'm training with Ikkaku you're never present. What's the matter with you?"_

_At her indignant question, Injuken shrugged and paced in a small circle around her. Ketsueki glared at him, waiting for him to answer. "Well?" she demanded again._

"There are ... _things_ you do not understand," _Injuken said eventually, his face tilted up as if he were looking at an imaginary sky. "_I cannot be myself when you are so attached to your beloved Captain."

_Ketsueki bristled at the accusation. "He is not as beloved as you think," she said sharply, knowing that she was lying to herself. To others, yes, he was cruel. But to her ... well, somehow she had burrowed her way into the cold confines of his heart. But she couldn't let that go on, could she? Not when she was losing Renji, not when she was losing her strength and her zanpakuto's faith in her. "Why did you attack him?" she asked, to buy herself some thinking time._

_Injuken stopped in his steps. "_Isn't it obvious? He is an obstacle in our path to greater things." _He jabbed a bony finger at her, his blood-red eyes filled with frustration. _"You have so much potential, and yet you _still_ choose to prioritize him over me! Aren't we one, you and I? Aren't we better than you and him?" _He strode toward Ketsueki, with the face of a maniac, and gripped her shoulders in his claw-like hands. He rooted her with his stare. "_You are pathetic, there is no doubt. But you don't even try! You have succumbed to him! And you leave me here in this desolate place to fend for myself, to train with myself, to find a way out. How can you blame me for wanting to attack the one person between shinigami and zanpakuto? _How dare you!_" _And the anguished spirit hit Ketsueki across the face, sending her reeling to the ground, which was as black as the sky and the air. He knelt over her and spat in her face. "How dare you!" he repeated with a screech. "When we have come this far and yet are hardly there! You choose to preoccupy yourself with him and that young one! Time and time again!"_

"_What do you want me to do?" cried Ketsueki, knowing exactly what he wanted, knowing that she had failed him once too many._

"_FORGET THEM!" Injuken screamed. "BURN THEM FROM YOUR HEART, CLEANSE YOUR MIND, OPEN YOUR EYES!" Injuken leant in closer, his terrible, terrible voice piercing her ears. "IF YOU DON'T, THEN I WILL SEE TO THEIR DEATHS. IF YOU DON'T, I WILL KILL THEM. AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU FORGET YOUR MISTAKE. YOU WILL ALWAYS REGRET IT, UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE. YOU WILL SUFFER AS THEY WILL SUFFER UNDER MY HANDS." Injuken took a deep breath, and fell silent for a long moment. The ringing silence was more strange and more terrible than Injuken's words._

_Injuken composed himself, but his still spoke venom. "_After all this time, I had hoped you would see my importance in your life. Apparently, you need to be reminded constantly of that fact."

_And despite everything, despite her feelings, despite her soul begging otherwise, Ketsueki nodded and stood up shakily. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, and bowed. She wanted – no – needed forgiveness from the spirit. And he was right. It had been stupid of her to think that her problem with Zaraki and Renji outranked her problem with Injuken. Childish. Foolish. Immature. Injuken had been right. He had always been right._

_He sensed her regret. "_You are forgiven," _he said. _"Now go, I need time alone."

_And in the split second it took to transport Ketsueki back to the Soul Society, there appeared the tiniest of cracks in Injuken's world. A thin, white line, running from the bottom of the darkness to a spot near Injuken's feet. Light sifted through that fine crack. Ketsueki saw the alarm on Injuken's face. He was panicked, and he was scared._

_But with a motion of his hand, she was gone ..._

_... _And Ketsueki was all alone in her room, with a million problems to be dealt with.

* * *

"Com'on!" roared Ketsueki, and the men charged at her.

She was surrounded by twelve shinigami, all from her Division, all under Zaraki's command. About half of them were officers of lower ranking to hers; the rest were less skilled but equally vicious. She let them sprint toward her, wielding their weapons, ready to strike her.

She moved out of harm's way at the very last second. She used the first one's momentum against him and swung behind him, kicking him in the lower back and sending him sprawling. A sword in mid air caught her eye and she parried the successive blows with Injuken. Someone else tried to attack her from behind. She jumped into the air and landed behind her second attacker, stabbing him in the side and pushing him into the path of the third. Others were weaving and cutting at her now; a blade seared her skin as it tore her sleeve open. She snarled and shouted, "_Bleed, Injuken!_" and her sword became a deadly red ribbon of menace and shed blood. Bloody bandages wound themselves up her arms, protecting her - and only her - from the ribbon's razor-sharp edge.

The men were startled. Not many had seen Injuken's release. But they were undeterred. They struck again and again, coming in at all angles, making Ketsueki all the more alert and responsive. She felt her senses sharpening, felt her muscles tense, felt her body glowing with the thrill of battle and anger. Two men were on the ground, surrendering to their wounds. But still seven remained.

Ketsueki fought on with them for a few more hours until all of the men were exhausted and needed rest. Ketsueki stood back, breathing hard. There was a bruise on her forehead and many cuts on her legs, but she had survived. She had beaten them all. She was victorious. She bowed to them as they waited to be dismissed. "Thank you," she said. "You all performed very well. Keep training. You can all go now." At this, the men scattered to their various quarters to dress their wounds. Although they all had hurt egos, Ketsueki could feel their respect for her grow quietly. She was relieved.

Ketsueki sighed and sat on the beaten grass. She rolled back the legs of her robes and touched her wounds gingerly. They were shallow but stung painfully. She bandaged them thoroughly and then touched the bruise on her forehead. It was tender and sore.

Something hard and cold hit the back of her head. "Ouch," she said out loud, rubbing her head and looking around. An ice-pack was lying next to her on the grass. She picked it up and glanced behind her.

"Good work," Ikkaku said, walking over and sitting down.

"You were watching?" Ketsueki asked, putting the ice-pack to her forehead.

Ikkaku nodded. "I was wondering what all the commotion was. You guys were giving out great waves of spiritual energy."

"They're good. All of them."

"You're better."

Ketsueki paused and looked at Ikkaku's face. They hadn't spoken much since their last training session, which had ended with Ikkaku accusing Ketsueki of thinking too much about Zaraki. She remembered his words clearly in her head. "What do you want?" she asked carefully.

Ikkaku shook his head. "Nothing," he said simply.

Ketsueki's eyes narrowed. "So why the praise?"

A smirk greeted her suspicious gaze. "You've changed," he said, and he appeared quite content at the matter. "I can see your drive again. People don't fight like you did just then without any drive." He patted her roughly on the back. "I'm proud, kid."

Ketsueki smiled a little. She was touched – and a little surprised – by his keen observation. She reminded herself to not underestimate Ikkaku, even though he could be obnoxious at the best of times. "Thanks," she muttered, her eyes softening.

"What made you change?"

Ketsueki recalled Injuken's fiery words. She spoke carefully, not wanting to reveal the toxic relationship she had with Injuken. "I convinced my zanpakuto to come out of his shell," she said. "Besides, he didn't like how I was lagging behind a little."

"Well, you did make it to the eighth seat," Ikkaku commented fairly.

Ketsueki shook her head desperately. "He wants more," she said.

"How much more?"

"I don't know." She felt a tiny flutter of panic. What if Injuken continued demanding obedience from her? What would happen when she had nothing left to give? Would he really kill her? She shivered at the thought.

Ikkaku noticed her tense posture. "What's the matter?"

Ketsueki folded her arms over her knees and rested her chin on her elbow. She sighed heavily. "Are zanpakuto spirits always like this?" she asked no one in particular, simply musing out loud. "Are they always trying to get better and stronger? And shouldn't there be a way to stop them?"

"Depends on the zanpakuto. Not all of 'em are like that. But yours is, and it's hella difficult to stop them," Ikkaku said, leaning back on his hands. "You just have to go with it. They're powerful things, Ketsueki. Unless you can top them, your best bet now would be to keep training."

When Ketsueki said nothing, Ikkaku continued by asking a curiously insightful question, "He wants to fight Zaraki again, doesn't he?"

Even without asking, Ketsueki knew he was referring to Injuken. She nodded gloomily, in defeat. "And I can't stop him," she said quietly. "I don't feel like the shinigami, I don't feel like I'm holding the reigns here."

"Then take control," Ikkaku said darkly. "You don't want to become a slave to him. He'll use up all your strength, your energy, all of you." In the following silence, Ikkaku added, "And that's why you've got your drive back, isn't it? It's still Zaraki. He's still your aim." She thought she could hear disappointment in his voice. "You're still not fighting for yourself. That should be your priority, not Zaraki. Your zanpakuto is a greedy guy. You can't always give him what he wants."

"Are you saying I'm not good enough for my zanpakuto?" Ketsueki snapped abruptly, turning to glare at Ikkaku.

Ikkaku raised his hands in defence, but his eyes were harsh. "I'm just sayin', don't try anything until you know you're ready, got it? Zaraki's a tough bastard. He'll beat you two without thinking about it, if it has to come to that."

"And just how are you so sure about that?" she hissed.

"Remember last time? In his office? I was watching, and your guy didn't stand a chance against Zaraki."

Ketsueki felt like slapping Ikkaku. She felt oddly protective of Injuken, even if he was hurting and manipulating and slowly killing her. "Shut your mouth," Ketsueki retorted. "He's getting stronger. I can feel it."

"You watch yourself, Ketsueki," Ikkaku said, raising his voice; she had annoyed him. "I outrank you, remember? So show some fucking respect. I'm just trying to help."

"Well I don't need your help," Ketsueki replied icily. She stood up and threw the ice-pack at Ikkaku. "Thanks for nothing." She made to stride back to Headquarters. But before she could move, Ikkaku seized her wrist. His grip was painful.

"Be careful what comes out that mouth of yours," he warned dangerously. "You may have improved, Donato, but your bravery's turning into fucking stupidity. And Zaraki doesn't appreciate dumbasses in his Division."

"Who's side on you on here?" she demanded, tugging at her arm.

Ikkaku didn't even flinch as he replied, "Zaraki's, of course. I've been watching you from the start, and I never liked the look in your eyes when you talk about him. I don't mean to say he doesn't make mistakes with people - and hell he's probably made the biggest ones with you - but I'm loyal to him. So should you. He's your Captain, for fuck's sake. And if you even _think_ that you can beat him in a fair fight, then you're fucking big-headed and you lose my respect."

Ketsueki couldn't contain the hatred she suddenly felt for Ikkaku. "You always said you wanted me to get stronger."

"And I always said _leave Zaraki out of it. _Get him out of your head. Your goal isn't to beat him, or to be better than him. Don't give in to Injuken. You can't win this one, Ketsueki."

Ketsueki was sick of it. She was sick of always being told she couldn't do it, after all her hardship and training and fighting. She had put up with Ikkaku's and Yumichika's and Zaraki's and Injuken's disappointment and doubts. She had come into this Division with nothing but fear and shame in her heart. She was an officer now, something she had only dreamt of becoming. And yet it would never be enough. Never. Not years from now, because she would never satisfy Injuken.

"What the hell's going on here?"

Ketsueki and Ikkaku turned on the spot. Zaraki walked toward them, confusion on his face at the sight of Ikkaku gripping Ketsueki's wrist aggressively. At his Captain's words, Ikkaku let go of Ketsueki, who was suddenly aware that she could just strike her Captain now and try her luck. She could feel Injuken breathing under her skin, pushing against her control to attack Zaraki. She had to admit, she was tempted, so tempted. If she could just let Injuken out, then maybe she wouldn't be able to feel her heart beating so loudly and so vigilantly for her Captain. Maybe then she could _believe _that she didn't care for him at all. And, maybe then, Injuken would leave him alone, and find some other unattainable star for Ketsueki to reach towards.

"Is anyone gonna fucking answer me?"

Their eyes met. When had they last been alone? Ketsueki found herself wondering at the question. They had been in the forest, under Yachiru's plans. She had rested her head on his shoulder. He had tried to kiss her. She had turned him away.

And she could do so now. She had to. For Injuken.

"It's nothing, sir," she said stalely, keeping her eyes on his. "Right, Ikkaku?"

Ikkaku was brooding. She could feel him about to contradict her, but in the end he decided against it. "Yeah, nothing. I'll see you 'round." He walked away, giving Ketsueki a cold look as he left.

Once Ikkaku was out of earshot, Zaraki spoke, "He looks pissed. What did you say to him?"

"Things," Ketsueki replied unhelpfully. Injuken's roar of fury was echoing inside her. His energy was spilling out of her. She knew Zaraki could feel him there.

"And what sorta things, exactly?"

It was painful. She saw the look of expectation on his face. He was waiting for more from her, waiting to reignite that something they had discovered for each other. But it was useless now. She couldn't do it. She knew where it was, but she didn't dare reach for that spark for fear of burning herself permanently. She willed him with her eyes to leave her alone. But Zaraki wasn't going to be stopped that easily.

"What's up with you, girl?" Zaraki took a step forward.

"Stop. Just stop. Please," Ketsueki said, her tone emotionless.

Zaraki's frown only made her feel worse. "Stop what?"

"Stop _this_." And when he looked taken aback: "Us? Whatever we are? Right now? I need it to stop. I'm sorry." And with that Ketsueki stepped away and walked briskly toward her room, desperate to put as much distance as possible between her and the person she had just lost.

**AN: Angsty chapter is angsty :'D**


	32. Chapter 32

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-two**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN:**** Wow, I seriously did not expect such a welcoming response. Thank you so much for still reading, it makes my heart all fuzzy ;A;**

When Ketsueki arrived at her room, she found Renji waiting outside her door. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, concern etched on every inch of his face. Obviously he was here to apologize for last night. Ketsueki cringed at how he had touched her body. For some reason his actions had revolted her greatly. She knew he had been drunk and out of his mind, but she couldn't help feeling a little weary of him now. She struggled to get rid of the unpleasant feeling as she walked toward him.

Hearing her footsteps approaching, Renji looked up. Regret filled his eyes. "Hi," he said uncertainly.

Ketsueki smiled and stopped in front of him. "What're you doing here?" she asked.

"To apologize. I'm really sorry, genuinely. I shouldn't have - " Renji broke off and rubbed his arm self-consciously. "I'm sorry for what I did last night. I was an idiot."

Ketsueki nodded. "It's okay," she said quietly with another small smile. "You drank too much. That's all."

Renji paused. He seemed to want to reach out for her, but he restrained himself and kept talking, "Also, about what I said about Rukia ... "

"It's okay if you meant it," Ketsueki said at once, green eyes drifting up to meet his. She tried to stay strong. "It's fine. I can understand if you really like her and you want her back."

"Wait ... what? Tsu-chan, that's not - "

"Renji, I'm tired," Ketsueki said, and she really was. She felt it in her bones. Her exchange with Zaraki a few minutes ago was still lingering on her mind. Maybe that was why she was so irritated and impatient with Renji being there. "I'm tired of waiting for you to make a decision."

Renji blinked. "I was drunk. I wasn't thinking straight."

"I know." Ketsueki ran a hand through her hair.

Renji stepped forward. "Look, I just wanted to say sorry. Let's forget about last - "

"But I can see you want her, even now, Renji. You say sorry all the time for thinking about her. She's always been there, on your mind, even before you told me about her."

She could see the calculations and decisions he was trying to make on the spot. "Right now she doesn't mean half as much as you do, though," Renji said.

"But she was special to you before." Ketsueki half-shrugged, fighting down the hurt in her chest. Was this it? Had their time together run out just like that? Is this what Injuken wanted all along? "You want to go back to what you guys were, sure."

Renji looked scared that Ketsueki was being so brutally to the point. "But ... "

"But nothing. Forget about me." Ketsueki flashed a pained smile and opened her door. "The call's on you, I guess."

Ketsueki walked into her room, but Renji pulled her out by the elbow. "No, no, no," Renji said persistently, dragging her back so she was facing him. "I didn't come here to tell you I'm ditching you. I don't want to do that. I thought you knew."

"Well I didn't."

"Okay, so now I'm saying I want you."

"I don't believe you. You ... you're making this so confusing!"

Renji's eyes narrowed. "I could say the same for you. You get upset when I talk about Rukia, but you don't seem to care that much when I talk about leaving you."

"It's because I _don't_! You can go chase her for all I care! Do it!_ I don't care_!" Ketsueki shouted at him, and she pulled her arm out of his grasp. "But what I _do _care about is that you can't stop thinking about her when you're with me! How do you think that makes me feel, Renji?"

And there she was again, being the hypocrite, knowing all too well that she was accusing Renji of the very things she had been doing for so long.

"I thought you understood me," Renji said flatly. "I thought you knew that even though I miss her I still want to be with you."

"You can't do that," Ketsueki said furiously. "That's not fair. Not on me."

Something dark passed behind Renji's eyes. She couldn't place what it was, but the look on his face suddenly frightened her. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. Hesitation in his eyes. He closed his mouth, then spoke more calmly; he had always been gentle with her. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Tsu-chan."

Ketsueki glared at him, then wavered and bit her lip.

Renji continued, "If you want me to make a decision to stay or not, then you're gonna have to give me time. And I'm sorry I haven't lived up to your expectations." He paused. "But I just want to let you know that you haven't been perfect either."

Ketsueki felt her body go numb. "I know," she said.

They faced each other, standing in silence. Ketsueki found it so strange that, on any other day, she could have walked straight up to Renji and hugged him tightly. But now, she couldn't find any comfort in him. She cleared her throat. "So ... what're you gonna do now?"

"I need to find Ikkaku," Renji said. "Any idea where he is?"

Ketsueki thought she saw that dark shadow in his eyes again. "By the training grounds, I think. Why?"

"Just for training." Renji couldn't find anything else to say, so he stepped away and walked down the hall.

Ketsueki felt a twisting in her gut. She didn't like the way their conversation had ended. She had wanted closure, some sort of definitive result that would mean she could focus solely on giving Injuken what he wanted. She didn't feel like she could wait any longer. "Is there anything else you want to say?" she called.

Renji stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, there is actually." Renji smiled sadly. "Thing is, Ketsueki, I still love you, but sometimes I don't think you feel the same way for me."

* * *

The weather had improved enormously over the last few weeks. The temperature was rising, and the forests were expanding with leaves. The sun seemed even more eager to start the day, rising over the horizon earlier than normal. There were fewer clouds to block its rays. It was mid-March, and the Soul Society was bathing in its warmth.

Nine in the morning. Ketsueki had just finished dressing when there was a knock at her door. She went to open it and found Ikkaku glaring at her.

A week had passed since their conflicted encounter, and in that week Ikkaku had disappeared from Ketsueki's training regime, leaving her no choice but to fight with Yumichika and some of the other officers. But even Yumichika had given her an odd look after their last training session. Obviously Ikkaku had told his friend about what Ketsueki and Injuken were planning on doing. And, being the loyal subordinates they were, both of them were growing hostile toward Ketsueki.

Ikkaku thrust the large stack of files into Ketsueki's hands. "Here," he said simply.

"What's this?" she asked, then added, 'Sir?' at the furious look on his face.

"Paperwork. Zaraki wants you to organize and distribute the next set of teams sent to the living world." When Ketsueki said nothing, Ikkaku snapped, "Well get going."

"Yes sir," she murmured dully, sliding the door shut and putting the papers on her desk. She listened to his footsteps fade away, but there was something still perched on her lips. She realized that she wanted to go and apologize to him. After all, he had not told anyone else about her plans, and he hadn't given her away to Zaraki. Ikkaku and Yumichika were trusting her to do the right thing.

Ketsueki shook her head to herself; that would be suicidal. She couldn't backtrack now. Injuken had set a goal for her, and she was finally doing what he wanted. During her training sessions, he had come alive in her hand, slicing deeper and quicker with each twist of her arms. Yumichika had expressed that he was impressed, but there was an anxious hint in his eyes that she didn't like.

"To hell with all of them," Ketsueki muttered, aware that she was isolating herself from everyone around her. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji and Zaraki. None of them mattered now. It was only her and her zanpakuto, working together to achieve strength and power.

But orders were orders, so Ketsueki sat down and started looking through the pages of shinigami profiles, assigning them into teams of eight with one officer to each team. She was reminded of when she and Renji had led a team of their own to the living world. She remembered of how they had escaped into town, how they had listened to the music floating in the air, how he had kissed her ...

"Stop it," Ketsueki muttered, pressing her knuckles into her temple. She couldn't forget Renji's last words to her.

"_I still love you, but sometimes I don't think you feel the same way for me."_

The trouble was, he was spot on. But she didn't want to admit it. Not yet. She would stretch it out, make it seem like she still wanted him. She couldn't just let him go that easily.

Ketsueki refocused, tying her thoughts together and throwing them into a corner of her mind. She sighed, chewed the end of her pen, then spent another hour or so finishing the various forms and lists. She got up and stretched, reaching up for the ceiling, then bending forward and touching her toes. When she straightened up, she found Injuken watching her. She wasn't surprised by him being there. She was already used to his spontaneous nature. Was he here to praise or degrade her? She turned away and neatened the stack of papers. "Hello," she said over her shoulder. "Nice to see you again."

"_Why do you insist on pretending to be in control?" _Injuken crooned with a smirk.

"Because I am," she said, turning around and putting her hands on her hips. "In case you haven't noticed, I've stopped thinking about Zaraki."

Injuken nodded. _"I know,_" he admitted, red eyes slightly amused. _"I didn't expect such a prompt response. Did I scare it out of you?"_

She remembered Injuken's ear-splitting shrieks in her ear, in his pitch-black world. She shivered involuntarily. "You're evil," she murmured, looking into his face. "You're more evil than he is."

"_Who, Zaraki? Bah, he is nothing compared to me."_

"But you two are so similar. Both of you want to fight those who are stronger."

Injuken's fingers twitched. "_He is not stronger than me. The only reason I couldn't defeat him is because _you _couldn't take it. You didn't have enough energy."_

"Use your own energy," Ketsueki spat.

"_But I do. In my __blade__ form my energy is channeled through the __sword__ and I am more effective. When I manifest into your world, I am more exposed. I cannot make my __power__ last long."_Injuken scratched his arm, annoyed. _"As a result of your lack of commitment, you still haven't learnt how to use my power to its fullest."_

"So when the time comes, I'm going to be the one holding the sword. I'm going be the one to strike Zaraki."

"_Yes."_

Ketsueki didn't blink. "Do you want me to kill him?"

Injuken smiled. He was enjoying toying with her emotions. "_No. I only want to watch you defeat him in battle, that is all. He may be bloodied and injured, but I don't require his death. I promised, didn't I, that if you suppress your feelings then their lives would be spared. Of course, he would never forgive your insubordination. His hatred of you would be something you must live with forever. How tragic. He would never know the truth__.__ I won't let you tell him. He would never know that your attack was in fact an act of protecting the man you loved."_

Ketsueki's fist flew up before she could stop herself. She punched Injuken across the jaw, sending him reeling into the far wall. When she retracted her hand, it was smeared with blood. She didn't care. She was trembling and seething. "You ask too much of me, Injuken," she said hoarsely. She remember Ikkaku's words about how he didn't think Injuken was strong enough. "You know what? I don't believe what you say. You can't kill him if I don't attack him. You're just making empty threats."

Injuken brought his hand to his face and felt his jaw. There was a wild smile on his lips. "_I seem to have touched a nerve. You need to keep working on your feelings for the man. I would never allow you to grow closer to him, do you hear? He has embarrassed the both of us too much. I would rather die than have my shinigami attached to him." _He let the words sink in. _"Do not think that I don't know the implications of killing you, Ketsueki Donato. I know that once you perish I will die as well. But I would prefer that over crushed dignity and skewered pride. __So if you choose to love him, then you choose death. __All or nothing. Your decision."_

"I don't believe you."

Injuken smiled. _"Would you care to test that theory?"_

He was not afraid of death. Ketsueki felt the walls closing in on her. The floor seemed to sway under her feet. She breathed shakily. "Okay," she said, nodding absently. "Okay. I'll try to do what you ask. But what if I fail? Have you considered the possibility of not defeating him?"

Injuken smile turned into a sneer. "_If you fail, then you will be punished, and then you will try again. Until you succeed."_

Ketsueki's blood went cold. "How long until you want me to try?"

"_A few more __year__s."_

"He's one of the most powerful shinigami around," Ketsueki said blankly. "I hope you realize that."

"_And I hope _you _realize that your failure will only be a result of your lack of commitment, drive and strength._"

"Then show me how!" Ketsueki shouted in frustration and panic. She couldn't help it. Death was on her mind. "Ever since I've known you you've been hurting me and hating me but never really _helping _me! You just threw my first stage at my face and expected me to deal with it! And I have! But now?! Are you expecting some sort of miracle to happen? I don't even have bankai and you think we can defeat someone like _Zaraki?!_"

Injuken's smile grew wider, and he opened his arms in a welcoming gesture; the tattoo of roses on his biceps were like adornments on a bloodstained gate. "_Then fight me."_

"What?!"

"_Fight me. Defeat me, and you will have bankai."_

"You're insane. Bankai takes decades to get. You can't do it in a few years."

"_Then for decades we shall train. I must confess I have been impatient with you. I forget that shinigami are not capable of grasping our powers in such a short space of time. But if you do as I say, then I will oblige to train you until you have reached your maximum potential.__"_

Ketsueki froze. Could she do this? It seemed impossible, an enormous hurdle that required time and patience to overcome. She gulped. "How ... how would we do it?"

"_Today, you rest. You are distracted. But soon, you will enter my world, and we will __fight__."_

Even though Injuken sounded convinced of his success, there was a worried touch in the way he smiled. Before she could understand it, though, it was gone. She felt apprehension knowing that she would have to spend hours in his miserable world. It still haunted her how different she and Injuken were. She nodded and watched as Injuken disappeared once more, leaving her sword glinting on the floor.

That night, she didn't bother sheathing the blade. She left it abandoned on the wooden floorboards. She did not care for it. How could she, when it was holding her own death over her head?

**AN: I never cut her any slack, I know ._.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-three**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: ****Hurr dur school is killing me omg I'm so sorry here's the next chapter ;_;**

The next morning, Ketsueki got up at the break of dawn and dressed in a rush. Eating breakfast on the move, she left her room and walked the familiar path to the small clearing where she had made contact with Injuken several times before. She could feel her heart pounding. Finally, Injuken was taking her into his world, willing to part with secrets she had previously missed. They were putting his long-standing plan into action.

But she was scared. She didn't know what to expect. There weren't any rules now. No Ikkaku to scold her and to guide her. No Yumichika to chide about this and that in her ear. They were probably talking about her right now, wondering what she was trying to accomplish by trying to beat Zaraki, hoping against hope that she would not follow her zanpakuto's desires. She wished she could explain to both of them why she was suddenly so motivated to fight, to defeat their Captain. It was a simple, primal reason, the one that drove so many onwards desperately in battle.

It was simply because she was afraid of death.

Injuken had always been rough on her, but he had explicitly told her he would not kill her because that would mean killing himself. Unfortunately, Ketsueki had taken things too far with Zaraki. She had pushed Injuken to one side, and now he was taking his revenge on her. Ketsueki had long suspected that there was something fundamentally wrong with Injuken, but she hadn't expected him to be prepared to die. It only strengthened the similarities she saw between Injuken and Zaraki. She had heard tales of when Zaraki had said he would be willing to fight to the death. It was a trait he and her zanpakuto shared, apparently.

Ketsueki, on the other hand, did not want to die any time soon.

So what other option did she have? She sifted through the possibilities. If she stopped training, Injuken would kill them both. If she kept training, Injuken would inevitably make her fight Zaraki. If she fought Zaraki, she would surely lose, and maybe even get killed, either by Zaraki or by Injuken as punishment. If she survived the punishment, she would be flung into the cycle all over again. Ketsueki felt herself pummelled through a tunnel of despair. She was painfully aware of the limited breaths she could draw.

And yet she couldn't help but think back to that fine, white line in Injuken's empty world. She couldn't understand it. What had it been?

"Not important," Ketsueki muttered as she arrived at the clearing. She sat down on the grass and closed her eyes. There was only one route to secure her life, and that was to actually defeat Zaraki. Impossible. But if she tried, if she really tried, maybe ... maybe ...

"Maybe you could finally get what you want."

_Ketsueki's eyes flew open. She got to her feet and faced Injuken. She studied her zanpakuto. The unkempt red hair, the ruby eyes, the lines of dried blood down his face and bare upper body__. Her eyes wandered to t__he beautiful tattoos on his arms, the bandages wrapped around him carelessly. He radiated power and brutality and violence._

_Her zanpakuto._

_She wanted to throw up._

"I see you've decided to show up," _Injuken continued, beginning to walk around Ketsueki in small, slow circles._

"_I value my life," Ketsueki replied evenly, staring dead ahead into nothingness._

"As you should." _Injuken continued pacing, and as he did Ketsueki scanned her surroundings. The white line was nowhere to be seen._

"_What are you gonna do to me?" Ketsueki asked._

"This,"_ Injuken replied, and he withdrew a sword and slashed her shoulder open._

_Ketsueki let out a drawn out cry as she buckled to the floor. She pushed herself away from Injuken, who was advancing ever so slowly, his blade coated with her blood. _"What can you do?" _he pondered aloud, cocking his head to one side._

_Ketsueki bared her teeth and snarled viciously. Ignoring the deep burn in her shoulder, she unsheathed her sword and took her stance on her two feet, parted to distribute her weight. She gripped the hilt of the sword tightly, knowing that nothing would happen if she summoned her first stage. This was to be a ruthless man-to-man war. No tricks, no miracles. Just him and her._

_Ketsueki whirled on the spot and lashed out with her foot, making to kick Injuken on the chin. But Injuken swiped her foot aside, putting her off balance, and aimed a kick at her stomach. Ketsueki flew backwards, hitting the ground loudly and rolling several times. She glimpsed a fleeting glint of metal, and then Injuken was on top of her. She brought her sword up horizontally in front of her face just as Injuken swung his sword down. The impact jarred her already aching shoulders. Ketsueki glared, feeling the sweat slide down her face as Injuken pushed his sword harder against hers at a right angle. His blade was getting closer and closer to her face. She started to panic. Her sword began shaking under the pressure._

"Is this all?" _he seethed, eyes merciless. He pressed down just a little harder, and the tip of his sword made a shallow, vertical incision between her eyes. Blood seeped out of it. _"Is this all you have between you and death?"

"_NO!" Ketsueki yelled, and kicked his stomach as hard as he had done. Injuken staggered back a little, allowing Ketsueki to slash at his legs. She was rewarded by his robes tearing and blood splattering. She stood up again._

_Injuken growled and charged at her with unearthly speed. His sword flashed left, right, up, down. Ketsueki could barely deflect each blow as they came toward her. She missed some, resulting in long cuts up and down her arms. They screamed for attention, but Ketsueki blocked it all out. She had to concentrate. She had to focus._

_As Injuken drew back his blade to swing it again, Ketsueki took her chance and stabbed Injuken in his side. Ketsueki felt a surge of victory, but it soon turned to horror when she realized Injuken was gripping the blade with his hand, ignoring the blood dripping between his cut fingers. Ketsueki tried to pull the sword away, but his grip was like iron. They were close. Too close. With a swift stroke, Injuken cut at her face. Ketsueki barely dodged the attack in time. She let go of her hilt a moment too late. Her head snapped one way as her cheek was dragged by the tip of the sword. A long gash of pain exploded in her cheek. She yelled and kicked Injuken's chest. He moved back two paces. So did Ketsueki._

_She looked up._

_Injuken was holding both swords, and she knew she had lost._

_But Injuken decided to play with her. He dropped the swords and beckoned with one hand. Fuming, Ketsueki raced at him, ready to punch him whatever part of him she could get at. She swung her fist forward and it connected with his face. Injuken was forced back a step, but he grabbed onto Ketsueki arm and flung her to the ground. Her head crashed against the solid darkness. Injuken kicked at her head__ and at her body__; she curled up into a ball, trying to defend herself. Each kick was cruel and relentless. Ketsueki felt dizzy; she tasted blood in her mouth._

_Finally, the blows stopped. One second. Two. Ketsueki raised her pounding head._

_Injuken walked toward her with both swords in his hands. She knew what was coming. She scrambled up and braced herself. One sword cut the arm that tried to hit him. The other stabbed itself into her leg. It twisted. Ketsueki screamed. Then the other sword stabbed her hand._

_And Injuken said: _"I'm sorry. But I have to do this."

* * *

"Ketsueki! Wake up!"

"Shut up, prat. Let her rest."

Ketsueki felt herself being lifted by a pair of strong arms. She whimpered as she felt her wounds flex as the man began carrying her away somewhere. Her eyelids felt heavy. She didn't bother opening her eyes. She thought she knew who was holding her.

"Zaraki?" she mumbled, half-conscious.

"No, you git, it's me, Ikkaku."

"You'll be better soon," said Yumichika's voice.

Ketsueki groaned and shifted in Ikkaku's arms. She pressed her bleeding forehead against his chest. She felt faint. "How did you – "

"Just shut up, got it? Don't waste any more of your energy."

"He's right, my dear. You're much too weak to talk right now. Just relax and we'll find someone to fix you up."

Ketsueki sighed and fell unconscious in Ikkaku's arms.

* * *

She woke up slowly.

Ketsueki found herself lying on a soft bed mat, with the blanket drawn up to her chin. She raised a hand hesitantly and touched her cheek. There was a long, thin scab that ran the whole width from her ear to her lips. She hoped against hope that it wouldn't scar. There was also another hard mark between her eyes, a vertical strip of rough skin.

"Good, you're awake."

Ketsueki blinked open her eyes and turned to look at Yumichika. He was sitting cross-legged by the mat, looking down on her with careful attention. He smiled and patted her head. "How are you feeling?"

Ketsueki winced as he helped her sit up against the wall. "Painful." Beneath her uniform, someone had bandaged all of her wounds. "Did you – "

"No, we called a girl from the Fourth Division to get you cleaned and sorted."

Ketsueki nodded and looked around. She recognized Ikkaku's room. "Where's Ikkaku?"

"He's off smoothing over some paperwork regarding the Fourth Division member. Every time we request someone to be sent over we need to give the Fourth Division a reason. He's going to tell them he went a little too far with you on one of your training sessions with him."

They were protecting her. They were keeping her relationship with Injuken a secret. She felt moved, and hardly knew what to say to Yumichika, knowing that he was as loyal as Ikkaku to Zaraki. "Th-thank you," she mumbled. "I-I feel terrible."

"Why?"

Ketsueki bit her lip. "Ikkaku told you about what Injuken wants, didn't he?" Yumichika nodded and Ketsueki went on, "I … I didn't expect that you would keep it a secret from him, and from everyone else. I thought … you would hate me for it."

Yumichika sighed and leaned against the wall with her. "A part of me wishes that you aren't putting yourself through such a ridiculous journey. But … I can't say Ikkaku and I haven't been in your position before. And we're hoping that one day Injuken would come around."

Ketsueki dipped her head, remembering his death threats. "I don't think he'll do that."

"Well it's a shame, but what's done is done. We can't control what zanpakutos do and think. Although, I must object to how cruel he is when training with you. I wasn't aware he would injure you this much. You've been very good at hiding your wounds."

Ketsueki shook her head. "It was our first time training together."

"What?"

Ketsueki twisted her hands together. "He never took me into his world before. Today was only the second time."

Yumichika looked thoroughly confused. "But then how did you achieve your first stage?"

"He just gave it to me." At the look on Yumichika's face, Ketsueki asked, "What?"

"It's just that … well, maybe we are all different, but I'm sure that, in order to gain more and more power from your zanpkuto, one would have to train with them and talk with them in their world first before achieving something as difficult as your first stage." Yumichika eyed her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know it was strange. I guess he thought it would've taken too long for him to train me," Ketsueki said. "He's too impatient to teach. He wants me to work it all out myself."

Yumichika's expression was grave. "I don't mean to judge you, but that sounds unhealthy. All zanpakuto relationships are one-sided at first, but they should slowly open up with the shinigami."

"Well, he has, sort of. He's vowed to train with me for years."

Yumichika scowled. "He's a little too late, in my opinion. He should've helped you before, with your first stage."

Ketsueki smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Yumi."

"Don't look so forlorn. I'm happy to help as much as I can." Yumichika returned the smile elegantly, and Ketsueki couldn't help but sigh tiredly and put her head on his shoulder. She was glad that she could have someone to rely on, even if he couldn't save her from Injuken. It was only a small comfort to talk to him, but a comfort all the same.

At that moment, they heard footsteps coming from outside, accompanied by a rumbling voice. "Ikkaku, I need you to go find the girl again. I want that paperwork back – "

The door opened the Zaraki stood in the doorway. Ketsueki stared at him, wishing that he would just leave her alone. She couldn't help but feel a little hurt at the contempt in his voice. She was 'the girl' again. He was giving her what she wanted. He was treating her as if they had never been close and intimate in any way or form. And, somehow, that was more unbearable than slowly losing Renji.

Zaraki's eyes narrowed at the sight of Ketsueki's leaning on Yumichika. "Get the hell up, girl. You heard me, I need the paperwork now."

Before she could reply, Yumichika cut in, "She's been hurt, Captain. She's not feeling well. It would do her good to – "

"Shut the hell up and get out."

Yumichika didn't budge. He sat on the floor stubbornly. Ketsueki didn't know what to do.

Zaraki seemed to want to stab the man. "I said GET OUT!"

"Fine," Yumichika replied, getting up and heading for the door. "Take care, Ketsueki." He left.

Zaraki shut the door behind him. He looked more menacing than ever, with the small room accenting his height. Ketsueki didn't smile at him, didn't talk to him. He had acted tough in front of Yumichika, but now he wanted answers. She watched him as his anger slowly began to unfold.

"D'you think it's okay to play mind games with me, huh?" Zaraki started, hands in his pockets. "You think it's funny?"

Ketsueki didn't reply.

"You think it's funny lying to my face?"

Nothing.

"ANSWER ME."

"No! I don't!" Ketsueki shouted back, wincing as the pain in her side flared up. "How could I?! What do you take me for?!"

"I'd like to ask the same fucking question right back at you," Zaraki growled. "And spare me the pity."

Ketsueki fixed her eyes on him and willed herself to keep it together. "You are my Captain and I hate you. I've always hated you. Do you understand? I'm sorry that I – that I let something happen between us. But I can't let it go on. I need to focus on my training and my life. I don't have time for you."

These words seemed to physically hit Zaraki. His posture stiffened and she saw his jaw clench and unclench several times repeatedly. As if he was trying not to scream. Ketsueki could feel her own throat constricting with an ugly and weak emotion. She watched as Zaraki battled through his thoughts. He did not understand where this was coming from all of a sudden. She wished that she could make him understand.

"I'll make it easy for you, Zaraki. Just think of me as the stupid girl that joined your Squad. The girl that you wanted to get rid of. It shouldn't be that hard. Do it."

"I don't get this."

"You don't have to. Just do as I say."

Zaraki studied her. Tried to find a hint of affection. There was none. And then he grinned. His face showed a frightening, sullen smile that reached his eyes and darkened them with madness. He felt wronged and humiliated; she could see it.

"I should've known you were nothing but a heartless bitch."

He was trying to hurt her. She didn't mind. In fact, deep inside, she welcomed it. She deserved it. She tipped her head up. "I'm sorry, Captain."

"I know your sword hates my ass. I know he's making you do this."

"You're right, he is."

"And you choose him."

"I have to."

Zaraki laughed coldly. "You have to," he repeated.

Ketsueki said nothing.

"Well congratulations for fucking me up. I hope you enjoyed it. It'll be your last time."

It ended there. She watched him unwillingly remove her warm, breathing image from his memories, and she realized in that moment that some part of him had cared too much. Surely no one would have looked as wretched and betrayed as he did now without having lost someone close to the heart. And that meant that he _did _have a heart, and that she had been wrong to think otherwise, and that it was too late to correct her mishap, because he was already out the door and she was locked in Injuken's lonely grasp.


	34. Chapter 34

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-****four**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any of the characters.**

**AN: I actually do feel terrible for never updating ... the thing is I don't watch/read Bleach any more, but I do love the world and this little character Ketsueki I've created, and even though I put it off I really do want to finish her story! I'm so so grateful to people who reviewed my last chapter. Thank you so much BrolysMate, RyokoSon, CopraMeow and Amapolas for your kind words, I'm really sorry I'm so shit at updating :(**

**But, anyway, here is another chapter for you lovely people. Thank you so much again for reading, it really does mean so much to me. I can't believe I've been working on this story for over three years! It's a miracle I'm actually still writing for it. Okay I should stop blabbing ._. Please enjoy!**

A week after her first session with Injuken, Ketsueki was completely healed and working again. Thankfully none of her injuries had left scars. She was in one of the storage rooms, helping some of the non-officers sort out the filing cabinets, when Yachiru skipped into the room. Her large eyes landed on Ketsueki. "Tsu-chan! There you are!" The young girl ran up to Ketsueki and hugged her around the middle. All the other shinigami looked at her, perplexed and even a little annoyed for being disturbed.

"Tsu-chan, won't you play with me today? I've got a tea party going and there's an empty seat!"

Ketsueki shook her head and removed the girl from her arms. "I'm sorry, Yachiru, but I need to finish this."

"Pleeease!"

"Yachiru … "

"_Pleasepleasepleaseplease _– "

Ketsueki sighed. "Fine." She left the non-officers with some final instructions before leaving the room with Yachiru holding her hand.

"Cheer up, Tsu-chan! Don't look so down," Yachiru piped as they walked across a neatly trimmed garden. Ketsueki saw Yachiru's living quarters that she shared with Zarkai. Her chest constricted uncomfortably at the thought of running into him. His words were still echoing in her ears.

"_I should've known you were nothing but a heartless bitch."_

She shivered, despite the sun shining down on them. "Sorry, I'll try and perk up for your tea party." Ketsueki tried to smile. The muscles in her face were stiff with lack of use.

Yachiru frowned. "You don't look that much happier."

Ketsueki smiled instinctively at the look on Yachiru's face. "Sorry."

Yachiru beamed at the new smile. "There you go, and stop apologizing so much!" she said with a little nod and led her through the front doors. After a tense moment of apprehension, Ketsueki relaxed when she couldn't feel Zaraki's spiritual energy anywhere nearby. _Good._

"I have another guest with us," Yachiru continued, leading her down a corridor and sliding a door open on her right. She pushed Ketsueki inside. "There you go, Captain Aizen! I found Tsu-chan for you!"

Ketsueki stumbled into the room and saw the Captain smile at their arrival through his glasses. "We meet again, Ketsueki," Aizen greeted. He was sitting on a chair that was much too small for him, and in front of him was a round table that was equally inadequate and much too pink. Around the table sat assorted stuffed animals, tea cups arranged in front of them neatly.

Ketsueki straightened immediately and recovered from her surprise. "Captain! It's an honour. What are you doing here?"

Aizen chuckled. "Yachiru invited me to have tea with her. How could I resist?"

"Naturally."

"Com'on, Tsu-chan, you can sit next to Aizen." Yachiru pulled Ketsueki toward Aizen and forced her into a tiny pink chair. Ketsueki's legs were drawn up to her waist as she crouched next to Aizen. She blushed a little at their predicament.

"It wouldn't hurt to have some proper furniture around here," Ketsueki mumbled to Aizen, who laughed at the comment. Yachiru was too busy getting tea to hear the complaint.

"Well, I guess we must make do. There is no stopping this young girl from getting what she wants."

With a floral teapot, Yachiru poured tea into miniature cups and placed them in front of Aizen and Ketsueki. She then poured tea for all her guests and herself. She sat down opposite them and beamed. "Drink up!" she ordered and sipped at her own cup.

"You've got a lot of toys, Yachiru," Aizen commented, eyeing all the stuffed animals around them.

"I know! Ken-chan complains I spend too much of our Division's money on toys." She giggled. "I don't think so, though! Not compared to how much _he _spends on sake."

"Do you have a favourite?"

"Sake?"

"No, toy. Favourite toy," Aizen clarified with a laugh.

"Mmm … " Yachiru put a finger to her lips and narrowed her eyes, evaluating her victims. Finally, she pointed at a blue stuffed bunny with floppy ears. It was hugging a stuffed carrot. "He's my favourite! I've had him for quite a while now. He's always a gentleman."

"Do you have a least favourite?"

"That would have to be Sir Elephant over there. He's always knocking over the teacups."

Ketsueki couldn't help but laugh at Yachiru's absurd replies. She subconsciously unwound in the next twenty minutes or so, chatting more and thinking less about Zaraki, even though she was currently sat in his home. She knew that part of the reason was that Aizen was there. His reassuring presence always made her feel safe and secure, as it must do for the rest of the Soul Society.

After eating too many biscuits and cake, Yachiru insisted on cleaning up herself. She stacked the cups and plates and headed down the corridor toward the kitchen. "I'll be back in a sec!" Yachiru told her guests before she went to do the dishes.

Ketsueki stood up and stretched. Her tailbone ached. "We've been sitting for too long."

Aizen got up with a groan as he rubbed his lower back. "Indeed. I must remind Momo to cancel all my appointments with Yachiru in the future."

They shared a laugh at this. Ketsueki felt herself grow fonder of the Captain. With him, she had no reservations. He was ethical and moral and true. She had never heard anything bad against him. "I wish I could spend more time with Momo," Ketsueki confessed.

"You must miss the days in the Spirit Academy."

In truth, this had not been on Ketsueki's mind at all. She had been much too preoccupied with recent events to even have time to think about her time as a student. But now that Aizen mentioned it, she did indeed miss the simpler days, back when she just had the straightforward goal of getting into a Division and climbing up the ranks. Back before everything with Renji and Zaraki and Injuken started. She nodded.

"So it makes me wonder, why did you resign from your position as a teaching assistant?"

Ketsueki glanced up and saw Aizen holding an envelope. She recognized it as her resignation letter she had written ages ago. She blushed again, feeling like she had been caught out. She felt a stir of indignation; she could barely remember writing it, it felt like it had happened in another lifetime. "I-I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to be ungrateful for the chance you gave me."

"Not at all, that wasn't what I meant. I'm merely curious as to what made you leave. Did you encounter any troubles while you were there?"

"No, the troubles were at my own Division."

"How do you mean?"

Ketsueki squirmed. "Zara – my Captain didn't like how I had to stop my training just to teach."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Truthfully? At the time, I hated it. But now … I have motivation to train again." She grimaced. Indeed, her motivation was keeping Injuken happy so he wouldn't hurt her, or even kill her for that matter. "So I guess his opinion about it was right."

Aizen smirked. "I can see you're annoyed about that."

"Is it that obvious?"

Aizen laughed, and then his voice died down. The room was quiet for a beat, except for the tinkling of plates from the kitchen far away. Aizen was looking at Ketsueki with an appraising gaze. Ketsueki felt curious at his expression. "Sir?"

"Momo speaks a lot about you."

Ketsueki smiled. "I know, sir, you told me so."

"Do you miss her?"

"A great deal, like I said."

Aizen clasped his hands behind his back. "Ketsueki, if I were to offer you a place in my Division, would you accept?"

Ketsueki froze. She didn't dare believe her ears. "Sir?"

"If you would like, you could be a seated officer in my Division alongside Momo."

Ketsueki could barely express her surprise at the invitation. "Thank you for the offer, Captain, but why – "

"I am only a Captain wishing to help out," Aizen replied. "I have learnt a great deal about you over the past months, Ketsueki, and it has dawned on me that you are still not comfortable in your current position. Besides, it would do Momo some good to have friend nearby. She has been under a lot of stress as of late. I think having you there would boost her morale and effectiveness."

Ketsueki bowed. "Th-thank you, Captain. You are too kind. This is … I never would've expected this."

Aizen placed his hands on her shoulders, which made her jump. He looked amused by her reaction. "Does this mean yes?"

As Ketsueki straightened, she was surprised to find that she was reluctant to give an answer. She bit the inside of her cheek and said carefully, "Sir, may I have a few days to consider? I know I've complained a lot about where I am, but I have improved so much in terms of swordsmanship, and I don't wish to stop." She flinched as an awkward thought hit her. "I-I don't mean that your Division is less able in battle, I just … "

"Please, you're much too flustered. I am not so easily offended." Aizen's eyes twinkled through his glasses. "Of course you can have some time to consider. I'm sure that despite your words that you may have become loyal to Captain Zaraki. It is understandable. Take as much time as you wish. I'll be waiting for an answer."

* * *

_Ketsueki cried in agony as the blade cut her stomach open._

"Get up," _Injuken seethed. _"Don't give up."

_Getting on unsteady feet, Ketsueki clenched her teeth and shot Injuken a lethal look. "I haven't." She gripped her sword even tighter and cut at Injuken's face. She missed and he punted her to one side with the heel of his hand. She landed on the floor with a groan._

_Injuken walked slowly toward her and peered down at her bloody form. _"What do you think?"

"_About what?!" Ketsueki spat. Without waiting for an answer, she jumped up and kicked Injuken in the shin. Injuken fell and Ketsueki stabbed his arm. However, she couldn't quite deflect his own sword that came whistling from one side, and it made a jagged line across her collarbone. She pushed him away and held her sword with two hands, panting._

_Injuken narrowed his eyes at her interrupting him. Quick as lightning, he weaved between her attempts at disarming him and twisted his blade into her thigh. Ketsueki cried and staggered, receiving another punch to the jaw. She caved onto the floor, and this time remained there._

_Injuken wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. _"As I was saying, what do you think?"

"_I can't answer your stupid question when – "_

"About Aizen's offer."

_Ketsueki bit her lip and pushed herself into a sitting position. She tore off her sleeve with her teeth and tied it around her stomach to staunch the bleeding. "It's … tempting."_

_Injuken rolled his eyes. _"It is not _tempting, _it is _necessary._"

"_Care to explain why?"_

"In Aizen's Division you will be free of the distractions of Zaraki and Abarai. Your heart will forget them and you will focus solely on us."

"_But I'll be away from Ikkaku and Yumichika. They've taught me a lot."_

_Injuken sneered. _"Of that you do not need to be concerned. I will teach you all that you need to know to achieve bankai. There is no use in training with them when you can't even fight a good battle with me."

"_Yeah, so why didn't you train with me when I had my first stage? Yumichika and Ikkaku had to get me through that."_

_Injuken studied his hands. _"I wanted to see how you would react, to see if you would give up when devoid of help."

"_Well I didn't, and here we are." Ketsueki suddenly lashed out with her sword and successfully sliced Injuken's arm, spraying blood everywhere._

_Injuken snarled viciously and kicked her across the head._

"Lesson of the day: you will never be able to catch me by surprise," _Injuken murmured as Ketsueki's vision dimmed and she faded into unconsciousness._

* * *

"Hey! Where are you going?"

Ketsueki stopped proof-reading the report in her hands and looked up. Renji was striding toward her down the hallway, looking quizzical. The only reason that a smile jumped to her lips was because of the one on his. "Hi," she greeted, stopping in front of him.

"Hey. Why are you heading that way?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's monthly rankings, remember? Com'on, we're almost late." Without a further word from Ketsueki, Renji hooked his arm in hers and pulled her in the direction she had been coming from.

Ketsueki's head was reeling slightly. _Monthly rankings already? _She couldn't believe how quickly she had lost track of time. But of course, she should have realized. She chided herself for being so careless. It would have been disastrous to miss such an important event. Besides, she was looking forward to climbing up the ranks a bit further.

Renji seemed to sense her yearning for the challenges ahead. He grinned and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. "Someone's excited."

Ketsueki looked down at their interlocked hands. A strange feeling overtook her. She both loved and hated the way their fingers fit together so comfortably. But she couldn't hold back the hesitant smile that broke out. "Yeah," she admitted quietly. "I've got a bit of pent up frustration that needs letting out."

Renji pulled her aside when they approached the door to the wide hall. He hid them behind a large pillar and placed his hands on her waist.

Ketsueki felt confused. She pushed herself away slowly. "Renji … "

"I haven't made my decision yet," Renji said flatly, eyes serious but warm. She realized he was talking about choosing between her and pursuing Rukia. "And until I have, I want us to stay the same, okay? Is that too much to ask for?" He linked his hands behind the small of her back and pulled her close. His face was inches from hers. She could feel his words tickling her lips.

Ketsueki held her breath and closed her eyes. She rested her forehead against his chin, wondering what to do. She felt him kiss her forehead and smooth her hair back. There was a heavy weight in her chest. "I don't think I can do this."

"Why not?"

She shook her head. "I can't be hopeful. I don't want to feel for you just to have you taken away, y'know?"

Renji brought his hand to her face and stroked her cheek. He gazed down at her sadly, and Ketsueki was equally disheartened, but she knew that she would never be happy until he made a final decision. She needed closure. She was insecure like that, a little petty and a little demanding. But it had to be like that. So she loosened his grip on her and avoided his eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. She seemed to be apologizing a lot lately, to a lot of people.

Renji braved a grin, but she saw the hurt in his eyes. "It's fine." He didn't hook his arms with hers as they made their way through the doors, straight into the scrutinizing gaze of their Captain.

Ketsueki didn't look at him once, and nor did he.

She sat down with Renji and awaited her turn.

* * *

In the end, they were both demoted.

Ketsueki was defeated several times and got pushed back to 12th seat, whilst Renji was also beaten and ended up at 9th seat.

Zaraki made no comment on these changes. He simply declared each new officer and their new position and left the room swiftly.

Ketsueki could sense the worry in Yumichika's gaze from across the room. She ignored him and got up to leave. Renji followed closely by her elbow. She ignored him too.

Out in the corridor, she felt Injuken's snide disappointment seeping into her limbs. She clenched her fists as his voice resonated in her head.

"_Do you see now? Do you see how they have all improved and you two have slackened?"_

Ketsueki could barely control herself as she walked toward her room.

"_There's only one thing to do now. You must leave this place. You must accept Aizen's offer."_

"Tsu-chan."

Renji was still behind her. He reached out and grabbed her arm. He wanted to comfort her. "It's okay. Don't get mad at yourself."

Ketsueki let him pull her into a hug. She laid her head on his shoulder, knowing blankly that this could be the last time she would do so.

"Tsu-chan? You okay?"

Ketsueki looked up. "Yeah. I'll get over it."

"You sure?" Renji's hands cupped her face. She didn't bother telling him to stop touching her. He was too stubborn to listen.

Ketsueki nodded. She shut her eyes as he leaned in to kiss her.

"_You must leave."_


	35. Chapter 35

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-****five**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Bleach**_**, or any of**** its**** characters.**

**AN: IN CASE ANYONE IS INTERESTED, I'm now rping Ketsueki and a mysterious new OC on tumblr! You can find out more on my fanfic profile, I've got links there :D So if you have an OC and want to interact with Ketsueki there, GO FOR IT .3.**

The thing about indecision was that it's all a big, elaborate lie. If you really thought about it, deep down you know you have an answer waiting on your lips. Maybe it's not the right choice, and maybe you know that, but it is nevertheless the choice you're leaning towards. You're just pretending you don't know what you want because you fear the outcome of your decision, and you don't want to be held responsible for your future.

This was exactly what Ketsueki was going through on that Sunday after the monthly rankings. She was idly biding for time, making up excuses for herself to stay a little longer, help out a bit more over here and over there, postponing over and over again the day she would send Aizen her letter of acceptance.

Injuken, of course, already had a strong opinion on the matter. They had another training session together, and he was as brutal with her as ever before. Maybe it had to do with his frustration. She was disappointing him for not distancing herself from Zaraki and Renji sooner.

But it wasn't just them who were tying her down. It was the sense of belonging she felt in the Division that held her back. Yes she was still regarded as inferior by a few of the officers, but she knew stepping into the Fifth Division would mean a lot of change. And she was tired of that. She needed, above all else, some form of stability in her life. Renji had been visiting and disappearing in the last few days; Injuken was growing more and more violent.

And Zaraki…

Even with the Fifth Division being such a warm community, she felt as though she would simply break apart if she were faced with another challenge, another expansive gap she was meant to leap over blindly…

WHAM. _Injuken's foot slammed into her stomach. She felt blood spluttering in her mouth as she folded onto the solid black floor. The same pitch darkness encased her and her zanpakuto, as it always did in his kingdom of gloom and despair._

_She took a moment to recover, feeling the pulses of pain recede ever so slowly as she pressed her head against the cold blackness beneath her._

"I'm waiting._"_

"_Just…just gimme a moment here."_

_She heard his exasperated sigh, brimming with disregard for her welfare. "_That's not what I'm talking about._"_

"_Let me guess," she rasped, propping herself onto one shoulder. Blood caked her lips. "Aizen's offer?"_

"Exactly. What are you waiting for? I've seen your heart. You've made a decision. Put it into action."

_Ketsueki lowered her gaze and stared at the ground. She didn't know what to say. She felt ashamed, lying on the ground, weak and pathetic at the feet of the spirit. She focused her eyes downward, staring at one spot in guilt…_

"_Hey," she muttered, curiosity piquing in her. "Look."_

_Injuken suddenly turned rigid. "_What?_" he snapped viciously._

_Ketsueki pointed. It was barely discernible, but there was a faint, crooked slit by his feet, glowing ever so faintly against the dark world they were in._

"_The cracks," she said, looking at it in wonder. "They're back."_

"What do you mean?_" Injuken's voice was low and dangerous._

"_I've seen them before. They were gone for some time, but now they're back again." She glanced up at him. "Why are they back?"_

_Injuken stood rooted to the spot, and that terrified Ketsueki even more. This was his world. What if it was failing? Would she be trapped in here with him forever, if the darkness suddenly caved in on her? She shivered at the thought._

_After what felt like ages, Injuken walked toward her and crouched down so their faces were level. For an insane moment, Ketsueki thought she saw a moment of tenderness in his eyes as his hand floated upward. But the speculation soon vanished as his fingers suddenly dug into her cheek._

_With his hand gripping her face like a claw, he fixed her with a lethal stare and said, "_You want to know why these cracks are back? It's because you're weak. Whenever you fill my world with your nonsense thoughts about Abarai and those others, you infect me and the power I hold with your diseased emotions. I regret how tightly woven our bond is, but that has always been the case between shinigami and zanpakuto. So the quicker you remove yourself from their midst, the fewer cracks will appear. Do you understand?_"_

_She glared at him. A brief glimmer of hope broke through. "What would happen if I were to keep invading your world with my _diseased _thoughts? Would you crumble?_

_Injuken scoffed. "_Hardly. And even if you did attempt such a thing, I would kill you before you could even get anywhere close to succeeding. Such betrayal is just as worthy of death as refusing to defeat Zaraki in combat."

_She wanted to reach out and drag her nails down his face, to add to the collection of dried blood already there. But repeated defeats had made her exhausted, and her love of life was too strong, too powerful._

_At long last, he released his hold on her face. She recoiled, feeling the puncture wounds in her cheek begin to bleed. Hot droplets slid down her skin, which was prickled with goose bumps._

"Accept Aizen's offer, pest,_" Injuken spat, standing up and looming over her. "_Or do you like being humiliated and stalling in your progress?_" He was reminding her of her recent demotion. It was still fresh on her mind. She bristled at the taunt. When had she become so proud?_

_She didn't have time to dwell on it. With a final kick to her head, Injuken sent her back to her realm._

* * *

Days passed. Injuken waited for her to act. In the end, however, it was Renji who convinced her to desert the Eleventh Division. It was ironic. The man that Injuken hated, the man whom she had felt attached to for all these years was soon to become the reason she wished to leave everything behind.

It all began with a knock on her door. She slid it open and found Renji there. She raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure how to act around him these days. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he lied, and sighed. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, come in if you want."

"Can we go outside?"

She furrowed her brow. "Why?"

Renji shrugged. "It's a sunny day. It'll do you good to get out in the sun, y'know? You've been locked up in your room for ages."

_So have you. Or wherever you vanish off to. _She merely nodded and slid her door shut behind her.

They wandered side by side down the open corridor, the trees and courtyards stretching below them to their right. Ketsueki's arms were folded in front of her; she waited for him to speak what was on his mind.

Eventually he made them stop at a flight of stairs over-looking the gardens. He sat them both down on the stairs. They were in a fairly deserted part of Headquarters, and were unlikely to be intruded upon. She had a feeling that he had planned it that way.

"Renji, just let it out," she said, unable to bear the tension any longer. "What is it?"

She allowed him to take her hand in his. He fixed her with a steady gaze. "Before I say anything, I want you to know that a part of me will always love you. And it always will. And I won't forget our time together, Tsu-chan, I mean that."

Her throat closed up at his words. This was it. This was his decision. She nodded, letting him know that she was listening, and that she was ready.

"Thing is, though," he continued, squeezing her hand, "I've got to…stop. I can't do this any more. I-"

"I understand," she interrupted blankly, tearing her eyes from him. "I get it. I'm okay with this. Honestly. It's fine."

"Tsu-chan-"

"I knew you'd choose Rukia," she went on, her laugh hollow. "It was obvious-"

"Tsu-chan, you're not _listening_," Renji said, gripping her wrist tightly now. "Will you just stop and listen?"

She hated how shaky her hands were getting. She looked away but remained silent.

"The reason I'm letting you go is because I need to focus on getting my bankai."

Her head snapped round. "_What?_"

"I've been training with Ikkaku," he said lowly, making sure nobody would overhear them. "He said he'd be willing to teach me how to do it, how to beat Captain-" He stopped.

"Beat who?"

Renji grappled with the name, but eventually told her: "Captain Kuchiki."

She gaped at him. "Are you serious? W-why would you want to do that?" It had never occurred to her that other people might feel hatred for particular captains. She'd believed that all along she was alone in her voyage.

He sighed heavily and looked away. "It's complicated. And it shouldn't bother you. I'm just letting you know that I need to devote myself completely to this."

She stared at him. She didn't believe it. She didn't _want _to. She hated how he was doing what his zanpakuto wanted, how he was so impartial to his feelings for her, throwing them away when she'd been unable to. No, this wasn't why he was leaving her. "Don't play games with me," she snapped abruptly, ripping her wrist from his hand. "If this is some excuse so you can go after Rukia, then just tell me, because-"

"Damn it Ketsueki it's not!" Renji retorted, silencing her with his raised voice. "This isn't about going after either of you, okay?! This is about achieving something, making something of myself!"

"Don't give me that bullshit."

"Okay, fine, _fine!_" Renji snapped, and he actually stood up and walked down a few steps before turning around and glaring at her. "You want the truth? Yeah, maybe going after Kuchiki has something to do with Rukia."

"I knew it-"

"So what? So what if I want to prove myself to her? That's not the fucking point. The whole reason I'm going after her is because you and me aren't working out. And that's because I know how you feel about Zaraki. I've known it for _ages, _Ketsueki, and I've tried to ignore it. But the way you look at him, and everything, and I can't keep pretending that you're mine. This is for the both of us. We're not good together any more. You know it, I know it. Let's not drag this out."

A heavy silence followed his words. Ketsueki felt frozen. Was that her heart beating? Was that her pulse racing? She did not feel as though she belonged in her own body.

"You don't know how I feel about him," she said flatly.

"No, stop it, _stop it!_" Renji shouted at her. "Stop _lying!_"

She just blinked at him, unable to take in what was happening. First Injuken, now Renji.

He knelt down in front of her, holding her hands in his. "Just admit it."

She shut her eyes. "Renji…please. I love _you_. I thought you knew that."

"I did. I knew that, once. Not any more." She felt his hands on the sides of her face as he kissed her on the top of her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't do this. I'm begging you Renji, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"I'm sorry too," Renji said, and Ketsueki looked up into his sad smile. "I know what you've been going through. It hurts, doesn't it? It really does when you love two people at the same time."

* * *

She had sent her letter to Aizen telling him she would accept his offer. That had been a while ago. Now, all that was left was for Zaraki to sign the paperwork. And, as always, it was up to her to deliver the documents.

Ketsueki stared at the papers in her hands. They stated that she was being officially transferred to the Fifth Division from the Eleventh Division. She didn't know how she felt about those words and that thin, empty line that was soon to bear Zaraki's signature.

She hadn't told anyone that she was leaving. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Yachiru, not even Renji. And the last person she wanted to tell was Zaraki.

But she had to. Otherwise she wouldn't be able to move on. And maybe the reason she'd failed to tell them about her departure was because of her desire to forget them.

She had a new life ahead of her. She wanted a new start.

It had yet to occur to her that maybe he would refuse to sign the papers. In which case she wouldn't be allowed to leave. He was her Captain until he signed her off. He had authority over her. Would he make one last attempt to keep her around? Or would he let her go? Just like Renji?

She would soon find out. She retraced her footsteps to his office, then knocked.

"What d'ya want?"

Ketsueki slid the door open herself and stepped inside. Zaraki was at his desk, as usual. He looked up and saw it was her. Something passed between them, but they were both too tired and worn out by each other to care.

Zaraki waved an impatient hand at her. "Spit it out, I don't have all day."

Closing the door, Ketsueki made her way over to his desk and put the papers in front of him. She let the documents do the talking, waiting as Zaraki scanned them once. He sat there for a moment after he was finished. She thought that he was going to protest, or to make a remark about her departure. Instead, he just picked up a pen and signed his name on the bottom, next to Aizen's signature. He waved the document in her face. "Done. Now get outta my sight."

She took back the papers and made to go.

And yet her feet turned her back around.

"That's it?" she blurted, facing him again. "That's all you've got to say?"

Zaraki rolled his eyes and scoffed. "You wanna leave, don't ya? Go on then. Be my guest."

"Yeah." She stared. "Yeah, but-"

"But nothing. Just shut up and go."

She gripped the papers tightly in her hands, crinkling them as she stalked away. _Forget him. He's already moved on, so you better too. Injuken was right._ She should've known all along. This – what was happening today – had been inevitable since the first moment she'd set foot in his Division.

"You asked for this," Zaraki called just as she opened the door.

She halted in her tracks again, with her back to him. _Yes, yes I did._ She remembered how she had told him to stop seeing her. To leave her alone. To forget.

"I know what you're doing, girl. You can't win against me, not even with training from your stupid zanpakuto over at Aizen's."

She looked back at him, not knowing what to say. She was suddenly suffocated by anger.

"Leave if ya want. But you don't have to. You've got a choice," he said, as though she'd be able to change her mind about the whole thing, just like that.

Ketsueki laughed, and the sound tasted empty and sour on her tongue. "I don't," she said, shaking her head and smiling at the same time. She thought of Injuken, his threat over her life if she didn't do this. "I really, really don't. You don't know what it's like. You don't even know your zanpakuto's name." She felt delight at the angry shimmer in his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about, Zaraki. And besides, I thought you didn't care about me."

"That's right, kid. I don't give two shits about you."

"So why're you telling me I have a choice?"

"I'm just sayin', you might as well give up now. You don't stand a fucking chance."

"You don't know that."

"Trust me, girl, I do. And it's all so fucking stupid it makes me want to laugh. I'll cut you up before you can even unsheathe your shitty-ass sword."

There was an immense brutality in his words, but there was also a great sadness too, tucked away somewhere, peeking out between each breath he took. And although he was speaking with complete contempt and mockery, she thought for a moment that she could feel his dread for the future, and what it held. It was nearly enough to bring tears to her eyes.

But it didn't.

"We'll see," she said darkly, and walked out of his office, toward a new beginning.


	36. Chapter 36

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-****six**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Bleach**_**, or any of**** its**** characters.**

**AN: Thank you for the reviews, your continued support means so much .3. I'm doing my best to update more often, but I have exams in a month and stressss. But here you go, I managed to get this out of my head :D**

_Forty years later._

"Tsu-chan! Check out what Izuru bought for me!"

Ketsueki glanced up from her desk. Momo was in the doorway of her small office. She smiled and waved her friend inside. "Let's see?" she asked, setting her pen down.

Momo quickly strode over to her and showed her a new beaded bracelet she was wearing. "Isn't it pretty?" she exclaimed, examining the tiny multi-coloured spheres, twirling them around with a finger. "It's so nice, I can't believe Izuru took time off to go get it just for me."

"You guys are getting closer each year," Ketsueki said with another small smile.

"I know! He's such a lovely guy."

"Momo? Something you're not telling me here?" Ketsueki eyed her suspiciously.

"How many times do I have to tell you-"

"Oh, but of course, it'll always be Captain Aizen for you, won't it?"

Momo jumped at her words and quickly glanced over her shoulder, checking that the door was shut. "I wish you wouldn't do that," she said, cheeks flushed a bright pink now.

"It's what friends are for," Ketsueki replied with a grin. It never failed to amuse her how flustered Momo got at the mention of their Captain, even though this had to be the millionth time she'd teased her.

Momo sighed and let her friend's taunt slide. "You've been cooped up in here for days," she said, changing the subject. She gestured out the window at the blue sky. "It's summer time, and finally! Let's go outside for lunch today, okay?"

Ketsueki shrugged. "Do we have to?"

"We don't _have _to, but-"

"Then go on without me. Unlike lunch, these papers _do _have to be finished."

Momo's eyes narrowed, and she leaned over the desk to see what Ketsueki was working on. "Choosing new recruits?"

Ketsueki nodded. "It's exhausting. Each and every one of them would be good. But somehow I've got to narrow the list down to just six students for the Captain."

"He probably shouldn't have given such a tough job to someone so indecisive," Momo chuckled.

"Hey, I can be decisive."

"Then decide now, I won't ask you again: come have lunch with me!"

"Oh fine, fine!" Ketsueki finally admitted defeat and pushed the documents aside. She stood up and stretched her arms over her head. Her limbs felt wobbly and stiff. "Maybe I do need some air," she muttered begrudgingly.

"See? I told you." Momo sniffed and gestured for Ketsueki to lower her arms. "And I think you might need a shower, too."

"Watch yourself, Hinamori," Ketsueki warned, but there was a wide grin on her face as she followed her outside.

It was the beginning of July, and summer was indeed in full swing. The sky was flawlessly blue, and the trees were standing in their full glory in the forests below them. Making their way downstairs, Momo led her to the Division's canteen to grab some food before heading out to the forest's edge. They chose a spot under the sun and sat cross-legged to enjoy their meal.

Ketsueki bit down on her steamed bun and leaned against a tree, looking off into the distance. She and Momo shared a few minutes of relaxed tranquillity between them, allowing Ketsueki to drift off into her own thoughts, which were now much lighter than they'd ever been before. And she couldn't be more thankful of that.

She thought again of the candidates applying for acceptance into the Fifth Division. There had been one of them who reminded her of herself, with the same long black hair draped down her shoulders in the small photograph included in the file. She let herself think back to her own Spirit Academy days again. She had been one of the better students, though never in the top, which had always nagged her a little, and it still did, being the perfectionist that she was. But she was doing well for herself these days. She knew she shouldn't be complaining. After all, becoming the third-seat officer of her Division wasn't a small feat.

Right?

"Feeling better?" Momo said.

Ketsueki blinked and glanced around. "You okay?" Momo asked when she didn't respond.

Finally, Ketsueki acknowledged her question with a small nod and a smile. "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks."

She turned away and stared up at the thin clouds again. She fumbled with the paper boxes in her lap, spacing off again. Truth be told, the reason she'd hesitated was because she wasn't sure what Momo was asking about: being in the great outdoors, or Ketsueki living a new and surprisingly lonely life, and how she honestly felt about it. She didn't want to find out the answer to the latter. She had decided not to dwell on it a long, long time ago. And, for once, she was satisfied with not knowing.

* * *

Captain Aizen's blade struck Ketsueki's suddenly and without warning. Ketsueki gasped at the power behind the attack as she parried against it. It made her fingers go numb as they gripped the hilt of her zanpakuto tightly.

Pushing back against Aizen's strength, she leaped away from him and panted, her abdomen and shoulders bloody from where he had sliced her open. But her arms were undamaged, as they were wrapped up in the silky red ribbons that Injuken had given her all those decades ago. They wound all the way up from her fingers to her upper arms, allowing an opponent's blows to be deflected, though they did leave horrible bruises afterwards.

But Aizen was starting to use more of his spiritual energy against her. Even though this meant that Aizen trusted her to cope with his abilities, Ketsueki knew that his energy would soon be enough to disintegrate the protective ribbons up along her arms, exposing her flesh beneath. She needed to find a way to strengthen the ribbons. Or to stop her arms from being so vulnerable, which would mean she'd have to move more swiftly and predict Aizen's movements.

Ketsueki let out a cry of determination as she rushed at her Captain again, spinning in the air. Injuken's first stage was released, and the red ribbon that had replaced the sword's blade swung around her in a dangerous arc. She whipped it sharply at Aizen as she descended on him.

Aizen smiled just as the ribbon cut through his robe and left a splatter of blood there. But then he manoeuvred quickly and efficiently between the strips of ribbons billowing around him, and all of a sudden he was standing right in front of Ketsueki.

"Wh-what-" Ketsueki didn't even have time to react as Aizen left another deep gash through her stomach with his sword. But even through the pain, Ketsueki jerkily snapped the ribbon downwards, into Aizen's shoulder as he stood there. She knew she shouldn't have, but she felt a flash of triumph at the blood that spilled from the wound.

"You're going to have to try much harder than that, Ketsueki," Aizen said calmly, before kicking her in the stomach, directly over the wound he'd just inflicted. The force of the impact sent her tumbling down onto the ground, shuddering at the fresh pain from her stomach.

_Breathe. Shallow breaths. Quickly. Now._

Ketsueki got back onto her feet, one hand pressed tightly against her bleeding stomach, the other wielding the hilt of the ribbon as it drifted menacingly in the air.

"_Bankai!" _she cried. An explosion of red spiritual energy. An explosion she had been learning to control for so long.

Aizen smiled again. He was impressed by her perseverance. But she wasn't there yet. Hardly.

"Good," he said, and went ahead to take her down.

* * *

The summer heat seemed to help guide the days along. Soon it was mid-July, and the glow of the sun was relentless from morning to evening. It kept a lot of the shinigami indoors, sheltered by the buildings. Windows were opened wide and a surprisingly large number of fans were passed around like water or some other sparse commodity. The heat made everyone ten times as lazy as they were before. But Ketsueki was merciless. She was as strict as ever when it came to keeping the many paths of the Seireitei clean.

She was delivering a report to the Eighth Division one day when she spotted a cluster of non-officers under her own command. She knew that they were on cleaning duty, but instead of doing their jobs, they were sitting with their backs against the white walls, attempting to hide under the tiled roofs above them. She felt a vein pulse angrily. To think that an officer like herself had to move around and do all the work while those below her were slacking, that really bugged her. The stifling temperature certainly didn't help her contain her irritation.

"Hey!" she snapped at them. "What d'you think you're doing?"

"S-sorry, Officer Donato!" one of the younger non-officers cried, immediately getting to his feet and desperately sweeping the footpath.

An older shinigami, however, wasn't as quick to obey. "It's really hot," he complained, and two of his companions muttered their agreement. "Can't you cut us a break, ma'am?"

Although they weren't hostile at all and were merely asking for some rest, Ketsueki felt herself stiffen at the disobedience. "I know it's hot," she said impatiently, "but we've all got a job to do, right? So would you please get cleaning? Also, I'm aware that you're actually being punished, aren't you? I don't want to punish you further for not doing the task at hand."

The non-officers continued to grumble, but they soon got off the floor and started to sweep instead. Ketsueki watched them for a second, then nodded her approval.

"Thank you," she said before turning away. She started back down the path, heading toward the Eight Division again. She didn't get very far, though, for she caught a snippet of the murmured conversation behind her

"…gotta be the meanest officer this Division's ever seen."

"What d'you expect? She used to be one of Zaraki's. You know what they're like."

"Yeah, bunch of crazy, power-hungry, brainless-"

"And what are you implying, exactly?" Ketsueki found herself shouting, turning back around and stalking toward the non-officers, who jumped at her intrusion. "Are you saying I'm a brainless idiot?!"

"M-ma'am?" The non-officers froze, startled that she had heard.

"Well? Explain yourselves, 'cus it sure as hell sounded like that from over here!"

"I'm just s-saying…it's just, er, we know you transferred…and the Eleventh Division-"

"What about my Division, eh?"

Ketsueki whipped around at the voice. Her green eyes landed on a familiar face, and she scowled.

"O-Officer Madarame, sir!" The non-officers all hastened to bow. Their faces went red at being caught by him. Obviously Ikkaku's ominous presence was much more effective than Ketsueki's. And that pissed her off. That, and the fact that he still had the nerve to show up around her.

She remembered their first encounter after she'd left the Eleventh Division. He had called her a spineless coward, disloyal to her Captain and too weak to control her zanpakuto. Other words like rude and ungrateful and ignorant had also flown from his lips. Ever since then, she'd stayed away from him, as well as any other members of his Division. She couldn't help feeling heavy distaste whenever she ran into them. They were part of a past that she had learned to leave behind.

"What are you doing here, Madarame?" she asked she stared at him. She couldn't remember when she'd started calling him by his last name.

"You're not the only one who's got business with Captain Kyoraku," he snapped back.

She huffed in frustration. "Well, don't get in my way, okay?" She turned on her heel and continued her way down the path, guided between the two white walls on either side of her.

"Tsu-chan, aren't you gonna say hello to me too?"

That voice. Ketsueki sighed and turned around for what felt like the millionth time. She hadn't spotted Yachiru clinging onto Ikkaku's back, but there she was, as young and sweet as ever. For her, Ketsueki would always feel something akin to guilt, maybe because seeing her would always remind her of _him. _She waved. "Hey Yachiru," she said, a wan smile appearing on her face.

"How're you doing?" Yachiru yelped from Ikkaku's shoulder.

"Good, and you?"

"Good! Are you visiting old man Shunsui now?"

"Sort of."

"Why don't you ever visit us? I keep telling you to! It's been aaaaages. Don't you miss us?"

Ikkaku was staring at her while Yachiru asked her these burning questions. It was making her uncomfortable. Ketsueki looked away.

"I've been really busy," she said, shrugging. "I'm sorry, Yachiru. I live really far away and I don't work with you guys any more. That's all."

"Tsu-chan, you don't hate us, do you?"

Ketsueki wasn't sure how to answer, not while Ikkaku was looking at her like that, so she simply pretended not to hear and left them in her wake.

* * *

After delivering her report, Ketsueki headed straight for her office to clear up for the day. She was tired from the heat and her exchange with her old colleagues.

However, when she reached her office, Momo was standing there with a worried expression on her pale face.

"What's wrong?" Ketsueki asked immediately.

"Renji was here." She looked at her sadly. "He had…he had bad news."

Ketsueki's stomach no longer did flips at the mention of his name, but she did feel that familiar, dull ache. "What happened?" she asked again.

"D'you remember how he was sent down there to arrest Rukia?"

Ketsueki nodded. She knew, of course she did. Her brain had pushed it away, though, because she hadn't wanted to think about it. She didn't want to know how Renji was feeling about Rukia's crime. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well…Rukia made a big mistake. And Central Forty-six just made their decision." Momo sighed shakily. "Renji just told me about it."

Ketsueki waited.

"Tsu-chan…they're gonna execute her. Rukia's going to die."

Her mind froze. All thoughts were locked up together, twisting and becoming entangled. "When?" was all she could muster.

"Twenty-five days from now."

They stood together in silence, not knowing how to go on with what they had to do when Rukia only had a few weeks left to live.

"She doesn't deserve that," Ketsueki managed finally. "Whatever the hell she did in the Living World, she doesn't deserve to be killed."

"I know," Momo murmured. "Poor Rukia. And poor Renji."

Ketsueki nodded dimly. "Yeah…"

"We should…we should go visit Rukia, shouldn't we?"

"I dunno," Ketsueki muttered, rubbing her wrist. "Is that a good idea?"

"Then we should at least go and find Renji. He'll need someone to talk to." A pause. "I think you should go."

"What? Why?" Ketsueki's eyes flashed in alarm.

"Because you understand him. And he needs a friend."

Shaking her head vigorously, Ketsueki walked away from Momo. "What the hell, Momo? I'm not his friend. I don't want to get involved in this."

"But-"

"But nothing! It's not my place to go and comfort him."

"Tsu-chan, don't say that."

"It's true. I wouldn't have anything good to say."

"You should try."

"Momo, stop it," Ketsueki growled in frustration. "Don't you get it? He wouldn't want to see me. Y'know that nickname people kept calling me? I was 'the other Rukia', that other girl that Renji fucked up with." She crossed her arms. "Seeing him would only cause him more stress."

Clearly, Ketsueki could not be moved on the subject. She simply continued to glare at one of her only true friends.

"You go find Renji or Rukia if you want to," she told her firmly. "But I'm not going."

**AN: There you have it! She's in the Fifth now :O Please review!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Ribbons of Blood**

**Chapter Thirty-****seven**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Bleach**_**, or any of**** its**** characters.**

**AN: ****Look at this, another chapter? It's a miracle :'D**

It hadn't taken long for Ketsueki to climb up the ranks in the Fifth Division. She found that the officers here were equally determined and ambitious, and yet they always cast aside their hostility after match rankings and training, giving Ketsueki the impression that she had been deluded and corrupted by the officers she'd once worked with. Aizen's method of leading his men was also something she admired. She could tell that he truly respected their daily struggles, no matter how small they were compared to the constant decisions he had to make. She instantly found herself bonding with her fellow officers.

But, even after spending forty years around these mild souls, she only ever truly opened up to Momo. Maybe it had something to do with her turbulent time in her old Division, because despite everyone's warmth, she couldn't help feeling that she was somehow cut off from them all. However, this no longer bothered her. She had long given up pondering over it, and she was happy enough as it was, having grown much closer to Momo in the last few decades.

She didn't fret over the fact that she still had little friends. Why would she, when her own Captain was personally training her to achieve the one goal that had brought her to him?

She remembered sitting in her new room, hands shaking as they raked through her hair, trying to envision the future of fighting against Kenpachi Zaraki. The very thought of it had made her entire being ache. It wasn't that she didn't want to, far from it; oh how she longed for her sword to sing through his flesh, to leave her own scar across his body, similar to the one on his face. No, she was just terrified of failing, of not being able to defeat him in battle. That first night in the Fifth Division had been the worst. She wasn't sure why, but she simply hadn't been able to contain her tears.

She wasn't sure what had brought Aizen to her door, but he had suddenly appeared. She had opened the door and let him in after she heard him knock, and he had asked what was the matter. To her immense surprise – and relief – she had let it all out. She told him about her zanpakuto, about their combined desire to take down Zaraki, to prove him wrong about her strength. She had even told him about the distressed relationship she'd had with him, if one could even call it that. And how, as a result, she couldn't think of the man without hating him for what he'd done to her and Renji. She'd truly loved the red-headed, tattooed man. But he was a boy from her past now, one who had grown apart from her in the last forty years he'd spent chasing his own dreams.

Ketsueki had told him everything, including the fact that Injuken would kill her if she didn't go through with her so-called quest. And thankfully, Aizen hadn't laughed at a single word she'd uttered. Unlike Zaraki, he hadn't called her stupid or idiotic or downright delusional. "I admire you for your determination," he had said quietly. "Hate is a powerful emotion. But it can be transformed into something else: motivation. And that can drive us to do great things, to become stronger, and to put people in their place."

From that point on, Aizen had been bringing her to a remote area, hidden in the many cliffs surrounding the Seireitei, to train. He was a busy man, so they had only arranged to meet once or twice a month, but with his help, she had found herself growing more confident and ruthless.

To her amazement, after thirty-eight years of careful training with Aizen and Injuken, she had finally managed to achieve Injuken's bankai. She was actually starting to become the fighter she had needed to be. She had made such progress, and she was overjoyed because of it, even if he often injured her near to the point of death.

But she knew she had so much still to do; attaining bankai meant having a whole ocean of power, but she couldn't control it. Every time she uttered that one, magical word, Aizen still had to step in and save her before she could tear apart her zanpakuto. Which was why she knew that hovering on the verge of death at the end of their battles was beneficial. Each time she recovered, she grew tougher, more resilient against the vast surges of reiatsu.

And slowly, inch by inch, she was crawling her way toward mastering her bankai.

* * *

"Ketsueki? Are you okay?"

Ketsueki jumped in her seat. What was she doing? She stared at the applications in front of her, and instantly she felt an uncomfortable lurch of embarrassment hit her. "S-sorry, Captain," Ketsueki sighed, running a hand over her face. "I didn't mean to blank out like that."

Aizen smiled from behind his desk. "That's quite all right."

"Wh-where was I?"

"Don't worry about the Academy applications. I can take over from here." He reached out and gently took the documents from her, putting them to one side.

"But I haven't finished going through my list yet-"

"You've already written them all down here with each candidates' strengths and weaknesses," Aizen observed with another patient smile. "Relax, Ketsueki. You've done a thorough job of this. Thank you for taking the time."

"No, no, thank _you _for being so understanding, sir," Ketsueki said hurriedly, bowing her head. She sighed heavily, shoulders slumped.

Aizen's head tilted to one side. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I…I just have a lot on my mind." She smiled weakly. "And I guess I'm still a little battered from our last training session."

"Ahh, I see. I hope your recovery is swift, but as I've said before, I'm afraid there's no other method of training if you want to achieve bankai. The pain is necessary."

Ketsueki nodded diligently. She didn't need him to tell her that, but the reminder helped to keep her focused on her target.

"But moving aside from our training, what is on your mind?"

She had kept it hidden inside her for over a week, telling no one about her brewing worries. But now that she was alone with her mentor, her leader, and her friend, Ketsueki felt herself coming apart.

"It's Rukia's execution," she muttered, wringing her hands together in anxiety.

A frown graced Aizen's features. "Yes. It is most unfortunate. But I didn't know you and Rukia were close."

"No, we weren't. It's about Renji." She sighed again. "I know I shouldn't, but I keep wondering if he's okay about it all."

"Why are you worried?"

"Well, he's spent all these decades training and getting stronger to prove his worth to her. I feel like it's a shame that she's being executed, after all he's been through. Just for her." The bitterness was there, and she didn't make any attempts to hide it. But was she bitter for Renji or for herself? As she sat there, it didn't even occur to her that she was spilling one of Renji's secrets to Aizen. It felt like she could share anything with him, even secrets that didn't belong to her.

"I understand. You are angry that his efforts have been wasted. And, of course, you must still feel something for him."

"I don't know…I'm worried for him, but I don't _feel _for him."

"But of course you do. You wouldn't be sat there thinking about him if you didn't."

Ketsueki felt her cheeks turn red, but she didn't say anything in her defence. Aizen tended to be right on these things, on how people felt.

After a long pause, Aizen leaned forward on his desk. "Ketsueki, I have something to tell you. I've trained you for nearly forty years now. We have grown close, wouldn't you say?"

Ketsueki nodded, and he continued. "I think of you as a friend, as I hope you see me. Right now, I am speaking to you as nothing more but that. A friend. So I hope you will not be angry when I tell you this: I feel that as you've grown stronger, your heart has gotten smaller. I've noticed how you only spend time with Momo, and haven't kept in contact with your old Division members. Of course, I know that you have your reasons. And perhaps I have even encouraged your anger for your former Captain to persist. But for Renji, and for the others, if you ever find yourself in a dilemma involving them, I hope you'll listen to your heart, and not your logic."

Ketsueki's stomach squirmed. What was he saying? That she should go and comfort Renji? While she pondered his words, Aizen smiled and said, "We live such long lives, Ketsueki. It would be a shame to live it in solitude. We need more friends, people to rely on."

He reached out and put his hand over hers, gripping it gently. It was funny to think that that hand was the very one that had inflicted such life-threatening injuries on her body. And yet she felt completely at ease and in awe at his kind wisdom.

"Captain-"

"_Alert. Alert. This is an emergency. There has been an invasion by a group of unidentified Ryoka. All Vice-Captains are to assemble. All Captains are to report to Captain-Commander Yamamoto. I repeat, this is an emergency. There has been an invasion-"_

Both Aizen and Ketsueki immediately got their feet at the alarm. "Captain?" she asked in bewilderment. "What's going on?"

Aizen's face was suddenly grim. "I'm not sure. Momo will be busy reporting, so I need you to help ready and calm our men. Hold them at bay until further instruction."

"Yes sir," Ketsueki replied, and Aizen departed swiftly from his office. Ketsueki ran behind him, then left through a different corridor to the main hall of their headquarters to round up the officers. Something was happening in the Seireitei, and she didn't like the sound of it at all.

* * *

One day after the Ryoka invasion, and they still couldn't find them. Ketsueki hadn't personally seen the intruders, but she had heard how Captain Ichimaru had repelled them from the Seireitei, preventing them entry. That meant that the Ryoka were now hidden somewhere in the Soul Society, and it was up to the thirteen Divisions to find them as quickly as possible.

"I'm sending you to the hill overlooking the North-West wall," Ketsueki said, assigning one of the officers and his men to their designated watch-out point. "That way we can catch them if they try and get through the Gate again."

"Yes, ma'am," replied the officer, and he hurried off, with a line of non-officers following him obediently.

Ketsueki looked down at her desk as her office closed behind them. What was there to do now? She wasn't sure. The report wasn't even clear on how many Ryoka there were, not to mention what they looked like and how powerful they were. Ketsueki had sent her best officers to be on the look-out, as she was sure the other Divisions were doing, but she was still worried about how an encounter would go down.

Worrying wouldn't help them, though. Ketsueki found her feet taking her outside, back into the August heat. She walked blindly, letting her instincts guide her. She felt restless and even a little useless. At least the action of walking gave her the illusion of doing something useful, like the many shinigami rushing through the corridors to organise troops for battle.

A distinct building rose before her. She blinked and gazed up at the guards standing outside the entrance doors. She felt a spur of mild confusion. She was in front of one of the many holding cells scattered throughout the Seireitei. What had brought her here? And why were members of the Stealth Force standing there?

"Ketsueki?"

That voice. Maybe it was him that had drawn her to the prison cells. Ketsueki turned and saw Renji walking toward her. He looked the same as before, red hair tied up in that messy ponytail, tattoos peeking out from behind his uniform. She couldn't recall when they had last spoken. It didn't matter.

"What are you doing here?" Renji asked, when she didn't say anything in greeting.

"I'm here to see Rukia." The words flowed easily from her lips, and she realised that Aizen's words had convinced her to do this. Or maybe she was here for Renji. Or for both of them. But the look on his face made her wish she hadn't bothered.

Renji's eyebrows knitted downward. "Today of all days?" he asked, and his voice was suddenly quite stern. "You should've come earlier."

"I know, I should've…wait, what do you mean, 'today of all days'?"

Renji gestured at the Stealth Force members, covered head to toe in their dark uniforms. "She's being moved to the Senzaikyu. I'm overlooking her transfer. The guards are to make sure she doesn't escape."

"Oh." Ketsueki gripped the hilt of her sword subconsciously. "I didn't know."

"Well, maybe you should've checked before you came."

"So you're not gonna let me see her?"

Renji shook his head. "Not a good day, Ketsueki. Not when she's being moved to her execution site. She doesn't need your sympathy."

Ketsueki shrugged. "Fine, okay. I respect that." She eyed him. "How are you holding up?"

Renji's eyes narrowed. "I don't need your sympathy either."

"It's not _sympathy, _I'm just asking." She put her hands on her hips. "She's your friend, Renji. And she's about to get killed. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"If she's my friend, how would I be okay with her getting killed?" Renji snapped, startling her. He gritted his teeth and pushed past her. "I'm doing my job here, Ketsueki. Don't get in my way."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," she grunted, elbowing him as he brushed her arm aggressively. It must have been the first time they'd touched in decades, but the fact hardly registered in her mind. She couldn't figure out how to talk around him any more. And it was pointless trying. She didn't hang around to wait for Rukia to be led out of her cell. Ketsueki simply stalked away, back to headquarters.

* * *

_Injuken's world was a perfectly sealed void of darkness. No more cracks. No more fine lines of feeble light. There were only shadows and an infinite blackness all around them._

_Ketsueki sat on the invisible floor, stretching and bathing in the power from her zanpakuto. They had grown surprisingly close in the last few decades. In fact, she almost forgot that he held a death threat over her head. Nowadays, he welcomed her into his world. According to him, she was now a worthy wielder of his power, even if she still hadn't come to grips with his bankai._

"How goes that ridiculous hunt for the Ryoka?_" Injuken asked. His scrawling red hair fell into his equally crimson eyes, which were glinting with amusement._

"_It goes badly," Ketsueki replied, mocking his deadly serious tone. "It's been two days, and nothing." She glanced up at him. "Why d'you ask?"_

_Injuken's head cocked to one side. "_I must admit, I feel some curiosity toward these bandits. If they are strong enough, they could be good training for your inevitable battle with Zaraki._"_

"_Yeah…I was thinking along the same lines," Ketsueki mused, her gaze falling back down the blade in her hand. She twirled it around her wrist. "But practising with Aizen is still better than anything."_

"Ahem._"_

"_Well, apart from training with you, of course." Ketsueki smiled up at him. She was doing that a lot more these days, lost in her mad desire to please the spirit, who was calmer and slightly more understanding of her._

_Injuken closed his blood diamond eyes. Ketsueki waited. He often did this, as though he were losing himself in his own thoughts._

_A smile crept its way up his lips. "_Ahh, I think it is time to return to your home._"_

"_Why?"_

"Oh you'll see._"_

Ketsueki's green eyes flew open. Instantly, a loud, urgent voice rang through the space inside her room.

"_Alert. Alert. There are intruders within the Seireitei. I repeat, the Ryoka are inside the Seireitei. Please return to your appointed stations. Alert. Alert. There are intruders-"_

Ketsueki stood up quickly and headed out onto the lamp-lit corridor. It was night time. She could glimpse officers in the courtyard, sprinting toward the assembly hall.

"They're here," she muttered as she watched their shadows flit across the ground. "The Ryoka."

"_Time to have some fun," _Injuken chuckled in her head.

Ketsueki smiled in agreement and hurried off to her office.

**AN: I'm sorry for the lack of Ken-chan lately, he WILL be in the next chapter though! :3**


End file.
